Warning: Not for the weak hearts. You’ve been warned.

 

 

[Philippines]

 

 

Have you ever been to a place you like so much that when you have to leave it, your heart breaks and fragments of it are left there?

 

 

And as time passes by you wonder about it and miss it that it grows into something so great in your mind that you just can’t calm yourself down until you get back?

 

 

Well, can you imagine the feeling of going back to that place? It’s so exciting that it hurts. That’s how it feels at the moment.

 

 

I’m back, it just feels so great to be back. Here in the place where I love you.

 

--

 

 

Dara opened the door to Bigbang’s room, a bright light blinded her at first as she took in the boys’ surprised faces.

 

 

“Noona!!”

 

 

She felt herself smile brightly, showing peace sign to the boys, “Who’s a VIP?” she laughed as she gave them high five’s. Her hands stopped in the air when she reached Jiyong. Their eyes made contact, she almost lost her breath as memories flooded her so fast like she was electrified.

 

 

“I have a girlfriend” his words echoed in the room as he looked away from her.

 

 

Her heart throbbed. She broke the eye contact as she lamely threw her palms at his and quickly proceeded to the others with a laugh. “Welcome to my country! Did you guys have fun, huh?”

 

 

“Of course! A lot of pretty ladies here!” Seungri laughed aloud, clapping his hands. TOP rolled his eyes as he played with his newly bought bear bricks.

 

 

“Of course there are, this is the place I came from kekeke” Dara giggled sat beside Seungri on the bed, “Oh, oh, let’s drink tonight!”

 

 

Taeyang scooched closer to Dara, laughing at what she said as Daesung gave her juice. Seungri said something ridiculous, earning him a roll of the eyes and a loud “What?” from Dara who suddenly burst out laughing at Seungri’s ideas.

 

 

Dara just stared at him, he saw how his words broke her heart. He saw her heart breaking in front of him. She opened , trying hard to brush off what he just said for sure. Her hands reached out for a pillow in the recording room. Jiyong watched her, knowing it would hurt her but she’d still try to smile

 

She couldn’t smile now. And he knew how much it could hurt. Hell, it was most probably even worse than he could imagine. He thought.

 

 

Jiyong shook his head and was brought back from that memory to the present. The boys were all over Dara like she was a princess.

 

 

“Oh, stop it, no flirting with my friends, Seungri!! Maybe to Youngbae I’ll introduce some but not to you!” Dara said jokingly as she stood up and broke away from her circle. She gazed at the view from their room. Bringing down the iPad he was playing, Jiyong glanced at Dara as she passed him by.

 

 

“You look happy” He muttered so only she could hear.

 

 

Dara paused and didn’t look at him. She was staring outside but she heard him, she always hears what he has to say. A few seconds after she’d composed herself, she turned to look at him. “Do I?” A small smile, if she’d smile even wider it would be forced and they’d knew it wasn’t real. So she opted for a genuine small smile.

 

 

Then she saw it, in his eyes. Fury suddenly sparked inside of her. There it was, something she’d hated to see. Pity. He felt guilty. She hated it, she hated receiving it. She looked away and swallowed down the lump in , composing herself. Taking a deep breath, she calmed herself down. Anger is never the answer, she chanted to herself.

 

 

 “I better let you meet him soon”

 

 

Jiyong who was about to go back to his game, looked up again with a small crease on his forehead, “Who?”

 

 

She smiled despite everything else. This was her forte, brushing things off and smiling through it. It must have something to do with being back in the Philippines, a country that can smile through any hardships. So she smiled a real smile at him.

 

 

“You’re seeing someone?” It surprised him for sure. He sat up properly on his seat; either of his new conclusion or her sudden smile. He could have been taken aback by both.

 

 

Dara sat at the seat beside him, she stuck out her tongue and showed him a peace sign.

 

 

“Huh” Tilted his head and went back to his game. “That fast”

 

 

“Oh, you know me I get over boys easily” Dara started swinging her feet playfully.

 

 

Jiyong looked up again and stared at her. Dara hesitatingly looked back as well. And there was silence. They both know it’s not true. Dara doesn’t get over boys easily.

 

 

In fact the underlying words were, it was Jiyong who was like that. He gets over things easily. Like how he got over every other girl he’s dated.

 

 

Those words hung up in the tense air between them. Dara decided to break the tension and stood up, “Ah, I’m tired! I’ll rest first”

 

 

She stopped by their door and looked back, “See you guys for dinner, I’m treating! Kke”

 

 

--

 

But she couldn’t rest. Dara lied down on her bed and scenes of that day kept plaguing her mind, she tossed and turned and it was still lingering. His words. His sorry words.

 

 

“I should have told you sooner, I’m sorry”

 

 

There was silence. The clock was ticking, Dara was still holding unto the pillow and Jiyong was still standing up, waiting. Though he was not sure what he was waiting for.

 

 

He finally sat beside her. “Sorry” he said again, Dara lost count of it already.

 

 

“I… don’t have the right to be mad right? So I can’t be mad”

 

 

Jiyong opened his mouth to say something but what was he to say to that? He bit his lip and clenched his hands together.

 

 

“You must really like her.” Beause he didn’t mind anything that would be an obstacle. There were obviously a lot of hindrances in this relationship. If he was really willing to risk them all… she didn’t want to think about it for now.

 

 

A few minutes passed, her question hanging in the air. “Yes”

 

 

He loves the girl.

 

 

Dara closed her eyes, pushing down all the surging feelings inside of her. It hurt like hell. It hurt that she couldn’t feel her shaking hands anymore. It was numb, it was cold. She took a deep breath, calming herself. She needed to calm down.

 

 

He loves the girl.

 

 

She took a deep breath, “I… hope for joy for the two of you. Please know that I mean this”

 

 

Jiyong let out a laugh that sounded like a strangled sigh. “Yes I know you mean it, cause it’s you”

 

 

She was supposed to say what does he mean. Or how does he know her like that. Or why the hell he had to say something like that to her at the moment. But it would be futile, she’d ended up hoping if she’d ask anything from him.

 

 

And Hoping for what? She could not surely hope for him to break up with his girlfriend, no she couldn’t ever hope for something like that. Her heart broke at the thought and she felt tears well up her eyes.

 

 

He loves the girl.

 

 

She stifled a sob but it was too late, he heard.

 

 

Before he could see, she hugged him tight, “I’m sorry. And thank you, Kwon Jiyong”

 

 

No words were said as she started to leave.

 

 

He watched her leave. He loves the girl.

 

 

They knew that’s how it could end. No asking, no explaining. Because there’d always come a hope from that.

 

 

End it and get on with it.

 

 

He loves the girl.

 

 

--

 

 

“How do I deal with this?” Dara paced back and forth outside the restaurant as she excused herself. She was unfortunately seated beside Jiyong as they ate. And another thing was he started asking about the boy she was dating. A boy who didn’t even exist.

 

 

She needed air to breathe and think about things so she quickly excused herself out of the conversation.

 

 

“Yeah, faking a relationship. Great. More to add up to your heartbreak, telling a story of a nonexistent relationship, Dara” She slumped her head on the bamboo branch. “I hate myself”

 

 

Just then her phone rang. “Hello?”

 

 

“Hey” It was a nice voice, a comfortable voice. Familiar. She started to smile as she lifted her head from that miserable bamboo branch.

 

 

“Hey”

 

 

“Hey”

 

 

“What?” She laughed as she started kicking stones on thr ground. “Are you really calling me overseas?”

 

 

“Mn. Maybe I’m not, maybe this is just your imagination because you always imagine me calling you overseas”

 

 

“Ha-Ha, I can’t believe your calling me, what’s wrong with you!” She accused but a smile played on her lips.

 

 

“I’m just checking up on you”

 

 

She ceased moving when the voice suddenly turned serious. “Oh?” She didn’t want to go that topic but she couldn’t avoid it.

 

 

“What, oh? You told me you’d inform us once you’ve arrive, Pabo”

 

 

“What, pabo?” She laughed yet again, she imagined his mad face at her. Without realizing it, she suddenly missed him. Her friend. “I wish you guys were here”

 

 

“Invite us next time then”

 

 

“Haha, yes I will,” She said as they talked and laughed some more. “Oh, really? Leave some for me!!”

 

 

“Wait for me to come back, okay!”

 

 

“You know I’d always wait for you to come back”

 

 

Dara felt uneasy. She knew those words meant deeper. She bit her lip and turned around, her words stuck on as she saw Jiyong from afar, staring at her.

 

 

“Don’t wait too long for me” She whispered to the phone.

 

 

“I’ll wait no matter what, it’s the risk I’m taking. Don’t  worry about me, go have fun there”

 

 

“Okay…”

 

 

“Oi! Don’t be a pressured over there”

 

 

Dara couldn’t help the laughter that emitted from her, “Shut up, I’ll call you soon, okay? Hung up”

 

 

--

 

 

Jiyong stared at her and the comfortable smile on her lips. He couldn’t help but stare at this expression he never saw from her. It was refreshing.

 

 

She finally brought her phone down and he walked over to her. “I was asked to get water” he showed her to glasses of water.

 

 

“Oh really… I was just…” She rubbed her neck awkwardly. He raised his brows at her phone.

 

 

“Oh, just… a friend…”

 

 

“Really” they started to walk back to their table.

 

 

She almost slapped her forehead. “Oh, uh, right… I mean, a boy that’s a friend… boy…friend…” Biting her lip, she silently scolded herself for her crappy words and excuse.

 

 

 

--

 

They drunk through the night. Dara, who thought her tolerance had already improved from the already soaring numbers of beer she could drink, surpassed it and ended up quite drunk.

 

 

“Hyung, since you’re the only one in your car, take her okay!” Seungri passed wobbly Dara to Jiyong who grunted and stared down at her.

 

Dara looked at him and giggled then stopped and caught herself. She broke away from his hold, “Maybe I should just take a cab”

 

 

Jiyong grabbed her back by the arms, “Are you crazy why would I let you do that?”

 

 

Dara winced as she trued to regain her sanity. “Uh, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have gone drunk like this”

 

 

Jiyong sighed and opened up the door for her, “Just get in the car”

 

 

--

 

 

Halfway through the trip, a phone started ringing. Jiyong grabbed her blinking phone and looked at it. He moved it closer to her, “Your phone’s ringing”

 

“Mmmm” Dara turned away from the sound, swatting the phone off of her face.

 

 

Jiyong stared at the phone again, “Pikachu?” He scoffed and pressed the answer button.

 

 

“Hello?”

 

 

“Yeah?” Jiyong answered as he glanced at Dara who was smiling in her sleep. He laughed in disbelief.

 

 

“Is she okay?”
 

 

“Who?”

 

 

“Well, the owner of this phone. Duh” The other person laughed lightheartedly then his voice turned serious, “Oh wait, are you a thief?”

 

 

“No” Jiyong’s jaws clenched without knowing it, this boy was too carefree for his liking.

 

 

“No wait, I’m serious, is Dara there? She texted me”

 

 

“What did she say?” Jiyong’s brows furrowed.

 

 

“Come and take me home. But I can’t do that can I? Since I’m way back here in Korea. Oh wait, I can but I’m just making sure she really wants me to take her home, from Philippines to Korea”

 

 

“…” Tapping his fingers, Jiyong listened on to the babbling from the other end of the line.

 

 

“She always gets drunk like that back here and ends up asking me to take her home. So I assume she’s drunk. She doing okay there?”

 

 

Jiyong shoved the phone to Dara’s ear, “Talk”

 

 

Dara smiled and giggled, “Hello? Yes, I’m fine. I’m just flying, oh no wait, I’m not flying. No, Jiyong’s taking me home, I didn’t text you! I did? Oh no I shouldn’t have. Okay, I promise to call you when I’m sober…”

 

 

Jiyong heard the worried tone from the other speaker. It was worried but it was carefree. He seemed to know Dara pretty well. It tugged something inside of him.

 

 

“Alright, I promise to call you! Proooomise!”

 

 

“Here, Jiyong” She threw her phone at him. He looked at her, surprised. She smiled and closed her eyes. “I’m sobering up, I promise, I just need to rest a little”

 

 

--

 

Jiyong tucked Dara back to her bed, to lazy to wake her up and converse with her sober self. When he was about to stand up, he paused and stared at her. He brushed the hair from her face and kissed her forehead, “Goodnight, Dara”

 

 

Dara stirred, a stifled sob escaped and a tear escaped her right eye, “Mmmm Goodnight, Jiyong”

 

 

He looked away and sighed. His hand reached out to clench over hers, “I’m sorry. And thank you, Dara”

 

 

And he left.

 

 

--

 

As soon as the door clicked shut, Dara slowly opened her eyes. Tears streaming down her pillow as she covered to silence her sobs.

 

 

It hurts to wait and hope. If I could, I wouldn’t let anybody else suffer this kind of pain. It hurts so much.

 

 

Dara reached out for her phone with shaky hands.

 

 

“Hello?” the other line answered. “Are you sober now? Are you okay?”

 

 

“When I come back. I’ll try, I promise I will. So please wait for me.” Her voice was raspy and tired but she needed to make this call. She needed to stop hurting someone else as soon as she can.

 

 

“Are you okay, are you crying?”

 

 

“No, I’m fine I just need a drink again” She laughed through her tears.

 

 

“You’re a crazy girl”

 

 

Dara laughed yet again, his comebacks never fails to amuse her. “You must like crazy girls then”

 

 

“Yeah, guess so. Wait, that’s pretty crazy girls okay”

 

 

Dara just threw her head back to her pillow and smiled.

 

 

“Please don’t drink too much and be careful, I don't wanna have to be on a impromptu visit in the Philippines just to take you home"

 

 

"Kke, Liar. I know you'd do it if it ever does happen"

 

 

"Of course"

 

 

“Thank you” A smile crept unto her lips.

 

 

 

 

--

 

 

Jiyong opened the door for the balcony as he checked on his phone. He was browsing pictures. Her pictures. He wondered how she was at the moment. He scoffed as he browsed her old photos with her pets.

 

And suddenly thevoice who called Dara echoed in his head. Worried and nonchalant at the same time. It amazed him. To have someone who cared for you like that. It made him feel hollow about himself.

 

 

To care and give a call. “Can’t believe that Pikachu’s teaching me something…”

 

 

He brought his phone to his ear.

 

 

“Hello?” The girl from the other end answered almost immediately, as if she was waiting for a call. She must have been always waiting and he didn’t knew, he thought. “Why’d you call?”

 

 

“Just checking if you’re fine..”

 

 

“What? Aw, that’s sweet of you” He could already imagine her sweet smile.

 

 

He smirked, “And you sang call me maybe, right? Who else would you want to call you…”

 

 

The girl laughed from the other line and they continued talking about the most trivial things. Her laughter always refreshing for him. He loved the that beautiful laugh and longed to hear it personally.

 

 

Just then a creak was heard on his left side; Dara was going out to her balcony, also on her phone. They both stopped on their tracks, a smile both hanging on their lips as they talk to the respective persons on their phones.

 

 

The world stopped as they caught each other laughing because of people other than the two of them. It was refreshing.

 

Without realizing it, they laughed together. Just then they turned their heads and saw something bright lining up the buildings from where they stood.

 

It was the sun rising up, a new day starting for the two of them.

 

 

--

 

 

Just like how I left this country, I have to leave this place where I love you. I’ve grown up; met obstacles and passed them, hurt and loved, fell and stood up again. And now I’ve come back to this place a better person.

 

 

Now I’m leaving another place I love. I’d miss it and always wonder about it, always yearn to come back to it. It’ll hurt when I can’t get back. But I’ll have to learn so when I come back, it will be a more mature me. A me that can understand and accept, a me that won’t ask for anything in return. A me that can be satisfied by just having the right to like you. As a friend, as family.

 

 

Because I’d really miss caring for you so I’d leave and grow up.

 

 

A grown up me that’ll come back to this place I’ll leave for now, a place.. where I love you.

 

 

 

--

 

 

-

 

-

 

-

 

 

-

 

-

 

I get over girls easily. And I don’t want to hurt you even more than I’ve hurt you now. If knowing I’d date another girl hurts you like this, how much more if I’d dated you and got over you? I could never break our relationship like that. I don’t want to be apart from you permanently. We have to always come back this place.

 

 

So please come back and love me like someone who’d always stay beside me. A place where we love permanently.

 

 

As a friend, a family where we can love and never be apart.

 

----

 

 

AN: I’m sorry for breaking hearts with this fic. (Did I?) But I needed to let this one out. At some point people have to mature and just face it, whatever their it is.