The soft beats of the song danced upon the small space inside the vehicle. Of course he drove, silenced filled the air, neither of us talked and I couldn't bear it no more. Burning my gaze on the outside, watching as his speed increased by the second; how could he just...? It was probably a mistake, it felt useless and poor, I hated that feeling of it all. Basking in my own disappointment, I know he'd sensed it as we left from our last encounter with her. It usually brought displeasure upon us both, but this time I just couldn't bear it myself. Closing my eyes as her words, vile and yet hopeful fluttered in my mind like butterflies; ones that were trapped inside me.

"Evil child," as she so put it.

Unconciously my left hand shimmed down to my lower abdomen and slowly the flesh that was covered by clothing. Biting down on my bottom lip, I wish it was true. How'd I give anything for it to be true, to have his children; a family. It still surprised me of how much I want a family, never one to want children but look at me now. Anything to have mini mes' or him running around, but many of his family disapproved as did he. Which slapped my unintentionally over and over again. Bruising me, as we'd bring those conversations up and as quick as they sprouted. Quickly he demolished them.

"Baby?" His voice soft, yet still cautious. Was it such a heavy wound to have children?

Or course it hurt, when the man I love keeps turning the page over it.

Squeezing my eyes closed, tighter as I forced the wet, warm sting of tears that threatened to spill out. I spoke in a thick tone, "I'm fine." A complete lie and he knew it as his sigh showed sign of dropping the subject; that is until we achieved our destination and returned home. My fingers curling against the clothing of my shirt as I so much wanted to cry, to scream from it all. But I wasn't that weak, no I wasn't. Throughtout the rest of the ride home it was silent, all conversation was cut off by the sounds of the pop star singing about the upturns of life.

Boy he had no clue. In a good five minutes since I cut the words he had tried to speak; we arrived home. Of course I was the first to step out the car, my purse in my hands and the keys in the other while I picked up the sounds of him rushing to follow after me. Quickly unlocking the door as the canine he'd bought me, Crayon, shuffled his way towards me. My back to him as I knew he was now inside for the click of the door revealed his presence.

"Don't listen to her--" There it goes again, those words. Ones I wanted to avoid with all the power in my life. Collecting Crayon in my arms, I dared not to look him in the eyes as I spoke; afraid my tears would spill down. He just didn't understand, he'd never will and if he did; it'll be forced.

"I know, okay. I get it, you always push it away; never talk about the possibilty of having a child. But you've made it clear one to many times, that you don't want one." I voiced out, as my throat tightened from the urge of wanting to cry; but I held it in. I felt strong to hold those tears in, but once his embrace captivated me; I melted into a weak girl. Fragile as I hung my head low, and held Crayon tighter as slow tears spilled down my face. His arms tightened around my slender frame as his lips pressed on my neck softly, soothing words spilled out his thin, pink lips. But I never heard them.

"Why?" I croaked, he knew it held more than one question as his sigh was the loudest I've heard before.

"Baby you know why, you can get hurt--" Cutting him off with a piercing sharp voice, turning around and out of his embrace as I faced him.

"What more can I get hurt? You're hurting me more than anything in this World, I know I'm being damn selfish. But listen to yourself," I spoke as my vision blurred with tears that were burning to spill, but I was tired of crying; yet I still allowed them to flow down my cheeks. My heart hurt so much, why can't he see that? He is hurting me so much with each rejection, each topic change and how he avoiding any such thing. "Jiyong, listen to what you are telling me. You say, you don't want to hurt me nor lose me; well I'm hurting! I'm hurting so much, from each rejection." I cried, as I released Crayon whome was more than happily to escape such a tearfilled scene as this one here. I wish I could flee as why, just for today.

Maybe tomorrow or more, roughly I wiped those tears away but the stubbornly kept pouring down as I felt weaker by each drop that was spilling. And for once in my lifetime, since I met the man that I love; I gave him the cold shoulder. I ignored his words, his apologise; I was tired of hearing them, so tired. Turning to our bedroom and before he could follow me I slammed the door shut on his face and turned the lock as the click hurt more. Doubling the pain I felt. That night was the first night, I cried myself to sleep and not caring for the consequences of the puffy eyes and headache.

-

That morning I didn't sense him leave for work, I was to engrossed in the soft white pillow that bedded my tears from the night. Not bothering to change, I wasn't in the mood for no such activity; but I needed someone who'd understand me. And only she knew who to understand my situation well enough, fishing out my cellphone from underneath the sheet as I dialed a number; quickly she answered and by my tone she could easily sense what was wrong. "Whats wrong?" She whispered, and as I spoke more tears squeezed out my eyes; I was in no shape for outings as she was suggestion shopping. But in the end she made it to my house, and there she was with me on my bed. Rubbing my circles on the small of my back as I explained everything that had happened last night.

"She predicted my brother and you falling in love, maybe she is right once again." I heard her say as I peeked from the pillow and she brushed the mess of my bangs aside, "How about we test here, buy one from the store down the block and such." She said and I bit my lower lip, hopes both ballooning up and popping as well; a fifty-fifty chance.

Was I willing to try that?

"I'm scared, I don't want to be crushed by the results." It was true, I was afraid. "I have enough with your brother's words and how he rejects the ideas. I pass." I whispered, but he mouth parted to speak but I buried my head into the pillow and cut off all conversation that was upheld between us. Should I take the test and its negative? I doubt I'd survive that. It'll be like a slap- no a slap in my face by mother nature saying I was one not to have children by the man I loved. And all because he feared of the curse, a curse that I didn't care for such. We got through it together with his, we can do the same with our child as well? So why does he reject the thoughts so much, don't get me wrong. I've tried seeing his side of the quarter, but nothing.

Nothing, shows up.

"He'd be thrilled if it was negative, he was so tense when she said I was carrying his child. Hoping it wasn't true, and he doesn't know how much that hurts. It hurt so much, every woman wants that motherly feeling when she find the one." I murmured in a raspy voice, thick of tears as she watched me speak. "I found the one, I'm happy by his side. But I'd love to create a family with him, bore his children like the good wife in love." My voice weakened, I know I look and sounded pathetic. I felt pathetic as well and slowly daggers stabbed into my heart as I heard his voice break through the small silence after I had spoken. His sister nodding as he asked her to leave, unsure but she did as told; burying myself in the pillow. I didn't want to see him, no.

"Baby--" He whispered.

But I cut him off again, resigning to his words of rejection in the past. "J-just for right now, let me cry. Leave me alone, tomorrow everything will be over. I understand I'm being a selfish asking for children when its clear you don't want them. I get it, okay. After today, I'll never bring it up again." My voice cracked, showing how hoarse and dry it was as he took a deep breath; the weight of his body on the bed beside me as I gave him my back once again. Please, just respect me on this; let me these wounds closed.

"Just go, I'll be back to myself tomorrow but right now. Let me my wounds close. Okay." I whispered, knowing he'd here me and with another sigh of his; knowing he'd hurt me once again in the same wound over and over. I squeezed my eyes tight and allowed fresh tears to fall down, soaking into the cottom fabric of the pillow as each tear drop was my hope leaving me.

I cried until, I forgot this pain. Tomorrow is another day, and I'm just a selfish for expecting such a life from my husband.