A/N: This is a sequel story. A continuation of the other one shot Regret (TaeSic) so it would be best if you actually read the first so you would have a better knowledge of this plot but you don’t really have to since this one shot could stand on its own. ^^,


 

No Other

July 19, 2010

Jessica was driving her car early in the morning on her way to her university. She wasn’t fully awake yet. Even though she already showered and had gotten ready for her first day of her summer courses, she was still very sleepy. She was never a morning person. If she could avoid sunlight, she actually would.

Every time she drives, she would always wear her Rayban Wayfarer sunglasses since the bright sun annoyed her. And she would also rub her right palm with her fingers every time. She seemed to be uncomfortable that she developed the mannerism.

She stopped at the traffic light, placing her earphones in each ear, and boosting the volume to maximum. Although she hated listening to music in a loud volume, she decided to do so. Music was one of the few things that distracted her while driving. But there had always been one other major distraction.

She needed distraction in everything she does because everything reminded her of Taeyeon and their old days together. It brought pain so she didn’t want to recall but at the same time, she didn’t want to lose those memories. It pained her but it was the only thing that she could hold on to. Memories.

The light turned green and Jessica stepped on her gas pedal. She placed both of her hands on the steering wheel but instantly removed her right hand after just moments of holding unto it. She let out a sigh like always; she would turn to her mobile phone. She would hold on to it tightly like her life depended on it. Somehow, it gave Jessica comfort. It was as if her problems were being washed away whenever she held on to the item.




“Hand.” Jessica said as she stretched her right hand towards Taeyeon, who was seated on the passenger’s seat. “I won’t drive unless you hold my hand.” She stated as she was still stepping on the brakes.

Taeyeon just looked at Jessica, deciding on what to do. “You know it’s not safe to drive with one hand? Especially at night.” Taeyeon said as she looked out the car window. It had been passed eleven pm that evening.

Jessica chuckled, “You know it’s not safe to text while driving?” She asked. “It’s more dangerous if I start driving and then I start to look away from the road. Come on, hold my hand.”

Taeyeon sighed, sometimes you act like a child.

“Taetae!” Jessica whined.  “I promise I will no longer text and drive.” Her pleading eyes started to take effect. Jessica knew that Taeyeon only needed a little push and she would eventually give in. “Taeyeon, I just really want to hold you. Is that wrong?” Her tone was smooth. Jessica didn’t wait for a reply. She reached for Taeyeon’s left arm, slowly caressing it as her fingertips ran from Taeyeon’s arm to her hands and finally held unto it. Jessica intertwined their fingers, feeling accomplished. She flashed a cute smile that hid her teeth.

“I don’t really have a choice now, do I?” Taeyeon asked. “Jessica, we shouldn’t.” She was worried that it might lead Jessica to carelessly maneuver the car with one hand.

Jessica felt guilty for forcing the issue on Taeyeon. She never pushed anything on Tiffany or her other past lovers. She would usually act mature and be the ‘adult’. She decided to release the grip she had on Taeyeon’s hand and then stepped on the gas pedal, “I’m sorry.”

Taeyeon felt the mood change, “Jessica,” she reached for the latter’s right arm with both of her hands. “I just don’t want you to be in an accident.” Taeyeon’s big eyes were apologetic. “It’s not like I don’t want to hold you. I do. But...”

“But?” Jessica asked due to the sudden pause, her eyes were still fixed on the road.

“But it might distract you.” Taeyeon confessed.

Jessica couldn’t help but chuckle. “You distract me.” Jessica looked at Taeyeon as soon as she reached a residential four-way-stop, “If you’re not with me, it’s much worse. I think of you constantly and that’s why I want to hold you.” She reached for Taeyeon’s left hand, intertwining their fingers together. Again. “It reminds me that nothing’s a dream. That this isn’t just a dream.”

Taeyeon couldn’t help but flash her perfect set of white teeth, showing her killer smile. “It will never be a dream. You and I are real.”

Jessica smiled adorably. “We are.” She said as she finally reached Taeyeon’s driveway. Jessica let go of her hold and pulled the hand brake upward after she parked the car by the curb. She got out of the car, running to the passenger seat and then opened the door for Taeyeon. “Had fun?”

Taeyeon nodded cutely, “One of the most memorable days of my life.”

Jessica was contented with Taeyeon’s reply. She was ecstatic since she also felt the same way, “Best first date ever.” Jessica leaned closer, placing her soft lips on Taeyeon’s luscious ones. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Taeyeon wrapped her arms around Jessica’s neck, gently kissing Jessica as she pulled her closer. “Don’t miss me too much.”

Jessica couldn’t help but have a proud grin on her face, “That’s something hard to do. Just thinking about it makes me miss you already.”

Taeyeon released her hug, “Then you should drive home, sleep then pick me up tomorrow.”

Jessica nodded and looked her in the eye, “I’ll be lonely in the car though.”

Taeyeon thought for a moment and then turned around, “Hold your cell phone and then imagine it’s me.” She said as she walked backwards, heading to her front door. “Don’t text though!”

“Then I’ll never let go of my phone until I’m next to you again.”




There was less traffic than expected that Jessica arrived in the parking grounds with fifteen minutes to spare. Jessica gathered all her things that were laid at the back seat, leaving the car under the summer heat. It took her five minutes to finally arrive in her classroom, “Jessica!” Yuri called from her seat at the back of the room but Jessica didn’t hear her with her mp3 player on maximum volume. Yuri crumpled a sheet of her test paper from last semester and threw it at Jessica, hitting the blonde on the head. Their seats were just a chair apart and that gave Yuri a good aim.

“You wanna die!?” Jessica bellowed causing other pupils to look her way. Jessica didn’t mind the stares but there was one stare that she didn’t want to look her way especially in that awkward moment where she just threatened her best friend. But she could still feel it.

Yuri laughed at Jessica, “So grumpy in the mornings.” She tried to avert the attention and she successfully did as their classmates went back to minding their own business. “So, why didn’t you chill out with us last night?” She asked as she leaned forward and pulled Jessica’s earphone out of her ear. It was tremendously loud that even Yuri could clearly hear it now.

“I was sleeping.” Jessica kept her answer short.

“Oh...” Yuri knew not to disturb or irritate Jessica during the mornings. Particularly when Jessica’s thinking or after driving. “Hi Taeyeon!” Yuri greeted as soon as she noticed Taeyeon at the front row.

Jessica acted cool and placed her earphones back on as fast as she can but she was in a panic on the inside, her breathing became heavy by just hearing the latter’s name. She didn’t know how to act around Taeyeon. Mainly because she hadn’t seen Taeyeon for more than a month, it seemed like she had forgotten how she could just pretend to be ‘friendly’ with Taeyeon.

“Hi Yuri! Hi Jessica!” Taeyeon greeted both of them with a warm bright smile on. Jessica pretended that she couldn’t make out what Taeyeon said and she just nodded once. After Jessica’s gesture, Taeyeon decided to take a seat and studied.

Jessica looked out the window and mentally chuckled, even on the first day of the class, you’d still study.

Jessica couldn’t help it. Even if she wanted to be far from Taeyeon, she couldn’t. She was still stealing hidden glances from time to time. But she knew that if she became too attached, she might not want to just love Taeyeon from the sides. She might grow even more selfish that she wouldn’t want to let Taeyeon go. She knew better. She knew that she was no longer worthy of Taeyeon’s love.

Does Taeyeon still love me?

Impossible!

Her thoughts were battling each other, she was determined to love Taeyeon from the distance but she always ended up being different from how she wanted to act whenever Taeyeon’s around her. She wanted to be with Taeyeon more and more. But it couldn’t be.  She just couldn’t be around Taeyeon and pretend that she never broke the latter’s heart. It was something that defined the impossible.

She wished for Taeyeon’s happiness... and she was sure that she couldn’t provide it. Because every time she sees Taeyeon, she could only feel the guilt of how she left Taeyeon in pieces.

She heard from Taeyeon’s friends about her state. Jessica knew that Taeyeon was really hurt by her selfish actions. She knew how much Taeyeon cried. So how could she say she loves her when she knew Taeyeon went through such things? And she didn’t even do anything about it.

Even if Jessica wanted to, she couldn’t just come up to Taeyeon and say she was sorry. Because her conscience would never let it happen. And lastly, she couldn’t say those three simple words. Words that were commonly used.

I.

Love.

You.

She just couldn’t say it out loud. Not with her conscience eating her alive.

I love you.

Jessica mentally confessed like any other day. Every time she sees Taeyeon, she would never forget to say those three words... in her mind. She confidently proclaimed her love but it was all unspoken words. Something that Taeyeon would never hear.

The professor started to discuss his lecture but Jessica didn’t pay attention. She was still listening to music ever since class started. It wasn’t because the lecturer was boring. In fact, he was so good that the only person out of his thirty-two students who was not listening to him was Jessica. Jessica wasn’t paying attention because she would hear Taeyeon interacting with him. She could still hear Taeyeon’s voice but with music playing, it helps her pretend that she wasn’t able to.

The bell rang.

Finally.

Jessica didn’t waste another second. She sped out of the classroom as soon as she could. She headed to the library. It was one of the places that Jessica could be at eased. It solitude of the room just gave Jessica peace.

Jessica was browsing for books, she didn’t pay any attention to the lecturer but it didn’t mean that Jessica was neglecting her studies. She was still ahead of the class. She had nothing to do last night and so she read three chapters already.

Beneath the loud music, Jessica could hear a giggle that was familiar to her. Jessica instinctively followed the sound that led her to the table where she confessed to Taeyeon. Although Jessica was at a distance, she could clearly see what was happening. Taeyeon and Sunny were seated together. They seemed to be very happy with one other’s company that they couldn’t help but laugh and smile with their hearts’ content.

I wished for someone to love Taeyeon... but why is my chest hurting?

Jessica took in deep breaths and placed her hand over her chest as if it would help her ease the pain that she was feeling. But nothing could help Jessica.

She was hurting herself by still loving someone, when that person has already given up on her. That was Jessica’s mentality.

Jessica walked away and headed to the other exit leaving Taeyeon with Sunny, who were still happily chatting with one another.




“I don’t think I deserve your love but...” Jessica was semi-laying on the couch. Taeyeon’s back was lying on Jessica’s chest. “I am really glad that you love me.” Jessica kissed the top of Taeyeon’s head.

Taeyeon got up and looked back at Jessica, “Jessica, don’t think that you don’t deserve me. I’m lucky to have you in my life.”

Jessica couldn’t help but lean forward, kissing Taeyeon’s lips. They were just too inviting. Jessica then cupped Taeyeon’s face, “I’m really lucky to have you in my life. You’re the only one worth saying ‘I would love to have a lifetime with you’ to.”

Taeyeon flashed another one of her killer smiles, “Then keep me for a lifetime. It’s not like I would run away from you...” She paused as her imagination frightened her, “Of course, not until you want me to.”

Jessica shook her head lightly with a confident and reassuring smile, “Then don’t you ever run away. I would never want you to.”

“Promise?” Taeyeon asked.

“With all of me.”




Days had gone by on the same routine. Sleep. Eat. School. Study. Eat.

“I heard Taeyeon and Sunny are going out.”

“Really? I saw them on a date, too.”

Jessica was walking down the hallway, she tried to ignore everything but she wanted to listen. She wanted to know what was happening to Taeyeon. After all, Taeyeon was still the love of her life.

“They look so good together.”

“I know. They really do.”

Each word about Sunny and Taeyeon sent a flying dagger that pierced Jessica’s heart. She walked as fast as she could, she couldn’t control her tears anymore. She wanted refuge.  She needed refuge. She couldn’t just ditch school. She needed to finish an essay due that afternoon. She decided to go back to the isolated library. She was relieved that Taeyeon wasn’t there. Jessica knew that Taeyeon would always be there... She might be on a date with Sunny.

Jessica was glad that Taeyeon finally found someone better. From what she knew, Sunny was a really nice girl that’s genuine and loves to laugh. Sunny wouldn’t hurt you, Taetae. She mentally spoke her words intended for Taeyeon.

She wanted to speak to Taeyeon and tell the latter directly. But like her confessions, she couldn’t bring herself to say that she was actually happy that Taeyeon found someone new. Someone who could actually bring her happiness. Someone other than her. But with that thought, Jessica’s tears came flowing down but she didn’t make a sound. She looked down to avoid people taking notice of her. But with her blonde hair, it seems impossible to just blend in with the crowd.

“Jessica?” Jessica’s heart almost jumped out from her chest. She was sure of whose voice it was. She was the only one person in this planet that could make her heart skip a beat or even want to jump out from her chest.

Jessica wiped her tears in a hurry then turned around just to see Sunny and Taeyeon together. Again.“Hi.” She curved her lips. What she did couldn’t even be counted as a smile. “You’re here.” She said like she didn’t know that it was Taeyeon’s favorite hangout place.

Taeyeon smiled her killer smile, “Of course.”

Can you smile only for me?

Jessica nodded, “I need to go. Essay.”

“I can help you.” Taeyeon graciously offered.

Jessica shook her head and waved her hands, “You don’t have to bother yourself.”

“No. I’m helping Sunny so you should join us.” Taeyeon insisted.

“Jessica,” Sunny joined in, “There’s only one book for it left and I happened to borrow it from the professor. You should really join us.” She said cheerfully.

Could this person really be capable of loving Taeyeon?

“Uhhh...” Jessica thought for a moment but Taeyeon grabbed Jessica’s arm, dragging her to the table even before Jessica could decide. “I guess… it’s fine.” She said but she wanted to run away. Just like all those times that she had encountered Taeyeon.

Jessica sat there in silence, watching Taeyeon and Sunny have a discussion about the main character of the novel by themselves. Leaving Jessica alone and hurt. Though Jessica was in pain, she was still there to make sure if Sunny could be the right one for Taeyeon.

Sunny grabbed her laptop from the case and then turned it on. Jessica was supposed to be part of this “group study” but she didn’t even have a pen, paper, or her laptop with her. She was just there to observe.

To finally let go of Taeyeon.

“I don’t think that the protagonist should’ve done those things.” Sunny said to them and sighed, “I don’t believe that he should disregard everything just to get his way. I know we are supposed to write about how his actions are similar to Niccolo Machiavelli’s philosophy. But...” She sighed again.

“I think he is a really wise philosopher though he never really viewed himself as one. But he has provided reality in most cases. He may be called ‘Machiavellian’ but I really think that his philosophies helped the society to improve. But in this case, I do not believe that the main character should’ve done it. He should’ve respected Isabella’s wishes. She loved Jean so much but Nicolas just had to ruin everything.” Taeyeon explained her views about the novel that they’ve read.

“What do you think, Jessica?” Sunny asked.

Jessica thought for a moment, placing herself in the character’s shoes. Was it better to cheat in order to achieve one’s desire or was it better to play fair but not achieving?

“I really think…” Jessica started, “That the philosophy that’s being presented here isn’t suitable to explain his actions. Nicolas, is a believer of Niccolo Machiavelli but he claimed to be in love with Isabella which is one factor that Niccolo stated as something to disregard. Love.” She stated these while looking at the textbook that was placed between Sunny and Taeyeon, who were seated side by side. “Niccolo’s philosophies were mainly about power. How to achieve and maintain it. To do anything to achieve one’s desire. Be selfish. However, in this case, it wasn’t advisable. The character left out an important thought. He didn’t even think about Isabella’s feelings. She loved Jean and he loves her back. It was a happy ever after in the making but the main character was selfish just like Niccolo. He was also dynamic like the great philosopher.” Jessica looked at Sunny in the eye and paused for air, “He should’ve thought that sometimes, hurting alone wasn’t so bad when the person he loves was happy. He didn’t have to lie to Isabella that Jean betrayed her. He didn’t have to be selfish because even with those lies, Isabella’s heart was always with Jean. I would personally not commit the same actions. I couldn’t picture myself hurting the one I love just to have her with me. Because that isn’t love. I think that we have to be selfless when it comes to love.  What Nicolas did was pathetic.” Jessica spat her last words in disgust.

Sunny took awhile to think, “But...” She started and continued, “Don’t you think that he only wanted love? That no matter what happens he just wanted to achieve that love. He wanted to be happy. Everyone wants to be happy.” Sunny finished.

Entranced, Jessica couldn’t help but smirk. “So you would fight for someone’s love no matter what happens?”

Sunny nodded, she was proud and serious but it came out adorable. “Of course.” She said firmly. She grabbed the pen that was placed on top of her laptop, spinning it on the table. She was thinking. “Because I wouldn’t be able to live every single day with that realization that the person I love loves someone else. Even if that was the case, I know I would do anything to make her look my way. Because I know what I want. I know who I love,” she looked at Taeyeon in the eye and flashed a smile that could melt anyone’s heart, “Because she’s worth fighting for.” She then moved her gaze to Jessica, “Though I wouldn’t do anything evil like Nicolas. I just know that I would fight for that person with all that I’m made of.”

Taeyeon placed her hand on Sunny’s shoulder and smiled, “Then you wouldn’t have a passing grade. You need to write about how you support the character.”

Sunny giggled, “Right.”

I get it. You guys love each other... but please, don’t do it in front of me. Jessica pleaded in her mind.

Jessica shut her eyes to avoid tears from falling. She confirmed it. She knows that Sunny was really someone better. So there was no point in staying there. She wanted to go as far away as possible from these two. Jessica got up from the chair, “I---“

Taeyeon shifted her gaze to the screen, “I didn’t know you’re using that.”

Sunny grinned, showing her aegyo. “I love this picture,” while giggling. Sunny lifted the laptop, showing it to Jessica. It was a photo of Taeyeon and Sunny smiling together, their cheeks were on each other. “Don’t we look cute? Taeyeon is really pretty don’t you agree? Prettiest!”

Jessica couldn’t speak but unconsciously nodded. After all, Taeyeon is the prettiest in her eyes.

Jessica’s breathing stopped for a moment. She just stood there, staring at the photo longer that she should have been.

That should’ve been me.

Jessica gulped down as soon as she regain some of her sanity, “I ne---“ She cleared , “I need to go.” She walked towards the exit as fast as she could.

“Jessica!” Taeyeon called. From Taeyeon’s voice, she knew that Taeyeon wasn’t far from her. “Jessica!” She called again.

Jessica couldn’t help but stop whenever Taeyeon calls her. It was something that she wanted deep down in her heart. For Taeyeon to be calling her. “Yes?” She said as she turned back.

“You need to finish that essay.” Taeyeon said in a concerned tone.

Jessica gave a tired smile and shook her head, “I don’t.”

“Jessica, it’s twenty percent of our final grade, so you need it.” Taeyeon insisted.

“I don’t. I could pass that class without turning that thing in.” Jessica said and turned around heading to the exit.

Taeyeon grabbed the latter’s hand, “What’s wrong?” Taeyeon’s eyes were genuine. She really cares for Jessica.

Jessica wanted to keep the latter’s warm touch. It felt right on her skin. It was something that she yearned for but she couldn’t. She wanted to be with Taeyeon but she knew she couldn’t provide her with the happiness that Taeyeon deserved.

I shouldn’t be selfish.

Jessica snorted, “Nothing.” She knew that she needed to act that way around Taeyeon.

“This is so not like you.” Taeyeon’s facial expression was melancholic. It caused Jessica pain that made her want to hug the girl in front of her and apologize.

“This is me.” She spoke so slow, making things clear for the latter. She pulled her hand back and walked away.

“Jessica! You need to finish the essay!” Taeyeon bellowed but Jessica didn’t look back. She heard the “Ssssh” that came from the people around but she ignored it.

The moment she reached the exit, a hand grabbed her arm again. She was too familiar with everything about Taeyeon that she couldn't mistaken taeyeon's touch for anyone else's, “You need to do it Jessica.”

Jessica sighed and looked at the girl. “Taeyeon,” She narrowed her gaze, “I could fail this sh*t and still pass the class. I don’t have to do it.”

“What’s your problem!?” Taeyeon’s voice rose, furious. This person in front of her wasn’t the Jessica that she knew.

“Nothing. Just don’t care about me and go back to Sunny.” Jessica yanked her arm yet again and walked away.

I’m sorry, Taeyeon. She looked back from a far, apologizing with unspoken words.  Another set of words that will be unheard of.

Thank goodness it is Friday. I could live in peace... even for just two days.


 

*****

Jessica was on her bed, curled up in a ball. Her tears seemed to have no end. It kept on flowing ever since last night. Jessica had been in that position since then. She didn’t know how to stop herself from crying. Thoughts of Taeyeon and Sunny were shamelessly invading Jessica’s thoughts.

She couldn’t take the pain anymore. She reached for her phone that was beside her and dialed Yuri’s number, “He-hello?" Jessica’s greeting was cut by her uncontrollable sobs.

“Jessica? What’s wrong?” Concern was evident in Yuri’s tone.

“I-I nee-d you...”

Jessica’s house was just a block away from Yuri’s and Gyuri’s houses that it only took them a couple of minutes to be with Jessica. In times like these, it was a good thing that she gave Yuri and Gyuri spare keys to her house. They could easily comfort and check on her since this also happened before.

“Jessica!” Yuri exclaimed from the door. Gyuri was catching her breath behind Yuri. “What’s the matter?” They both ran to Jessica’s side.

“I—I” Jessica couldn’t speak... her cries were taking over her speech. She could only sit up and hug her two best friends who were there for her.

She was still in pain even with Gyuri and Yuri being there beside her. They were gently rubbing Jessica’s back as she was still crying like a baby.

“We’re here.” Gyuri said as she embraced Jessica tightly.

Jessica looked at them and nodded, “I know.” She was calmer with her friends’ presence there but she was still feeling the pain. Pain that was brought back by thoughts of Sunny and Taeyeon and of her losing Taeyeon for eternity.

 

*****

Monday mornings are Jessica’s most hated time. She was heading to her university, holding her mobile phone with her right hand while holding the steering wheel with her left.

I should let go.

Jessica decided to put her mobile phone on the passenger’s seat and then held the steering wheel.

*****


“Jessica,” The professor called. Jessica didn’t hear him due to her loud music but Yoona, who was seated beside her, nudged her. “What are your opinions about the novel and how it was connected to Machiavelli’s philosophies?”

Jessica has always been good with explaining her opinion, “Niccolo and Nicolas differ.”

The professor raised his brow in amusement, “Really?”

“Yes. Because Nicolas preferred love while Niccolo would always advice people to be selfish and disregard the feeling. Though they differ, I really think that they are similar in some ways. Like how they would fight to achieve what they desire even if it isn’t a clean tactic.”

The professor went to Jessica’s side and handed a paper, “Nice work on your essay. Good job.” Jessica scowled in confusion. But she knew who did it. There was only one person who would do it for her. She remained silent through the entire lesson but she never took her eyes away from the paper.

She waited for the professor to head out of the classroom and as soon as he did, she stood up and walked towards Taeyeon, who was gathering her things, “Why did you do this?” She asked as she showed the essay that was in her hand.

“Because you can’t fail.” She said as her back was still facing Jessica.

Jessica felt frustrated. She was mad at herself. She didn’t want Taeyeon to go out of her way just to finish an essay for her. “I told you, I wouldn’t fail.”

“Jessica,” Taeyeon finally turned to face Jessica. Her eyes were red and it was clear to Jessica that Taeyeon had been crying. “I---“

“What happened?” Jessica asked with concern, cutting Taeyeon’s words. She raised her hand to reach for Taeyeon’s cheek so she could cup the latter’s face but she stopped mid-way.

Taeyeon smiled but a tear fell from her eye. It was a treacherous tear that showed Taeyeon’s true feelings. The facade that she had created in front of Jessica was slowly cracking, showing what she truly felt.

“Ha---have you been crying?” Jessica stuttered, “Did Sunny do this?”

Jessica looked around as if she would actually find Sunny there but like she predicted, the latter wasn’t around. “Are—arr” Jessica couldn’t form the right words. She never saw Taeyeon actually break down in front of her. She wanted to hug her but she restrained herself. She didn’t allow herself to even touch Taeyeon’s fingertips because she was someone unworthy.

Taeyeon just gazed at her, their eyes were fixed with one another. “I’m fine.” She said with a defeated tone. “Don’t bother.”

Jessica hated how people would tell her that they were fine when clearly, they weren’t. “Taeyeon. Don’t lie to me.” Taeyeon didn’t reply and so Jessica continued, “How could you tell me you’re fine when it seems like you’ve been crying?!” Jessica snapped.

Taeyeon remained silent and turned away with tears still flowing from her already red eyes, “I need to go.”

Jessica took in a deep breath to calm her growing frustration, “Tae,” Jessica spoke her name delicately. “Please tell me what’s wrong.”

Taeyeon turned to face Jessica with a smile on her face, “Nothing.”

“There’s something.” Jessica looked on the ground, “Did you fight with Sunny?”

Taeyeon looked away, pained by Jessica words. “Why do you always bring Sunny up?”

Jessica’s jaw tightened but she needed to speak of reality, “Because she’s your lover.” Jessica could feel her tears forming and were about to fall out but she tried her best to hold it in. She didn’t plan on holding it in forever. She just needed enough time to be alone and so she could cry when no one’s watching.

“What would you do if I tell you that I am still in love with you?” The tremor in Taeyeon’s voice was noticeable.

It was a scenario that Jessica never took into consideration. Because she just decided on things with what she thought would be the best for people around her.

She couldn’t speak. Words were caught up in that nothing seemed to come out, “I—I” She finally started but paused again.

“What if I tell you that I want you back in my life? What if I tell you that I want to be beside you?” Taeyeon were asking Jessica questions but she didn’t give the blonde enough time to answer as she continuously asked more questions. “What if I tell you I hate you?”

I hate you.

Jessica finally heard the words that she’s been afraid of and it kept on echoing in her head. It pained her but she smiled, “I’ll stay away from you.”

“Jessica, have you really been honest with me?” Taeyeon grabbed both of the latter’s hands, “You never lied?!” Jessica kept shut. “Answer me!” Taeyeon exploded.

Jessica was startled with Taeyeon’s outburst; it was completely out of Taeyeon’s character. Jessica was speechless.

“Did you ever lie to me?” Taeyeon was breaking down.

“Yes.” Jessica finally regained her voice. Seeing Taeyeon in that state wasn’t something Jessica ever wanted. She wanted Taeyeon’s happiness above anything else but seeing Taeyeon this miserable made Jessica think twice about who could truly make Taeyeon happy. “I don’t know where to start. Every day, I live a lie. I live like... but...” Jessica couldn’t continue anymore. Taeyeon waited but Jessica never continued.

Taeyeon shook her head in defeat and started to head out the door. Taeyeon’s heart was broken once again.

Jessica saw the same scene as to where Taeyeon walked out of her life before. Her chest tightened, feeling the pain once more. She was never strong enough to be with Taeyeon but she wanted Taeyeon. Her body was quivering in the pain that the realization brought to her.

“I love you!”Jessica proclaimed.  Taeyeon’s expression was blank as she turned to face Jessica. She was more than confused. “Even if you hate me, I’ll still love you.” Jessica took a moment to continue, “But that’s why I kept my distance; I didn’t get close to you because I knew I hurt you.” Jessica’s tears were falling and her breaths became shorter, “Because I caused you pain. I didn’t know how to handle life without you but I decided that I will love you from a distance. I won’t fight for you because you deserve someone better. When Sunny said she would fight for you, I knew she was the one for you because she’s nothing like me. She was someone who could give you all the love that you deserve and she would never hurt you like I did.” Jessica stopped. It pained her to finally speak to Taeyeon about letting her go.

Taeyeon walked closer, enough to view Jessica clearly, “You think you can decide on who I’ll love?”  She asked, hurt was written all over her. Jessica wanted to speak but there were no words that came out of . Though knots in her stomach made things more complicated. “Jessica, then shouldn’t you--”

“I respect Sunny.” Jessica said, not letting Taeyeon finish.

“Forget about her!” Taeyeon could no longer keep the lid on her now pouring anger. “You keep on bringing up things about her when she’s only a friend to me!” Jessica was shocked by Taeyeon’s words that she had a hard time comprehending it.

She mentally shook the confusion, “But... But I thought that you and her… you...” Jessica wasn’t making sense but Taeyeon understood her.

“No, we aren’t.”  Taeyeon stepped closer to Jessica, “Jessica, tell me how you truly feel.”

Jessica looked at Taeyeon, she was held captive by those big brown eyes that she couldn’t look away even if she wanted to but she slowly regained her sanity, “I hate myself for hurting you. I hate myself for being stupid. I hate everything that I’ve done from the moment I lost you. I hate myself for asking you to brea---” She paused as could no longer speak. Taeyeon held both of Jessica’s hands. For some reason, it gave Jessica comfort. It was a brush of warmth after freezing in the winter cold for so long, “I hate myself for letting go of the most important person in my life. Because when it happened... I was in so much pain... that even breathing was something difficult for me.” Jessica tightened her grip, “Because I lost the one person worth living for.”

“You didn’t lose me, Jessica.” Taeyeon shook her head, “I thought you hated me. You were avoiding me so much that I thought I’ve lost your love. I thought that you decided to live without me in your life. And that we could only be friends. But I didn’t want us to be just friends---”

Jessica nodded and her gesture made Taeyeon stop, “I want to be the only one to stay by your side and unconditionally love you. I want to be the one to be there to make up for all those times that I’ve caused you pain. My heart isn’t whole.” Jessica chuckled with a bitter smile, “My heart was never whole.”

“Wh—wha—“ Taeyeon stuttered but before she could finish, Jessica continued.

“Because half of it was already taken by you.” Her words were hinted with nothing but sincerity. “But I realized it too late. And the very reason I was different with you was because I completely love you.”

“D—Do you m-mean it?” Taeyeon couldn’t believe what she had heard. Was it her ears playing tricks on her?

Jessica smiled, “I meant all the things I said to you. I thought that if you would be with someone else, you’d be happy... That I’d be happy for you. But---“

Taeyeon cupped Jessica’s face, “But I’ll only be happy with you.”

Jessica closed her eyes. Instead of feeling relieved, she felt guiltier that Taeyeon was so forgiving. She looked at the latter, “I don’t deserve you-“

“You d---“

Jessica continued on, “I don’t deserve you now but please give me a chance to prove myself to you.”

Taeyeon tip toed to reach the girl’s lips, landing her lips on Jessica’s. Sweet and gentle. “There’s no need for you to prove it any more. Because I know you love me enough...no.” She shook her head and smiled, “You love me as much as I love you.”

“Love is something to prove in a lifetime.” Jessica said.

Taeyeon pulled Jessica by the nape, “Then I’ll grow old with you.”

“Let’s start again?” Jessica wiped Taeyeon’s cheek with her thumb, her heart was beating fast but she liked the feeling. She liked the feeling Taeyeon brought her. A feeling that only Taeyeon could give her.

Love.

I may have almost lost her for the rest of my life because of a certain mistake. A mistake that lead to my biggest regret but without committing it, I would have been stuck and would still be doubting if this was real love or comfort.

Regrets make people suffer. But what people don’t realize is that... it wasn’t the regret that hunts us and it wasn’t the regret that caused us pain. The regret was something made by us.  So we need to take action and turn it into something that would make us stronger. Because without regretting... I would have never realized that there’s only one person for me. Taeyeon, and no other.

“I have been loving you for so long but I’ll love you more each day. So let me prove to you that there is no end to this feeling. Because my heart only knows how to beat for you.” Jessica leaned forward, kissing Taeyeon on her soft lips, “I love you.”


____________________________________


Hello readers! =]

Okay, here’s the thing...

I hope people understood my message here in Regret and No Other. Love isn’t about beauty and how two people are attracted to each other. It’s not about knowing you are in love in a second or two. It doesn’t work that way. ^^”

Love is about being selfless but at the same time, knowing when to be selfish. It’s about hurting each other, fighting, bickering but also making up. Love is about holding on to that person for a lifetime because like I’ve said, it needs that much time just to prove that one has loved.


THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR READING. <3

Did you like it? Many people complained with Regret’s ending and so I made this. ^^ A happy ending for TaeSic. Hope you liked it.

If people want to request one shots, I think it would be best if you state the plot and the pairing and so I could work on it. But if you only suggest the pairing, then it would take longer.

Not all requests will be granted. Of course, I need to like the plot and pairing. And of course, I only write PG/G stuff. So no other than that. ^^

Much love,
Ella