Review for kpoplistener

kpoplistener, 09.29.2012

Title: 4/5
I like the title but I think it would be better if it was: Aish That Jung Daehyun! Try not to use too much punctuation in the title. However this title does give off a certain vibe that allows readers to grasp the concept of what the story would be about. Since when was Aish ever used in a good way? Readers who enjoy those love-hate relationships would surely enjoy it.

Foreword/Description: 6/10
There wasn't much in the description for me to go off on other than that there is a girl who will be living with idols. But stories like yours readers can predict what will happen so I guess a detailed foreword or description isn't really needed. I also like the fact that you didn't describe the characters! Good job.

Plot: 12/15
Your plot is good however I was able to predict a few things here and there. But when it’s finished I’ll be able to understand it more. So get to work hehe I’d love to see how it plays out!

Creativity/Originality: 5/7
On here it is always difficult to come up with something completely new and different. Therefore I understand however your story did have its own twists and turns which made it quite different from the other stories. Especially the kidnapping part haha. Namjoo why would you try and run? I'm sure thousands of girls would like to be in your place.

Flow: 7/10
The flow of your story was good but there were some parts where I was like what? When did that even happen?! How did this even happen? For example when Daehyun wanted to break up with Sarang, you could've incorporated a scene for both of them maybe in his view to show when it was precisley that he realized he didn't like her. Same with Namjoo, when was it that he began liking her? Also the part where Sarang just comes out of nowhere and apologizes when only a chapter ago she wanted to persecute Namjoo. You should have at least given us a flashback of what it was that Jaehyun said that made her change so quickly. Also the part about Hyojin showing up at the dorm, I was like SHE'S A MIND READER. After two years of being gone she randomly shows up right when Namjoo points out that she was the solution to Exo and B.A.P's rivalry? When something happens in a story readers want to know exactly why it happened ya know? Even if it's a few sentences you should try and explain it more.

Spelling, Grammar and Punctuation: 15/20

Okay your grammar and spelling wasn't bad it was pretty good compared to other writers I've seen. However I did find it chronic when you used a lot of commas and periods in unnecessary places. Remember periods are used for a break. You don't want to have three short sentences side by side when you could simply combine them together. Also you had a few grammar errors such as using the wrong words or various verb tenses. They were minor mistakes so I didn’t mind too much.
Tense Problems
Chapter 1: "We were required to sit inside the auditorium for a million years until all kpop groups are done performing. Waste of time if you ask me. Here you used were and then are." These are two different tenses. You should either have it as "We were required to sit… until all kpop groups were done performing." OR "We are required to sit… until all kpop groups are done." You must make sure the verbs agree with one another.
Wrong Words Used
Chapter 13: “This kangaroo came to me while I was mining my own business and-” I thinking you meant minding.
Chapter 16: “Great a grip.” I think you meant get a grip. These were small errors but always make sure to proof read your work.
Excessive Comma Use Examples
"I agreed, smiling at him genuinely." = I agreed smiling at him genuinely.
"I groaned and sat up, rubbing my stiff neck." = I groaned and sat up rubbing my stiff neck.
Sentences like these two don't need commas. It makes it sound peculiar and choppy.
Another thing when you say “I and Daehyun” or “I and Jaehyun” it sounds really awkward because it is actually supposed to be: Daehyun and I or Me and Daehyun There were more errors but I won’t get into any more details because it was good! Don’t feel discouraged!

Writing Style: 4/5

Your style of writing was done pretty well. But for future references please don't choose to title chapters after 10 chapters. It may confuse people like it did to me.

Font and Appearance of Text: 2/3
You changed your font from Georgia and another one. Try to use one font unless it's your author's note. Also it isn't necessary to italicized the character's thought if it is already in their point of view.
Example Chapter 16: What the heck are you doing Namjoo? Are you going to let that bother you?
It isn't necessary for you to italicized that thought because it is in her point of view already. However if she is referring to another person's statement or note then it is acceptable.

Overall: 8/10

You’re story overall as of right now is good since it is not finished yet. I applaud you. You didn’t make them instantly fall for each other but allowed their relationship to blossom gradually. I also liked how you didn’t make them ALL fall in love with her. You mainly focused on her and Daehyun which is nice. A lot of people tend to have a whole group fall in love with the same girl, I mean sometimes it’s nice and at other times it isn’t. It makes me pull my hair out because I can never choose who I want the girl to end up with.

Character Development: 8/10
Throughout the story you unfolded the different characters either through their actions, words or the opinions of others. I could tell Minhwa did not like Sarang by the way she talked about her. I could tell Himchan was a flirt through other memebers. And for the two main characters you stuck with one personality and showed how they developed when they realized they had feelings for one another.

My Personal Enjoyment&Appeal: 4/5
I did get kind of lazy through some chapters probably just one or two but other than that I enjoyed it very much and I am sure others enjoyed it as well! Some of your scenes had me empathizing with Namjoo especially the part when Daehyun chose that beas- I mean Sarang over her. You have no idea how much I wanted to strangle that awkward turtle. Your gifs also kept me entertained.

Graphics, Extras and Author's Notes [Bonus]: 5/5
Your posters were just eye catching and beautiful I loved it! Your author's notes and those gifs oh my they were funny and entertaining. Good job with telling your subbies to enjoy and how thankful you are!

Reviewer's Additional Comments:

I hope you understand my views and opinions. I think you are a great writer, everyone makes mistakes heck I do that sometimes too. But it’s okay we’re all humans. I hope my review helped you in achieving a better level of understanding. If you have any questions feel free to contact me! Thank you for requesting at abundant felicity designs! Please spread the word about us.