A/N -- I LOVE WONBIN. Any feelings that seem to be conveyed in this story are merely for the purpose of this story. orz

Also, idk why it won't let me unrate this chapter (probably because of cuss words?) but there's no extremely ual material. Just so you know.

~ ~ ~

"I hate my life."

Every morning on my way to school, I never failed to say this out loud to myself. It was kind of a ritual, like sleeping and eating breakfast in the morning. Wake up, get ready, eat breakfast, remind myself how much I hate life. Maybe someone would hear me eventually. Anyone. But that was a silly thought.

I stomped my foot into a puddle, sending a flurry of water in every direction. Fortunately, all of the water decided to coat my shoe and my pant leg. I cursed inwardly. Smart move, Jaejin.

Hiking my backpack higher up on my shoulders, I trudged along the quiet, moistened sidewalk, sighing as I went. Not only was my entire leg now sopping wet, but it was too late to go home and change into another pair of pants, so I’d have to go through the rest of the morning like this. And, if that wasn’t enough, every step I took was a step toward the worst place on the planet. School.

I hated school. I really did. Though I was good in school, and I was really smart, which meant I got excellent grades. In fact, I was ranked near the top of my school. I guess you could say I had a future. But nonetheless, I hated it. I hated everything about it. The only thing that kept me going was my guitar, my only outlet in the rotten pothole that was my life. And if I didn’t do my schoolwork, according to my parents, then no guitar. So that’s how it went.

I sighed again. I seemed to be doing a lot of sighing then.

I kicked a pebble across the cement and mindlessly watched it tumble and bounce until it slipped into the gutter and out of my sight. Score, I said silently to myself. I stared for a long time at the dead, brown leaves covering the sidewalk, but didn’t step on them because they were all mucky from yesterday’s rain, so there really was no point. Instead, I made a game with myself to avoid stepping on as many as I could. I was doing quite well, maneuvering with skill around the patches of fallen leaves, until a worm caught my eyesight. With an embarrassing yell, I stumbled backwards and stepped on a leaf. I lost.

I shot a glare at the interference. The earthworm just sat there, inching across the pavement, doing its own thing, oblivious to pedestrians and vehicles that might run it over and turn it into roadkill. I looked up at the road in front of me and saw more of its cousins scattered along the ground. Gross. I clicked my tongue. I had learned in school that they do it to find mates. I pitied them. Couldn’t they just do their business while they were in the ground? What a stupid animal.

As I crossed an empty four-way intersection, I glanced to my left. I was surprised when I caught sight of an unfamiliar boy. I had lived here my whole life; I knew almost every person in the entire neighborhood by name and then some, so seeing new faces sparked my curiosity. Subconsciously, I slowed to a stop and watched casually from afar. I could only see his profile, but he was squatting on the ground in the middle of the street, one hand on his knee and the other holding a small stick, which he seemed to be prodding into the ground. He stared attentively, determined. The tip of his tongue peeked out from between his lips. I scrunched my eyebrows curiously. Finally, my eyes traveled downward and fell on the pink, writhing blob on the ground. The boy raised the stick up from the cement, the worm hanging precariously from the end, and as he stood, he flung the worm from the branch and into the strip of grass in front of him. With a satisfied grin, the boy turned away, scanned the road, and walked over to another unfortunate worm.

I stood there in utter confusion. This guy was saving worms? I couldn’t tell if I should've laughed or shook my head in scorn or what. Was he for real? Why was he wasting his time? Shouldn’t he have been in school, anyway? I realized that the ten-minute bell for school to start was about to ring and my classmates were about to shuffle off to their respective classrooms. I really needed to get going if I wanted to make it on time. If I didn’t, the school would probably call my parents and they’d let me have it for sure.

I contemplated it for awhile. Eventually, curiosity got the better of me, and before I knew it, I was walking toward the unknown boy.

I stood above the crouched figure and watched for a couple of seconds as he poked at another worm. I hunched my shoulders and dug my hands into my pockets. “What are you doing?”

The boy, who couldn’t have been much younger nor older than me, paused for a few seconds before looking up with surprised eyes. His eyes were really quite large. Like a deer. It sort of stunned me. As he and I maintained our stare, a big, toothy smile emerged on his face, as if I was the most amusing thing to have walked into his life. But as quickly as it came, it disappeared from my sight when he tilted his head back down to continue what he was doing.

“Rescuing worms,” he answered simply. He rose, the second worm hanging from his stick, and repeated the action of chucking the creature into the grass. He turned and walked away, his wavy brown locks flouncing behind him. “If they stay out here on the road, someone might step on them or run them over.”

A bit of a scoff escaped my throat. He was probably a tree-hugger of some sort. It amused me that, just a few minutes ago, I had been thinking about how much I pitied the worms, and now this guy was out here helping them. I walked to catch up with the boy who was squatting in front of yet another worm. My inquisitiveness was boiling. I watched for another few seconds or so, my heart racing for reasons I couldn’t explain.

“There’s really no point, you know. They all die, anyway. You can’t save them all.”

I let out a huff. There. What could he say to that? The boy slowly stood and faced me, who turned out to be much taller than I had expected. Suddenly, I regretted saying my words so harshly. Why was I antagonizing this guy, anyway? With our sudden close proximity, I now had a chance to really see what he looked like. I glanced him over. The large eyes that seemed so gentle somehow. The thin, mauve lips that curved so easily into a smile even after my curt remark. The way his whole face brightened when he revealed his white teeth. I gulped.

“Everything and everyone deserves to be happy, even if we all die eventually. And if I can be a part of that happiness, then I’m happy.”

I stood unwavering, still as a rock. While the power of his words were still sinking in, the boy proceeded to prod me with the tip of the stick, which had probably come into contact with who knows how many worms, and trotted away. “Be positive!”

I couldn’t register what he’d just done, and the fact that I’d just been blatantly disproven. And he was defending worms. Worms. Yet, my heart was beating incredibly loud. There was an unnatural mix of feelings in my heart; I felt guilty, yet my heart seemed to be softening towards this guy. This was too weird.

As I stood there, the brief glimpse of a thought crossed my mind: I might be in the presence of something much greater than what I had originally bargained for.

Without thinking, I dropped my backpack and bounded in the direction of the scattered trees on the other side of the road. I sifted through the muddle of leaves and dirt and debris until I found what I was searching for -- a stick. I hurried back to the boy, who was now staring back at me skeptically, and stopped in front of the pink, slimy creature. I squatted, stared at it for awhile, and then glanced up at the boy. His eyes were as large as saucers.

“Let me help.”

A smile formed on his lips. In my mind, I could see dreary black and white erupting into vibrant shades of color.

---

“I’m Song Seunghyun. Nice to meet you!”

His words still repeated incessantly in my mind as I snuck briskly into the high school building. Another two years in this dump, I thought routinely. I never failed to say it to myself every time I entered it. But right after, my mind went right back to Song Seunghyun.

He and I spent a good forty-five minutes working out there on the road that morning. We didn’t talk a lot, but from our few conversations, I learned a little bit about him. Seunghyun was homeschooled, and only recently moved here with his family. He was a year younger than me. We both loved music and played guitar. He was simple with his words, and liked to joke and poke fun at things. I couldn’t stop myself from being intrigued by him. I caught myself smiling again.

Without warning, the school bell rung, startling me from my thoughts. Then the reality of the situation hit me. I groaned. Great. Now my parents would definitely know I missed class. I rubbed my forehead in frustration. The more people that filed out of the classrooms, the more annoyed with myself I got. Well, no use getting hung up on it, I told myself as I pushed my way through the now crowded hallway.

As I shoved my way past my peers, I could feel the looks people shot at me. I could almost hear the hushed murmurs, the whispers of unexplainable scorn and distaste from people I wasn't even sure I knew. I simply walked on, eyes aimed forward. I was nearly numb to it now. After withstanding a year of this, it wasn't surprising that I had built up a sort of immunity.

I hadn't asked for this. Well, maybe I had, kinda. I guess that was what happened when you tried to stand up to the elites. The first week of high school, I refused to give up my seat for the jocks because, hey, guess what, I was there first. Of course, they couldn't handle not getting what they wanted, and the rumors spread, and that was that. No one wanted to talk to the short, quiet kid that was apparently a rude douchebag. I honestly could not fathom people. They believed whatever crap was thrown their way as long as it came from the guys with all the power. It was sickening, really. But I couldn't do much about it now. I'd learned my lesson. What's done is done, as they say.

Just as I reached my locker, I felt someone grab hold of the sides of my backpack. I already knew who it was. I let him slam my bag into the metal lockers, sending me careening with it, as he did almost every day. I didn't even bother to glance up -- I had memorized Wonbin's menacing smile too long ago.

"Sorry, you were in the way," he mumbled before giving me a hard pat on the cheek and sauntering off. Aftershocks of minor kicks to my feet and backpack shoves from Wonbin's posse came for a couple more seconds, and when their disgusting laughter finally receded, I exhaled a breath I didn't know I had been holding. I proceeded to open my locker. I bit the inside of my mouth. The slap stung a little more today than I thought it would have. 

I piled my textbooks into my locker one by one and shut the locker door softly, and as I walked away, I thought of Seunghyun again. A weak smile somehow managed to find its way to my lips. 

---

The next day, I was a little grumpy. I’d never once skipped class, so the night before my parents really let me have it. Normally when my parents scolded me, I basically tuned them out. I stared at their moving lips and pretended I was listening, but their incomprehensible words passed right through my ears. Nothing they said ever really mattered, anyway. I always stared off into space and let my mind wander to other irrelevant things, like how nasty the cafeteria food was that day, or how much I was craving a good beef soup, or how I really needed to buy new shoes. This time, it was guitar chords. I hadn’t written a new song in awhile, but for some reason, I was feeling inspired again, and ideas were pouring rapid-fire into my brain. After they announced the verdict, I nodded and marched up to my room, shut the door behind me, and attempted to scrawl out chords and lyrics in a tattered notebook.

I left for school earlier than usual. It hadn’t rained the night before, so there weren’t any worms on the ground, although the grass was still slick with morning dew. I wondered if he’d be outside, then? I started walking faster. I crossed my fingers, but then I realized that was a very girlish thing to do, so I forced my hands into my jean pockets and crossed them in secrecy. When I reached the four-way intersection, I in a breath. I closed my eyes, waited a couple of seconds, and peeked to the left. And, just as I had hoped, Seunghyun was there. A smile I hadn’t anticipated creeped up to my lips. I walked toward him, and when he saw me, that grin I’d been thinking about since the day before appeared.

“Hi Jaejin,” he greeted.

“Hi.” I looked down to see what he was in the process of doing. He was bent over, squatting in front of the grass, but no stick in hand. “What are you doing now?”

“Watching a caterpillar,” he said innocently. I still couldn’t grasp this guy. He wasn’t like anyone I’d ever met. No one I knew sat around watching a caterpillar, let alone so early in the morning. But different was good. I liked different.

“What are you doing?” he asked, putting emphasis on “you”.

“Walking to school, I guess.”

“Fun. You do that every day?”

“Yup,” I sighed. Then, I smirked. “Speaking of which, you made me late for school yesterday.”

Seunghyun smirked back. “You’re the one who chose to help me.”

I pouted. “That’s true,” I replied, and Seunghyun laughed

There was a brief lull in our conversation. I gulped nervously. The words I’d been wanting to say since yesterday, although I really didn’t mean to say them, slipped out of my mouth like a wet soap bar from my hands. “So... wanna hang out after school?”

My palms grew sweaty. Why the hell were my palms getting sweaty? Seunghyun simply stared at me for what seemed a couple of minutes. I gulped again. Damn it. Cool yourself, Jaejin.

Finally, Seunghyun’s smile grew bigger and his eyes lit up. “Really?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay,” Seunghyun agreed excitedly. My whole body rushed in a strange giddiness that made me feel like jumping around and dancing with joy. “But you’d better go. Don’t wanna make you late for school again.”

“Oh, you’re right,” I gasped. I glanced at my watch. Five minutes until class started. My eyes widened. I immediately booked it in the direction for school as fast as I could, but take a second to turn around and wave goodbye to Seunghyun. He was laughing at me. “See you then!”

I forgot to recite my ritual "I hate my life" speech that morning.

---

And so began a spontaneous, fateful friendship I didn't see coming.

Seunghyun and I met same time, same place the next day. And the next day. And the day after that, until it became routine. Every day after school without fail, I found Seunghyun outside of his house. Most of the time he was just sitting there, or sometimes he was poking at worms or bugs or other things again, but he always waited for me. And as soon as I would see that bright smile, whatever terrible things that had happened to me at school that day were obliterated, and with him, I couldn't not smile back. Every time he smiled, I felt like dancing.

We would do a lot of things together, but most of the time, we walked out to this open, grassy field that Seunghyun and I discovered. We would lay down in the middle of it and simply talk. Or sometimes, we didn't even talk. We just sat there in the comfort or our own silence, acknowledging each other's presence, and that was fine, too.

I would tell him about school. About the tedious homework. About the students that did nothing but spread and absorb rumors, like hundreds of oversized bacteria. About Wonbin and his little jock posse, and his stupid satisfied grin that appeared every time he shoved me into the lockers -- "I mean, who finds satisfaction in that, anyway?" I would say. I didn't forget to leave out the teachers that didn't do squat to stop it. And of course, my parents, the ones who couldn't give a about anything having to do with me unless it had to do with my schooling. I couldn't leave them out. I basically told him how much I hated everything. It was like venting my feelings out to a psychiatrist; Seunghyun was my metaphorical punching bag, in a way. And it was a relief, having someone to tell things to and not having them judge you, only nodding simply and adding their input here and there.

Seunghyun, on the other hand, was completely opposite -- he only talked about happy things. Stuff like how beautiful things were, how great it was to be alive, a bunch of corny crap. He asked confusing and unanswerable questions like, "how big is the sky?", and what-if questions like, "if you could say one thing to one person before you die, what would you say?". I always silently wondered why he talked about things like this so much. When I finally did ask, he pondered for awhile, hands clasped behind his head and bright eyes to the sky. “You never know when you’re going to die, right? For all we know, I could die tomorrow,” he said. Continuing to scan the clouds, he grinned. “That’s why I keep a positive outlook on everything and try to live life to the fullest, focus on how great it is to just live. We only get one life to live. You know?” he questioned, transfixing his gaze to me. Those eyes and words never failed to get my heart racing.

“Yeah,” I said.

We soon moved our ventures indoors with the changing seasons. Then our time together consisted of video games, watching silly, mindless videos on YouTube, and my personal favorite, listening to Seunghyun play acoustic guitar. It was extraordinary, like the instrument was created just for him. It sent my mind into another world, a world where school and parents and Wonbin didn't exist, and it was only music and damp roads and grassy fields and Seunghyun. I showed him the music I had written, and he would close his eyes and smile every time I played for him. I liked to think we were in that same perfect world when we listened to each other play.

With every strum that filled the air, and every corny joke and hushed whisper and laugh that tickled my ears, I fell a step harder for Seunghyun, and deeper and deeper into this mess I'd knowingly paved for myself.

---

"Hey. Is that casserole?"

I looked up from my rice bowl and my eyes met a vibrant mess of color-streaked hair, which I immediately knew belonged to none other than Kim Kibum. Without another word, he cozied up onto the bench and sat himself next to me, tossing his lunchbag with a thud on the tabletop. I couldn't hide my vain little smile whenever he came. At least someone liked to sit with me during lunch.

Kibum was my only real "friend" at school, if you could call it that. We were both social outcasts, the "weird" ones (although if I had a say between the two of us, Kibum was clearly the weirder one). Since that day near the beginning of the year when Kibum, clad in suspenders and combat boots, wandered over to my solitary cafeteria table and began eating without even bothering to introduce himself, we had established a sort of unspoken agreement. It was a strange friendship, but of course, I was grateful for it. He was a decent guy. But it didn't help that about half the time, he seemed to disappear from the face of the earth. He was kind of like a cat -- you never knew his whereabouts, and there was no telling when he'd decide to show up.

"Yeah. You want some?"

Kibum already had his plastic fork dug all up in my casserole before I could receive a verbal answer. I sighed.

"Did you finish your bio homework yet?" Key asked, mouth full of food.

"Of course," I replied, joining him in the eating of my casserole. "You didn't?"

Kibum scoffed, pushing his thick-rimmed faux glasses higher up his face. "Please. Where I'm going, there's no need for science."

"You mean the circus?"

Kibum made an appalled face at my lame joke. I had to laugh -- joking around about Kibum's passionate desire of becoming a fashion designer never grew old to me. Kibum turned to his lunch and began opening his own sack, a fragment of a suppressed smile apparent on his lips. "Hilarious."

I grinned as I popped a spoonful of lunch into my own mouth. I briefly thought of Seunghyun as I ate. I wondered what he was doing right now? Was he sitting around being a lazy couch potato? The thought made me want to chuckle. Or maybe he was practicing his guitar. I had showed him this song I liked and practically begged him to learn it, and he--

"Jaejin. Wanna hang out this weekend?"

I blinked a couple of times and returned to reality. "Huh?"

Kibum made an obvious show of rolling his eyes. "God, you are such an airhead." I blushed.

"Do you want to hang out this weekend?" He articulated slowly.

"Oh," I breathed. Just as I was about to consider the offer, Seunghyun galloped into my thoughts again. He was gesturing to me in my mind, beckoning me to come along with him into his perfect little world where badness didn't exist, calling out my name incessantly, smiling that smile, eyeing me with those eyes--

"Sorry, kinda busy this weekend. Maybe next?" Now Seunghyun was pouting. He was practically begging for me. "... Or maybe the week after?"

Key scowled. "Ugh, you're unbelievable. We haven't hung out in weeks."

I shrugged. What could I do? I was weak under Seunghyun's hypnotic power.

After school, I trudged down the steps of the school building passed peers and teachers. Wonbin and his gang glowered in my direction, but as always, I ignored them smoothly. At first it really stung the way they bullied me, though as time went on, I numbed up. But reflecting on before I knew Seunghyun up until now, it was a different kind of immunity. Before, it was more like a blanket. Now, it was like a brick wall. I knew who I had to thank for that. As I approached the school gate, I heard the faintest "Jaejin" coming from my right. Curious, I glanced over. There stood Seunghyun. I could feel my entire face erupt with excitement as I ran toward him, ignoring all the soppy puddles from yesterday's rain I accidentally stepped into.

"Seunghyun! What are you doing here?" I questioned. I was still smiling a big goofy smile. Nobody had spontaneously picked me up from school like this in years.

Seunghyun's grin was just as wide. "I thought I would start walking you home now. You know, gotta protect you from bullies," Seunghyun said, punching the air in demonstration. I laughed, saying "stop, that's embarrassing". I pressed my shoulder into his own and continued down the path to my house, Seunghyun following next to me. "Plus, it's boring at home, you know? Nothing exciting goes on there."

"You're kidding, right? What I'd do to sit at home and avoid all these idiots," I said with disdain. "You should be glad you don't go to public school."

Seunghyun frowned. "At least you're surrounded by people here. All I've known is my family and a couple of friends who've come and went. We're always moving around, so we gave up on public school a long time ago. It’s very lonely."

I listened, absorbing every word. It wasn't often Seunghyun decided talk about his own troubles, and frankly it was strange to hear. Normally he just listened to me and helped me with my problems; he seemed to like it better that way. A brief silence ensued. I kicked a stray rock in the sidewalk path. "We're really opposite, you know. I just want to be alone all of the time, and you always want to be with people. And I'm always angry while you're always happy. I hate things, you like things."

Seunghyun smirked. "Do you like me?" Seunghyun asked facetiously. I scowled at him, and he chuckled. "Well, you know what they say, 'opposites attract' and all."

I nodded in understanding.

"At least we have each other," Seunghyun mumbled in sarcastic disgust. I shot a facetious glare in his direction.

“Excuse me? What’s with the tone?”

“Huh? What tone?”

“Don’t play with me, Seunghyun, I heard a tone.”

“I swear, I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

The sounds of our laughter followed us all the way home, filling the wispy autumn air.

Seunghyun walked me home every day from then on, and things went on like this for a couple of weeks. I didn't know how it occurred, but suddenly, my whole life was starting to look up. I was doing great in school; my relationship with my parents was miraculously improving; Wonbin and his posse were leaving me along to a relative degree; overall, I felt sincerely happy. I couldn't pinpoint the last time I had felt so content.

It was mid-November, two months since that rainy day I discovered Seunghyun picking up worms from the streets. The air had gone from crisp and welcoming to menacingly chilly. I met Seunghyun outside the school gate, as usual. He was adorned in a black winter coat and jeans. He had his back leaned against the gate as he stared upward to the sky, like something brilliant would fall from it. When he heard my footsteps, I waved at him, and he looked down and waved back. My heart skipped a beat. As usual. We greeted each other and began walking, updating one another on each other's boring days, puffs of steam released into the air with each word and chuckle that left our lips. I noticed that every minute or so, Seunghyun would steal a glance to the gray-blanketed sky above. I followed his eyes upward. "What do you keep looking at?"

"The news said it would snow today. I can't tell if they're lying or not."

"Hm." I hunched my shoulders upward in thought. "I never trust the news."

Seunghyun laughed. "Why? What else is there to trust? They're all we've got."

"No," I argued with the wag of my index finger, "you can always trust your instinct."

"No you can't. Your instinct is terrible."

"What? No, it's not!"

"Yeah, remember that time you said we should go swimming because it looked like it would sunny, and it ended up raining so hard that the pool nearly flooded?"

A hot blush creeped up my cheeks. "Okay, that was one time," I mumbled sheepishly.

Suddenly, Seunghyun leaned in dangerously close and met me face to face with an amused grin. I flinched. "Why are you blushing so much? It's not that embarrassing," he says with a chuckle.

His comment heightened my already simmering embarrassment ten fold. I started mercilessly picking away at a hangnail.

As I was staring at my fingers, a white flake drifted silently into my palm and melted away within a second. My eyes widened. Several more followed quickly after it. Seunghyun and I lifted our heads in unison and we stared at one another. We didn't have to say anything in order to know what the other was thinking. Our smiles quickly awakened.

We both stood in unison and dashed into the middle of the road as we yelled in joy. We tipped our heads backward to face the oncoming snowflakes, tongues dangling excitedly from our mouths.

"Alright, Seunghyun. You win this time."

"Don't I always?"

I smirked as I bumped Seunghyun with my shoulder. I ran off into the direction of our grassy field, and Seunghyun followed quickly after.

After the snow finally built up, we sprawled out into the grass and attempted to create snow angels. Then we decided to pelt each other with crumbly snowballs. They weren’t the greatest, but we giggled and screamed our hearts out anyways. I finally gave up and started running toward Seunghyun, ignoring the incoming snowballs being hoarded my way. He screamed as I tackled him to the ground, hollering in victory. I rolled off of him and we spread out on our backs. We laid there on the snow-kissed grass, a mess of uncontrollable laughter. My sides felt like they might split from laughing so hard. We sat in silence as we took a breather and listened to our laughter and panting die away into the chilly autumn wind.

Finally, I sat up and propped myself up with my hands behind my back, Seunghyun following a little bit after me. I took in the vast expanse of trees and roads and homes in front of me and beyond. It was like peering at the ground from a skyscraper. Everything seemed so small up here, so fragile. I felt powerful. Seunghyun sighed quietly next to me. I glanced at the boy at my side. He was staring out into the distance with those big eyes again, a sort of peaceful contentedness to them. I took him in. His disheveled, snow-dotted hair, his winter-bitten cheeks and nose. My heart raced faster than ever, and a strange feeling bubbled inside of me.

I stared down at his lips. Pink from the cold, curved upward in that infamous smile.

My breath caught in my throat. I gulped. I think Seunghyun could sensed it because I saw his shoulder muscles tighten. I couldn’t look him in the eyes. 

Seunghyun's Adam's Apple bobbed up and down. I wondered what he was feeling. I wondered if it was the same as what I was feeling.

For two seconds, I let my mind wander. In my daydream, I took the chance. I placed my hand on his. I shut my eyes, took in a shaky breath, and leaned in. I kissed him. All of the emotions I'd kept hidden collided and exploded all in this one moment. Seunghyun's lips were on mine. They were smooth and surprisingly warm. They were just how I'd imagined they would be.

I returned my gaze back to the view ahead of us, ending the daydream. All I could concentrate on was the highly distracting pounding in my brain and the high of a missed opportunity.

"What is it?" Seunghyun began slowly, speaking with caution as if the words were made of glass and would shatter if not careful enough. I could imagine the wild fire in his eyes boring into my face.

My mind whirled in a dizzying tornado of confused emotions and things I could say and things I could do. I could feel the heat sizzling my ears as it traveled to my cheeks. I attempted to swallow again.

"I like you. I really like you."

I held my breath. I wasn’t sure I wanted to stay to hear his response. More than anything, I wanted to get up and run away from the whole situation.

I glanced up at Seunghyun's eyes. To my astonishment, those large eyes began to soften. He returned his gaze to the view ahead of us. I followed suit. After a time, I heard Seunghyun's lips part slightly.

"I like you, too."

I watched as a reddish tint crept up his own cheeks, causing mine to burn twice as red. A scoff escaped his throat, and not long after, we were both doubling over in spontaneous, unabashed laughter.

It was an embarrassingly laughable situation, really.

I couldn't have smiled a bigger smile in my entire existence.

---

For the next few days, I walked through school in a daze, like a big fluffy transparent cloud surrounded my head. All I could do was smile. I smiled as I walked into school, smiled at teachers I despised, smiled at the students who previously frowned upon me. I completely failed to notice their confused glances and stares. My happiness was impenetrable. 

I had probably been standing with my head nearly inside my locker for a good minute daydreaming about yesterday. I played back every action, smile, and feeling. I engrained Seunghyun's blushing face into my mind. I chuckled. I wondered briefly how insane I looked in this moment, but that was completely pushed back by my recurring reveries.

A thunderous slap against the metal locker snapped me abruptly from my thoughts. Stunned, I glanced to my right. Wonbin stared back at me, a familiar twitch at the ends of his lips. My spine chilled.

"Jaejin," he drawled, picking a few pieces of invisible lint from my shirt, then giving me a couple weak strikes to my cheeks. I glared, adamant. "How've you been kid?"

I remained silent. The two-minute bell chimed, and students hustled to their classes. Seunghyun returned to my mind again, which calmed my nerves a bit.

"So what were you smiling at? You seem disgustingly happy nowadays." 

"I am."

Wonbin made an obvious show of raising his eyebrows. He scoffed, eyes darting around the nearly empty school hallways. Then, he leaned in, the smirk bleeding wider across his face. "Who's that tall, lanky kid who keeps picking you up from school, huh? Is he your boyfriend? Hm? Are you gay, Jaejin?" 

That was the final string he needed to break before I snapped altogether. Heat drained from my ears and to my fists as they clenched even tighter. One swift punch to the abdomen, just one, and I would--

"Hey! You two get to class!" a teacher hissed. We maintained our glaring contest for a moment longer. "Now!"

I turned away first. I had to. Seunghyun wouldn't want me to harm Wonbin. I had to do it for Seunghyun.

"See you after school, Jaejin."

I choked down the nervous lump in my throat.

All throughout the day, I walked with a new kind of daze hanging over me. A foreboding, hopeless one. And as I exited through the school gates that afternoon and felt the glares of Wonbin and his posse burning into the back of my head, I knew this meeting would be pivotal.

As we strayed farer and farer from the school and into the nearly desolate backway to my house, the thumping of my heart continued to increase. I gulped over and over again, tried to keep my chin up high while trying not to hyperventilate. Wonbin and his gang's footsteps sounded behind me along with exclaims of ridicule and the sound of their sneering.

Seunghyun entered my thoughts once again.

I clenched my fists. I could do this. I needed to do this. Blood rushed to my head. Seunghyun, be there for me. With a final intake of breath, I spun myself around. 

"Shut up."

Wonbin's face, previously deadpan, developed a vengeful countenance. An unsettling silence blanketed us. Slowly he barred his teeth in a smile, arm muscles tightened, and approached me. I lost the ability to breathe, but continued to stand firm. 

"What was that?"

I paused for a moment, collected myself, and spoke. "You know what Wonbin, I'm done. I'm done. I am done with your harrassing me all the time, and your pushing me around. Because guess what? For the first time in awhile, I'm really happy. Nothing you can say or do will do anything to me anymore. In fact, it stopped affecting me a long time ago. So just give it up already."

My mind spun from the high of the moment. I breathed heavily. I'd done it. I'd stood up to Wonbin. Had I said the right thing?

To my surprise, Wonbin's smile returned.

"This has to do with that lanky kid that's been picking you up after school, doesn't it? Your little boyfriend?"

Color drained from my face. Wonbin's gang murmured to themselves. Now he was full-on laughing.

"You're right, Jaejin," Wonbin said after a bout of blood-curdling laughter. No. "We should give it up. Because it's obvious who we need to go after now."

I began to tremble. No. They couldn't. I couldn't let them.

"I bet he lives in this direction, doesn't he?" Wonbin looked to his posse. "Let's go. We're gonna find an ugly, tall, lanky kid. Shouldn't be too hard--"

"No!"

The next few seconds were a blur. The sudden swing of a fist, the wrenching sound of skin slamming into skin, a groan, a few hushed gasps, a throbbing rack of reddened knuckles. I looked to my clenched hand, then to Wonbin. My heart pounded a million miles an hour. Wonbin, grasping his injured jaw, slowly turned his head to me, revealing a terrifyingly fierce and uncharacteristic frown. I stood, unwavering. He leaned in dangerously close, breathing out cold vengeance with every exhale.

"What is it that you want, Jaejin? First you say "leave me alone", now this. What'll it be, Jaejin?"

I thought of Seunghyun. I thought of our perfect little world, and I thought of his smile, and his voice, and I thought of everything he had done for me. I was doing this for him. In my mind, Seunghyun was grinning at me, laughing.

You'll be okay.

A spontaneous smile erupted on my lips. 

"Take me."

Silence. Finally, Wonbin looked away in scorn. "Beat him up."

I'll be okay. I'll be okay. I'll be okay. In the seconds before their fists smashed into me, before the kicking and the pain, before the blood, I felt nothing but peace with myself. Nothing but satisfaction. I closed my eyes.

---

I dragged my broken, tattered self across the sidewalk. Every limp sent a gut-wrenching jolt of pain throughout my whole body, every breath a stab to my lungs. Nothing was broken, fortunately, though every part of my body screamed.

But I smiled. Not physically, but mentally. My heart was smiling, cheesy as that sounds. I was immensily happy, and proud of myself.

I'd sacrificed myself for the sake of someone else. I'd accepted fists and slaps and kicks because I cared about someone else's life over my own. How many people in the world could say they'd done that?

I lugged myself straight to Seunghyun's house, gradually growing numb to the biting pain, ignoring my near inability to breathe. As I turned into Seunghyun’s street, I caught sight of his head of wavy hair walking out the front door, trash bag slung over a shoulder. My physical smile grew. My eyes suddenly began to well, and I limped to him, mumbling choked "Seunghyun, Seunghyun"s as I went.

He finally heard my calls and spun his head in my direction. I smiled, lifting a hand painfully. His eyes immediately widened at the sight of me. 

"Jaejin!" Dumbfounded, he dropped the trash bag ungracefully behind him and ran hurriedly toward me. Though I shook uncontrollably, I smiled, and even chuckled. 

"I'm okay, Seunghyun, I'm okay," I struggled out, still shaking, still laughing. He was in full-on panic mode, spewing out incoherent words and questions, hesitating whether to touch my arm or help me in fear of hurting me, and I continued to laugh through the tears building in my eyes. "I'm fine, I'm happy."

Seunghyun's own wide eyes began to tear up. "You're... what happened..."

"I, Seunghyun, I," I began, now muttering in a confused and exhilarated jumble as I clung to Seunghyun's shirt, "I stood up to Wonbin. I did it. And I did it to protect you, and it was great, and I... and I'm glad you're okay, and--"

I broke, and decided crying into Seunghyun's shirt would suffice. Seunghyun was crying too, and he embraced me and we fell into the grass, and we were one big mess, although I was the obviously messier half, but I was content there in Seunghyun's arms. In pain, but content. I let myself cry long and hard into his chest while continuing to tell him how happy I was. Seunghyun calmed me with shushes and soothing murmurs of "it's okay", "I'm really proud", only making me cry louder. We sat there in the grass, rocking slowly back and forth in each other's arms, my mix of sobs and choked laughter carrying into the silent night air.

As I quieted down, and I stopped thinking about Wonbin and everything that had happened, he led me into his home to help me bandage myself. Though I had no clue what the future held, or what was for certain and what wasn't, I could finally say I felt safe from everything. Free. Happy. It was all over for the meantime, and I'd withstood the worst of it. I was safe as long as I had Seunghyun.

No one and nothing could hurt me anymore.

~ ~ ~

A/N --

Wow I meant to finish this entire story a week ago but I didn't realize it would take so long orz ;; omg it's only the first part kill me

I didn't realize this would be so angsty and long LOL but I hope you like it?? ;v; 

Second part will be done within a few days if school doesn't whoop my (I have a four-day weekend this week so \o/)