I sat outside, in the cold, dry winter of Korea.

It was beautiful, in a way. Watching the snow fall silently, as everyone rushed inside to escape the icy chills.

As I, sat on a roadside bench, taking it all in.

 

My hands suddenly started to feel cold as I felt that feeling coming out of my stomach and being dragged into my heart.

That same feeling,  I'd been trying to forget for the past half an hour.

I felt a ting of pleasure, knowing that it came, but the next was unpleasant.

 

The pain, the sadness.

I knew it would come, but I just endured it.

I couldn't do anything about it anyways.

It would always be there to haunt me, like a ghost.

 

The upsetting part was that this sadness, and this pain, started three years ago.

Three full years. Three full years of holidays, concerts, new songs, new fans, new everything.

A whole three years, and I couldn't get over it.

Three full pathetic years of me being my pathetic self.

 

My eyes glanced over at the scenery again.

Looking at the happy families, the couples, the children.

After all, it was that time of the year.

The time of the year when everyone is happy.

Yet, I was the only one who wasn't.

 

I replayed her looks in my mind.

Her light blonde locks, that seemed to float and caress her shoulders and back when it blew with the wind,

Her brown eyes, that had such an incredible eye smile, that it seemed to bore into your heart.

Her slim figure that always moved in such a way that hypnotized you with her walk.

 

She was a beautiful girl.

 

I slowly remembered how we met,

 

~

 

It was a snow filled winter day, and I was spending a day off with the rest of SHINee in a small cafe.

We were sipping coffee, and for our little Taeminne hot chocolate.

Our days had been busy since our first debut, but we'd found time to relax in a little cafe.

 

"Hyung," Taemin had said, looking at me.

 

"Yes Taemin?" I said, tearing my eyes off of the window to look at our little maknae. "What's wrong?"

 

"Do those waitress noonas recognize us?" he asked.

 

I glanced at the waitress' and saw them gasped and giggle.

 

They did recognize us.

 

I smiled at them, and out of politeness, said "Anneyonghaseyo!"

 

They almost fainted as they rustled about, trying to decide who should talk to us.

 

"Yah," Another voice said.

 

The noona looked over at a customer, who was sitting at the counter eating waffles.

 

"Do you have anymore maple syrup?" She said."This one's all out."

 

"What do we look like? Waitresses?"

 

"...Yes..."

 

The girls' stuck their noses up, and went to find the customer some syrup.

 

But, that wasn't just any customer.

 

It was a pretty girl.

 

She had blonde hair, dark brown eyes, and a slim pretty figure.

 

"Here's your Maple syrup." One of the waitresses said before dumping maple syrup on the girl.

 

The girl with the blonde locks didn't even move.

 

"...Kasamhamnida." She said before wiping some of the maple syrup off of her cheek and it off of her finger.

 

"Oh stop it, Su-Hwa!"

 

There it was, the girls name was released.

 

"What?" The girl named Su-Hwa said informally.

 

"You just want to look good infront of the SHINee boys!"

 

"Mi-Hyun." Su-Hwa started. "I just wanted maple syrup."

 

Su-Hwa stood up and did her best to wipe off the sticky substance from her clothing.

 

"Aish, this'll be a to wash."

 

She picked up her bag and headed for the door.

 

"Yah! Aren't you going to pay?" One of the waitresses said.

 

"You dumped syrup on me." Su-Hwa said, without even looking back."Shouldn't my meal be free?"

 

The girl stayed silent, knowing that she was right, and if they didn't make it free, they'd get fired.

 

Then, Su-Hwa turned to us.

 

"Joesonghapnida." She started. "Sorry for disrupting your peace."

 

~

 

I felt my heart break, repeating the name in my head.

 

Su-Hwa.

 

Kang Su-Hwa, her full name.

 

I fidgeted in my seat, being reminded of that day.

That same day, with maple syrup all over her pale body.

That same day, I asked to walk her home, because of the substance she was covered in, too worried over her health.

That same day, I fell for her.

I couldn't bring myself to remeber our happy moments, in our time together.

Those moments were too overrated in my mind now.

Not even when people in her family would call us 'Chicken and Waffles' due to my obession with chicken, and hers with Waffles.

 

Though I do remember the first day I told the members we were together.

They said I was crazy.

She said I wasn't.

They said it wouldn't work. She said we could make it work.

They said she would get hurt. She said that she would never let anyone touch her, besides me.

 

Su-Hwa was only right about two of those things.

 

 

 

~

 

I stood over her, watching her chest rise slowly and faintly.

 

"My fault...This is all my fault."

 

This would have never happened of it weren't for me.

 

She coudl have been living a normal life, but no.

 

I had to ruin it for her.

 

I ruined everything for her.

 

She was bruised.

She was cut.

She was stabbed.

She was hurt.

 

If only I could be a normal person again, then this wouldn't of happened.

 

Now, I stand alone in this hospital bed, watching her 'rest', as the doctors called it.

 

I knew she was resting, but his kind of rest would forever kill me.

 

She wasn't in a coma, but she forgot.

 

Everything.

 

Amnesia, the proper term, I suppose.

 

Tears clung to eyes, as I could feel the hatred from her family eyes boring into me.

 

And, they sat outside of the room, waiting for the disgracful me to leave.

 

Thats when the idea came into my head.

 

She coudl have a new beginning, a new start in life.

 

Yes, it'd be hard for her.

 

But, it would be a fight she would fight with someone new.

 

And that someone, wouldn't be me.

 

I couldn't hurt her anymore, I couldn't bring myself to risk her life for something selfish like love.

 

I looked at the pictures of us, the pictures that her mother had given me, to try and jog her memory when she awoke.

 

Her mother had also informed me, that she had burned the rest.

 

Her mother burned everything besides the few pcitures that were in the room.

 

And these pictures were blurry.

 

Picking them up witohout a glance at them, I shoved them into my pocket, then headed for the door.

 

When I put my hand on the knob, I heard some rustling.

 

I turned the knob, and heard some grunts.

 

But, I never turned around.

 

"H-Hey..." A hoarse voice from behing me said. "Who are you...Where am I...What happen--"

 

"Sorry ma'am." I managed to get out. "I entered the wrong room."

 

"M-Mw--"

 

"I'll be leaving now." I said without a glance at her.

 

If I turned around, she'd see my eyes.

 

My puffy, light pink, tear stung eyes, that would blow my cover.

 

I opened the door and exited the room, not bothering to close the door.

 

As I left, I heard footsteps rush into the room.

 

I guessed it was her family, rushing in seeing that she was alive and okay.

 

And I, I only cried, as I left the sad hospital, on the sad snowy day of december.

 

~

 

 

I remembered that day, as if it was yesterday.

I was proud.

I kept Su-Hwa, my little Su-Hwa from reciving anymore pain.

Pain that wasn't needed for her.

 

My hands clung together, as I started to sing that song.

That song I'd secretly dedicated to her.

"My hands become cold

The memory of love coldly draws near

It becomes painful

I don't want to be unfair to you any longer

 

Knowing that I can't love you

Who is close to me

Who can't look at me

It's too hard to wait

I can't stand it anymore

Since it won't be achievable

 

That name I loved

Became too distant as I went out to call it

 I now write that name down

I'm on the verge of tears

I want to hide within myself

Remember that day now

Where all I could do was love you

 Because an unachievable love is still love..."

 

That song...the only song that could ever bring me to tears.

I loved her.

I really did.

And if I couldgo back and change anything in our relationship,

It would be the day that we met.

So that she would never have to suffer.

 

By now, when I realize that tears and dripping down like rain off of my cheeks, I see that nothing has changed.

Everyone is still having a nice day.

A nice sweet winter day, in december.

As I, spend it in dispear.

I could feel a headache come on, as I flashed all of our memories together.

 

"I need to get home..." I mumbled to myself.

 

I stood up from the cold bench, and shoved my hands into my pockets.

I turned from the bench and walked, with my head down, slowly down the streets of Seoul.

The sad streets of Seoul.

 

I felt my stomach grumble as I walked.

I shamed myself quietly as I walked.

I hadn't eaten a thing all day.

 

That's when I bumped into someone.

 

"Gah! Sorry!" The person's voice said.

 

I looked at my chest, that was now covered with maple syrup.

Another sad memory.

 

"Its okay..." I said, looking up at the person.

 

My eyes almost widened.

What kind of karma was this?

 

"Excuse me," The girl said. "I don't mean to pry, but have you eaten yet? You seem pale...

 

Not caring abut the waffles she was carrying, I hugged her.

I hugged her tightly.

Was this god's way of saying, 'Try again'?

Or did he just want me to mess up again?

 

The girl only blinked, confused at my sudden actions.

 

No, He wanted me to try again.

He wanted me to make things right.

And this time,

This time,

I wouldn't mess up.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alrighty, tell me what you think guys!

I personally didn't think it was that good, but feedback could maybe change my mind!

Here's a link to the original story that was written by me(It's the same thing, just on a different website xD):

http://www.quotev.com/story/2220290/The-Name-I-Loved-SHINee-Onew-Oneshot/

Also heres a picture of Su-Hwa:

(Keke She's spacing out)