Return
Fantasizing
The scene was reverentially peaceful, sparkling gems of snow glistening as they cascaded to the ground from the sky studded with pulsing diamonds, dim light bestowed upon their path by the moon above. A pair walked the isolated streets, shielded from the snow by the umbrella held in his hands. The man twisted his head to the side, capturing her beauty in his eyes as they walked side by side, feet crunching on the snow and leaves frozen by ice. He urged to link his hand with hers, which plunged into her pockets like weights, disappointment evident on his face from the lost opportunity.
He heaved a sigh, his frozen breath visible as it appeared before him in a cloud of pure white. It became awfully awkward between them, tension and anxiety for both, as they pass the park, the laughter and cries of joy and excitement missing. A single snowdrop landed on her shoulder, running down the length of her coat as she pondered over what to say next in subdued silence. She silently moved an inch closer to him, hoping her actions had gone unnoticed as she inhaled the subtle scent of his cologne. Glancing at him from the corner of her eye even his side profile was irresistibly handsome: his thick-lined, strong jaw, defined cheekbones, and luscious lips. He was capable of stealing the hearts of many.
She returned to her senses almost immediately as he froze in his steps. An artic breeze washed over them from the north, a shiver running up her spine, body trembling from the extent of the cold. It wasn’t until a moment later that she realised that they were in front of her own home, the gate creaking as the wind blew it back and forth, whistling as it rustled the leaves of the trees nearby.
The girl turned to him briefly, nodding her head in thanks before she quickly scurried home with no words being said. Her bag swung from side to side, the contents dangerously capable of spilling onto the ground. Reluctantly, he left in defeat, sceptical about whether or not she had enjoyed their evening together. He twisted his body in the opposite direction and headed home, his weight shifting from foot to foot as he paced himself forward. Choosing to distract himself from his feelings of disappointment and despair, his mind wandered aimlessly through different thoughts.
His next movement was halted by the sudden grasp on his arm, an unnaturally pale hand, red at the tips of the slender fingers. Slowly, he turned his head in a 65 degree turn, waves of sandy brown locks visible in his line of sight. Her eyes glistened with hope as her painted lips brushed across his cheek before she disappeared once again on a good note. The corners of his lips turned upwards, a smile playing at them as his cheeks flushed to a bright red in fervent burning.
Nichkhun shot up from the bed, beads of sweat hanging on his temples as his breaths quickened. He lifted his hands and pressed them upon his face, running them down his body, ensuring whether or not he was in reality or the land of his dreams. Almost immediately he squeezed his eyelids closed, blinding his visions once more as he willed to return to his dream, not wanting to miss the opportunity in place. She had finally returned. He didn’t want to let her go again.
He found himself unable to return to sleep, tossing and turning restlessly as the sun rose in the distance, allowing light into his apartment from the gaps between the off-white curtains hung from the rails. Slowly rising from the bed, he sauntered to the bathroom, burying his face in his hands as the vast amounts of intoxicating alcohol he had consumed the night before finally took its toll on his body. A sickening feeling sat in the pit of his stomach.
His eyes shot open with the assistance of the ice cold water splashed onto his face as he reminisced over what happened the previous night. He questioned how he had managed to return to his apartment, realising he was in the same clothes. Wrinkling his nose in disgust at the stench of alcohol which hung on his clothes, he tore them from this body and into the pile of laundry he had to make time to attend to.
“You’re going to be late for work again,” the voice of his annoying roommate announced as Nichkhun rushed past him, snatching his briefcase from the kitchen table. It had become like a routine every morning. He would awake late, rush to get ready and then be late for work for the millionth time. Someday he wished that this would change - get a new alarm clock to wake him or wake to the beautiful, sparkling eyes of his mystery girl as if she was real.
“I don’t know why you bother to tell me that every morning since it’s pretty obvious that I know I’m late,” Nichkhun answered, referring to his clumsily buttoned shirt longer on one side than the other. He brushed his hand through his dishevelled, chocolate brown tufts of hair, adjusting his tie with his free hand. Proceeding to the front door, he noticed from the corner of his eye beer bottles strewn along the floor by the bin, probably in his possession the night prior.
The keys jingled as he lifted his hand, inserting the key to open the door, only to find that it was the wrong one he had chosen. Heaving a sigh, he processed by inserting key by key until finding the correct one, another few minutes added to the current time that he was late, seconds ticking by quickly on his wristwatch. He cursed his lack of organisation and tidiness as he rushed out of the door, fumbling through his pockets in order to find his car keys.
He was 27 years old, unmarried, single and unhappy. Seeing her was his only escape in life.
*****
“So then I said to him, ‘Don’t worry about it since she’ll probably say Yes’ and then he grabbed all of his stuff saying that he needed to pick up a dozen more roses in the scenario that she doesn’t like the bouquet he already bought her,” Minho explained, the glass of wine in his hand swung around carelessly, specks of liquid dripping from the edge onto the table. Nichkhun felt his body turn green in envy, jealousy towards his friends who had their happily ever afters. He attempted to suppress these feelings by closing his eyes, inhaling and exhaling calmly until he returned to serenity.
Minho had been happily married for one and a half years to Kwon Yuri, one of Nichkhun’s own previous girlfriends who he’d dated in high school, and the couple were expecting their first child in the matter of 2 more months. She’d stumbled across their party of friends in a club, chatting animatedly with Nichkhun until she brought herself to Minho’s tender curiosity and attention. Nichkhun introduced them Minho’s favour and from that moment he was solely responsible for their bonding, as if he was cupid in disguise. Taecyeon was a different situation, ‘accidentally’ sending the basketball in Yoona’s direction for a chance to speak to the girl who he had been watching from afar for many weeks. He planned on proposing to Yoona that evening.
“Well you’re being awfully quiet tonight. Aren’t you going to say something?” Minho asked due to Nichkhun’s lack of conversation. He was staring into the distance, focusing his entire attention on an idea or an object which was not clear to Minho’s eyes. He watched Nichkhun’s actions carefully, eyebrow raised in curiosity. His face went blank as he tried to conjure up a reason for the lost Nichkhun, so silent it was as though he wasn’t even there. Invisible. Unlike his normal self
“Huh? What? Did you say something?” he shook his head from the thoughts in his mind, returning to reality.
“What’s up with you tonight? All you’ve done is nod, you haven’t said anything.”
“She came back last night. We were walking together and she kissed me,” Nichkhun said, cupping his chin in his palm as he supported the weight of his head with his hand. The scene played over and over like a movie clip, picturesque and beautiful which sent a heart-fluttering sensation running through his veins. Minho rolled his eyes, the tone of Nichkhun’s voice almost too familiar that it was evident who he was thinking about. Time and time again, Nichkhun had spoken about her. Time and time again, Minho grew bored of hearing the exact story, the girl who was just so perfect in every single way.
“She? Who’s she? You’ve got a girlfriend!” Yuri questioned as she strode towards them from the kitchen, resting herself on the chair next to him, overhearing their conversation and curious to know more. She nudged him in the ribs with her elbow, requesting for him to continue with a reassuring smile playing the muscles of her face. A laugh escaped from Minho’s lips, infuriating Nichkhun as the sound travelled to his ears.
“He doesn’t have girlfriend. ‘She’ doesn’t even exist,” Nichkhun sent him a look of distaste as Minho’s guffaws continued in disbelief, making a mockery out of him. It felt as though he had been stabbed in the heart by the one he had thought of his best friend, unbelieving of his words.
He had no evidence to prove her existence. He had no evidence to prove that she didn’t exist. Perhaps she was out there somewhere, unsuccessful in her search for him. If fate wanted them together, then someday h would be with her just not at that exact moment. In each dream she was being gradually revealed like pieces of a puzzle which needed to be connected before she would show herself.
“She exists in my dreams. She has been in them countless numbers of times. She’s real to me,” Nichkhun murmured soundlessly as Yuri watched him attentively. She rested her hand on his shoulder reassuringly as if she too believed that his ‘Dream Girl’ was real. Optimistic about life, she believed wishes were what made people the way they were and without them they would become pessimistic about life, feeling despair about all existence.
“I should go. I don’t want to be late for work tomorrow. Thanks for dinner, Yuri,” he smoothed down his shirt as he leapt up from the chair. A wave of guilt came over Minho’s face as he watched Nichkhun pace himself out of the room, glancing at him from the corner of his eye while Yuri gently pat him on the back. He questioned the severity and harshness of his words in his thoughts, knowing that Nichkhun had to have a reality check. His ‘Dream Girl’ would never exist.
Aloha! Just wanted to put a chapter since I want this to be a two-shot. My ideas aren't completely laid out and I kind of want some feedback so I know how to finish.
Thanks for reading and don't hesitate to write a comment,
love from coolgirlaamy
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