The car ride back home was silent except for his occasional sobs and the heavy pouring of the rain outside. His dongsaengs looked at each other feeling both empathy and sympathy towards their beloved leader. They had never seen him so broken before – so devastated.

This is not their leader.                        

They wanted to reassure him that everything would turn out fine but words cannot be enough to stop the older boy for feeling the way he was feeling at that moment.

Life is no longer colorful for him. Life for him is nonsense, meaningless and all synonymous adjectives that you can think of – now that she is gone.

Remembering that he was on his way home from a farewell ceremony for her called ‘Funeral Rites’ made him cry and snob harder. His dongsaengs panicked seeing and hearing this sudden outburst from him.

This is not their leader at all.

Jonghyun, being the second oldest, tried control the situation to the best of his ability. He acted for as of this moment the leader, for their beloved hyung is out of shape and in despair. Key stood up to his role as umma of the band giving Onew a shoulder to cry on. Minho, as tough as he might seem to be, occasionally rubbed the back of his oldest hyung trying to use soothing words to comfort and relax him even for a short while. The maknae, Taemin, did his part by offering him something to drink, even just a sip of warm water.

However, their efforts failed.

This was the first time that he had been that emotional about someone -- too emotional. The grief and pain that he was experiencing right now can be express with tons of negative figurative speech in the book that you can think and say.

His vulnerable state he was in now is making his dongsaengs worry so much. And he did not like it at all.

"Please do me a favor" He manages to say in between sobs.

Everyone in the van were startled. Finally, their leader decided to speak out.

"Anything, hyung" Jonghyun replied.
"Bring me to our apartment"

His dongsaengs look at each other asking and thinking of the same thing -- why?

“I don’t think that’s a good idea” The oldest dongsaeng said

"but why do you want to go there? You need to rest." The charismatic member (tried to) reason out
"I wanted to stay there just for tonight" The leader tried to explain
"You can still go there tomorrow" The umma of the band said.
"NO" He replied in a stern voice that shocks everyone in the vehicle.

They never in their whole years together had they heard their leader raise his voice like that.  

It was a first.

"Please..." He pleaded in his (now) soft voice.

His dongsaengs look at each other sending out furtive looks asking one another should they or should they not allow him.

After a few minutes of silence, they let out a big sigh and admitted their defeat. He does need alone time. This (might) help him coped up with this agonizing event.

"Sure hyung. We will drop you off" Jonghyun voiced out. 

--

They escorted him to their apartment not too far from their dorm. He lifelessly dragged his feet to their apartment. His head was still bowed down hugging the same picture he had been holding ever since that day started.

They all stopped at the front of a door that was located in the far end of the hallway. He stood there still looking down at his feet. He heard one of his dongsaeng cough.

“Hyung, we are here.” The youngest male informed.

He slowly looked at the white wooden door and stared at it for a while.

“Are you sure you’ll be fine alone we ca--" One them tried to say but was cut off by their leader.

“I’ll be fine alone. Don’t worry.” He murmured.

Still supporting the framed picture with his left hand, he lifted up his right hand gradually and typed in with his pale finger the security code bit by bit. He gripped the horizontal door knob lighter than he ever had and slowly pressed it down. Hearing a clicking sound, he slowly pushed the door open.

“We will be back early tomorrow morning. Okay hyung?” Jonghyun notified him.

He did not respond. Instead he went inside the apartment hopelessly dragging himself inside.

He pushed the door close leaving his dongsaengs (still) worried sick. He leaned his back at the door and look down on the floor once more. He slids down until he was seating on the floor crying his heart out still holding to the picture frame tightly again.

It was very painful for him.

Suddenly, he heard giggles right in front of him. He controlled his sobs and direct his attention to where the giggles were coming from. Call him crazy but he suddenly stop crying seeing him carrying her – bridal style in his arms.

Ah, An apparition of the day they decided to officially get an apartment for themselves to live in together.

“Do you like it, jagiya?” he asked her sweetly.

“Aniyo.” She shook her head playfully.

“Bwoh? I thought you like?” He asked in a confuse manner.

“I don’t like it. I love it!” She explained giving him a sweet peck on his cheek.

They started giggling again. He leaned his forehead on hers and flashed her a warm smile.

“You are such a cheesy girl Ms. Choi.” He whispered to her.

“Romantically cheesy for you Mr. Lee” She replied in soft voice.

He leaned in as his lips meeting her soft warm lips.

“Shall we take a look at our home, my dear?” He question her.

“I’ll be insulted if we didn’t.” She chuckled as they both entered their new home.

He stood up and sluggishly enter the apartment. He let the fingertips of his right hand brushed lightly the beige colored wall as he walk through the corridor. He went straight to the couch and sat there for a moment staring blankly at the television.

She was sitting on the leathered couch with a book in hand. She suddenly felt something heavy on her lap and saw that it was his head laying there as he too was reading. She smiled at him warmly and unconsciously brushed his hair with her left hand. He smiled at her for sudden yet sweet action.

“Now this is life.” He exclaimed earning him a giggle from her.

“I couldn’t agree more.” She smiled as she leaned in for kiss.

He turned his attention towards the bookshelf – their so called “mini library”. He remembered arranging those books placed there for half a day.

“Let’s put this book here.” She told him.

She placed the hardbound book that she was holding in place.

“Jagiya, you’re too meticulous in arranging our books. We are not building our own Library of Congress here my dear.” He laughingly said as he hand her another book.

“But oppa, this is our mini library. I don’t want our books to be unruly. You know how OC I am when it gets to this kind of things.” She reasoned out.

“I know dear.” He chuckled hugging her from behind.

He stood up and went to her self-proclaimed sanctuary, her study-slash-office room. He leaned against the door frame and eyed the room from left to right. He remembered how she had decorated this room of hers.

“Why do you need to put pictures of your family and us in here again?” He questioned her.

She giggled as she placed a picture of them, hugging and laughing at each other, on the table.

“Cause this room is special to me. So I want everyone special to me in this room.” She explained as she approach him.

“I still don’t get it. You can just call me and presto! Your special someone is in this room.” He pouted.

“How can you be so sweet and cheesy at the same time?” She manage to chuckle out as she pinch his nose.

“Like you said, ‘Romatically cheesy and sweet for you’ Ms. Choi” He giggled hugging her.

He found himself laying on their bed with the picture in the wooden frame place by the night stand on his side of the bed. He stared blankly at the ceiling feeling his tears once more falling from his puffy eyes.

“You weren’t supposed to die.” He murmured.

“I cooked us dinner, bought your favorite chrysanthemum flowers and prepared my special gift. But what happened, you died. You left and broke your promise. I was supposed to propose to you and make you mine forever but I guess you have other plans.”

He grumbled harder than before. He laid on his right side, covered himself with the black and white blanket and hugged his knees under it. He cried himself to sleep still aching for losing her.

--

He was now laying on his back – dead asleep. He was exhausted not only physically but emotionally as well. He was still in anguish and deeply wounded. He hated --no despise this feelings of his. If only she was here – if only she did not die.

He felt something s under their blanket. He gently felt a weight on his waist. He inwardly grumble at the heft on his waist. He planned on putting it away but he only ended up holding to it tighter. He recognizes the thing on his waist – it was her gentle and soft hand. But it was not the same as before. It was somewhat cold but then again, it was still comforting.

He removed the blanket over him with a warm smile plastered on his face. He felt comfortable in her arms. For him, it is her home. Even if she is just a few steps away from her, he felt empty and homeless. That is how obsess and hopeless romantic he is.

“I love you so much” He murmured to her.

“I love you too” She respond in a sweet yet ghostly manner.

He smile even more hearing her reply.

“Stay here and never leave” He murmur once more griping at her hand tighter.

“Not now not ever” She promised as he felt her head resting on his chest.

He frowned hearing her promise. It echoed in his head.

“Not now Not Ever”

He knew for a fact that this is not true – that she broke this promise.

“You left me. You lied!” He whispered in his sleep.

Tears from his eyes started to fall once again. He suddenly sensed aching in his heart. Realizing that she could never have her even in his sleep. It miffed him.

Slowly, her presence disappear. His eyes shot open and look to his left side where she usually slept and where he had just felt her. He wiped his tears with the back of his hand as the other hand touches her side of the bed. Up to now, his heart was still hoping to smell her scent, to feel her warmth, to touch her soft skin and to see her beautiful self. But reality is just so cruel to handle – too cruel.

He hated the reality that he was in. He did not want this at all. He wanted to be with her forever even in the afterlife. Thinking of these things gave him an idea, a solution that would bring end to this madness.

He left the faucet on as he fetch her picture by his night stand. The faucet did its work, filling water in the tub. He slowly dragged his light weight legs back to the bathroom hugging her picture once again. He sat in the tub as excess water pour out of it. He smiled as the warm water felt on his skin. He felt like he was finally home. He looked at her picture and smiled at it. He gave a small peck on her lips in the picture.

“I shall see you soon.” He whispered to her.

And slowly he submerged himself in the water waiting for death to claim him and show him the way to her. He saw his life flash before him from the day he was born down to his agonizing day of losing her. After everything was done, a white bright light flash before him.

“Jagiya, I’m coming for you.” He told himself as the flash shine brighter in seconds’ time.

Author's Note: Not so much for an update right? Hahaha! Sorry if I killed him in the end. I feel like an evil person doing that. This is so not me. I usually right fun and romatic type of fics but recently I've been out of my comfort zone. What is happening to me? O.o Comment your insights about this fic

I still thinking if I should continue this fic further. I already have a story plot in mind. But then again, I'm afraid that I might just post the sequel fic here and no one would read it. *Being Emo right now. ♫ I don't know why... I don't know why... Mr. Taxi ♫ * So help me decide... I'll be making a poll right now. Should I make a multific (sequel) for this or not? Hahaha! *Yay I'm a poll lover!!!*