I ran inside the house and locked the door behind me before I rushed to my room, not bothering to turn on lights for I knew my way through the house. I a small light on my night stand once I was inside my bedroom and picked up the necklace Dongwoo had given me before quickly putting it on. I laid down on my bed and clutched the heart shaped pendant in my hand as I stared up at the white ceiling. What is wrong with me, I thought to myself as I rolled over and stared at the wall.

       I pulled the covers over myself and closed my eyes and I tried not to think about anything that would upset me further. I thought about work and how tomorrow I could immerse myself with the plants and I wouldn't have to worry about Sungkyu or Dongwoo for the whole day – as long as I didn't want to. With those peaceful thoughts I drifted off to sleep, my worries swept away in my dreams.

       I awoke with a start and fell onto the floor. I was still wrapped up in my blanket and groaning in pain I slowly wormed my way out of it before standing up to remove the dress I had fallen asleep in. As much as I hated anything from Sungkyu, the dress was really pretty so I hung it up and placed it securely on my closet door before finding clean clothes for the day. I didn't bother with breakfast so I quickly made my way out of the house and ran down the street all the way to the greenhouse.

       Luckily I wasn't late – I had just enough time to put on my gloves and apron before rushing to my section to begin work for the day. I was doing something I usually loved but, it just seemed so tedious. I kept glancing at the clock every few minutes just hoping to go home and lay silently in my bed for a few hours. For a while the day was going by fairly well, but as with everything this week, something was bound to ruin my plans.

       I didn't even notice that the door had opened and I didn't see anyone walk in. I didn't even know someone was there until two strong arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me back against a muscular chest. I small squeal escaped me but I quickly closed my mouth to prevent further noise as Dongwoo rested his chin on my shoulder and started to whisper in my ear.

       “Good morning, beautiful. How was your night?” he asked with a light and playful tone as if pleased that he had startled me. I sighed deeply and turned around in his arms to face him.

       “What are you doing here?” I had to question his sudden appearance – and speaking of appearance; he was in his painting uniform the sleeveless cream colored shirt with the paint stained denim pants, it was almost too much even as I composed myself and tried to look at his face more than his toned arms. But looking at his face was slightly problematic as well considering he was also wearing the hat that went with the rest of the uniform, it had a small flower on the left hand side and he just looked goofy as he smiled brightly at me.

       “I came to visit you of course. We're painting nearby and I'm on break so I wanted to see you,” Dongwoo stated this easily, not even caring that it made him sound lost without me or something. At least that's how I saw it considering we hung out almost everyday. Right now I didn't have that much of a problem with it except the guilt pushing at every orifice of my being, telling me that even if not willing I had cheated on the greatest thing that ever happened to me.

       “Oh, so just a short social visit? Sounds good.” I glanced around at other parts of the room to not directly make eye contact with him for too long. When I returned to his face I knew that he knew that something was terribly wrong with my behavior. Out of panic I quickly slid my hands up his arms and up around his neck to pull his lips to mine.

       Once tainted; now purified, I actually felt less guilty about what happened last night, then again soon I would regret it as I broke the kiss and pushed myself slightly away from him. “Sorry Dongwoo, I have too much work to do and I don't wanna get in trouble,” I spoke quickly as I turned around to tend to the plants again, his arms were still around me as he leaned close.

       “Sorry, I don't want you to get in trouble.” I could tell that he was still smiling as he said this and I was slightly relieved. “Can I come over tonight though?” he asked innocently and placed a kiss on my cheek.

       “Yeah, that sounds good,” I responded with a calm voice. A small smile crept to my lips. He turned me to face him and left a short and soft kiss on my lips before turning away with a wave and exiting from the building. I looked around and as usual no one cared about my personal life so everything was good. This was actually normal, people came in here all the time to visit people that they knew because in the garden we have a very open to the public policy.

       Even just random people came in to ask about plants that they could buy on the streets from vendors or in shops, but I sometimes wished that no one would ever come in here, I would have so many less problems that way.

+~+~+

       I didn't bother to go to my room for more than changing my clothes when I got home, instead I stayed on the couch in my living room. I sat there trying not to think about the situation of Sungkyu and Dongwoo but like everything else recently, that failed. I wondered if I should tell Dongwoo about it but then I thought that it would hurt him and I didn't want to see that – though it wasn't my fault that it happened at all. After that he may ban me from going on random dinners with people and that would be a good thing.

       Almost agreeing with myself, a stupid thought came from the back of my mind, being with Sungkyu was kind of a rush. A burst of adrenaline. Fun without the commitment – and what am I thinking! That I should continue to see Sungkyu behind Dongwoo's back even though it was a one time accident or was this just the first time? At this point I had confused myself with a pointless argument and decided to lay down on the couch just to sit back up as someone knocked on the door.

       My heart was racing as I looked at the door and waited for it to open itself, which it did after a few seconds. Dongwoo entered with a bright smile that I could even see through the darkness of the room, he reached for the light and turned it on. He was looking at me but didn't know I was there at first. He jumped back in surprise upon spotting me.

       “What are you doing?” he asked, his surprise clearly displayed on his face.

       “Well I was thinking,” I said as I crossed my legs and pulled a pillow to myself. I turned away from him to stare at the wall.

       “If you were sitting that close why didn't you open the door?” he asked as his expression calmed and he walked through the door closing it behind him. He walked the few steps it took to take a seat next to me.

       “Like I said: I was thinking.” I smiled and leaned against him. “Sorry I scared you, I really just didn't want to get up,” I said while looking up at him He just looked at me for a second before he laughed and wrapped his arms around me.

       “You're silly,” he stated before planting a kiss in my hair. He let go and I was suddenly colder than before as he sat back and stared at the wall. “So do you think often or is this a new development that I didn't know about?” he asked while smiling at me. He looked so cute like that and that's what made it hard to answer his taunting questions.

       “Well I always had the ability – now I’m just utilizing it,” I responded sarcastically. I shook my head and then started laughing at my own stupidity as I leaned forward and buried my face in my hands. Dongwoo chuckled lightly and laid a hand on my back for support and that's when it hit me. The guilt was too much and I knew I couldn't hide it so I made sure to hold back the tears as I leaned back to sit up straight.

       I stopped suddenly and bit my lip as I tried to think of a way to explain what had happened and it was so simple... but I didn't exactly want to be penalized for something that wasn't entirely my fault. Somewhere in my mind I knew everything would be okay but for now I just tried to get the words to come out of my mouth. Why was that the hardest thing to do?

       “Are you alright?” Dongwoo asked as he wrapped his arm around me, gently pulling me closer to him.

       I nodded at first, my loss of words becoming an issue as a slight feeling of panic was overwhelming me. I took a deep breath and looked at him, his face was calming to me but right now it was just another thing that made me worry. Ignoring the the droning sound of my own heartbeat pulsating in my ears, I put my thoughts into words the best I could.

       “Uh,” it wasn't the best start but noise was what I needed. “Remember how I was going to dinner the other night?” I started by explaining the story, if I can push the blame onto Sungkyu then this was gold, since it was his fault anyways... it's not like I was lying.

       “You mean yesterday?” He smiled and continued to watch as I fumbled my hands around in an attempt to calm myself as I told him about the that occurred, last night.

       “Well it was with Sungkyu,” I started and he knew who I was talking about because I had already told him my life story when we first started dating. I watched as his expression dropped and he gave me a serious look and waited patiently for an explanation. “It was a formal dinner and he needed a date for a good impression – he said it was just as friends so I didn't think anything of it.” I couldn't manage to look him in the eyes even though I was speaking truthfully.

       “Why do you look so ashamed then?” he asked seemingly now relax. I dreaded informing him of the rest of the night that I shared with the handsome future ruler of this dystopia.

       “Uh...” It was hard to explain considering I didn't want to hurt him and I didn't want him to hate me or not talk to me or to potentially leave me. I couldn't exactly imagine a life without him at this point but I had more to lose if he found out from someone else or if it happened again. I could only hope that he would prevent it next time if it were ever to happen. “I didn't think anything could go wrong and I let my guard down near the end of the night and that's when he kissed me.” I had to stop. I couldn't even think of a way to explain the next part so I gave it a moment to sink in before I continued.

       He looked down at the floor and then at me while he thought. Dongwoo had a pained expression as he nodded, hoping for more of an explanation before pinning me up against a wall, of course not literally – though it was nice to imagine. “I pulled away and ran out of there, but I still feel guilty for letting it happen at all.” I really was and there was nothing that would change that unless I could suddenly go back in time and remind myself not to get close to him, especially not when we were alone.

       Dongwoo nodded and continued to look at the floor as if at this point I didn't exist. I refused to say anything for fear that I would only make things worse and then there would be more of a problem with the relationship that I was so desperate to keep. As I watched him more closely, his face went from pained to angry in a matter of seconds.

       “Didn't he break your heart and leave you to suffer for the rest of your life?” I could tell that he was trying to stay calm as he said this in the nicest voice he could manage. I was sure that he wasn't mad at me so I assumed that I was in the clear and that everything would be fine between us.

       “Yes,” I wanted to add more but I was still slightly afraid that I could say the wrong thing as I often times did without any thought. And normally it was okay because it was forgivable and in a playful situation but, this was completely serious and I didn't want to risk it so I stayed mostly quiet.

       “Then why would you agree anyway?” He was concerned now and his mood swings were concerning me.

       “Well, he made it seem like I didn't have a choice either way so, I thought it would be easier to just go as opposed to arguing for thirty minutes and still ending up going,” I was being honest even if it sounded ridiculous, but usually in those situations I don't have much of a choice.

       “Did he say something that insinuated that he had feelings for you to persuade your mind into deciding this?” Okay, so, maybe he was a little angry with me, but it was more of my stupidity than anything else.

       “No, even if he didn't I wouldn't fall for it. I'm not that stupid.” Though I kind of was it didn't matter right now because Sungkyu really isn't worth the heartache that would ensue from losing Dongwoo.

       “I wish you were because then there would be a reason for it, now I just don't know.” He seemed stressed and there was no other way to explain it and I didn't really want to try.

       “At least I don't have feelings for him to be able to do that to me, wouldn't that be worse?” It was reasonable and mostly a lie but I wasn't about to start expressing my feelings for the jerk who set my life back.

       “I guess you're right. Just... don't do it again okay?” He really was concerned now and he wrapped his arms around me and forced me against him as he kissed my hair and waited for an answer.

       “I'll inform you if he even talks to me outside of work context again,” I whispered into the silence of my house as I held onto him. “I'm tired,” I stated a minute later.

       He pulled away slightly to look at me with a questionable stare as if I could be referring to something more than sleep. I laughed and shook my head as I grabbed his hand and pulled him up and with me down the hallway to my bedroom. “Just sleep,” I called out into the darkness of my bedroom as I felt his hand on my waist slightly moving up my shirt. He didn't get anywhere as I pulled him down to lay next to me on top of the covers.

        It was warm enough to just let his natural warmth get me through the night. I snuggled up to his chest and took a deep breath to calm myself, completely at ease knowing that he still loved me and wanted to be with me as I began to rest for the night. But I wasn't really sure if it was Dongwoo that I was happy about or Sungkyu was the impending thought that lingered in my mind as I drifted off.