May

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“May wake up!”

I felt some one tap on my shoulder.

“ahhh what” I rubbed my tired eyes and tried to look up at the person who woke me up from my sleep.

“If we don’t hurry we are gonna be late to the show!” familiar voice yelled at me from afar

I was so tired but I quickly go up.

I have stayed up all night long to finish making my poster of Yunho for the concert tonight. Exhausted but feeling proud, I held up the poster I made and smiled to myself.

“tonight is the night” I thought to myself, letting the reality set in.

The first time I heard them sing was 4 years ago and I still remember it like it happened yesterday. I remember being in complete shock as their harmony filled my head through my headphones, unable to move or think. I also remember feeling numb afterwards as I sat there staring at my computer screen like a mindless zombie.

“Yes, that’s what our boys can do to you in an instant” I agreed to my own thoughts.

Since then, they quickly took over my life, making me a proud cassie within just weeks.

Dazed by how my life changed since then, I didn’t realize it was almost time for us to go.

“May! Stop being lazy and please get up” My friend Emma was at the door looking frustrated.

“Right, I will be right there chingu!” I hurriedly grabbed all of my belongings and ran towards the door.

Unaware of anything…

“Changmin ah~ hurry we are gonna be late” I heard Yunho hyung calling me from the door way.

“Hyung! If you didn’t take so long in the bath room, I would be done by now!” I shouted as I gave him the usual glare peeking out from the bathroom door.

“oh Changmin don’t be so mad, I was practicing for tonight!” he ran back into the house to give me his usual pouty face.

“Aishh Hyung! How many times do I have to tell you I hate it when you walk in the house with your shoes on!?” I yelled at the older man standing hopelessly in the middle of the hallway.

“ Ya! Keep this up and I’m really not going to love with you anymore.” I coldly said without looking at his face.

“Hyung never listens” I shrugged as I got out of the bathroom.

It has been almost 3 years since we started off as two again.

The gap left by the other 3 was far too great for me to fill by myself. But I never brought it up with anyone anymore, Especially Yunho hyung. It was something that I decided to lock away far in to my heart, not wanting to how we all used to be because nothing brought more pain in my heart then thinking about the other 3.

 It would be a lie if I said I didn’t miss them, but it would also be a lie if I said I wanted them back to us. Everything is so different now- I became indifferent to everything that happened in the past.

“Changmin ah~ are you alright?” Hyung’s bright voice snaps me back from the dark.

“Yeah, I’m ready to go. I’m sorry for taking so long” I said as I put on my hat and glasses

“….changmin are you okay? You….never apologize!” he looked at me with be wildered eyes.                     

“ahhh yeah I just… im fine, lets go! We have a big day waiting for us.” I hurried him out the door.

Then two of us stepped out of the door into the bright early morning sun.

Together.

Emma drove faster then usual

“hey slow down will you? I don’t wanna die before I get to see the man of my dreams” I shot a glare at my friend who was driving like a maniac.

“sorry, I’m just so excited!” Emma shrilled as she continued the drive with the same speed.

Seeing that my effort is useless, I changed the topic to keep my mind off the speed.

“I can’t believe I get to meet THE Jung Yunho tonight” I softly said barely auditable.

Emma chuckled “How about your prince Minnie~?” she said in a mocking tone

“Ugh no, He is the LAST thing I’m looking forward to today” I spat out with disgust.

“shim Changmin” I let his name replay in my mind over and over.

I hated how perfect he was.

The eyes, his flawless hair, body that moves to music like its a spell, voice that can melt any heart with one note The best of all, his snarky attitude that makes me want to punch him. But I just couldn’t keep him away from my heart.

My friends joke that this love/ hate feeling I have for him is different from other members and I am actually in love with shim Changmin, not max Changmin. but after hearing all of this ridiculousness, I laughed it off like it would be the last thing that would happen before earth exploded but secretly, I’m beginning to believe that my feelings are tad more than just fandom.  But that is the very reason why I hate him for existing because he makes me hope for something that will never happen.

“See? You are doing again!” Emma snapped me back from my day dream.

We bantered back and forth about my undying love to shim Changmin till we go to the stadium

Then, we were here

“Changmin, are you really alright? Are you that upset with me?” a worried voice woke me up from my light nap

Irritated, I debated whether to pretend to be asleep or not.

“What? Ah yeah I’m fine. Why do you ask?” I finally said in a tired voice.

 Glad to hear my response he came to sit next to me “you seem spacey today, I’m worried, are you really okay?”

“I’m really okay just.. ah.. hoping I would get to see some cute girls there hyung!” I laughed nervously, hoping he wouldn’t tice me lying to his face.

“ah haha but you never do anything about it even when you find a cute girl!” he laughed as though he realized my feelings.

Thankful, I continued the conversation.

“that’s… not true! I just never find THAT girl. That’s all”  I looked at hyung with a serious expression.

“no, it’s just my changmin ah is shy and don’t know how to talk to girls~”  he reached over to pinch my cheeks with both of his hands

“hyung..hyung! stop that” I swatted his hands away and held my now red cheeks in pain.

Laughing and clapping his hand, he made his puppy face and put his arms around my shoulders.

“oh I’m just kidding hah. But why so shy? You are shim Changmin. You ought to have more confidence then that” he said while giving me warm smile I always count on.

“I don’t know, I’m not like you hyung….”

He tried to hide it from me but it was way too obvious.

Even after the separation, I knew for a fact that Yunho and Jaejoong were meeting up secretly every now and then, never letting go of their love they created over 8 years. 

I could always smell jaejoong hyung’s favorite perfume on him whenever he went out on a “date” with his girlfriend.  I played along with his secret though, wanting to keep his precious feeling intact.

“haha changmin, you don’t have to be like me, just find a girl that is right for you” hyung said looking at the window. “we are here!”

I looked out the window, hoping to see something familiar, but saitma hall was bigger then I remembered.

I turned to hyung and spoke rather slowly

“I don’t think I can ever date a fan though.. It’s just.. it feel strange you know?”  I sighed and continued

“I want the girl to like me for me not a super star that I am”

“yes and not that evil maknae thing you put on haha” his laughter filed the whole car as we turned into the underground parking lot.

“Ya! I’m trying to be serious with you okay?” I punched him on his arm

“yes yes, maknae~ lets go! We gotta rehearse” he said as we got off the van.

Yunho took my hand and lead me towards the concert hall.

I smiled looking at my hyung’s back

“We are here!” Emma shouted as soon as she got off the car

Air was crisp and cool even in middle of July here in Saitama.  I smiled as I got off the car and looked around.

Fans with signs and light sticks were all around the hall already, anxiously waiting for the night of their lives. Many carried handmade signs proudly in their arms as they excitedly talked among groups about how good this concert was going to be.

We quickly walked over to the crowds of people, hoping to find our place in line.

“Emma, Im gonna go find the bathroom” I said to my friend who seemed too excited to care

“”yeah okay, I will be right here!” she answered me cheerfully

I walked away from the crowd of people as fast as I can, thinking nothing but to find a bathroom.

5 minutes passed, then 10 minutes came soon after as I walked around the hall many times. I have to admit, I was very bad with direction ever since I was a child and I found myself in a secluded area with no visible people in sight, I started to get worried that I was somewhere I wasn’t supposed to be.

“OUCH” I shouted in pain as I found myself flat on the ground.

After making sure that no one was there to witness what just happened, I began to pat myself off of dirt.          

“oh no….” I gasped.

My ring was missing from my middle finger.

 “it must of came off and rolled away somewhere..” I thought to myself

I began to search for my ring without even thinking where I was sneaking into.

“Alright that’s good! “

The director yelled to mark the end of our final rehearsals.

Exhausted, I started to drag myself to our waiting room when Yunho tapped him on the shoulder.

“Changmin, I will be right back, I have to make a phone call” he said as he ran passed me quickly like a kid who was about to go to the candy store.

“aish can’t he wait till he finishes with the concert?” I murmured under my breath looking at him hurriedly running to the waiting room.

Not being able to just sit and wait for his return, I turned around and head to the door that would leave me out of this stuffy corridor.

Air was still crisp even though it was already beginning of July.

 The late afternoon sun shinned on my exhausted face as though it was trying to cheer me up somehow.

I sighed and looked straight ahead

That’s when I saw her.

I searched the area till I was too tired to move anymore.

The hot summer sun beamed down on my shoulder and made me feel dizzy with heat. But I couldn’t give up on the ring I though with determination.

Just when I saw a shiny object, I heard someone yell at me from afar

“HEY! What are you doing here?