It's Jiyong's turn

The warm orange glow that hung in the darkened lounge was in stark contrast to the slate of icy grey that hung over the city. I watched as the slate sky seemed to open, slowly releasing it contents, too heavy to be burdened with any longer. Snow always seemed to remind me of him. Cold and beautiful; he left a burning heat wherever he touched.

I was three drinks in and I realized the fool I must seem. Showing up an hour early when I knew, at best, he would be half an hour late. But the drinks helped loosen my knot in my spine and calm my wavering nerves. It had been five years since those sultry summer nights, but the thought of him still reduced my stomach to butterflies.

Those butterflies turned into a barrage of fluttering wings as he entered through the heavy wooden doors, traces of snow dancing across his strong shoulders. He flashed a smile and made his way over with the same slow long strides that carried him before.

“I hope I didn’t make you wait long.” His voice was darker, throatier than I recalled. It reverberated off my ribs and into my lungs that were now filled with the mixture of clove, tobacco, and something decidedly sweet that was completely and without a doubt, Seunghyun.

“No, I just decided to start early.”

A waitress came by to take our order, and as he turned to her and smiled I was in awe; he had somehow become even more handsome in my absence. The light overhead flitted across jutting cheekbones and sculpted jaw that were no longer hidden under messy hair and giant hoodies. The glow left him ethereal, otherworldly. He was meant to be cast in bronze, not sipping drinks by my side.

Our drinks came and that rumble filled my chest again.

“I almost didn’t recognize you. You’ve grown up.”

“Look who’s talking. You’re not the missing member of Wu-Tang anymore.” His smile was warm, his dimples gave away the beginnings of laugh lines that I had missed the creations of.

“I figured art director was a bit more profitable than rapper.”

“You may be right, but it’s far less glamorous.”

“You were more suited for glamour than I.” 

I felt my breath hitch in my throat, but it was quickly swallowed. I hadn’t realized the difficulty of facing the man who left his shadow on your soul. Questions and thoughts stacked high on my tongue, wanting to piece together the years of absence. But I knew the words couldn’t come as freely as they did before. Each word and every action held expectations and consequences now. 

I wanted nothing more than to let hushed whispers resolve the questions of absence, to claim those wine stained lips as my own. But it is never that simple. The reality of the thick fog of distance that now hung between us was too great. I couldn’t simple take what very well could easily belong to someone else.

So the words that waited to be spilled were stayed for the time being, polite conversation and the thunder of his laugh were more than I could have rightfully hoped for. The night faded too quickly, into a storm that rivaled the bellow of Seunghyun’s words.

We knew it was time to part ways then, but it seemed neither of us could find the right words to say goodbye. I guess certain things never change. With a promise of drinks again and a short embrace we parted ways. Even as I watched his foot prints fill with the snow that had yet to cease I felt him. That burning heat tangled through sinew and bone, rekindling the long dormant fire in my chest, and not even the harshest of winter could quell it’s flames.