He was gone.

Just like that.

He was nineteen years old.

Realization flooded my insides. I immediately pulled his lifeless body into my arms. I don’t know how long I embraced him. my ocean of tears had fallen and I couldn’t cry any more.

Still holding him, I closed my eyes and started to sing the song again.

“oh my darling… how much I love you…”

I struggled with the rest. I didn’t dare open my eyes until the song was over, silently hoping that when I did open them, he would be standing there, smiling at me like it was any other day. The tears started to come back as I realized how childish this was, and that he wasn’t coming back.

My eyes fluttered open and I smelled his hair. Strawberries. He loved strawberries.

He loved the ocean.

He loved flowers.

He loved cats.

Especially black ones.

He liked black ones especially because they looked mysterious. We used to have two at our apartment. I always because he reminded me so much of a cat.

God I wish I could tease and play with him now.

I shook him a little, even though I knew it was useless.

“Key,” I whispered, “Key you look a lot like a c-cat r-right-t now, Key... Key? Are you asleep?”

I lowered his body down onto the bed again. He looked at peace. I could accept that at least.

He was now at peace. Maybe.

I sat down on the floor, holding his hand. I began to break down.

It was very late once everything had been taken care of and I had gone home. This would be the first night I hadn’t slept in the same bed as him for years.

I didn’t eat.

I didn’t shower.

I went to the bedroom to go to sleep.

When I entered the room, I found the bed still unmade. (We had to get up early this morning.)

I longed for it to be that time when we woke up this morning.

I would beg him to stay home with me. I wouldn’t let him leave at all. Even if it made him mad.

Snapping back to reality, I went over to his side. I didn’t hesitate to get in bed and take in the scent of his pillow. It smelled so much like him that it triggered the tears again.

I cried myself to sleep.

Two days later I was required to go to school again. Everyone there knew about Key dying. I tried to put on a tough face and walked down the hallway.

People stared. Some came up and silently apologized for my loss. I was very grateful for those few people. It made me remember that I’m not the only one who is hurting.

I decided to go to Key’s locker to get his books and return them to the library. I stopped in my tracks when I turned the corner and saw the mountain of flowers inside it. People had come by and put flowers in his locker for him. not caring that people were around staring, I completely lost my cool. Dropping to my knees, I put my face in my hands. Get up Jonghyun and just grab the books.

Pushing the flowers aside, I found his books. However, there was a small cardboard box and a letter I was curious about. Taking the letter, I saw that it was addressed to me. I opened it and read:

Dear Jonghyun,

You are amazing.  You never cease to amaze me. I feel so amazing when I am just around you. We have known each other for years and you have been my boyfriend for quite some time. You are my best friend, and the most amazing person I have ever met. I really don’t know what else to say… so… will you marry me?

he was going to propose. to me.

I opened the box. A ring. Inside.

I slipped it on. I knew now that I could never recover.

I dropped all of my things and walked towards the school’s exit. I walked for miles until I came upon a cemetery that overlooks the Han River.

Inside was Key’s grave, and I sat right in front of it. I leaned my head against the stone and just sat there. Thinking nothing.

I started to sing.

“oh my darling… how much I love you… I cannot… live without you…”

From behind the stone a cat appeared.

A black cat.

It didn’t hesitate to come sit in my lap. He looked up at me. Beautiful cat eyes. However, they looked sad. As if he wanted to do something that he couldn’t.

“You look so much like Key,” I said. It made me smile.

I got up from where I was sitting.

And started running. I smiled.

I found the building.

Running up twenty flights of stairs.

I felt like wind itself.

I was finally at the roof.

I stood at the edge looking down.

Letting the last few tears fall down my cheeks, I took a last breath.

Key I’m coming.

I closed my eyes.