five steps forward, five steps back

 

Baekhyun makes a living by matching people. He takes pride in knowing, seeing people as soon as they walk into the makeshift office of whatislove.com and sensing what kind of partner they‘re looking for. He senses it in the walk they walk, the uncomfortable shift in their seats when they finally sit down, their decisions in whether they’d rather drink juice over coffee or water… of course he also interviews them, so there’s that. Still, Baekhyun thinks he has a gift of bringing people together and that makes him feel like he’s living quite a fulfilled life.

 

He sits back in his desk in satisfaction as the couple, one irregularly tall, gangly and puppy-looking male cooing over a tiny, fluffy wide-eyed seemingly little boy (but of course, he’s of age, Baekhyun likes to keep himself out of jail) recounts their love story. Baekhyun watches as Chanyeol fusses over Kyungsoo, making sure that he’s sitting comfortably or that his necktie isn’t on too tight or that his hair isn’t combed enough; and while Kyungsoo seems to shy away from all of this, Baekhyun can see the adoration that he has for Chanyeol, confirmed by the very minute touches that he gives him in return. And this, this, is exactly why he loves to do what he does. It makes him believe over and over again that love does exist, that not everyone is doomed to single-blessedness like he is.

 

For some reason, although helping other people find their match and seeing them all happy and in love gives him a sense of satisfaction, at the end of the day, it almost makes him sick to his stomach because he thinks it’s something he can never have. It is probably cliché but Baekhyun thinks that if his parents, who seemed so in love in the early years of their marriage, being high school sweethearts and all that, can break up and act like they’d always been strangers, what makes him think that love can happen for him? Happily ever afters only exist in fairytales and, even then, no one just really bothers to know what happens after happily ever after. Another thing is that, he can’t very well match himself because well, weird. So he chokes it up to the back of his mind and heart and just trudges on, living off of the happiness of everyone else whom he’s helped find love.

 

“You could’ve dated Chanyeol, you know,” Jongin tells him, bit of samgyupsal making its way over to Baekhyun’s plate from his mouth. He takes a swig of his beer and swallows. “Chanyeol is your type.”

 

“Who’s Chanyeol?” Jongdae, their tiny (Jongin scoffs at Baekhyun, “you’re tiny”) friend, whom they both think is overpaid for a greeting card writer.

 

“What do you know about my type?” Baekhyun snaps, glaring at Jongin and deliberately ignoring Jongdae. If he didn’t need an assistant to run his humble dating company, he would’ve chucked Jongin out of the first window that he’d seen. But, alas, he doesn’t know anyone who is as good at organization, handling documentation and fixing up the website as Jongin is. He also doesn’t have any other choice. Sehun would rather die than be associated with anything lovey dovey, which is ironic because he always gets drooly and becomes gaga whenever Lu Han, another one of their friends, walks into a room. Traitor.

 

Jongin laughs really loudly, practically spewing beer all over the place, making Jongdae scoot farther away from him, and Baekhyun wonders how he can bear to be seen with such an uncouth human being. Baekhyun is a decent person and makes a decent living making other people find their happiness and here is Jongin, disgusting and just plain caveman, trying to make his life worse by spitting beer all over him. Sometimes he thinks that he needs better people to hang out with. Maybe that’s the reason why he hasn’t found anyone special in his life because all the bad vibes that is Jongin is shooing all his good karma away.

 

“Your type is easy,” Jongin wiggles his eyebrows so knowingly that Baekhyun is unable to stop himself when he throws a big piece of lettuce on his face, combined with a piece of samgyupsal and a chunk of rice. Jongin ducks, though, and all his effort is wasted. “You want someone who looks after you, who assures you that your hair is in place or that your eyeliner isn’t smudged, or that your teeth are white enough. You want someone to remind you of your appointments or to help you with filing things or remind you to pay your bills. You want someone who carries your bag for you when it’s too heavy or pulls you to his side in case an incoming bus comes careening at you. You want someone to yell at when things get too stressful or when things don’t go your way. You want someone to hold your hand and squeeze it to assure you that things will be okay, that it’ll all work out in the end.” Jongin pauses, eyes squinting, and Baekhyun ignores that hard thudding of his heart in his chest because Jongin is pretty spot on with everything he’s said so far. “You want…”

 

Baekhyun swallows nervously as he presses for more. “What?”

 

“You want… a slave.”

 

Jongin bursts into peals of laughter as Baekhyun’s mouth hangs open. He narrows his eyes at him and prepares to launch himself on his so-called friend to maybe strangle him to death when Jongin slumps over the table, mouth open, clearly passed out. Baekhyun screams in frustration at not being able to carry out his plans and shoots his anger at Jongdae instead.

 

“What are you laughing at?” Baekhyun glowers.

 

And because Baekhyun really has horrible taste in friends, Jongdae gives him a serene smile and says, “You. I’m laughing at you, Baekhyun.”

 

Baekhyun proceeds to strangle him instead.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

Baekhyun stomps around the office long enough before Jongin grabs his elbow and confronts him about it. It’s taken Jongin a whole morning to ask about it, which is quite surprising in Baekhyun’s opinion because, normally, Jongin would snap at him and push him on a chair, demanding him to stop moving. He defiantly juts his chin out and pokes his tongue at him because he knows it’s something that Jongin finds extremely childish and he waits for him to sneer at him or something. Instead, Jongin steps away and moves to file the newer application forms that they’ve printed out from the website. Baekhyun narrows his eyes at his back for a second before giving up and sauntering over to his desk to review the form of the client he is meeting that afternoon.

 

“Wu Yifan, 22,” Baekhyun muses loudly as he reads over the application. He continues reading through the file and then proceeds to browse through their database for a possible match. He furrows his eyebrows when he sees Lu Han’s name on their list and swivels his chair around towards Jongin. “Since when is Lu Han a client of ours?”

 

Jongin smirks. “Everyone is looking for someone, you know. Even Lu Han isn’t immune to finding his one true love,” he tells him, placing a couple of folders he’s finished stuffing with applications on the shelf. He turns to face Baekhyun, who was giving him a thoughtful look. “What?”

 

“What about you?” Baekhyun asks, unsure why he’s never thought of asking Jongin before. They’ve known each other for years, having been roommates in college. It then startles him when he realizes that he doesn’t know much about Jongin’s love life, except for the fact that he once dated that creepy stalker dancer, Taemin, whom he’s put a restraining order against. “Are you looking for someone, too?”

 

Jongin shrugs, turning away to then shuffle some papers that Baekhyun is pretty sure are just crap they have lying around to pretend that their dating office is overflowing with requests and applications. “You’re really cute, you know,” Jongin starts.

 

“What--?” Baekhyun straightens up in his seat.

 

“Too bad you’re deaf,” Jongin faces him again, rolling his eyes. “I just said that everyone is looking for someone, dimwit. So I guess the answer is yes, okay.” He mumbles a couple more words under his breath before walking out of the office for an early lunch. Baekhyun doesn’t even get the chance to be offended at his words because he most certainly isn’t deaf.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

“Oh I don’t think you’re deaf,” Jongdae consoles him when Baekhyun recounts the details of the reason why his friends are going to find Jongin’s body in a ditch somewhere. Baekhyun starts to smile because sometimes his friends actually seem to be nice people and actually make sense. “You’re just blind,” he finishes.

 

Except when they’re not. Baekhyun clenches his fist and fights the urge to knock Jongdae off his couch. He’s kind enough to invite Jongdae over to watch some Disney movies, which Lu Han politely declined when he found out that they were watching Bambi, and this is what he gets instead. Some more continuous ribbing. He really hates his friends sometimes.

 

“I really hate you sometimes,” Baekhyun voices out and Jongdae doesn’t seem to care because he just laughs and snuggles even more on the couch.

 

“Sure you do,” Jongdae grins. “But that means you love us most of the time, right?”

 

“Never,” Baekhyun resolutely answers, but he pauses to think about it. He’s reminded of Sehun saying no to every favor he asks from him, sees Lu Han’s cheeky grin when he steals another one of his designer shirts, watches Jongdae deny them of sharing the high pay that he has, and Jongin… well, Jongin is Jongin so he doesn’t need anymore explanation than that. He nods in confirmation. “Yeah. Never.” He then realizes how ridiculous Jongdae’s question is and makes a face at him.

 

“Aww,” Jongdae pouts and flutters his eyelashes at him. “Because I’m sure some of us love you a little more than most of the time.”

 

Baekhyun stares at him. “How you are a greeting card writer, I will never know. You’re the worst. If the people I match used your words to woo people, I’d be out of business,” he states, shaking his head.

 

Jongdae huffs. “Joonmyun likes my work thankyouverymuch so your opinion doesn’t matter at all.” He pokes his tongue out for good measure.

 

“Joonmyun just likes you,” Baekhyun declares. “Meanwhile, your work is just plain awful. Which is unfair because there are far more qualified people in your line of work to get pay raises.”

 

“I still maintain that you’re blind,” Jongdae snaps and turns away from him just as Bambi meets Thumper. He then lifts his head up and looks at Baekhyun again. “On second thought, you are deaf, too.”

 

Baekhyun retaliates by slamming a throw pillow on his face.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

Baekhyun is extra irritable that day. He’s not sure what it is but seeing Jongin walk into the office, wearing a white low cut shirt, horrible tan collarbones exposed so impertinently, over a pair of black tight jeans, seems to just make him even more short-tempered. He immediately snaps at Jongin, throwing disorganized documents on his desk and telling him off for not changing the images on their website. Jongin’s eyes widen a bit at him but merely follow his orders, shuffling over to his desk.

 

Jongin’s shirt rides up a bit as he bends to the floor to pick up the scattered papers, exposing a bit of the smoothness of his lower back. He wears black Calvin Klein underwear and Baekhyun pinches the bridge of his nose because ohmygod why is Jongin so disgustingly underdressed that day. They don’t have an office dress code, but Baekhyun at least believes that they should at least come fully clothed. Maybe he should also add that no one should wear tight-fitting clothes at work too as the curves of Jongin’s become more pronounced each time he picks up a sheet of paper off the floor.

 

“THAT’S ENOUGH!” Baekhyun yells and Jongin freezes. Baekhyun coughs because he knows he’s overreacted and laughs nervously when Jongin stands up to face him, an eyebrow raised. “I was just…practicing.”

 

“Practicing,” Jongin repeats and there’s a ghost of a smile threatening to take over his face.

 

“I’m joining this…play for, uh, this…thing, and I have to get really really mad about something and just scream THAT’S ENOUGH,” Baekhyun hastily (and very lamely) explains.

 

Jongin crosses his arms over his chest and sits on the edge of his desk, placing the gathered papers on it. “Oh really,” he snickers. “What do you get mad about?”

 

Baekhyun shrugs carelessly. “Just this officemate who looks disgusting in his low-neck shirt and really tight pants and—“ Baekhyun covers his mouth and makes a sound like a dying whale because he didn’t just reveal that he’s been checking Jongin out all along.

 

Jongin feigns innocence and Baekhyun feels relieved because he thinks Jongin is stupid. “So what happens next?” Jongin asks, getting off his desk, and sauntering over to Baekhyun, who gulps because Jongin is now leaning over him and he can see the flat and muscular planes of his chest because of his damn shirt and it looks so golden that Baekhyun wants to—he slaps a paper on Jongin’s face instead.

 

Baekhyun smiles contentedly as he watches Jongin sputter in indignation and takes a few moments to regain his composure. Jongin peels the sheet of paper off his face and looks at it, frowning as he reads it through.

 

“What is this?” Jongin waves the piece of paper dangerously close to Baekhyun’s face that he’s afraid he’s going to get a paper cut on his porcelain white cheeks.

 

Baekhyun grabs the paper, creasing it in the process just to protect his pretty face. “It’s a date,” he growls. “You can read, you know.”

 

Jongin’s eyes narrow into slits. “What am I supposed to do with this?”

 

“Go out with him,” Baekhyun waves him off and turns to face his desk. “I need you out of my hair.”

 

The office is suddenly quiet and the hairs on Baekhyun’s neck stand on end because the last time the office has been this quiet was only because Jongin had accidentally smashed one of the computers with the baseball bat that he’d gotten as a present from Sehun and was afraid that Baekhyun would murder him when he found out. Baekhyun didn’t murder him. But Jongin did get a black eye and a bloodied lip.

 

Baekhyun slowly turns around in his seat, expecting for something horrifying to come flying at him because Jongin is a caveman, a childish one at that, and he’s not going to put it past him not to send some fake insects towards him. But all he sees is Jongin standing there, paper still in hand. He gives Baekhyun a look that Baekhyun isn’t sure what to name as.

 

“Are you sure about this?” Jongin asks, and Baekhyun thinks it’s the weirdest thing that Jongin’s ever asked or said to him.

 

“Of course I’m sure,” Baekhyun answers. “I’m good at what I do, you know. I’ve gone through your preferences, likes, dislikes, hobbies and all that jazz. You two are perfect for each other. He dances, too, and likes to eat the same things that you do. He’s also a bit slow so I really think you two will get along fine.” He claps and flashes his pearly whites at him because he’s a genius. The moment he met Zhang Yixing, Baekhyun knew that he and Jongin were a match made in Baekhyun’s heaven.

 

Jongin continues to stand there, looking torn about something, before he nods and glances at the clock. “I guess I should go and prepare then,” he says, wiggling his eyebrows.

 

Baekhyun rolls his eyes and shoos him away. But before Jongin reaches the door, he stops him, by standing up and making his way over, hands on Jongin’s biceps. “Be good, okay? My reputation is on the line here,” he insists even when Jongin makes a face. “Wear that nice gray shirt you have and the nice black blazer that I bought for you that time I forced you to go shopping with me.” He glances down quickly at Jongin’s jeans before lifting his eyes off of it. “Those jeans will do. Please wear proper shoes, preferably black and not rubber shoes, Jongin. Also, put your hair up.” Baekhyun’s fingers lightly brush Jongin’s bangs off his forehead and his hand shakes so he puts them down and stuffs it in his pocket. “Because your hair looks y pushed back.” Jongin sniggers and Baekhyun’s cheeks pink because quoting movie lines in real life is just embarrassingly lame. “Just go,” he demands, pushing Jongin out of the office before he can say anything else.

 

He then sits back down in front of his desk and wonders why his hands are tingling all over.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

 

Baekhyun decides that he’s not going to ask Jongin about his dates with Yixing or how things are going with him the moment he’s told Jongin to date Yixing. He decides this because, well, as a client, he doesn’t really have to be privy to the details of how well their relationship is carrying on. That, and because it’s Jongin and he isn’t sure if he wants to be subjected to Jongin’s smug stories about how he and Yixing are actually perfect for each other.

 

Except they really are perfect for each other because Baekhyun is the one who matched them. It’s just that, now, Baekhyun is unsure because he’s going through something really weird like his whole body just wants to convulse at the thought of Jongin and his v-necked shirts that show those annoying collarbones and how his tight jeans carefully emphasizes his thighs and just how nice his hands look when he types those forms in and just how Yixing is probably enjoying all of those things. He bangs his forehead on the table because he must be going insane. It’s unhealthy to think of anyone so much all the time, like 24/7. He should probably check himself into a mental institution because anyone who thinks of Jongin so much must be infinitely crazy.

 

“You know it’ll help if you just tell him how you feel,” Jongdae carefully suggests, grabbing Baekhyun’s hair to stop him from continuously banging his head on the table until he gives himself a concussion. This stops Baekhyun from smashing his head and he glares so harshly at Jongdae that he actually flinches away. “It’s just a suggestion.”

 

“Try something else,” Baekhyun quips.

 

“Beer?” Jongdae shrugs.

 

Baekhyun lights up and grabs Jongdae’s hand, tugging him along like a ragdoll. “Let’s go.”

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

“There’s something wrong with him.” Lu Han says this in such a manner that gave no room for argument and Sehun nods in agreement as he looks over to where Baekhyun is swaying drunkenly right in front of the TV monitor, hugging the microphone, and singing along to Angel by some group called EXO. Sehun rarely ever disagrees with Lu Han, but this time, he can’t agree more.

 

“He’s just...dealing with things,” Jongdae mysteriously says, wiggling his eyebrows.

 

“Oh, no,” Lu Han shakes his head. “He’s not dealing. Dealing is not having a drinking session every Friday for the past month. He’s just being stupid. And stop trying to act mysterious, you look constipated.”

 

Jongdae frowns. “But Joonmyun said I looked hot when I act mysterious.”

 

“Joonmyun just likes you, okay,” Sehun dismisses him. “So he likes everything you do by default even if it’s completely appalling.”

 

Their noraebang room turns quiet and Baekhyun finally makes his way back to the couch where the others has made themselves comfortable because Baekhyun’s been hogging the beer, the microphone and all the songs to himself. He slumps on Sehun, who pushes him away without hesitation, making him fall on Jongdae, who barely manages to catch him.

 

“So,” Lu Han chirped, poking Baekhyun’s arm with an unused fork. “Is the singing working?”

 

“What?” Baekhyun’s eyes flutter open and try to focus on Lu Han’s face.

 

“Is the singing able to get your mind of your stupidity?” Lu Han presses, giggling when Baekhyun makes a really ugly face that reminds them all of that one time where they had this contest of making the ugliest face and Baekhyun won by a landslide.

 

Baekhyun reaches for a beer. “The beer is helping,” he hiccups.

 

Jongdae sighs and grabs the beer bottle away from his grasp. “We should take him home,” he says, lifting Baekhyun’s arm up over his shoulder. Lu Han and Sehun stand and make their way to the door. “Hey! Aren’t you going to help me?”

 

“Nope,” they chorus and leave Jongdae struggling with Baekhyun’s dead weight.

 

“I hate you all,” Jongdae mutters as he carries Baekhyun out of the room. He continues muttering obscenities because Baekhyun is as heavy as a big sack of sugar when wasted and they’re the same size and Jongdae believes he’s not that heavy. At least Joonmyun doesn’t think so because that one time when he was on top of him and he remembers that Joonmyun just kept on screaming for more—

 

“Ohmygod, Jongdae,” Baekhyun, suddenly alive, speaks, words slurring. “Please don’t think aloud about your ual exploits with your boss. I may be drunk, but I really am not deaf. I can hear you and my skin is crawling with repulsion.”

 

“Oops,” Jongdae sheepishly whispers, and then he sneers and pushes Baekhyun off of him. Baekhyun stumbles to the ground. “Have you been just pretending to be drunk? Because you’re heavy and I think I’m lighter than you and it’s not very nice to have your friends carry you when you can stand on your own and—oh.”

 

Baekhyun manages to lift his head up. He really is drunk because, while he sees someone hovering over him, he can’t really make the face out and just sees that it’s shadowy and that it’s definitely not Jongdae because Jongdae doesn’t smell citrusy nor are his arms this warm and muscular. Jongdae is stick-thin. Baekhyun snuggles towards a warm neck and breathes in, enjoying how it seems comfy and familiar. He closes his eyes and falls asleep.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

“You look like !” Jongin laughs as Baekhyun lethargically enters the office, wearing a pair of designer sunglasses. “What happened to you?”

 

Baekhyun takes a seat on his desk and plants his face down on the table because he’s never felt so hung over in his life. His head feels like it’s going to fall off with each movement that he does and can Jongin please be quieter.

 

“None of your business,” Baekhyun mutters. He closes his eyes because everything’s too bright and tries to think of happy things like Lu Han being chased by a really big dog and Lu Han just screams like a banshee because, well, Lu Han has never been fond of dogs. He hums in joy and sighs contentedly when he feels something cool pressed against his cheek. He opens his eyes and sees a glass of water on his desk and Jongin standing beside him.

 

“Maybe you shouldn’t have gone to work today,” Jongin says and Baekhyun thinks he hears a note of worry in his voice, but shrugs it off. He sits up very slowly and gingerly shakes his head. “I can’t. I have some appointments to set up and have you downloaded any new applications because we need to—“

 

“I have,” Jongin interrupts him. “I’ve printed them all out and sorted them according to preferences. I’ve also tried matching them up to some of the people in our database to make it easier for you. Here.” He gets the applications and places it in front of him. He shows him where he’s listed down the different people they can match to the new applicant and the indicators of why they are compatible.

 

Baekhyun feels something like tears spring into his eyes as he looks up at Jongin because his little apprentice is growing up. “These are really good,” he sincerely tells him with a small smile. Jongin rubs a hand behind his neck and chuckles in embarrassment. Baekhyun’s smile disappears because then he feels that something is up. “What did you do?”

 

Jongin hesitates and Baekhyun knows it must be something big because Jongin never hesitates; it’s either does or says things or he doesn’t. Life is pretty much simple for him that way, and now Baekhyun wonders what he could have done.

 

“I, uh, I…” He coughs and then chuckles and Baekhyun’s just have had enough of the hesitation because he’d really rather crawl back into his bed than wait for Jongin to answer.

 

“Spit it out!” Baekhyun snaps and Jongin jumps.

 

“I broke it off with Yixing,” Jongin blurts out and he immediately shields himself because there’s a puncher by Baekhyun’s hand and he really doesn’t want it to hit his face. When nothing comes flying towards him, he lowers his arms and sees Baekhyun just sitting there with an interesting expression on his face. Baekhyun’s eyes are wide and his mouth keeps on opening and closing like a goldfish. It goes on for a while that Jongin begins to worry about him. “Are you okay?”

 

Baekhyun coughs and his face turns blank. “I’m fine,” he says, turning back to his desk. “Well, I guess I’ll just have to find you a new date.”

 

“Why?” Jongin demands.

 

“Because,” Baekhyun mutters, “everyone is looking for someone, that’s what you said.” He faces him again with a resolute look on his face. “And whatislove.com never fails anyone! Much less its employee!”

 

“Well, what about you?” Jongin asks, awkwardly gesturing towards him.

 

Baekhyun laughs so manically that Jongin backs away. “I don’t need someone,” he says after a moment and shrugs as he starts working on the files that Jongin have given him.

 

It’s the biggest lie that Baekhyun’s ever told anyone, because if there’s anything that Baekhyun wants it’s to have someone. But he supposes that not all wants are needs, and you just can’t have everything that you want in life. That’s the reality. Besides, if Jongin finds out just what he wants, he’ll just laugh at his face and he’ll be forced to fire Jongin, or worse kill him.

 

Jongin shuffles back towards his desk and mutters, “Jongdae is right. You are blind.”

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

Baekhyun taps his fingers uncontrollably over the smooth wooden table of Starbucks. He traces the swirly designs on the table, unable to keeps his hands, or just his whole self, still. He isn’t really sure why he is even here in the first place or why he placed that call or just why. Probably because he is stupid or just plain masochistic.

 

“Hey.”

 

Baekhyun looks up as Yixing slides into the seat across from him. Yixing looks really good in a simple white shirt and blue jeans, a body bag over his shoulder, and Baekhyun wonders why Jongin would ever break it off with someone who seemed so perfect for him. Maybe his matching skills were starting to plateau.

 

“So I just wanted to ask about what went wrong, not to be insensitive or anything, but this is part of my job,” Baekhyun smoothly explains and it amazes him that he doesn’t appear like the wreck he was just minutes ago.

 

Yixing tilts his head, looking like he was studying him, and Baekhyun feels uncomfortable, because Yixing’s gaze is piercing like he’s seeing right through him. He quirks his mouth and a dimple on his right cheek appears and Baekhyun feels like withering away because, this time, he’s sure Yixing is judging him.

 

“Did you ask Jongin?” Yixing finally speaks.

 

“You’re my client,” Baekhyun coughs out an explanation, “so naturally I’m asking you, and maybe I can improve on this when I look for another one to match up to you.”

 

Yixing chuckles and shakes his head. “I think it would be better if you talk to Jongin about this,” he insists. “He’ll be able to enlighten you in a much better way that I can’t do.” He picks up his bag and slings it back over his shoulder. “But hey, I’m always looking forward to meeting new people. Jongin is a great guy and I’m sure there’ll be others who will be more for me.” He nods at Baekhyun in goodbye and leaves the café.

 

Baekhyun groans because now he’ll have to talk to Jongin about Yixing and that’s just like… His heart starts thudding in his chest because he’s afraid that maybe, maybe, Jongin has found someone else, someone whom he thinks is more compatible for him. Baekhyun pouts because this clearly means that his matching skills have failed him. That, and the thought of Jongin with someone else, whom he’s met on his own, too, just kills him.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

Baekhyun takes five steps forward then turns around and takes five steps back. Right on the third step, he stops and glances at the doorway, where Jongin’s desk is in clear view. He’s hunched over his desk, probably busy over something that Baekhyun demanded he do for him. Five steps forward, turn, fives steps back. He does this for quite some time that Jongin slams his pen on his desk and stalks over to Baekhyun, pulling him into the office and slamming the door behind them.

 

“What’s your deal?” Jongin demands, and Baekhyun has never seen Jongin look so irritated before.

 

“I just…” Baekhyun gulps because he suddenly can’t find the words. It’s true that the way Jongin’s looking at him warrants some form of retaliation, like maybe smashing his pen-holder on his face because he is Jongin’s boss no matter what he may think. But he decides against it because it’s just not such a good idea at the moment. His eyes flicker to the documents on his desk. “Did you finish the—“

 

“Just say it, Baekhyun,” Jongin interrupts him. “You have right now to say it or forever hold your peace.”

 

Baekhyun blinks at him for a second, and then rolls his eyes. “Fine, I guess I’ll just forever hold my peace then,” he snickers and moves to walk away.

 

But Jongin grabs him and practically plants him in his spot. “Just say it. You’ve been burning a hole through the ground for like ages and it surely has to be something important.”

 

Baekhyun clears his throat. He glances up at the air-conditioning and childishly glares at it because it’s clearly not working since it’s so hot in the office. He fans himself with his hand, looking everywhere but at Jongin. Just how exactly can he say what’s on his mind? He lets out a breath, puffing his cheeks out and frowns in surprise when he sees a hidden beer bottle under his desk. He wonders how it had gotten there and whether he’s been so hung over this whole issue with Jongin dating that he’s started drinking even at work.

 

He then remembers that night when he got too drunk and thinks back to how Jongdae kept on rattling off about the that he’s been having with Joonmyun and how the damn midget pushed him to the ground. Shuddering with both disgust and annoyance, he makes a face because, clearly, he wasn’t drunk enough to not remember those details. He takes a deep breath and stops short because… He looks up at Jongin, who’s been watching him go through his internal battle the whole time, and takes meek steps towards him, only stopping when his face was practically pressed to Jongin’s neck. Baekhyun inhales and he closes his eyes. That citrusy scent.

 

Baekhyun takes a step back when he feels Jongin shudder as he exhales and looks up, meeting his eyes. “It was you,” he says and he bites his lower lip and chuckles, because how could he have not known all along. Jongin laughs nervously, scratching the back of his neck that Baekhyun finds extremely adorable. Baekhyun’s eyes widen at this thought and he takes another step back.

 

“I really tried to make it work with Yixing, but, uh,” Jongin starts to explain, forgetting the fact that he should be forcing Baekhyun to speak. “That night… you said some things and I just…”

 

“What did I say?” Baekhyun asks, eyes even wider. “Did I tell you to break up with Yixing? Because that’s just drunken thought and you should never take me seriously when I’m drunk. I tend to sprout out a lot of nonsense and—“ He stops when Jongin frowns.

 

“Oh,” Jongin concentrates on something on Baekhyun’s forehead, like he’s trying very hard not to look at him. His eyes are hard and Baekhyun deflates at the sight. “I guess it doesn’t matter then. Since it’s just drunken thought.”

 

“What did I say, Jongin?” Baekhyun persists.

 

“You said…” Jongin stammers, his cheeks pinking. “You told me you wanted to keep me.” He averts his gaze and stares at the floor, which is good because Baekhyun’s cheeks flame up to the point where he feels his whole face getting hot.

 

Baekhyun glares at the malfunctioning air-conditioning once more because really he’s paying for that dumb appliance only to have it fail when he needs it the most. He wants to blame Jongdae for this because if Jongdae had just been a really good friend he wouldn’t have fallen into Jongin’s arms and wouldn’t have had inhaled his delicious citrus smell and wouldn’t have been lulled into a pretense that Jongin might—

 

He whips his head towards him because he just grasped the fact that Jongin has just said that he broke it off with Yixing because of the things that he said that night. But that would mean…

 

“What did you say?” Baekhyun asks, almost pleadingly. “When I said that I…” He clears his throat, as he turns red all over again. “What did you reply?”

 

Jongin holds Baekhyun’s gaze. Baekhyun’s holding his breath because it’s almost like that moment where Sehun and Lu Han took his swimming and they dragged him all the way to the ocean without even asking if he wanted to swim, or if he even knew how to. They just kept on running, pulling him along, and there was a moment where Baekhyun just decided that he was going to jump into the water and he holds his breath until he splashes into the ocean. When he surfaces, he takes his first deep breath and smiles because everything turned out to be okay. He thinks this is very much like that, except he’s not sure what will happen after the splash.

 

“I said…” Jongin gulps, and maybe just maybe Jongin is as nervous as Baekhyun is, “I said okay.”

 

“Okay.” And Baekhyun takes his first deep breath after the splash.

 

There’s a beat, a second, where they just look at each other, before Baekhyun and Jongin are crashing towards each other, their mouths, arms and legs in a tangle. Baekhyun clings onto Jongin because he really does want to keep Jongin, have wanted to for a very long time, and now, now, he just might get to. As they kiss frantically, Jongin clutches the hairs on the back of Baekhyun’s head and prods his tongue into his mouth, like trying to make up for lost time, like he’s always wanted to do this. This thought makes Baekhyun frown and pushes him away, making Jongin blink dazedly.

 

“Stupid, why didn’t you ever say anything?” Baekhyun demands.

 

Jongin blinks some more until he manages to think clearly again. “Me?! You’re the one who’s stupid. I’ve been dropping all of these hints. You’ve just been blind and deaf—.”

 

Baekhyun pulls him close and kisses him again. He doesn’t need a reminder of that.

 

 

 

-

 

 

 

“HALLELUJAH! HALLELUJAH!” Lu Han sings the moment Baekhyun and Jongin enter with their hands intertwined. Baekhyun’s hand flinches towards the nearest thing he sees, which is an empty glass, but Jongin tugs him closer to himself, wrapping an arm around his waist and he lets the glass go in peace.

 

“Well?” Jongdae asks, grinning like a maniac. “How was it?”

 

“How was what?” Baekhyun asks, scrunching his nose in curiosity. Beside him, Jongin merely chuckles.

 

“The !” Jongdae says exasperatedly like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

 

“Goodness, Jongdae!” Sehun exclaims, making a face at him. “Not everyone goes at it like you and your boss does!”

 

“He’s my boyfriend!” Jongdae snaps at him, crossing his arms on his chest and pouts.

 

“He’s your boss,” Lu Han emphasizes. “He gives you pay raises every time you put out, that in a couple of months time, your company’s going to go bankrupt and you’ll probably be one of the richest men in the city.” Everyone snickers at this.

 

“Hey,” Jongdae realizes what Lu Han meant a little too late.

 

“So, Baekhyun, really, how does it feel?” Lu Han questions, an eyebrow raised at him.

 

Baekhyun smiles because Lu Han really does look interested in his answer, so do Sehun and Jongdae, maybe even more so Jongin. Probably because he’s always been the single one in the group, always been the one getting other people together, while remaining forever alone. But now he’s not alone. He looks at Jongin sitting beside him, smiling, holding his hand, rubbing circles on his palm with his thumb and he thinks that he just might get used to actually being with someone for a change, maybe set an example to his clients.

 

“Someone once told me that everyone is looking for someone,” Baekhyun answers and Jongin looks at him in surprise. “And he’s right. I guess I just wasn’t looking hard enough, or not even looking at all.” He squeezes Jongin’s hand and it continues to amaze him that he can do this now. He can reach out beside him and Jongin will be there for sure and he’ll never have to be alone through anything anymore. But then, he realizes, Jongin has always been there beside him, always has been with him through anything. He’s never really been alone all this time.

 

Jongdae coughs. “That’s because you’re actually blind.”

 

Baekhyun glowers at him. “Will you get over that already!”

 

Jongdae pokes his tongue out. “You can’t throw things at me anymore! Jongin won’t let you.”

 

Baekhyun sends his most earnest and cutest pout down Jongin’s way and Jongin feels his defenses crumble. Jongin nods his permission. Jongdae’s eyes widen and immediately he scrambles out of his seat, running away from Baekhyun, who hasn’t even gotten off his seat yet.

 

Slowly, he stands up and presses a kiss on Jongin’s lips, one that he makes sure make Lu Han and Sehun gag. Then he straightens up and follows after Jongdae, taking his time. He smiles, biting his lower lip, because he really can get used to his life. With Jongin by his side, he feels truly fulfilled.