Prologue

I never knew that I would see him in a big TV at the city square. I was standing in the midst of the busy crowd. My eyes glued to the giant LCD screen of the mall where they are showing an MV of a newly debuted Korean group. And there, I could see him sing and dance, looking a bit aloof. Different from the Zhang Yixing that I knew. Is that really him?

[EXO SHOWCASE ON APRIL XX, 2012 AT XX STADIUM]

The last time that I saw him was 4 years ago before he had left for Korea.

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The sun was just above our heads as we lay on the grass on the side of the river banks. I was looking at the blue sky and white clouds that was moving to different directions. Yixing on the other hand was holding his guitar. A pen was stuck on his lips as he strums his guitar. But as soon he knew what tune he was looking for, he quickly stops playing and starts to write on his notebook. He seems to enjoy what he’s doing so I just let him be even if its our quality time. I closed my eyes and start to listen to the melody that Yixing is making. I really like everything about him. His voice, his eyes, his gentleness, his music... his whole being itself. Words are not enough to describe him and how big is my love for this guy beside me. The music stops as I heard the guitar being laid down.

“So you are done with “your” (him and his guitar) quality time together?” I jokingly asked as he also lay down beside me. I opened one eye to look at him. His teeth were glistening into the sun as he smiled.

“Yeah. I don’t want to tire my “Baby”.”

I laugh at him hard that I had to place a hand on my stomach. He was also laughing on his own joke.

Even his laugh... I really like it. I thought.

He stopped laughing when he saw me looking at him. He smiled and said, “Falling for me again huh?”

I shifted closer to him, he was a bit surprised but he didn’t move away. He closed his eyes, thinking I would kiss him. I grinned at myself as I move my hand closer to his forehead and flick him.

“Ow!” he opened his eyes, unexpected of what I did to him. I laughed at his reaction.

“Oh... now you’re laughing...” he stopped and I’ve already predicted what he’s going to do as he stances himself.

“Oh no...” I quickly stood up on my feet and wobbly ran away. I laughed as I ran away from him and same as me, Yixing was also laughing. His voice as if being carried by the wind. I slowed down to catch my breath for a while, I was panting as I jog slowly.

“Gotcha!” he whispers in my ear as he spun me around with his strong arms cradling my waist. Both of us giggled along as we spin around. The grass where we landed was soft and dry, I was above him but he pulled me, making him on top of me. His gentle hand caresses my cheek. It was warm, his long finger slowly tracing my jaw and stops at my chin. His thumb delicately brushing my lower lip. I look straight into his eyes to discover that he was looking at me intensely.

He whispers my name with so much affection. He moves in closer, his forehead touching mine with only an inch distance separating us. As the wind again gust through us, Yixing laid his lips onto mine. His lips were like his hands, soft and delicate. I could live with him like this forever.

_____________________

 

Two weeks after Yixing received a phone call from an Entertainment company.

I was busy taking care of my family’s shop.

How is he? I thought as I fix the items in order. My phone rings but I can’t get it right away. I was about to stepped down from the ladder when I dropped a jar of preserved cherries. I sighed and started to clean up the mess that I’ve made. Someone called and when I looked up it was Yixing’s brother.

“Oh, what’s the rush?”

“Yixing got accepted in the casting!”

“Casting? Where?” my eyes widened as I hear the word accepted. I got excited that I accidentally got cut from a shard of glass that I was picking up. Pain from the glass, then another painful realization struck me.

“Are you okay?! You’re bleeding!” his brother rushed to my side and held my hand. Even though they are brothers, the gentleness that I’ve received from Yixing is different.

“Ah... I’m fine... it’s just a cut...” I gulped as I finished my sentence. “Go ahead. I’ll come by at your house later.” I promised and he left as soon as we finished cleaning up.

Around dawn, I left the store and went home. It was only a ten minute walk from here to my house. I looked at the pale orange color of the sun as it sets to the grey sky. Different thoughts flooded my head. I shook my head as if shaking them could drive away my doubts from my head.

I went straight to my room to change my clothes before going to Yixing’s home. I placed my backpack on my desk. I caught a glimpse of our picture framed on the table. I took it to my hands and started reminiscing our high school days. I placed it back to my desk.

In my closet I scanned it for a dress for some certain occasion. I took out a pink dress and a white cardigan from my closet. I peeled off my clothes and changed into these. I straightened up my dress and study myself in the mirror. I think I need something to place on my head. My eyes wandered off all over the room and there I saw a white knitted beanie hat that Yixing gave me and stylishly placed in on my head.

“Yup, it’s perfect!”

I just need to place some press powder and some gloss then I’m ready to go. I grabbed my matching white slick bag and walked out of my house.

I walked to Yixing’s house, entering the gates as if it was my second home. I knock on the door and to my surprise Yixing greeted me with a wide smile. I was about to set a foot in when he suddenly glomps on me. His warmth soothes my feeling of worry.

“Ehem...” we looked at the one who made the sound and saw his family watching us and his father made a coughing sound again and said,

“Uhm, Yixing... I don’t think it’s nice to make out outside. Why don’t you let her in, at least it’s a bit warmer here.”

Both of us eyed his dad and the rest just laugh it off.

“Err... sorry dad.”

Both of us grew beet red from his statement. Yixing led me to the living room, with our hands locked together. I could feel so much joy from him. His dreams almost coming true yet... why do I feel like I’m forcing myself to smile?

I seated on the sofa with Yixing.

“So... tell her the big news!” Uncle said as he smiled on my way.

“Okay. Wait, wait. I’ll just get it. (The paper)” he stood up to get something from his room. In a minute, he came back with a paper on his hand.

“Here! Read it!” he gave me the paper and what instantly caught my eyes was the company’s name.

“SM Entertainment...”

“Yes! I passed the casting!” he said with glee as he held one of my hands.

I read off the rest in silence.

[To Zhang Yixing,

 Congratulations!

You are casted as one of the trainess for SMEnt....

... a plane ticket that is due to fly after 3 days will be sent to you via mail......]

 

He will leave after 3 days? I choked up on the thought of him leaving. I looked at Yixing then to his family. All of them looks happy. I can’t argue with that... ‘SM’ is a BIG company...’

I ate dinner at his house as his dad retold his dreams for Yixing, that he wanted him to become a famous singer. Yixing blushed, smiled and laughed as Uncle reminisce all the moments that he had gone through.

Yixing called me as he walked me back to my house.

“Yes?”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Why?

“Well, your mind is sort of clouded. It’s like as if it’s not here. Maybe it’s there.” He pointed to the pitch black sky full of stars then laughed off. I wanted to laugh with him but I just couldn’t.

He called my name for the second time.

“Xing... are you happy that you’re going to Korea?”

“Well, a part of me says yes but a part of me will miss everyone that it’s making it hard for me to leave.”

I just fell in silence. I can’t utter any more words through my mouth. I wanted to tell him to do his best but how?  If my heart only wants to chain him up to be only near me. But the very thought of him unable to make it to his dreams makes me guilty. I wanted to make him happy. I wanted him to reach up to those stars.

I reached my hands up to the sky above us and closed it to a fist,

I’ve decided. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I wanted to savour this moment, with him beside me. I took his hand to mine and stood tiptoed near to his ear and whisper,

“I love you”

For the last time. He smiled and replied with,

“I love you more.” And took me to his arms.

“Ahh... my dreams almost coming true... with you by my side I could feel I can do anything!”

Pangs of guilt dug thorugh my heart but I know what I’m doing will benefit him the most.

_____________________

The next day we went shopping for some stuff that he might need before he fly to Korea.

How should I tell him this?

I kept thinking on how I should ask him about what’s going to happen to us.

“Hey!” he called.

He was already a meter ahead of me and standing in front of a trinket shop.

“Let’s go!” he pulled me in, not knowing what he’s doing as we took a step inside the shop.

The shop looks like a bit of an antique shop because of the antique looking wooden table and shelf where the accessories and small cute figurines are placed. Yixing again walked ahead but not farther. He stopped in front of the shelf near the counter.

On the shelf was a glass container with a necklace. The necklace was made up of antique gold with an antique gold pendant that is shaped to an oval that has a flower embossed on top.

“That one... has a story that comes with it,” an old man in his 60’s walks towards us.

“oh...” Yixing was still engrossed to the antique necklace that was hung to a branch like jewelry holder. As I look at the jewelry, I saw something glisten on the center. A small crystal was embedded. The old man took it off from its holder and held it carefully and dearly in his hands. Yixing and I were both surprised because the old man took Yixing’s hand and placed the necklace to his palm.

“Oh no... I can’t take this... it’s seems important to you...”

The old man shook his head and said, “I’m giving it to you.” Then the old man looks at me and smiled. “you got a pretty lady waiting.” The old man was like hinting something.

“Uhm, Thank you!” he gave the old man a bow.

We left the shop without buying anything but the old man isn't angry, rather he seems glad that we came.

___________________

 

The sun was setting when we settled on the swings in the park. My hands holding the cold chain of tge swing as Yixing settled on the one beside me. I hadn’t uttered any word to him after we left the shop. His hand found mine and his brown eyes looking straight to mine,

“Are you okay?” he said with a frown.

I wanted to nod, to say I’m fine and everything is okay, yet why do I feel suffocated as I look straight to his eyes?

I just let my head fall and my long black hair cover my face face from him.

It hurts... but I have to... I thought as a tear slide from my face and fell to the sands where my feet settled.

“yixing, I-“ I choked as I found myself sobbing, covering my face with my palm. I felt him panic as he stood up and hug me on my shoulders. His cheeks nested on the top of my head. Making me hush sd he tried to calm me down. My hands move from my face and found his back.

Since when did his back become this wide? I’ve let things pass by, not even realizing that we only have a few days, no, few hours to be together. I gulped as I try to remember what I’m supposed to do.

“I,” I tried to calm myself. “I’m breaking up with you.”

“Huh?” Yixing pulled away from the embrace and showed a surprise and unbelieving face.

“I said I’m letting you go.”

“you’re kidding right?” he thougth of what I said as a joke and showed a stiff smile but then turned into a frown as I showed nothing on my face. Nothing shows that what I’ve said is a joke.

“Why?” he said with a soft voice.

I don’t know how to answer him.

“Please look at me straight in the eye and tell me, why?” his voice was now a bit demanding yet trying to be calm.

“you’re going to another country and becoming what you’ve wanted to be.” I paused as I try to catch my breath. “A singer.”

“But-“

I cut him off. “No. Sooner or later you’re going to break up with me. You can’t have gossips lurking around you just when you are starting...”

He was surprised of what I’ve said but I know I’m right and without saying any words I stood up to leave but he grabs my wrist, not pulling me to him. Slowly he lifted his head and saw a tear streaming on his face.

“Wait. I still haven't given this to you yet. Please turn back.” I accepted his request and turn my back to him. He gently brushed my hair off my back to my right. He held the necklace in front of me and softly laid it on my chest. I turned around while looking at the pendant and tracing the chains of the necklace with the tips of my fingers. Yixing walked away, he knows that I’m not the type who’d walk away but the one who’d stay and be left instead. The beauty of it...i can’t seem to see it clearly as my vision is blurred by the water forming in my eyes.

Why? I shouldn’t cry... I’ve already cried my tears out yesterday... yet it was endless. Tears flowing on my face dripping to my neck running through the chains of the necklace. I looked into the sky and pointed my finger to it.

That’s me... I pointed the star that was small with a dim light that only if you squinted your eyes you could see the brightness of it.

... And that’s you... I pointed to the bright, big star on the other side, the star that even if there were some lights still on can still be seen with the eye.

 

____________

 

Today is the day that Yixing would leave for Korea. I decided that I won’t send him off because it’ll only be harder for the both of us. I turned all over my bed, eyes wide staring at the ceiling. I can’t stand my feelings and got up to my feet. I just can’t bear not to see him for the last time. Even just a minute, no, a second at least.

 

_________

God please let me be there on time...

Let me see him for one last time...

I prayed in the taxi on my way to the airport where he would be. Traffic jam was not a problem since there is none, I paid the taxi and ran to the area where the passengers going to Korea will be waiting.

Please... please... I beg you... just a second...

I’m late... I though as I heave a breath and kneeled.

“Hey, are you okay?” someone asked and tapped my shoulder.

“Ye-yes.” I slowly breathe in and out. “is the flight to Korea already gone?”

“Oh, are you here to send Yixing off?”

“uhh.. yeah.” I guess it’s one of his fans. “had...had he already left?” I scanned all over the place.

“No, not yet. But he’s there talking to the other fans.” The girl pointed to the corner.

Thank God...he’s still here... but what do I do now?

“Let’s go.” The girl tugs my arm.

“Huh?” I let her carry me to where he is.

Yixing was surrounded by different fans who give him gifts. Foods, clothes and accessories. We were a meter away from him when the intercom announced that the passangers need to go to their respective plane.

“Thank you, thank you~” he bowed to all the fans and some were crying but some just smiled since they wished him well as a fan.

“But aren’t you waiting for someone?” a fan asked.

“Huh? Uhm..yeah..but I don’t think she’s coming...” Yixing looked at his feet for a moment and then looks up with a smile that I know seems fake. “I gotta go now. Thank you again for these!” then he walked away to the door that leads him to the plane.

“Aww, too bad you didn’t get to talk to him. He’s a really nice guy you know... but who is he waiting for?” the girl who tugged me asked.

“...someone who used to be important maybe...” I muttered.

“Huh?”

“No, nothing.” I smiled at her. “At least I get to see him for a second and that’s enough.” I waved her goodbye and skipped away from the place. I walked out of the airport and went to the building where you could see the plane runway. i climbed through the stairs to the rooftop. I held on the rails that’s protecting me from falling.

 

I’ll see you again...