is it worth it?

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Is it worth it?

Is life really worth it?

Should I really try?

“Madam your coffee is ready” the man said with a smile

“Thank you” I said back faking a smile

This world is so fake.

It’s not like im helping it either. Im probably the biggest liar, the biggest faker here. I cant even begin. Who am I? I don’t know, don’t ask me ask the people around me

Teacher’s perspective

“She’s very helpful and every organized. She’s the perfect role model, shes such an active student, taking part in so many clubs and so many activities and events. Very responsible person”

Parent’s perspective

“She’s a straight ‘A’ innocent and studious person”

“She’s so neat, she always does everything on time and correctly”

Sibling’s perspective

“When our parents aren’t home, we can never tell. She’s always there for us, and she always smiles, she never yells at us either. We love her”

Friend’s perspective

“She’s mature about the decisions she makes but she also knows how to have fun, shes a cool person who can do just about everything. It’s like she has no fears”

Other’s perspective

“She’s perfect; she’s smart, nice, beautiful and hard working. Some of us actually look up to her and wonder ‘how can a person be to perfect’ ”

My perspective

Im a lazy person, who barely tries. I hate everything. Especially smiling, im hate hav

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KeyLovaSHINeeForeva #1 Jul 31, 2013 08:42:42

Just Wondering:

Is this like a place for you to write general summaries of story ideas in story-form one-shots to make all of them multi-chaptered stories in the future? xD

KeyLovaSHINeeForeva #2 Jul 31, 2013 08:32:10

Chapter 2: Comment For "Is It Worth It?":

I actually have little to no commentary for this one-shot. For some reason, it feels as though it's an actual diary entry from you yourself (the author). (The dialogue clarifies that, though.) The flow here is much more satisfying than the rushed pace of "That Bystander", and is more understandable and legitimately captivating. If you just add in a little bit more detail, I can se this becoming a wonderful one-shot loved by everyone who's read it.

KeyLovaSHINeeForeva #3 Jul 31, 2013 08:22:47

Chapter 1: If you really wish to use the kind of POV you're using right now, I suggest you change the narrator between each chapter, but the style you're writing in is extremely difficult to master, therefore it would better suit the story if you wrote in third-person omniscient.

Lastly, I would like to address your setting/time skips. Obviously marking them with tildes and dashes is like a small cheat for the author, and a noticeable annoyance to the readers. Rather than doing just that, it's preferable for both you and the audience to inform the readers of the setting change/time skip through sentences. It doesn't interrupt the flow (if the rest of the story is already written properly), and avoids undesired tense changes.

Remember: You're in full control of the plot, characters, and flow. You should totally know what you're doing even before you start writing.

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I apologize that my commentary is always filled with criticism. If you want me to stop, just tell me. I know I'm being really rude.

Well, that's my comment.

KeyLovaSHINeeForeva #4 Jul 31, 2013 08:13:27

Chapter 1: Comments For "The Bystander":

I like your idea of a relationship forming based on someone standing up for a bully-victim, but the storyline itself is too complex to fit into a single one-shot. Maybe if you shortened it to just Eun Seo's bullying history and Eunhyuk standing up for her that one time, it would fit a one-shot just fine, but seeing as though you wrote down their entire history in one chapter makes the plot fit for a multi-chaptered story rather than a one-shot. As a result, the flow is completely rushed, and subsequently, us readers don't receive enough writing from you to understand the characters' feelings that quickly.

Furthermore, you tend to both explain the storyline and elaborate on emotions by using dialogue. As written in my comment for Jennifer's story, this is not a good thing. You need description and detail for things to actually have depth (and this does not mean going off on a tangent explaining what the O.C. is wearing for the day). Instead, I recommend that you search deeper into the minds of Eun Seo & Eunhyuk until you are capable of writing several profound paragraphs of how they feel each chapter, and how they react accordingly.

As far as POVs go, I don't actually have a problem with switching first-person narrators within a story, but I DO have a problem with the interchanging POVs being obviously marked, completely putting us readers off track. First Eun Seo reveals to us her thoughts, then we're suddenly placed in a completely different setting and mind (Eunhyuk) with a blatantly marked "Eunhyuk's POV". We (readers) think, "What just happened? Why are we suddenly in a different world? It doesn't really flow right." Like I stated earlier, I wish for this to be a multi-chaptered story.