Suho hyung,

                Hyung, I’m so, so sorry. I know you might not even want to hear or know what I have to say but please don’t rip this apart or throw it without reading everything. Please. I owe you an explanation and right now, this is the best I can do.

                I know I should’ve explained it to you face to face. I know I should’ve told you the truth. But I didn’t and I know you might never forgive me for that. I know you might never forgive me for just disappearing all of a sudden, leaving without a word, without a trace. I wanted to tell you, hyung, but it’s so painful – both to you and me.

                I have cancer, hyung. Brain cancer. I left because I need to get treatment. The chances are slim but I’m banking on it. I want to live, hyung. There’s still so much I want to do, so much I have to see and experience. I’m so sorry for hiding this from you. I just wasn’t ready to tell all of you yet… I can’t even fully accept it. I’ll fight, hyung. I promise you that. I’ll fight to live and go back to Korea so that I can apologize to you person.

                Hyung, I don’t have any right to ask anything from you but I’ll push my luck. It’s about Sooyoung. Please take care of her better that I can… love her more than I can. Okay? I know you probably wanna kill me right now because I never told you I love her. How can I when you love her too? She probably hates me right now for leaving without a clue, without a goodbye. It’s for her own good, hyung. At least I think so.

Take care of her, okay? That’s all I ask of you.

                Well, I guess I’ll end here. Thank you, hyung, for finishing this letter… most especially, thank you for being the best hyung anyone could ever have. I’m going to miss you a lot.

Be happy.

Kai

P.S.: Heechul hyung does look a lot like Taemin too, right? At least Taem will still have a twin when I’m gone

Kai skims through the letter he has written; a sigh soon escaping his lips. He takes his pen once more.

Suho hyung,

                Hyung, I’m so, so sorry. I know you might not even want to hear or know what I have to say but please don’t rip this apart or throw it without reading everything. Please. I owe you an explanation and right now, this is the best I can do.

                I know I should’ve explained it to you face to face. I know I should’ve told you the truth. But I didn’t and I know you might never forgive me for that. I know you might never forgive me for just disappearing all of a sudden, leaving without a word, without a trace. I wanted to tell you, hyung, but it’s so painful – both to you and me. It’s just that I never liked goodbyes, hyung. You know that.

                I have cancer, hyung. Brain cancer. I left because I need to get treatment. I left because I got a once in a lifetime opportunity to enrol in this dance academy in America.  The chances are slim but I’m banking on it. I want to live, hyung. You know how much I love dancing, hyung. There’s still so much I want to do, so much I have to see and experience. There’s still so much I have to experience and I’m going to be selfish just this once. I’m so sorry for hiding this from you. I just wasn’t ready to tell all of you yet… I can’t even fully accept it. It was just so sudden and I wasn’t given much time by the academy and I know you guys wouldn’t be too thrilled about me moving away. I’m not saying you aren’t supportive… but we’ve all been inseparable since birth. Saying goodbye won’t be easy. I’ll fight, hyung. I promise you that. I’ll fight to live and go back to Korea so that I can apologize to you person. I promise I’m going to work hard and be successful… and then I’ll go back to Korea and apologize to you in person. I promise you, hyung.

                Hyung, I don’t have any right to ask anything from you but I’ll push my luck. It’s about Sooyoung. Please take care of her better that I can… love her more than I can. Okay? I know you probably wanna kill me right now because I never told you I love her. How can I when you love her too? She probably hates me right now for leaving without a clue, without a goodbye. It’s for her own good, hyung. At least I think so. Please tell her I’m sorry.

Take care of her, okay? That’s all I ask of you.

                Well, I guess I’ll end here. Thank you, hyung, for finishing this letter… most especially, thank you for being the best hyung anyone could ever have. I’m going to miss you a lot.

Be happy.

Kai

P.S.: Heechul hyung does look a lot like Taemin too, right? At least Taem will still have a twin when I’m gone

A ghost of a bitter smile crosses Kai’s face. He takes a clean sheet of paper and rewrites his letter.