Right after opening the door to our dorm, I hear a loud deafening scream and the sound of glass being shattered in the kitchen. Then, beyond angry and hurt Yoseob emerges from the kitchen with Doojoon and Junhyung in his tracks. I’m still standing by the door when he spots me there; he stops and gives me this glare and the duo behind him freezes in fear of what he’s gonna do. I instantly know what’s going on here. Jun told him. I’ve never seen Yoseob like this and especially this glare. He doesn’t say anything though, just pushes me roughly aside to get his shoes quickly. I look helplessly at Junhyung but he’s trying to stop Yoseob from leaving, who pushes him back too.

“Just leave me ing alone, bastard!!” he screams again, tears streaming down his face. He grabs his jacket and before slamming the door in our faces, he tells us not to even try following him. Yoseob leaves us in silence for a few minutes, too shocked and dumbfounded to even move, Jun propped up on the wall and his face in his hands. I don’t dare to even breathe, feeling this overwhelming guilt once again. All of this is because of me, oh my God.. if it wasn’t for me, none of this would ever happen. I feel like dying once again.

“Junhyung,” the leader’s voice pierces the silence, “If you don’t sort this out, I am gonna forbid ANY relationships in this band. Clean up your mess, understood?” Doojoon glares at Jun who looks at him helplessly and then sighs deeply. Right after this, the leader is gone, visibly pissed off and probably going to clean whatever is broken in the kitchen and elsewhere in the dorm.

I hesitate to say or do anything, blinking helplessly at Junyhung. He sighs once more and then pulls me in quickly for a hug which I didn’t expect at all.

“I’m sorry you had to see this.” He says into my neck, his voice cracking. I finally wake up from my shock and hug him back tightly. He has to know and feel that I am with him and he’s not alone.

“He’s gonna cool down, don’t worry…it’s gonna be okay. It’s our Seobbie, he just gets his temper up easily.” This time Junyhung is giving the calming speech and I’m only nodding into his shoulder.

“Go after him, Jun. He deserves it, you two need to talk.” I look at him with pleading eyes, I can’t bear to see Seobbie like this. And they were together for so long, it needs to be sorted out. Fighting and screaming won’t help.

Junhyung sighs and nods, looking down and I know it’s not easy at all for him. I hate this situation, this mess. It’s all my fault and I can’t stop feeling guilty, even if Junnie tried a hundred times to tell me I shouldn’t feel like this.

“I’ll be back soon, don’t do anything stupid.” I instantly smack his shoulder lightly and smile a bit.

“I’m not stupid, Jun. Just go already!” I push him to the door and he leaves quickly. Right after he closes the door, my mask slips and I start crying uncontrollably, finding the wall next to me for a support because this is just too much for me. I need to let it out, I can’t hold it up anymore. I feel someone’s strong arms lifting me and leading me to the bedroom.  I can’t see through the tears much, the only thing I know is that I felt this miserable only once in my life and I thought it wasn’t gonna repeat ever again.

*

Junhyung practically runs down the stairs and out of the building, but stops on the street just to look right and left, desperation and fear clawing at his chest like a monster. Fishing out his phone he immediately dials Yoseob’s number, but the line is dead and the beeping sound is piercing his head like a bullet.

Think, Junhyung, think!! Where could he possibly go! Where would a boy with broken heart run?

To the place where it wouldn’t hurt that much…. or maybe, to the place where it hurts the most..?

The rapper starts running again down the street in no particular direction, looking right and left, his own eyes starting to water. But he can’t stop, he can’t start wallowing in his own misery, he owes Yoseob too much to think about himself now.

A crying, tired man can’t run too far away, he wouldn’t take a taxi or a bus, he wouldn’t be in the mood to talk to people… And suddenly Junhyung knows, he just knows. One more corner and he’s there in front of the little park where you can watch the Seoul Tower shine in the night and cars on the bridges speed like little fireflies.

His heart is racing and his breathing is labored because of the running and probably the anxiousness too. Junhyung walks slowly into the park and his own memories crash on him like waves… Yes, this was their first date, and they would go there often after that in the first year of their relationship. It was calm and they could be alone, away from the others for a while. Junhyung walks the already very familiar path to the park bench under one of the few lamps, their favorite bench.

A small figure is sitting there, shivering a bit but not crying anymore. Yoseob’s face is strangely calm with a little smile on his plump lips. He knows Junhyung is here but doesn’t look at him. He actually kinda knew he would find him, they were together for over 2 years after all.

Junhyung sits on the bench next to Yoseob and props his elbows on his legs, head hanging low and his breathing becoming regular. Both of them are silent for a while before Yoseob speaks with a shaky voice from all of the crying.

“I knew this day would come, I just knew it…. because unfulfilled love never dies out and when even a slightest chance flickers, we just jump after it.” He laughs bitterly but without any venom present in his words.

“I am not mad at you, Junhyung..” he finally turns to his now ex-boyfriend. “I am mad at myself for being naïve and believing just for a bit that it wouldn’t happen anymore, that you’re only mine and you don’t have any more feelings for him. I am also disappointed with myself for being so blind and not seeing his growing interest for you. “ Junhyung raises his head slowly and just slumps in his seat, hands helplessly folded in his lap. He knows that he needs to let Yoseob talk now, that it’s not his turn yet.

“You know how dense he can be, always living in his fourth dimension.” Yoseob chuckles and turns his gaze back to the scenery in front of him. “It was me, after all, who always told you that in time he’ll return your feelings,” he’s smiling, the sheer irony of the situation dawning on him and he wants to laugh but holds it back, he won’t be able to produce such a thing as laughing at this moment.

“I just didn’t guess it would be three years later…” The smaller finally tears his eyes off the lights in front of him and looks at the ground below and their sneakers next to each other. It was like this for those many years, them next to each other, always together and supporting the other. Tears are starting to form in Seob’s eyes again so he just brushes them away with the end of his sleeve, sniffing in the process.

“Seob…” Junhyung’s pained voice pierces the silence, “I want you to know that I don’t regret anything. Not even a minute of those two years. I feel blessed that I had somebody like you by my side because you’re really a wonderful person. It’s me who was always pulling you down-..”

“Oh, save it, Jun~” Yoeob interrupts him and hits him lightly on the thigh, he’s smiling a bit more now. “I don’t want your pity talk, we are both wonderful people! That’s what I’ve always been telling you and you should just accept it. No one is better or worse.” He turns his eyes back at the city and starts putting his heart slowly back together, it can’t happen immediately but he knows with time everything will be alright. The first piece is back, the rest will come eventually too..

“Yaah, I just wanted to compliment you here and you’re like this!” Junhyung shakes his head with a smile but somehow this made most of his fears run away. At least he knows now that Yoseob doesn’t want to kill him for what is happening and that’s a good sign.

“But really… “ Junhyung continues with softer voice, he just really wants to tell him this, he still has strong feelings for him after all. He’s not able to stop loving somebody just like that. And on top of that now it’s the rare situation where he’s trying to express his inner self to the other person.

“… I just want to thank you for everything, for our time spent together. I was truly happy and I won’t forget any of it.” He feels his own emotions welling up to the surface so he stops before he starts crying, it’s not time for tears now, there were enough for one night.

“And I want to say sorry for being selfish and stealing you for myself.” Yoseob laughs as a response and looks at Junhyung, this time his gaze lingering. “I wish for you to be truly happy, Junhyung.” He adds in a quiet voice with a smile, patting his shoulder. Junhyung stays silent for a moment just looking back at Yoseob, then hugs him all of a sudden.

“Aish! Why do you have to be such wonderful person, Yang Yoseob?!!” He whines in a childish voice and they both start laughing, understanding their own joke. And both of them also know that even if the love dies away, the strong friendship between them won’t ever disappear.

“Because I’m just made of awesome, Yong Junhyung! Now let go, yah! I can’t breathe!”

Like this they joke and laugh for a bit, talking about normal things like their work, their lives. It brings the normalcy back between them even when they both know it can’t be healed just like this.

After some time Junhyung tells Yoseob they should get back but Seobbie refuses with a small smile. He says he needs to go buy some comfort food and that he’s craving chicken, he promises to turn his phone on and be back quickly too. So after some more convincing Junhyung that he won’t end up somewhere dead, Yoseob and Junhyung part ways. And it’s like a final splitting of their path together, now each of them walks on their own.

*

After all of the emotional stress today, and exhaustion from crying when Junhyung left, I fell asleep quickly in my bunk bed. Gikwang took care of me and stayed in Jun’s bed until I calmed down.

A few hours later, when everyone except Doojoon and Yoseob is asleep, I stir from my slumber because I can feel someone laying next to me and taking my hand in theirs. I recognize those fingers instantly, short but delicate, strong but gentle.

“I’m here, Seungie.” I hear Junhyung whisper into my hair and pull me closer to him. I snuggle to his chest and let myself be lost in that specific scent and warmth. He’s not saying anything else and I know we are both too exhausted to even talk. So I just squeeze his fingers lightly and almost instantly fall asleep again to the sound of his heartbeat.

~~~~~~~~~~

I'm sorry for a later updated than I planned OTL life got crazy and also I was and still am pretty upset about Seungie's father and worried about Seungie himself :(

#staystronghyunseung ♥

I also want to thank all fo the people that commented and subscribed!! ♥ I'm not used to recieving so much love and comments~ thank you really~

and as always thanks to my lovely beta Jess ♥