With no idea how long he’d been running, or even where he was, Baekhyun gradually slowed to a jog, and then a walk.  He was in pretty good shape, as a dancer and all, but overexertion had left him out of breath with a stitch in his side. 

 

 

In a daze, he wandered, seeing nothing but the vivid memory of Chanyeol wrapped around Suho.  Belatedly, he realised that running away was not the most mature reaction, but when he looked around, he didn’t recognise anything.  Running had been a purely emotional response.  Defeated, he sat down on a bench, peripherally aware that it was a bus station and that he’d have to move before the bus came.  That was for later, however. 

 

 

“It’s okay,” he told himself.  “So.  So.  So Suho and Chan-chanyeol… they’re together.  You can deal with this Baekhyun.  He’ll still be your friend.  He didn’t know how you felt, after all.”

 

 

He managed to cheer himself up a tiny bit with this realisation.  All was not lost – it wasn’t like Chanyeol had cheated on him.  Chanyeol was still completely unaware that Baekhyun had anything but platonic feelings for him.  And one day, he hoped fervently, the feelings would go back to being platonic. 

 

 

Feeling stupid, he gradually became aware of how cold he was.  His light jacket, warm enough for a ten-minute afternoon walk to the café and back, just wasn’t enough to cut it after dark, in the snow.  After a few minutes of rest, he pulled himself back to his feet and began walking back in the direction he’d come from.  When everything failed to become familiar, he started to get nervous. 

 

 

So Chanyeol will still enjoy the hat and the movie and stuff.  He never has to know, unless someone told him.  But if he’s with Suho, why would they tell him?  Lost in thought, it wasn’t until the horn blared that he realised he was about to walk out in front of an oncoming truck.  Baekhyun threw himself back onto the sidewalk and clutched a hand to his chest, trying not to think about how close to death he’d just come.  He didn’t want to kill himself. 

 

 

He considered that, and then shook his head.  Definitely not.  Chanyeol was someone he was deeply in love with, his best friend, but even the loss of that one-sided love wasn’t enough to make him suicidal.  He looked both ways for cars, and then crossed to the other side of the road.  He thought it was more familiar; he could almost make out the buildings that surrounded the dorm, across the river.  Canal.  It was some sort of body of water, and he could see a bridge spanning it in the distance.  He didn’t remember crossing a bridge, but then again, he didn’t remember anything until he’d come upon the bus stop and slowed down. 

 

 

Humming the tune to “Two Moons” it was a long time before he realised that something was singing along with him.  He pulled his phone out of his pocket, and saw Tao was calling.  The call cut off before he could answer it, and he was surprised to notice twenty-seven missed calls.  All were from Tao.  Before he could call back, it began ringing again.  This time, Baekhyun picked up.

 

 

“Hello?” Even to his own ears, his voice sounded flat.  A corner of his mind warned him to work on that before he got back to the others.  Part of moving on and above all, not letting Chanyeol know would have to include pasting a smile on his face and pretending nothing had changed. 

 

 

He almost didn’t recognise the voice at first, because he rarely heard Tao raise his.  “Baekhyun!” he shouted, so loudly that Baekhyun pulled the phone away from his ear and stared at it for a moment.  Despite the distance, he could still hear Tao’s next question clearly.  “Where are you!?”

 

 

Baekhyun pulled the phone back to his ear, and heard the roaring of several people yelling at once.  Kris’ voice rose above them all, crystal clear through the ear-piece despite the distance, yelling at everyone to be quiet.  Baekhyun quirked a small grin as he realised Tao must be standing right on top of Kris.  I hope they work out, he thought.  Tao really like – really likes him.  His thoughts stuttered and a sharp pain in his chest, right through his heart made him pause before answering.  I’ve heard of a broken heart before, but I never realised it would feel so literal…

 

 

“I don’t know,” Baekhyun said out loud, looking around. 

 

 

“What do you mean you don’t know?” Tao asked, and there was something strange about his voice.  “We’re worried about you,” he added.

 

 

Baekhyun blanched.  So everyone knew.  As long as Chanyeol didn’t know know, it’d be okay.  “I’m sorry,” he said.  “Who all’s there with you?”  He stopped himself asking about Chanyeol by main force.

 

 

“All of us.  Luhan’s ready to kill Chanyeol for you, if that’d make you happy.”  Tao sounded like he’d be happy to do the favour himself, if Luhan wasn’t good enough.  Kris’ voice came through again, crystal clear despite the stage-whisper.

 

 

“Tao, give me the phone!”   

 

 

Baekhyun clutched it with both hands.  “I don’t want to talk to anyone right now,” he said.  “I’m sorry for causing so much trouble, it was just… startling.  I guess.  Um, please don’t let Luhan kill Chanyeol.  It’s not his fault.”

 

 

“Okay.  You need to at least tell me where you are.” 

 

 

“I already told you, I don’t know.  Um, how much… I mean, if everyone’s there with you, how much do they … know?”

 

 

Tao’s voice became soft.  “About you and Chanyeol?”

 

 

“There’s nothing between me and Chanyeol!” Baekhyun insisted.  “We’re just friends.  There’s nothing…”

 

 

“There could be,” Tao whispered. 

 

 

“He was kissing Suho, in case you missed that part,” Baekhyun hissed.  The bridge looked no closer now than it did when he’d first seen it, even though he’d been walking steadily.  He broke back into a run, less unsteady than before, and slower.

 

 

“Yeah, about that.  Why don’t you come and talk to Kris when you get back?  He can explain everything a lot better.  I know you’re lost.  Find a road.  An intersection.  We’ll come get you.”

 

 

Baekhyun waved his hands as though Tao could see him.  “That’s not necessary!  Um, I’m by a river.  I think I recognise it, but I don’t know which way I went.  It was … a little upsetting.  When I saw them.  I don’t need to talk to anyone about it, and I’d really rather just be alone.”

 

 

“Baekhyun.  Hey, no, listen.  You really don’t understand, and you have to come –”

 

 

That was all he heard, because all of a sudden his foot hit a patch of ice.  He slid and skidded, shouting as he lost his balance and tumbled over the hill.  Snow hit him full in the face, the phone flew from his fingers and landed with a splash in the canal, and Baekhyun himself followed after it a moment later.  He collided with the concrete walkway lining the river-canal-whatever it was – and fire raced up from his wrist into his arm and shoulder – then the water was surrounding him. 

 

 

But I don’t want to die! he thought, and struggled against the pain and the current.  His head broke the surface, and he realised the bridge was already much closer than it had been.  The current was moving swiftly.  He struggled to cross it diagonally with only one hand – the left wrist felt broken, he was in so much pain he could barely breathe, and the icy water wasn’t helping – and a thousand years later, he finally made the far side.  He’d lost his phone, which was disappointing, but he was still alive. 

 

 

With all his remaining strength, he pulled himself out of the water and flopped down.  Darkness overtook him as shock caught up with his brain.