❝ chapter two: coping
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                                   chapter two of forever mute, a -byungkitty- storyline

The rest of the class passed by painfully slow. I tried to pay attention and take notes on the teacher's lecture, but I had trouble understanding at her fast pace and eventually gave up. I sat there, feeling out of place. And everybody staring at me from behind didn't seem to help either.

After class, the teacher told me to ask Myungsoo to show me around the school. I followed him out the door and down the hallway after class ended. It wasn't until one of his friends pointed me out that he noticed I was there.

"Myungsoo hyung, the new girl's behind you."

He turned around and indeed, there I was. "What do you want?"

I was told you would give me a tour of the school... I said with my hands.

"You want me to give you a tour?" He repeated.

"Why don't you give us a tour of that instead?" One of the guys said, eyeing me from head to toe with a smirk.

Did he mean my body? God, what a ert.

"Ignore Hoya and his dirty mind." The one who told me this had the smallest eyes I've ever seen for an Asian. "I'm Sungkyu, the oldest."

The skinny boy with bangs that covered one eye spoke up. "I'm Sungjong, the youngest."

I was slightly taken aback at the sight of the maknae. His skin was almost pure white and his wide eyes were filled with innocence, which made me wonder how he survived with the evil-minded Hoya. I moved my hands again. He's really pretty...

"What did she say this time, hyung?" Sungjong asked.

Myungsoo smirked. "She said you're hotter than a girl."

I blushed because that wasn't the exact wording I had used. Sungjong smiled brightly. "I know, noona!"

The tallest one in the group took a step forward. He looked sharp, but very childish for some reason. "I'm Sungyeol. This is Dongwoo."

Dongwoo was a little shorter and had dark blue hair. It suited him quite well. "You already know erted Hoya-" the ert glanced at me again, "-and then there's Woohyun."

Woohyun, the one lingering next to Sunggyu, stared at me for a while and said bluntly, "What the hell happened to your face?"

I knew it was coming, but the comment still stung. Might as well just call me hideous and shove me down a hole. 

"Who cares what happened?" Myungsoo said. "If you think I'm willing to become your private tour guide, think again. Why would I waste time on a girl like you?" He shoved me into the lockers and gave me a glare.

Pain rippled through my shoulder and I stumbled, losing my balance.

"Hyung, don't do anything to her!" I heard Sungjong say. "She just transferred here!"

"So? What does that make her?" Myungsoo sneered. He was about to shove me again when Sungkyu held out a hand to stop him.

"Myungsoo, stop."

He shot me one last glare. "Fine. You're not worth my time anyways."

Myungsoo started walking down the hallway and the rest of the guys followed. Sungjong looked at me apologetically but said nothing.

I slumped down the wall. His friends seemed kind of friendly (excluding the ert) but Myungsoo was worst than the bullies at my old school. There was something in his glare, something in his eyes that was cold and menacing. It made me shiver in fear.

"Amy! There you are!" It was Ji Eun. She ran towards me and bent down. "Are you okay?"

I nodded, trying to recover from my hurt shoulder. She hadn't seen what had happened, right?

Ji Eun looked at me worriedly. "Amy, be careful around those guys, alright? They used to be a really violent gang called Infinite."

I nodded mindlessly. There used to be gangs in my old school. These guys couldnt be any worse, could they?

She gave me a bright smile and helped me up. "Alright then, let's go to lunch!"

I nervously stood outside the door of the cafeteria. I could hear boys laughing, girls gossiping, and the lunch ladies trying to hand out food.

You can do this. I said to myself. Just pretend you're at your old school back in America.

I took a deep breath and took a step into the room full of high school students. But then I immediately regretted taking that step.

Countless heads turn my way, as if they were robots programmed to do it all at once. Eyes begin to stare, drilling holes into my head. Fingers point at me, mocking me as if I was a caged animal at the zoo. But even worse is that whispers escape, the sure sign of rumours and gossip threatening to spread. I could make out some of the words the Korean students said.

"Isn't that the new transfer student?"

"I heard she's so dumb, she can't even talk."

"Do you see that thing on her face?"

"It's so... revolting. How can she go out in public like that?"

"I hear her house was burned down."

"Jinjja? Why?"

"I don't know. But we should stay away from her."

"I feel sorry for her."

"What should that girl do now?"

"Kill herself or something. She doesn't belong here."

My so-called courage melted away and was replaced with shame and embarrassment. I tried to ignore them and walked down the aisle with Ji Eun, who gave me what must be an encouraging smile.

We sat down at a table where two people were sitting. As soon as they saw me, they immediately got up and moved. Ji Eun looked a bit stricken as she gave me a container of kimbap. "I brought you the lunch Auntie made us. It might not be much though."

I nodded my head and looked at the food. I took a small bite and memories began to come back. The kimbap tasted exactly like the home-made kimbap my mother made.

"Gwenchanha? Is it not good?" Ji Eun asked me worriedly.

I shook my head and she smiled. I ate my food in silence, too busy trying to listen to what others were saying about me.

I could see Myungsoo and 'Infinite' on the other side of the cafeteria, surrounded by what looked like wannabe popular girls. I could hear him say the words "can't talk" and "". The girls nodded their heads in agreement.

I wanted to stand up and shout at them. I didn't choose to have this happen to me. They don't know how lucky they are to have a perfectly unharmed face. They don't know how lucky they are to be able to speak, to be able to say what they want. They don't know.

Lunch ended as fast as it could and I found myself leaving Ji Eun in the crowd of students, wanting to be alone and wanting to get away from all the people. Next thing I knew, I was lost, trying to find the classroom to my next class. The students I passed by in the hallway whispered when I walked by and I looked away, avoiding eye contact.

I've always seen on TV how there were people that had lost an arm, or were crippled, or had a disease that harmed their physical appearance. I would always look away, uncomfortable at what I had seen. But now I was one of those people. I've never imagined that I'd be the one that would turn into an outcast.

I felt out of place here, with all the model-like girls and flower boys. Was this how diseased people felt like, being shunned their entire life? Where was I supposed to go when I was like this?

I accidentally bumped into one of the students passing by and he looked up at me menacingly. "Ya, watch where you're going!"

All I could do was bow my head in apology. His friend, who looked like his twin, looked at me in disgust and I stumbled to get away from them before something else happened.

Music class. I repeated to myself in my head, my knees shaking as my hands were pressed against the wall for support. Just get to music class and you'll be fine.

I wandered about until I wound up in an empty hallway all by myself. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to calm my nerves. My hand fumbled in my skirt pocket, pulling out a small keychain. It was a small silver heart and had a mini-hourglass filled with pink sand. 

Tilting the hourglass keychain, I watched as the sand slowly drained from the upper part down to the lower part slowly, making no sound.

This keychain has always been my source of good luck whenevever I was nervous. I don't know why, but it seemed calming and soothing. I don't remember where I got it but it made me feel a bit more peaceful.

But right now it wasn't working. It fact, it made me feel worse. It felt like my life was slowly ticking away, shutting me off from the rest of the world as I wither away in my own little glass box, slowly losing everything that was important to me.

"What are you doing out here? Next period has already started." 

Recognizing that cold voice, my eyes fluttered open and I clutched my precious keychain to my chest, out of sight. Myungsoo was standing in front of me with his hands in his pockets with a cocky stance. 

"What class do you have next?" He asked me.

Music. I signed with my hands. Why was he here? I thought he didn't want to have anything to do with me. He nodded and turned around, walking back down the hallway I just came from.

"I have the same class. Follow me."

I reluctantly followed him and tried to match his fast pace but couldn't. He kicked open a door and marched inside. I entered after him, like a baby duckling following its mother. 

Just get to music class and you'll be fine, I had told myself. But no, it wouldn't be fine. It would be far from fine, as far as Seoul was to America. That's how far from fine it would be.