Chapter 6

Dark Pasts (Nami's P.O.V.)

My brother left me. My family no longer existed. I tried to convince myself that somewhere, someone would consider me family. But it was hard. I couldn't be anymore alone than I already was.

I watched quietly as every person in the household hustled to find Min Hee-noona because she had run away. Her cousin had been out running around for the past 20 hours and had fainlly arrived home. It was morning again, he'd been out the whole night and Hyung Joon-oppa almost matched his time.

Ever since I had arrived here, I wondered why she was such a main attaction to all the guys here. Not long after I came, Amy-noona had also joined us.

I envied the two of them. They made living with the male population look so easy, nto to mention all 5 of them. I don't understand guys and never did. Other than my brother, the only other male I had gotten to know all my life was Jung Min-oppa ever since as far back as I could remember.

I felt the nausea rushing up in me again as Hyung Joon-oppa and Min Hee-noona kissed. It's because evertime I looked at that, many flashbacks would flood my mind, each more painful than the last.

What would they think - I wondered - if they knew about my loss of ity? Further more, what if they found out that it was never from love yet I was wide awake for that.

I almost gagged at the scene in front of me. All the time I had wondered, how could someone just 'love' another like that? How could they just kiss and cheerish each other? It didn't feel right, it didn't feel natural. To me, there was no such thing as love. Attraction and lust maybe, but 'love' was never a word to desribe anything.

Before I was even able to run away from the scene in front of me, a hand covered my eyes and immediately, I felt the need to run. In the back of my mind, this person probably meant no harm but not when I was being tested this way.

"Don't run." The voice commanded. I knew the voice but I didn't and couldn't figure it out. I coudln't think past anything but fear.

His other hand took mine and pulled me aside. I found myself on the balcony when I could fianlly see again. Everybody else was inside but I was not alone. I fell to the floor, my back against the wall and head between my knees as I tried to pull myself out of the fear and back into reality.

"Are you alright?" A concerned voice asked as they placed a hand on my shoulder. It sent a shiver down my spine but oddly, I was accepting this gesture. It was a new feeling, one I hadn't felt in a while, comforting.

"I'm sorry you had to see me like that." I replied as I carefully straightened up, afraid for once, that his lingering touch would leave me.

"No. Of course not. But...I've been wondering since you've arrived,...you're not...y'know...pregnant are you?-- Not that it's my business, you're just always nauceous and all--" He replied. His face was fluashed red and I laughed at that, his reaction was priceless.

"No! Of course not!" I insisted in between laughters. "Kim Hyun Joong what will I ever do with you? Do I LOOK pregnant to you?" He shook his head and watched me for a bit, forming a grin.

"You're smiling." He pointed out. "You should smile more often. You look much more beautiful this way." He replied with a adazzling smile of his own. One tthat would make any male on this planet jealousy and probably already did.

"You don't seem to like me very much." He said as the atmosphere between us calmed down. His expression, as much as I could make of it, resembled not curiousity but unsureness and much more observant than he usually was. He avoided eye contact with me which made me wonder what his thoughts were at that moment.

"It's not you. Well, I guess you can say it's all of you. I just...just...men scare me in general." I admitted, turning to my feet.

"But not Jung Min." He replied.

"Not Jung Min, you're right." I agreed. I loijed up again and my eyes met with his curious ones. "I grew up with Jung Min as my childhood friend. He was my brother's best friend ever since...well, ever since I was born basically."

"And you're not living with your brother now because..."He prompted. I shrugged at his question and replied to most of my understandings.

"Everybody leaves me eventually. They all hate me, the world hates me." I had no idea why I was pouring my heart out to some guy just sitting next to me. "My parents both died after I was born. I lived with my stupid uncle and then even my own blood brother abandoned me."

"I hope you don't mind me asking but...aren't you living with your uncle now?" Hyun Joong asked. His gazze held mine, I wanted to look away but I didn't. We stared at each other for a while longer before he leaned in and I felt his lips land on mine.

A rush of terror ran through me at that time. He wasn't hurting me, my mind understood, until the immeidate rush of adrenaline reacted and my brain kicked in.

"N-No!" I cried miserably as I shurnk away from him as far as I could. It wasn't his fault, I knew as I looked as his panic striken face. "I-I'm sorry." I stuttered.

He reached out a hand to gently touch me but the feeling of skin ocntact sent me back. It didn't take long for reinforcements to arrive, they probably heard me hsout. jung Min seemed to be the first past the balcony doors as he took me in his arms protectively.

"Shh...don't cry." He mumbled in my hair as he held me. I wasn't crying because of the fear but more of the fact that Hyun Joong looked like I had just punched him in the gut and left him dying.

I didn't want to run away, I really didn't but I couldn't help it. I couldn't even tell him that I was sorry. That what had happened wasn't his fault.

---

"Lemme talk to her!" A voice insisted on the other side of the bedroom door. He was still going at it.

"Hyung-ah, Just let her rest for a bit." Kyu Jong begged as he stood in front of the closed door, on guard you could say. I looked over at Jung Min for reassureance. For what? I wasn't sure what to be reassured about but his heart warming smile calmed me as he my shoulder.

I knew it was unfair to think of it this way but my brother and Jung Min were probably the only males left on this world that I would open my heart to from now on. It may seem impossible but trust never seemed to exist in my vocabulary anymore.

"Thank-you for letting me live here by the way. I never really had a chance to tell you." I said to him as we tried to ignore the situation outside with Hyun Joong-oppa still protesting.

"No. Of course not. No need to thank me. It's just...are you sure you'd be able to live here from now on? I mean, there are a lot of guys in this household."

"Well. Here is better than there." I reminded him. He knew all about it. I had run away from the source aof all this crap, my uncle. It was painful. They always said frist times would be painful but it wasn't just once. He'd me several times. Again and again.

"Anywhere is better than there." Jung Min corrected. I nodded in agreement.

"Nami-ah. You should tell hyung about this." he said thoughtfully. "Explain to him, let him know it's not his fault." I looked up at Jung Min to check his expression. I knew I should too. "No now." He said as he got up to open the door for hYun Joong and left us alone.

Every step he took towards me was like a person approaching a frightened stray cat. But in the end, I was the one that closed the distance and placed myself in his arm.s He held me delicately as he spoke.

"I'm sorry I scared you. It won't happen again, I promise. So please...trust me." Trust. He said the word lovingly and if anything, his word 'trust' meant the world to me. People always simply threw that word around like nothing. But that was just it, the thing I'd been looking for all along was soneone who was capable of making me 'trust' again. Kim Hyun Joong.