“hey, everything will be okay”

“Don’t worry, move on… it’ll be okay”

“He doesn’t deserve any of that”

“He’ll regret it, I’m sure”

Same old comforting words, I’m sick of it. Every time they will see me crying, it’s all the same and I am really sick of it with those words. “Stop it” I said to them, I wipe my tears and heave a sigh “T-those words, it’s frustrating me, I don’t know if I should still believe in those words” tears started to fall; they look at me, the look that I hated the most, PITY. Now what? They pity me? I started to cry again, everything is frustrating. “J-j-just leave me alone; go away” I said to them “But Dara…”  Seunghyun stopped Bom “But bro…” she sighs in defeat. They all goes out, leaving me alone like what I want. They’ve already seen enough of the weak me. I’m sure of it.

There’s a lot of memories between me and him, a happy and of course the sad ones. I actually never thought of crying ‘till now, it’s been years after that tragic event that causes this emotional distress. This is sure to be frustrating; my friends know what I’ve been through this past few years, I lost someone I love and I let go someone I love.

--

I woke in the morning feeling so heavy; did I wake up in the wrong side of my bed? I guess I did. I prepare myself for my usual day, day at school. Same old days at school, going there, meet my friends, listens to teachers, sleep at class or eat. I am just your typical student, just like that. “What’s up Dara?” Bom greeted me, I smiled “Nothing much, just same old me” I said, she chuckles “Same old you ha? Let’s go to mall later alright? I have a friend to meet” she said and leaves me, I didn’t understand what she says but I agree.

I get up on my chair just to wander around, it’s break time, good thing, I bought my iPod, and I can be at my own world not minding the people around me. I have friends but we have our own world when it comes to this kind of break time, no teacher.

This is the real me, a loner. I don’t mind what people say about me, this is who I am. They don’t know me; they don’t know my story. I don’t want to waste my time on them, telling me to accept me, or explain something I shouldn’t explain, me.

As I walk in pathway listening to the music from my iPod, suddenly bumped in to someone, someone taller than, someone petite than me but much stronger than me, it causes my earphones releases from my ear as my iPod stumble to the ground. I stepped back and hissed, “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t notice you, I’m in a rush, I’m sorry” as he picks my iPod and give it me, “I am really sorry, if I broke your iPod, I am gladly to replace it” he said to me “I have to go, I am really in rush” he said as he left me holding my iPod and earphone, I was stunned I didn’t realize that I could see such a man with a beautiful face. I turn around and see him running, I smirked and again put my earphones on and listen to music, luckily it didn’t break or anything.

--

I thought he is the one for me, I thought he could make me happy, I am a fool who fell in love with him; I thought he’ll support whatever happened in my life. I curled up, tears still falling down as I still remember him. Remembering all of the memories that we shared when we are still together, why did it ended like this?

--

Another day in school, I thought it will be like my typical day here but I’m wrong, I am sitting under tree listening to my iPod, a shadow caught my attention. A big smile greeted me as I looked up to check who’s covering the sunlight. “Hi!” he said, he sat in front of me as I remove my earphone from my ears “Finally I found you” he smiles “What?” I asked him “Then I thought you don’t speak, I’m Kwon Ji Yong!” he introduced himself as he offers his hands for a handshake, I look at his hand then to his face, I gave him a weak smile “Park Sandara”. I put my earphones back but he stopped me from doing it, I looked at him with a displeased look “what?” he look at me and to my iPod “I see, your ipod didn’t break” he said “No, I just bought a new one, so can I?” I said to him.

He didn’t leave me alone; he even joined me sitting under the tree as it bothers me, that I just want to be alone, “what are you doing?” I already asks, he was holding something that he actually put back to his pocket “Uhmm, no, I-“ he stuttered, he couldn’t finish his sentence as he heave a sigh “I thought I could give something for an apology, especially I assumed that I broke it, but, you already bought a new one, so I don’t know what should I do with this now” he again take it out from his pocket and showed me a brand new, color red, with case ipod.

I didn’t expect him to buy a new one and give it to me, “I-i… I never thought you will buy a new one, I-I…. I really didn’t expect it” I was stunned, I actually don’t know what to do now, guilty feeling overshadows me, “No, it’s fine, I guess, you won’t need this now” he said to me. He’s going to leave me now, I stopped him and suggested something so that he won’t feel sad about this, “Uhm, I could accept that, but I don’t know what should I do with this, I-I really don’t know, I am suggesting this so you won’t feel bad”

--

Unconsciously, I’m holding the first thing he gave to me, I did treasure it from the very beginning of our friendship, I didn’t expect this it will end to this situation. What did I do for him to hurt me like this? I get my earphone and listen to every songs he put it in here, I didn’t changed the songs you put, I listened to it every time I need peace of mind. I didn’t expect him to know what music I like.

Because of this thing, my feelings for him grows, especially when he always notices and greets me in the school, and it couldn’t more possible for me to develop such a feelings when he decided to walk me home every time he had time, that he don’t have any after school activity.

How am I supposed to stop these tears? When I always remember him, I’m such a fool, a fool who fell in love to a person who doesn’t deserve any of it. I should stop and move on, look forward to what the future brings for me.

--

We’ve been together for almost 3 months now and I am happy just being with him. But I never thought that it will be the end, it ended something I didn’t expect. I was waiting for him to finish his club activity at the waiting area of our school. I never thought that I will do such thing, I know, I’ve changed a lot because of him, he helps me to change into something better on what I really do and what I want.

It’s almost dark and they’re not still finish on their club activity and I really want to go and seem that it’s going to rain. I wonder if they’re already finished, I just want to go home right now. Then I hear laughter’s just around the corner and I assume that they’ve already ended their activity. “Bro, want to come with? Let’s go karaoke!” an unfamiliar voice said, “Our manager will treat us, and you know, she likes you!” another voice came up. I have a strong feeling that Ji Yong will reject it and he knows that I am waiting for hours already but I was wrong “Really, that’s great, let’s go”.

Then the rain started to pour, lightning’s started to show as the I started to hear thunder also. I didn’t expect that he would accept the invitation, does he forget about me? Why did he accept it? I was already standing, drench in the rain, not minding if I will catch colds. I look at them, listening to every word they say. Then I noticed their manager, running to catch them up “Hey wait up!” she said, Lee Chaerin, that’s her name, I know her because she’s one of the popular girl in the school. She has this very beautiful long hair, her face is too beautiful that no one can ignore her, she’s very sociable girl, not like me.

I was still looking at them, hoping for them to notice me, then I saw Ji Yong, smile at her like he wanted something from her, like me, Ji Yong and the rest was already drenched wet because of the heavy rain. “Hey, why don’t you guys go home first and let’s just meet to the karaoke bar?” Chaerin said to them as they all agreed.

--

The pain started to develop, I was not sure back then if he really decided to ignore me, or if he really forgot about me, or he purposely make me wait and witness the heartbreaking scene that I witnessed back then. It was also the beginning, beginning of our relationship to fall apart. He would always say that he’s busy with his activity but the truth is, he’s busy flirting with Lee Chaerin already.

--

This is the day, the day when I have to confront him already, I’ve been keeping my silence for almost a month already, I always just ignore all the rumors I hear about him and Chaerin. I know the rumors are all true because I, myself witness the beginning of their special friendship.

Like a month ago, I am waiting here in the waiting area, luckily one of his teammates saw me, “oh-hey!” he said, I don’t know him but he knows me “What are you doing here Dara?” he asked me, I looked at him with a poker face “I am waiting for Ji Yong” I said with a monotone voice “and oh, is he with Lee Chaerin now also? No doubt she’s your manager” I continued, he didn’t know what to say when he heard what I just said “I-I’ll just get Ji Yong for you” he stutter “oh, please tell Chaerin also that I want to meet her” I smiled at him, a smile which he can never forget. Anger risen up as I wait for the both of them and as I saw the two walking together.

The three of us standing and facing together, Ji Yong can’t look at me and also have this displeased look while Chaerin have why-am-I-here face and she really looks so nervous about something. No one is talking, I am just looking at them but Seiji broke the silence after 5 minutes “What do you want?” he asked, I smirked to thought of that he is really cold towards me. “Nothing, I just want to see the both of you” I answered, his eyes widened as soon he heard me “What?! Do you believe to those rumors?” he defensively said, I my head and I smirked “Why wouldn’t I? Oh, I remember back then, you told me to wait for you here in this very area, and I’m a fool who waited for you but you actually ignore my presence since Chaerin was going to treat you on karaoke, oh wait, I was DRENCHED WET in the rain, do you know that?” tears started to fall as I didn’t have the strength to control it anymore “and yes, I witnessed it, you flirted on her since then and you started to be cold towards me, yes Ji Yong, I’m fool who accepts everything, I’m fool who fall for you! Didn’t you know that I was crying every night because our relationship is starting to fall apart? Or do you really want that?”

She was just watching me cry and yell to Ji Yong, but I didn’t dare to touch him or look at her. “I know the fact that we’re different Ji Yong, but you could have told me that you don’t with this relationship anymore, I look like a fool to anyone, yet you? You didn’t do anything to defend or deny!” I continued. He can’t say anything, he was looking at me, guilty as I can see through his eyes also on Chaerin “If you want to finish this relationship right here right now, then do it Ji Yong, you don’t have to worry about me, hurting me, breaking my heart, because you already did” still crying while looking at the person whom I love. “I-i…” he started to say.

He can’t tell that he want to end our relationship, he can’t tell that he wanted to be with Chaerin already. I waited 5 minutes for him to gather his thoughts but it didn’t work, the pain from my heart is deepening. I heaved a sigh but still, I am crying, “Chaerin” I face her, “No…” Ji Yong immediately said, glare on him as he step back “If you like Ji Yong, he’s all yours, you’ve witnessed enough drama of me” I walked away, rain started to fall again like what happened a month ago. The weather must be with me, sad.

The next day, the news already spreads like a virus, everyone knows that we already broke up, and I gave him to her, not an issue to me anymore, I just couldn’t care anymore about them. I entered our room like the usual; I am back, back as the loner. All of my classmates were looking at me, whispering whatever they like. “HEY! STOP VERBALLY HARRASING Dara!” I look at person who I know shouted it, It’s Bom “Yes, people they broke up! Dara gave Kwon Ji Yong to Lee Chaerin! Dara is the one who broke up with that b*st*rd! Now mind your own business please!” she angrily continued. I told everything to her, she’s the only confidant I have, one of my treasures in my life. She understands me, she was happy for me and still she’s here for me.

--

Am I wrong to love him? Am I wrong to let him go and let Chaerin have him? I love him and yet I let him go. He’s happy with her. Every time I see the both of them breaks my heart that I tend to cry, under tree, my sanctuary. Letting my heart cry out, hoping the memories with him will be gone.

The music’s stops as I remove my earphones out of my ears. I decided to go for walk, in the park, alone with myself. I wiped my tears as it won’t stop to fall, grabbed my jacket and go outside of the house. Mom and the rest didn’t mind me, I am not at myself at all, I look like someone who needed something, something warm. Walking alone in the park, I missed this feeling, not minding the world, only me.

I stopped crying as soon as I stepped in the park and I know someone is following me, and I know its Bom and Seunghyun, Mom sure texted them to look after me, she’s worried about me, she never thought that I would be broken like this. As I walk at the pathway, I accidentally bumped into someone, same scene when I first met him. I looked up and to my surprise it’s him and not to my surprise he’s with her. I step back and looking to the both of them with a pain look, suddenly my head spins and tears started to fall, my eyesight started to be blur and the last thing I knew, someone is calling me.