Blinding pain.

The last thing he remembers is his mother’s protective arms around him.

When Sandeul next woke up, he was in a room filled with white. He opened his eyes and instantly felt pain hitting him. He leaned back, softly as he tried to move. His whole body felt heavy, and his mind felt clouded for unknown reasons, making him wonder what could have happened. He tried to recall the previous events but to no avail; it was making his head throb in pain.

“Sandeul?” he turned when he heard someone call his name, and the next thing he knew he was in the Arms of his father who hugged him tightly. “You’re awake…thank God” the man whispered softly. They stayed like that for almost a full minute, and even though it was starting to hurt, Sandeul just let the older man hold him. He felt like they needed this, even if he can’t fully remember why at the moment. The man was smiling when he let go and sat down beside his hospital bed. “How are you feeling? Are you hungry? Do you want me to call the Doctors?”

Sandeul shook his head; he was just tired…his eyes were starting to drop again. He looked around, wondering why only his Appa had come to see him. Was his umma busy doing errands? He wanted to ask, but words wouldn’t come out of his weak throat. The older man seemed to understand as he held Sandeul’s hand. “Don’t force yourself, you’re still recovering…we can talk more when you’re much stronger, alright?”

He nodded, even if his father’s words made him feel a little strange. He sighed and leaned back into the soft pillows, feeling his vision go hazy as sleep took over again.

Sandeul woke up in the middle of the night because of a dream of loud sirens and a blinking light. He harshly sat up in bed, shaking and confused…his dream felt so real it was terrifying. He turned to tell his father about the dream, but the man was asleep on the little couch beside his hospital bed. He looked so weary that Sandeul wondered if he was worrying about the bills again, but he knew his mother would be able to cheer him up without much difficulty; it was his specialty. He once again wanted to ask why his umma hasn’t visited yet, but he didn’t want to sound like a brat. He was already a young man now so he didn’t need act like a child, even if his mother always called his father one.

Sandeul slowly started to feel better; he was finally able to move his body without pain shooting through his entire system. He smiled proudly when he was able to sit on the edge of the bed today without having to pause every next second because of the pain. “I did it” he said and the doctor beamed at him, saying he was recovering very fast.

Kyuhyun, Sandeul’s father smiled proudly as he helped his son back properly on the bed. He had a whole morning of tests so he was feeling a bit weary. He had asked the doctors before what had happened to him because his brain was still feeling shrouded, but they had told him that his memories were going to come back to him when he needed them too. Sandeul didn’t want to argue, so he stopped asking eventually.

Still, it had been almost a week since he woke up in the hospital. He spent a good part of those times sleeping and recovering, but as an active young man, he liked to be out doing things; just like how his Umma said he was when he was younger. He sighed and wondered why his Umma isn’t here with him for the nth time; it was obvious that he missed him so much. When he couldn’t take it anymore, he decided to ask.

Sandeul knew his Umma, he knew Sungmin would definitely be there with him in the hospital, there has to be a reason why he isn’t. He stared intently at his father who looked at him worriedly. “What is it, Sandeul?” Kyuhyun asked, even if he already knew what his son was going to ask him.

“Appa, where is Umma?” the younger asked softly, not wanting to sound demanding in case his Umma was just busy with something else.

Kyuhyun stared at him before sighing and looking away, he knew Sandeul was bound to ask that. The doctors already warned him about the boy’s partial memory loss because of the accident, which is why he couldn’t remember what happened. He didn’t want to lie to his son either so even though he knew Sandeul was looking for Sungmin he kept quiet about it, but now it seemed like he couldn’t hide the truth from him anymore.

Sandeul didn’t like the way his father looked, a weird feeling crept up his chest and he didn’t like it at all. There was a lump forming on his throat that prevented him from speaking as he looked at his father with wide, horrified eyes as the latter continued.

“Sandeul… Sungmin… Your umma won’t be coming to visit you” Kyuhyun said, in a small voice but to Sandeul he was as good as screaming because those words meant only one thing.

Sungmin wasn’t going to be able to come because…

His Umma wasn’t with them anymore.

His memories snapped back like some sort of sick joke.

It was Sandeul’s 21st birthday, and he just got his first paycheck after working as a back-up vocalist so he wanted to share it with his parents. Even though his mother tried to refuse and just told him he was going to cook up something special for him at home, Sandeul convinced Sungmin that he wanted to treat them out this time –for the 21 years they gave for him. He wanted to show the two of them how much he loved them for being the best parents anyone could ever have.

They had dinner at a fancy restaurant and had a fun time because coincidentally, his birthday was also the anniversary of his parents, which made him want to spend the day in a special way. Sandeul laughed while listening to his parents’ love story, of how they used to fight before they got together. His father joked that it was actually his Umma who came to him first, but Sungmin swatted him on the shoulder and told a story of how Kyuhyun got jealous of the people he used to date. Sandeul smiled as he looked at his parents, they were probably still his best gift for all these years.

But what started out as the perfect evening, took a turn for the worst.

They were finally going back home after their perfect day; Sungmin was on the passenger’s side while Sandeul was driving. Kyuhyun was on the backseat, complaining that they were too much alike and they weren’t being fair. Sungmin chuckled and kissed him softly, teasing him with the words “Like Mother like Son, right Deullie-ah?” to which Sandeul laughed and agreed with, and eventually the three of them laughed together.

Everything was better than perfect until they reached an intersection. A child suddenly appeared in the middle of the road, walking rapidly to cross the street without looking at the surroundings. Sandeul was taken by surprise upon seeing the little kid, turning the wheel harshly to avoid an accident, but losing control of the car in the action. The three of them yelled as the car swerved, and Sandeul desperately tried to get things under control, but his mind froze up when he saw a truck coming their way…and the last thing he remembered was Sungmin throwing his arms around him just as the pain exploded and the world turned black.

“No…” he whispered. It had to be a dream, a bad nightmare he could wake up from… his Umma couldn’t be dead…he couldn’t. “No, No, No” he shook his head, refusing to believe it.

“Sandeul, Deullie, calm down” Kyuhyun tried to stop him, but he was shaking as well. He knew he had to be strong for his son but how could he do that when he himself hadn’t accepted the truth yet. Sandeul shook in his arms but refused to let his tears fall; he was always the one who took after Sungmin’s ability to hold emotions anyway. Kyuhyun cried silently beside him, both men were at lost at what to do. Sungmin was always there when they needed to ask what was next…but now…

Sandeul felt so tired, he didn’t understand why this needed to happen, all he wanted was the perfect day for his family…

And now…his Umma was gone…forever.

It was all his fault.

And he was willing to do literally anything to get him back.

-to be continued-

Thoughts