Kyungsoo stood staring at the door and mentally cursed at himself because he had just let the only person he wanted to see run out the away. 

Kyungsoo shook his head and wiped his tears, urging himself to be strong for Kai's sake. He had come to the conclusion that he didn't want to give up their status as an interrobang. He couldn't, and he wouldn't. He gathered himself and dashed out towards his heart, his love, his destiny, and every corny word in the dictionary because Do Kyungsoo was madly in love with Kim Jongin. 

His feet pounded relentlessly onto the cracked pavement, moving faster than he ever had in his life. Each step chanted Jongins name, urging him to continue his fast pace. Kai. Jongin. Jongin. Jongin. Kim Jongin. He reached Kai's apartment and knocked on the door. It swung open immediately, revealing a smug Sehun. "It took you long enough. Now get in there, I'll leave you two alone." The younger grinned, shoved Kyungsoo inside and shut the door as he exited to give them privacy.

Kyungsoo darted into the room to find Kai bundled up in the covers, only his dark brown hair peeking through. He walked over and tried to control his breathing(with much difficulty because that was the most exercise he had gotten in years).

"I thught I told you to go away." Kai grumbled, his voice hoarse. 

Kyungsoo frowned and jumped on top of the lump in the bed, pressing down the sheets so Kai couldn't escape. "No." He whispered.

"What the flying --" He struggled to pry the covers off his face but Kyungsoo used all his weight to shove the younger back down. 

"No." He said louder. "Kim Jongin, I will not go away." 

Said Jongin stilled but Kyungsoo didn't release his grip. "I wont go away, no matter what you tell me. It was wrong of me to seek help from Suho, I know and I'm sorry. I shouldn't have reacted like that. I shouldn't have gone when you told me to go. I regret it all but I can't take it back, but Lord have mercy, Jongin you little , you already know that I'm not smart and that I make bad decisions so why on Earth would you take me seriously? Why did you have to make it like this..." Jongin sat up, Kyungsoo still on his lap, and pulled down the covers to find the crying man.

"Sorry." Jongin whispered. "But I warned you." 

"Bull ." 

"I did." The younger smiled sadly, pulling Kyungsoo's fists from his face and stopping him from rubbing his already swollen eyes."I told you, when we first met, that I was a fan of the whole dramatic exit thing. I didn't expect for it to turn out quite like this, but it's all the same."

"Kim Jongin, you-" Kyungsoo breathed. "For someone so smart you're really really...stupid."

"I know." Jongin laid back down on his back and covered his eyes with his forearm. "I just don't want you to get hurt. I want you to remember me as how I am now, and not how I will be. Kyungsoo, you can do so much and you can get and be whatever you want--I don't want to hold you back and force you into being my caretaker for the rest of your life." 

"What about what I want?" Kyungsoo clambered off of the taller male and sat down beside him. "What if I wanted you? What if I want to take care of you? Jongin, I'm not sure if you noticed but you can't force me into anything I don't want to do."

"Oh really." Jongin dead panned. "Going on a date with me, I forced you into that. Me moving into your apartment, meeting your parents--all things that required quite a bit of force on my end."

"I wanted to go on a date with you. I wanted you to move in. I wanted you to meet my parents. Just because I put up some protest , does not mean I didn't want you. Because if I really didn't want any of that, I would have put a restraining order on you and barricaded you from my life. I eventually gave you permission, not because of your persistent ways, but because of my own desire." Kyungsoo sighed. "Ok, prepare yourself and shut your mouth because I'm about to spew a lot of corny but true things, alright? Kim Jongin, I honestly do not care if you aren't smart. I don't care if I have to take care of you. I don't care if you push me away, or make me upset, or if you do stupid things because I will stay anyway. All that matters is that you're here next to me. I don't mind if you can't confuse me with your big words or woo me with poetry, because I never understood anything you said anyway. I love you. Kim Jongin, Kai, I love every bit of you and if you even try to wiggle your way out of my life, I will kill you. You are mine. I am not going to give up our status as an interrobang. If I have to cram knowledge into my puny brain, if we have to switch places, hell, I could honestly care less if we were both confused because... because our love is an interrobang, okay? Not us. Our love. We are questions without answers, exclaimed sarcastic remarks, excitement and disbelief-- we are informal but every writer out there has a desire to write about us. Because we are different. What we share can't be compared to a simple question, or an exclamation point, a period or even your damn ellipses because that represents hesitation and trailing off and we sure as hell are not ending this relationship. We are and always will be an interrobang."

Jongin was silent for a few moments, awe overtaking his formerly pained expression. "Do you realize what you just did?"

"I just delivered a dramatic soliloquy." 

"It was a monologue, actually." Jongin smiled and Kyungsoo melted at the sight he didn't know he had missed until right then. 

"No." Kyungsoo refuted. "It was a soliloquy because I didn't care if you were listening or not. I was talking to myself, telling myself that no matter what happened, I would love you. Although I had already known that, I needed to have a verbal representation of it. "

Jongin laughed loudly because I was just corrected by Do Kyungsoo, this is a historical moment. After his laughter faded out, he leaned his head against his wall and let out a contented sigh. "You just gave yourself to me. There's no turning back now, do you understand that? You can't give up on me. Even when everyone else turns their back on me, even if I give up on myself, you can never leave me."

Kyungsoo grinned and straddled Jongin once again. "I would never dream of it." He wrapped his arms around Jongin's neck and pulled him in for the kiss he had been craving for so, so long.

--

The hospital held bittersweet memories, and if it wasn't for the fact that it's where Kyungsoo and Kai started their relationship, most of the memories would be plain bitter.

There Kyungsoo was again, sitting outside of Kai's room waiting to be allowed in. Sehun was sitting awkwardly at the edge of the seat and he was more fidgity and antsy than Kyungsoo had ever seen him before. It suddenly dawned on him that Sehun was afraid of hospitals. "Sorry for making you stay with me. I forgot you didn't like hospitals... you can, uh, go if you like."

"May I ask how you know that about me?" Sehun asked with a slight smile, crossing his arms over his head and finally relaxing into his seat.

"Kai told me. When you and I first met and you made me go visit him, he said the reason you made me confront him was because you wanted to get out of the hospital."

"That little bastard." Sehun chuckled. "I didn't think he noticed. But yes, that is correct, I am not very fond of hospitals."

Kyungsoo contemplated asking why, but swallowed his words in fear that he would push too far. He felt he owed Sehun, in a way, because if it wasn't for his fear he and Kai wouldn't have gotten to know eachother.

"Why?" Sehun suddenly spoke and Kyungsoo groaned because he's doing that freaky mind reading thing again. The taller male rolled his eyes and proceded to mind read. "I'm guessing you feel like you are in debt to me, for forcing you to meet my roommate again and further engaging you into your ed up relationship. No need to, though, because I was simply using you to my benefit. You seemed gullible, Kai likes gullible, I don't like hospitals. I figured Kai would force you two into a relationship and that would save me a few months of taking him to the hospital when he would inevitably get hurt. Of course, I didn't expect you two would last so long, but it still works in my favor."

"So... you're only using me." 

Sehun scoffed. "You make it seem like we're the one in a relationship. But no, I am not using you. Would you like to know a secret?"

Kyungsoo didn't even bother to nod or make a signal in the affirmative because he knew Sehun would tell him anyway. And he did.

"I'm the one who ended Kai's relationship with Suho. Kai probably never told you, but he dragged on his relationship with Suho even though it hurt him. I saw it before he did. Suho started avoiding him when Kai told him the truth. But that poor bastard was too scared to realize it. So I made them break up."

"H-how?" Kyungsoo stuttered.

"I threatened the bastard that was... that was hurting Kai so much." Sehun laughed softly, his eyes taking on an angered expression.

Kyungsoo realized, then, what Kai meant about Sehun being like a mother figure. As much as the younger boy tried to hide his affection, he truly cared about Kai.

"I went to his house and knocked some sense into him. I knew that if Kai had to break up with Suho, rather than the other way around, it would hurt him more. He's like that. He wont end a relationship, no matter how trivial, unless I step in and get the other person to end it first. That's why it was such a surprise to see him break it off with you first."

Kyungsoo lowered his head in shame, biting his lip. 

"I didn't tell you that to make you feel bad. The point is, if I thought you were bad for Kai, I would make you two end it. No matter how in love you are with Jongin, and no matter how in love he is with you... if you were to ever hurt him, I wouldn't hesitate to go to your house and scare you into breaking his heart. And although you did hurt him, I knew you would come back and make it better." Sehun laughed at the tears forming in Kyungsoo's wide eyes. 

"You love him." Kyungsoo whispered, his small white hands wiping away the tears.

"Not in the same way as you do... but yes. I do love Kai."

"I love you too." Jongin's voice answered. 

The two men turned their head to see Kai leaning against the  door frame behind them, his expression teasing and Sehun scoffed once again. "Whatever. I'm going now." 

"Thank you." Jongin suddenly said. "For everything. You're my best friend, Sehun, I don't know why you are, but I thank you for that."

"The almighty Kim Jongin thanking me? What a glorious day." Sehun sighed in content but his face showed it all. "I'll see you later."

After Sehun left and Kai was inside Kyungsoo's car, the smaller man turned to him. "You knew that Sehun did all those things?"

"Of course I did. I'm-- well, I was a genius. I didn't stop him because he feels like he needs to take care of me. It's for my sake, and for his own conscience." Jongin laughed.

Kyungsoo nodded and asked the question he was dreading for so long. "What were the results of the tests?"

"Well, my brain functioning is beginning to go back down. And there were some... things."

"What kind of things?" Kyungsoo whispered, voice barely functioning.

"The... repercussions of the surgery is that I wont be the same as I was before."

"I thought that was expected." Kyungsoo pointed out.

"I mean, I wont even be the same as I was even before the surgery. There are chances that more parts of my brain will shut down. We can't know for sure until it... happens."

--

"Are you sure you can..."

"I'm fine." Jongin snapped at his worried boyfriend. His motor skills were beginning to deteriorate and his legs often gave out from under him. "I can get water myself."

Kyungsoo hovered near the taller male, waiting to catch him if he fell.

Kai sighed, his fingers shakily grasping the glass of water. He sent  glare towards Kyungsoo, silently telling him to give him space. Kyungsoo, ever since Kai's fall a few weeks after his appointment, had been hovering nonstop. He tended to Kai's every need, whether the younger wanted it or not.

"I'm sorry it's just--"

"I am still capable. For Gods sake, Kyungsoo, this is what I was afraid of. More than you hating me, I was scared that you would treat me like I can't do things. I'm still human. I can still speak. I can still walk. I don't need you to do every single thing for me. I don't like feeling belittled."

Kyungsoo bit back his lip. Their relationship had begun to be a bit rocky as the days passed but both men were still keeping their promise. No matter what, Kyungsoo wouldn't leave Kai behind. 

"You're right." Kyungsoo nodded. "I'm sorry. I was just worried that you would get hurt. I didn't think about how you would feel."

"No, I shouldn't have snapped it's not your fault--" Kai's face stiffened and the glass fell from his hands.

Everything seemed to go in slow motion. Kai's face contorted in pain and his body began to collapse. The glass shattered, starting Kyungsoo into action. He immediately reached for Jongin but it was too late. His heart dropped to his stomach as soon as Kai had fallen to the ground.

Kyungsoo rushed to help Kai up but he froze, eyes widening in terror, hands trembling in cold sweat.

It was different this time.

Jongin didn't get up immediately and laugh it off, but he stayed on the ground, limbs splayed out in odd angles, as if gravity was forcing him down. He began to whimper and his body convulsed, his eyes rolling back into his head.

"Jongin!" Kyungsoo screamed, reaching for him. He called the ambulance and sputtered out the address. His hands hovered over his boyfriend in fear of hurting him and he hadn't felt so useless in his entire life. Frustrated and frightened tears poured down his cheeks because Jongin is hurting and I can't do anything but watch like an idiot.

Jongin finally relaxed from his stiffened posture and Kyungsoo pulled his sweaty head into lap as he hugged him to his chest. "I'm sorry, baby. I'm so, so sorry. I'm here, it will be okay. It will all be okay." He was speaking more to himself, than to his boyfriend. "I am so sorry."

Kyungsoo waited with Jongin in his arms for what seemed like hours until the medics came and pried the unconscious boy from his arms and whisked him to the hospital as he sat in the back seat of the wailing ambulance, his sweaty palms grasping Kai's cold hands in a death grip. 

Once again, Kyungsoo was sitting outside of the hospital room. He decided, right then, that the hospital would always be more bitter than it would be sweet. 

Sehun rushed into the hospital and scanned the room until he found Kyungsoo's hunched figure. 

"What happened?" Sehun whispered, his voice cracking as he walked over. Worry wrapped around his heart like a vise and all oxygen was robbed violently from his lungs as he saw Kyungsoo's panic stricken face. He begged, silently, please God let Jongin be okay. The seconds Kyungsoo took to answer were too long and fear injected itself into Sehun's veins.

"I- I don't know. We were talking and he- he just fell. I thought it was like last time, but he started... I think it was a seizure... Sehun I couldn't do anything but watch and I was scared I don't know what to do--"

The younger boy wrapped Kyungsoo in his arms as tears began to form in his own eyes.

"He'll be okay. I promise." But that was one thing that Sehun wasn't sure of, but could only hope.

Kyungsoo pulled away and tried to compose himself, remembering again that the younger was afraid of hospitals. The words were on the tip of his tongue when Sehun shook his head. "I'm not leaving."

Kyungsoo was secretly relieved because somehow he knew if he didn't have Sehun by his side he would quite possibly go insane.

"I never got to tell you why I was afraid of hospitals." Sehun's voice was weak and tired.

And for once, Kyungsoo was the one who knew what Sehun was going to say next. 

Nobody actually feared hospitals.They feared the negative connotations that came along with the word hospital.  They feared the emotions that came with it. They feared the uncertainty. The feared the worry. They feared the pain, heartache, memories of sitting in a dimly lit hallway, head in hands, tears on cheeks and heart in stomach.

They feared the worst.

And that, Kyungsoo completely and utterly understood.

I'm sorry that the quality of this chapter isn't very good but hey you cant judge mebecause i wasnt even supposed to update haha but i got 300 subbies aklsdfja;sdkfj; you guys are too nice to me here have my soul.I'm a bit rusty and i seem to have forgotten how to write, but that's okay. also i couldn't edit it so there are lots of mistakes and yeah i'm a lazy and bad author sob

andddddd.... i'm sorrythatthischapterissodramatic

there is so much dialogue i cant ok i dont know what happened with this 

also i typed it directly into the aff chapter box (shame on me!) instead of word so i don't know if this is as long as the other chaps. Sorry if it's short!

but Good news guys! I'm getting homeschooled soon so they're going to send me a laptop and stuff so that solves my personal problems and my computerless problem yay! that means more updates sooooon c:

please comment ^^

chaos-