clair·voy·ant/kle(ə)rˈvoiənt/ 
A person who claims to have a supernatural ability to perceive events in the future or beyond normal sensory contact.

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I stared into the ocean of white, lost in my thoughts. The icy wind blew mercilessly on my face, reddening my cheeks and nose, and snow swirled around me, making it almost impossible to see anything unless it was right in front of you.

I blinked. Snow, I thought blankly.

Zelo loved snow.

I remembered how his face lit up every time he realized it was snowing, and how he ran out and started laughing and spinning around in circles. I particularly recalled that time he took hold of my hand and dragged me out with him, that twinkle in his eyes, like a kid on Christmas.

"Hyung, Hyung, it's snowing!" he'd smile breathlessly. "Isn't it beautiful?" Then he'd laugh again and throw his arms around my neck, and I'd look into his dark eyes and kiss him, arms around each other while the snow fell on us. I remembered every little detail - the snowflakes landing on his hair and clinging to his eyelashes, his warm breath on my face, forming water vapor in the icy air and mingling with mine. I remembered the warmth that radiated from his skin, and how his hands were always warm no matter what, so he'd take my frozen fingers in his to protect them from the stinging wind.

I remembered so much more than you'd expect me to. But every little triviality, no matter how insignificant it seemed, of the time I'd spent with Zelo was permanently ingrained into my mind.

Because, as they say, you never really realize what you have until you lose it.

I shoved those thoughts away from my mind. Of course I'd realized what I had. Back then, I cherished every single second I got to spend with him. Whenever he was at school, I'd spend the whole day biting my nails and staring at the clock anxiously. Whenever I was at work or when my parents managed to drag me away for a holiday, I wouldn't feel complete again until I was back home with him in my arms.

We were completely joined at the hip, never leaving each other's side. We even sneaked into each other's houses at night and slept together.Everything felt better when he was around, as cliché as it sounds, and there was something magical about falling asleep with him. I was certain nothing would ever matter to me as long as I had Zelo.

Then I'd tilt my head down so I was facing him and smile sleepily at him, and he'd return the smile lovingly, his eyes b with tenderness. He'd kiss my cheek, but that alone was never enough, and I always ended up lowering my lips to meet his in a gentle kiss. I used to fall asleep with his taste still in my mouth. And if we were at my house - which was most of the time, since I knew his parents didn't approve of me - he'd wake up next to me too. Those mornings were complete bliss. I'd smell his scent and feel his warm arms around me, and then my eyelids would flutter open and I be looking straight into his beautifully captivating eyes, and even though I was definitely not a morning person, it always managed to put a smile on my face.

There were no worries about my parents finding us, either. In fact, both they and Yongnam, my twin brother, were perfectly aware of the fact that Zelo spent most of his nights here. But my parents turned a blind eye towards us, and I took this as a sign that they trusted us completely, and Yongnam was always as supportive as you could get towards our relationship. None of them would have dreamed of giving us away to Zelo's parents. His sister, Jieun, covered up for him at home. She, too, seemed very understanding, and in fact, whenever she saw us together she'd giggle and say how "cute" we were.

But the best night of all had been the one at the beach.

He'd told me we were going somewhere that afternoon, but refused to say anything else. So when the final bell rang at school, I let him lead me in an entirely unfamiliar direction. The walk was longer than I'd expected, but every time I asked Zelo if we were there yet, he just smiled mischievously and raised a finger to his lips.

I'd have been getting pretty fed up with the situation, if it weren't for the fact that I knew Zelo, and I knew whatever surprise he'd planned for me would be amazing. And I was right.

But even then, I was in for the shock of my life when we finally emerged into the tiny - but breathtakingly beautiful - beach. We lived right next to the sea, but we only ever visited the beach in summer, and at that time of the year it was packed with people. But this one was perfect. I'd never even heard about it before, even better, because it meant there were next to no chances of anyone interrupting us.

And it was all so perfect that I couldn't help myself from leaping onto Zelo and kissing him fiercely, very nearly tackling him. He laughed and hugged me tight, murmuring into my ear, "So, d'you like it?"

"Yes," I replied breathlessly. "Yes, baby, it's absolutely perfect. Thank you so much. You're the best boyfriend ever."

He kissed me again, even more passionately than before. "And there'll be nobody here to ruin the moment."

Of course, he was right. I was pretty sure nobody knew this beach anyway, and besides, it was February. No one went to the beach in the middle of winter. So we'd have it to ourselves all night long.

He'd even made a picnic for us, making me grin from ear to ear at the cuteness of it all, and when we'd finished eating, he sat in my lap and we watched the sun go down like we were in one of those cheesy movies his sister was always watching. I closed my eyes, pulled him against my chest and listened to the sound of his breathing.

And I just felt so complete that I blurted it out. The three words I'd never told anyone before.

"I love you."

And as I said it, I realized I'd been in love with the boy in my arms for a long time. It was just that, when you’re dating a fifteen year old, you didn't think about that kind of thing. It seemed too permanent, too binding. But right now, there was absolutely no doubt that I was totally and completely in love with Zelo, no matter what the consequences might be. You'd have thought maybe I was scared at the thought of being so tied to someone, but I wasn't. Not at all. And the most blissfully perfect moment of my life was completed as he whispered his next words into my ear.

"I love you too, Yongguk."

And that same night was the first time we made love.

We did it right there, on the beach. And nobody will ever be able to take the memories away from me, his touch, so gentle and full of tenderness, the loving words whispered into my ear. I held him as he fell asleep but this time was so different from all the others, having shared so much more than we'd ever imagined we would.

That night, holding him in my arms, I'd been foolish enough to think that all this would last forever. It certainly seemed so at the time. But I learned the hard way that you can't rely on anything in life, and what's given to you can be taken away just as quickly. Back then, I never really realized the importance of cherishing each and every moment you have, because everything is just so fragile that it only takes a little push to make everything you hold dear shatter into pieces before your very eyes.

And the boy who I confessed my love to that night, the boy who trusted me with his ity, who knew me inside and out and who was closer to me than I'd ever dreamed of letting anyone get, was taken from me before I even realized it.

Because Zelo was dead.

That's it. Dead. Gone. Disappeared from my life, like he'd never been a part of it. But nobody, not even me, could erase the memories. And they haunted me every night because really, isn't that what memories are for?

"Hyung?"

I was ripped from my thoughts by somebody murmuring my name into my ear, and I knew who it was right away.

This time it wasn't my imagination. I was sure of it. No, it was real.

It was Zelo's voice.

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At first, right after Zelo had died, I tried very hard not to feel. The pain was unbearable, and the only way to fight it was to try to stay completely numb and unfeeling. I stopped eating, I stopped talking, I stopped smiling while everything around me descended into utter chaos. In a way, I think I was still in shock; still refusing to believe that the boy I loved with all my heart was gone forever. But all of that changed the day of the funeral.

I think what broke me was seeing his still, lifeless body in the coffin. That made me realize that all of this was painfully real, that he was never coming back. I’d never see him smile again, never fall asleep with his soft body in my arms, or feel his mesmerizing dark eyes on me, those eyes I’d grown to know like the back of my hand… I’d never feel his lips on mine again, or hear him whisper into my ear how much he loved me…

And something triggered inside of me, and it was like every feeling I'd been trying so hard to suppress was suddenly engulfing me and shattering me from the inside out.

I'd felt my vision go strangely blurred and hazy, like everything was spinning chaotically around me, and the next thing I knew, I was in hysterics, sobbing desperately and screaming for Zelo to come back. I'd felt a pair of stronger arms wrap themselves around my torso, dragging me back from his still, pale form while I writhed and cried Zelo's name over and over, like it would somehow make him come back to me again. A gust of cold air hit me, and that's when I realized that Yongnam had taken me outside, perhaps hoping I'd calm down. But I freed myself from his grasp, fell to my knees and wept. I didn't want to feel my brother's - or anyone's - arms around me, because it just felt wrong. That wasn't where I was meant to be. I belonged in Zelo's embrace, and nowhere else.

But Zelo was never coming back.

And the snow fell that day too, and I remembered wishing with all my heart that I could just stay there forever while the snow coated me, and I could be buried beneath it, lifeless, unfeeling. Maybe, if that happened, I could be with him again.

That thought triggered so much more than I'd expected. I thanked my lucky stars my brother had already left, so he wouldn't have to see me this broken, curled up on the frozen ground, heartbroken sobs emerging from my throat. An image of Zelo, the Zelo I knew and loved, filled my head with so much clarity that for a moment I thought he'd really come back and was standing in front of me.

Only I blinked and he didn't disappear, like I thought he would. He was really there.

That was the first time I saw him.

He emerged from the snow, smiling slightly, hair ruffled by the fierce wind, and all I could do was stare at him in wonder, tears still streaming from my eyes as he kneeled beside me on the ice-cold ground.

I barely managed to part my numb lips and whisper, "Zelo?"

He looked into my eyes, and I could see something in his look was very different. He looked older and much wiser, and the innocence that was once in his eyes had disappeared, turning into something much darker and more powerful. But he was still Zelo. And I still loved him with all my heart.

He took my face in his hands and brushed his thumb against my cheek, wiping my tears away. Something in his touch had changed, too. It no longer held the warmth I remembered.

"Are you..." I'd breathed, voice quivering, "are you really here?"

He'd hesitated for a moment, eyes still on me, and I realized that even if he was here, nothing would ever be the same again. But he nodded slowly, and without a word, I buried my face in his chest and sobbed.

He was far from the Zelo I remembered. But he was back, and that was all that mattered.

Even then, though, things changed drastically.

I changed too. I became reserved and quiet, speaking only when necessary, shutting out the rest of the world entirely. Zelo never left my side, not one minute of the day, but I could never talk to him in public, because everyone would have assumed there was something wrong with me. I'd have been sent to some doctor and treated as though I was mentally ill.

I wasn't crazy. I was sure of that. There was no way Zelo could be in my head, because hallucinations just weren't that real. Besides, he'd changed. Of course he had. If he'd just been in my head, I was convinced he'd have been exactly the same as before.

All I knew was that I couldn't tell anyone, and that was yet another reason for distancing myself from people.

And if I had one fear, it was the fear of him leaving. Because then I'd truly have nothing left to live for. Lately, I'd been getting more and more worried about that, but there was nothing I could do except wait and hope.

"Hyung?" he whispered into my ear, and I felt his slender arms wrap around me.

His eyes followed the direction of mine, looking at the snow falling.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" he breathed. I nodded in response, leaning my cheek against the top of his head.

I'd gotten used to the lack of heartbeat and breathing a long time ago.

I looked up at him, and for a second I saw something in his eyes that truly reminded me of the way he'd been before all this, when we were both young and happy and carefree. Maybe it was the small spark of wonder that always used to appear in his eyes when he saw snow falling. But this time, it'd lost all its childish innocence - he looked out at the sea of white in a deep, heartbreaking way, almost... nostalgically.

I raised his lips to meet mine and kissed him softly, and he finally tore his gaze away from the snow to look at me. If there was one thing that hadn't changed, it was the love that filled his eyes whenever they landed on me.

"Hyung?"

"Mmhm?"

"I was thinking maybe we could visit the graveyard today?"

I stiffened, and turned him around so he was facing me. "What for?"

He hesitated. "It's just... I feel so much better when I'm there. Safer, more peaceful. Please?" he asked, a pleading look in his eyes.

I sighed. "Okay. Should I get a flower or something? I mean, the place's always stuffed with-"

"Yongguk," he cut me off, taking hold of my wrists gently.

I looked at him, surprised. "What?"

"I know you don't like going over there. I'm sorry. You can stay if you want, but I don't want to go without you, and it just... means a lot to me, you know?"

"Yeah," I mumbled, although I didn't really understand why he wanted to go so badly. "I just have a bad feeling about it. It's probably just..." My voice trailed off, not really wanting to finish the sentence.

He looked at me, concern apparent in his eyes. "Don't worry, okay? I'm here."

But that was the problem. That was the doubt that was eating me alive. I didn't know how much longer he'd be here for.

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I stared at the gravestone numbly, barely feeling Zelo's presence next to me. 

Choi Junhong
1996-2011
Loving son, brother and grandchild
Zelo, you are forever in our hearts.

I was vaguely aware of Zelo interlocking his fingers with mine and squeezing my hand tightly. I was so lost in the abrupt wave of grief that was threatening to drown me to notice he was trying to comfort me. Instead, the only thing I could think about was the times when there still was warmth radiating from those fingers... and how desperately I wanted it back. 

Slowly, I kneeled on the frozen, snow-covered ground and placed a single white rose beside the gravestone. 

Six months on, the grave was still surrounded by flowers of practically every type and color. My eyes rested briefly on a bright orange one with especially broad petals, a wreath of withering pink lilies, two or three elegant pearly blossoms, tied together with red ribbon. They made my rose look pathetically small and plain. 

"I like your rose better," Zelo whispered, completely in line with my thoughts, as always. "The others are too overdone."

I nodded vaguely, still too numb to do much else. I was incapable of tearing my eyes away from the grave, unable to stop reminding myself that right there, buried under feet of snow and earth, was Zelo's still body.

I suddenly became aware of the fact that my vision was blurring, and I almost started to panic until I felt something cold and wet on my cheek. Tears. How long had it been since I'd last cried?

Too long.

I always tried not to show weakness in front of Zelo, and I was constantly reminding myself that it was okay, that he was here, that he wouldn't leave me. But at this point, I wasn't even sure if it was the truth, or I was just believing it because that was the only way to hold on to my sanity. 

And there he was again, wiping the tears from my cheeks, caressing my face as I wept and murmuring things I was too far away to hear. Always trying to ease my suffering. Always trying to stop me from hurting, when I most definitely did not deserve it. 

Because I could have stopped it. If I'd done something... if I'd been quick enough or if I had a strong enough grip to hold all his weight... if I hadn't just let him fall to his death, then he'd be alive right now. 

I could have saved him, and I didn't. 

I remembered the day like it was yesterday. The pain and guilt had burned it right into my mind, like I'd been branded with a hot poker and scarred for all eternity. I could tell you what he was wearing that day, the color of the sky or the direction the wind came from - although that never changed. There was always a light breeze coming from the sea if you were even remotely near it, but I remembered that day it was particularly strong, like the wind was frustrated and it wanted to take its anger out on someone. 

We were walking along the edge of the cliff, hair ruffled, hands linked. Of course there was no danger. We'd taken this path thousands of times before, and nothing had ever happened. And there was nothing to suggest that this time might be different. 

Or so we thought. 

And I'll remember that moment until the day I die. When people talk about situations like these, they'll say it just flashed before their eyes, that it was almost too fast for them to comprehend what was happening. But for me, it wasn't like that. 

In fact, everything seemed to happen in slow motion. And the worst part of it all was that I could only move in slow motion too. So when I saw him stumble and lose his balance, saw him fall painfully, agonizingly slowly towards the edge of the cliff, I wasn't fast enough. 

He'd fallen backwards, and his eyes had locked on mine for one heart-stopping moment as a cry escaped my throat and my arms stretched out, desperately trying to catch him, to prevent him slipping away from me forever. 

And for a second, it seemed like I was actually going to make it as my outstretched fingers grasped at the air in front of them, almost managing to reach him. Almost. 

But I didn't, and the moment shattered, and he plummeted down to the sharp, jagged rocks below the cliff. And I could swear I saw his lips form my name, mere instants before his body smashed against the rocks and I lost him forever. 

"Yongguk!"

I was abruptly aware of the fact that he'd been calling me for a good while now, and that his hands had gripped my shoulders and were shaking me, frantically trying to get me to return from the distant memories I'd been lost in. 

"Hyung! Yongguk, can you hear me?" His eyes burnt into mine and I could see the wild desperation in them, but I was frozen, unable to respond-

"Z-Zelo, I-" My voice broke, and I was suddenly sobbing, tears cascading down my cheeks, face buried in Zelo's shoulder as he held me. "It's all my fault, I'm s-s-sorry..."

"What?" he murmured, frowning slightly. 

"I- I could have caught you..." I sobbed. "It's my fault, it's my fault you're like this, and you'll realize I don't deserve you being here with me and you'll l-leave..." 

Voicing my fears out loud was somehow much more terrifying than hearing them inside my head, and I couldn't look at him... I couldn't meet his eyes, because I was convinced that the moment I did would be the moment I'd see the rejection in them. 

And I just wasn't ready for it. 

But he wasn't having any of it, and he gently tugged my face up to meet his. 

It shocked me that in his eyes there was none of the things I'd been expecting to see. He was always so strange, so distant, and besides, I'd expected his look to be sharp, rejecting. But his eyes were smoldering, b with love and tenderness... and there was something else there too. Someone else might not have noticed it, but I was an expert at reading him, and I saw it right away. 

It was fear. 

"Yongguk..." 

There was something about the way he said my name that made my blood run cold. It was like he really was scared. And it seemed to be confirming my worst fears. 

"Zelo," I breathed, unable to talk above a whisper, "…you aren't leaving, are you?"

He bit his lip, looking away, and I could see it again. The fear, doubt and hesitation. 

"I... " he answered finally. "I don't know."

A wild edge of panic seemed to appear in my voice. "What do you mean, you don't know? You can't leave me! You can't leave me alone here-" My voice broke again, and I had to suppress a sob. "You're all I have left."

I was suddenly, painfully aware that I might never get to hold him or hear his voice again. I'd have to start all over again. I'd have to accept he was really gone. And this time, I'd have no help. I'd have nothing. 

I was crying again, the tears feeling like they might freeze on my cheeks because of the cold, the sobs racking my entire body. He was going to leave me. He'd really be gone. And then I'd truly have nothing left to live for. 

"Hyung... that's exactly the problem."

I raised my pale, tear-stained face to meet his. His expression was serious, deathly serious. Had I ever seen him like this? I didn't think so. He looked wiser than I'd ever seen him... and older, much older. Not physically, but his eyes suddenly looked like they'd seen centuries of suffering. 

"You can't live your whole life depending on an imprint of a person, someone that's not really there. Hyung, I..." He hesitated, and for a moment I saw true pain in his eyes, and I realized he didn't want to leave me either. "I'd happily stay here with you for the rest of my life, and you know it. But you need to accept I'm gone. You need to have a real life. You'll fall in love again, you'll get married, you'll have kids... and when the time comes, I'll be on the other side, waiting for you. If you still want me." I realized he was crying too, that there were real, wet tears running down his cheeks, and that I hadn't seen him cry in all this time. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and embrace him, to take the hurt away, like he'd done for me so many times since his death, but he shook his head and continued. 

"Hyung, I... I also need you to promise me that you'll try to have a real life, a life where I'm not in your way." He saw my expression and placed a finger on my lips, silencing me. "I'm not asking you to try to forget me. But I don't want you to feel guilty about being with someone else because of me. I don't want to stop you from having a normal life. And I want you to promise me, too, that you won't try and do anything stupid to meet me before it's your time. If that ever happens, Yongguk..." His eyes brimmed with tears again and I saw the suffering on his face. "I wouldn't be able to forgive myself. Ever."

"I- I promise," I replied shakily. 

This time, when I reached out and placed my arms around him, holding him tightly, he didn't object. And we stayed there for an eternal second, weeping together, relishing our last few moments together before we were parted. He placed a kiss on my lips, and I drank from that kiss with all my heart, never wanting to let go, never wanting to be separated from him.

But I had to, and we both knew it. 

Ever so softly, he pulled away. I desperately tried to cling to him, but he wouldn't let me. He stood up in a fluid motion, with a small, sad smile painted on his lips, and pressed his lips to mine for a brief moment. 

Our eyes met, and we both knew it'd be the last time they would. 

Slowly, he turned and walked away into the snow, and I cried for him, I begged him to stay... but he never turned back. And I could only watch as the last traces of the boy I loved got further and further away from me, leaving me forever, as the snow swirled around him and he disappeared completely.

 Total Words: ^_4,596

Wow, I wasn't expecting this to be this long. I kinda love how it came out though.
I know I've written another oneshot with the same theme; seeing a dead loved one. But the whole idea of ghosts and the afterlife intrigues me.
Anyways, I hope you liked it.
Thoughts? Comments? Witisisms?