“...Na?”

“Yes?”

“Hana?”

“Yes, I hear you. What’s up?”

“...Nothing.”

“Nothing?”

“Yeah. Nothing. Sorry. I’ll call you again later.”

“Okay, bye.”

 

[Call ended]

 

“Mir? You’re done?”

I looked up to find my manager, looking antsier than ever.

“Yeah, sorry. Was just checking something.”

“Okay, good. You’re standby again in five minutes. Are you feeling better?”

I took a final look at my phone. No new messages.

And I thought calling her was going to make me feel better.

“A little. Let’s go.”

 

       ~

 

“Over here!”

I made my way through the crowded restaurant. The mixture of music and chatter had made
the thumping in my head even more unbearable. I shook my head, trying to settle my thoughts
as I reached the group of familiar faces sitting round the table.

“Come sit down! “ said Seungho, who then nudged G.O a few times with the back of his hand.
“Scoot over, we gotta make room for our MC.”

‘Our MC’. I used to like the nickname, but it has became the last thing I want to hear.

“How did the recording go?” Cheondung asked while I plopped down on my seat.

“It was okay.”

“That’s good to hear,” said G.O. “I forgot, who’s the guest this time?”

 

“What the hell is he doing? Is he new?”

 

“Mir?”

“..Huh?”

“Who was the guest?” G.O asked for the second time.

“Oh.” I turn uncomfortable at the mention of the guests. But then again, it wasn’t exactly their
fault. “It was Beast.”

“So! What do you want to eat? Grilled meat? Soup?” Seungho said as he put a new bowl of rice
in front of me. “Should I ask for the menu?”

“No, it’s okay,” I said, grabbing a soju bottle and a shot glass. “I’m not hungry.”

“You’re not hungry?” G.O repeated my sentence, genuine surprised look plastered across his
face. I poured and drank my shot.

“Let the kid be,” Joon said without turning his head from his large bowl of soup. “If he doesn’t
want to eat, then don’t eat.”

 

“If you’re not good at it, then don’t do it.

“Stop playing around.

“There are tons of people who would die for the position you are in right now.”

 

“Cheolyong. What’s wrong?”

I snapped from my thoughts to find Seungho’s worried face staring at me.

My head started to pound again just by thinking about what to say. That I messed things up?
That I’ll never be as good as the others? I don’t think I need to say anything – everyone else
around me seems to be doing that for me already.

I ended up ignoring the question, drank another shot and let my head fall to the table a little bit
too hard.

“,” I muttered as I rubbed my forehead.

 

       ~

 

“What’s with the kid?”

“Not sure. Seems to be mad at something.”

“He’s not a drinker yet he downed a bottle by himself,”–G.O poked Mir’s head lightly–“and
of course he fell asleep.”

“Does it have something to do with any of you?” Seungho took a good look at everyone
sitting round the table. Some shook their heads, some shrugged.

“He was okay this morning. Maybe something happened at the recording?”

“Well, he’ll be fine eventually.”

 

       ~

 

*bzzz*

Something sent a vibrate across the table and woke me up.

“Mir, someone’s calling you.”

I lifted my heavy head while my hand searched around for my phone. I put it up in front of
my eyes, letting it buzz for a while, only because my eyes were still adapting to the brightness
change. Cheondung saw me staring helplessly at the screen and went closer to see the caller ID.

“It’s Hana.”

Wow. Finally. Took her awhile.

 

“Mir?”

“..Yeah.”

“Why the sleepy voice? Were you sleeping?”

“Was just lying down for a bit.”

“Oh, okay. How did the recording go?”

“Just so-so.”

“Oh, okay.”

“...”

“...”

“Don’t you have anything else to say?”

“Like what?”

“..Dunno.”

“Are you eating dinner?”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Not hungry.”

“Oh, okay.”

“...Seriously.”

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“Alright, puppy, stop sulking and leave the place if you’re feeling too annoyed.”

“I don’t have anywhere to go.”

“Neither do I.”

“So?”

“Come with me anyway. Look straight.”

I lifted my gaze, shuffling through the crowd; shooting straight outside the window, among the
passerbys. There she stood, holding a phone to her ear, with a grin plastered across the face that
I long the most.

 

       ~

 

I slowly unlocked the door to the apartment. As silent as possible, I removed my shoes and
walked lightly towards the living room.

“No need to be that careful, really.”

My heart almost stopped for not realising sooner that Joon was in the room, comfortably seated
on the sofa. He grinned at me.

“Please, stop making my lifespan shorter.” I threw my jacket at him, who then laughed. “Why
are you still wide awake?”

“Just because.” He put my jacket beside him. “Where did you go?”

I hesitated for a bit; the thought of Hana had made me grin ear-to-ear.

“Heeey, this kid. Stop smiling and start talking,” he said impatiently, holding up a cushion as a
threat.

“Alright, alright, I’ll tell you,” I grabbed the cushion for safety and sat down. “I was with Hana.”

“That I know. You smiling widely like a cow gave it away,” Joon sneered. “What happened
before you were with her?”

“What do you mean?”

“You were sulking hardcore.”

“Ah, that. Well, I had a problem during the recording earlier today.”

 “What happened? Were you nervous?”

“You bet I was. Sea of cold sweat at the set.”

“That can’t be good.”

“Yeah. So because of that, the PD... got harsh on me. Talked about how I should’ve been more
professional. That I’m not good enough to be an MC.”

“The hell?” Joon frowned. “That happened?”

“Yep. That happened. Other staff tried to speak up for me, saying how it was only the third
episode, but nope, damn PD kept on scolding me.”

“Woah. What did manager say?”

“He told me not to think about it, that I did well. Just a little more nervous than usual, but it
could easily pass up as something funny. But I got so shocked I couldn’t stop thinking about it.”

“Well. If I were you I would too.”

Joon gulped down his glass of Coke before asking, “Then what’s with Hana?”

“Oh. That. I called her once during the recording because I got really sad, but her response was
just ‘Eung, what, ok, bye’. That made me sullen.”

“..As per usual.”

“In my defense, she would usually notice right away if something was wrong.”

“Still, that’s taking her for granted,” Joon placed his glass on the coffee table. “But she came?”

“Yeah. She came. To see me. So she actually noticed, but she wanted to meet me altogether.
That’s why she came all the way to where we were eating.”

“M-hm. So where’d you go?”

I scratched my head, trying to remember. “Actually, we didn’t go anywhere in particular. She
was just driving around after shoving me a bag of my favourite snacks. Cheese rings, chocolate
bars, all that. She knew I wasn’t gonna eat dinner. Oh, we went to a café. A bookstore, too. But
most of the time, just driving around.”

“Wow.” Joon looked at me in awe.

“What?”

“She really likes you.” He grinned.

“What?” I nearly yelped, but managed to hold back. “Nonsense.”

“Well, at least, she understands you really well. Someone like her is kind of rare, to be
honest.”

“How so?”

“If you think about it, except from us who had lived with you for years, and your childhood 
friends who knew you since you were little, there is no one that would put up with you as
quick.”

“Oh.”

“Makes sense, right?”

I didn’t reply.

After a few moments, Joon stood up.

“Well, it’s getting late, and we’ve been talking a little too long for two dudes,” he said,
stretching his arms while yawning. “I’m gonna sleep.”

“Okay. Good night, hyung. Thanks for listening to me.”

“Shut up.” He threw a cushion straight to my face and laughed.

“OUCH!” Before I could even complain, my phone beeped. Joon took the chance to disappear
into his room.

I took my phone out from my jeans pocket to see the lighted up screen.

 

^{[One new message from Park Hana (mobile)]}

“Go to sleep already.”

 

         

 

      ♪ Without you, wherever I am, it’s like the grave

When we’re apart, I get nervous at the fact that I am alone

      On the tightrope-like world, you are my parachute

  When I want to hide somewhere, you become my attic.