http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DHTvxCWKyEo

Early the next morning HimChan called me. We spoke for about three hours, just about trivial things, but I enjoyed it. He made a cheesy kissing noise before he hung up and I laughed and kissed him back. Was I falling for HimChan? I tried my best to ignore the thought but when the thought did trickle back into my head I hated the way it tortured me because I constantly remembered that night.

“I had a really great time HimChannie~”

“Me too, jagiya. Let me walk you home.”

We were walking hand-in-hand when HimChan made a little detour.

“Where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise.”

I smiled. “Ok.”

He led me through the park to a secluded path with neatly trimmed shrubs on either side. After about five minutes the moonlight revealed a small clearing with a pretty, romantic gazebo.

I gasped. “HimChannie~ it’s beautiful!”

He grinned at me and led me to the gazebo. We sat and HimChan looked intently into my eyes.

“Saya~ I love you a lot and I want to show you how much.”

I tilted my head to the side and touched the necklace he just had given me at the end of our date. Had he gotten me two gifts? One was enough!

HimChan leaned forward and kissed me. We had kissed before but this felt different. It was more intense. When his lips broke away from mine we were both breathing quickly.

“HimChan –” I didn’t get the rest of my sentence out because his lips were back on mine. I put my hands on his shoulders and he pushed me to my back. His lips made their way along my jaw and down my neck to my shoulders. I liked it but at the same time I was a little scared. HimChan’s teeth pulled at the strap of my dress and he proceeded to pull it down.

“HimChan…”

“Hmm?” He asked absently, tugging at the other strap of my dress.

“I don’t think I’m ready for this.”

He looked at me, frowning slightly.

“Don’t you like it?”

“Y-yes but –”

“Then don’t worry. I won’t hurt you.” He pulled the bodice of my dress down and I quickly covered myself with my arm.

“Please, HimChan, I –”

He closed his hand around my arm. His fingers lightly grazed my bra and I shivered.

“I know you’ll like it, Saya. Just relax.”

He tried to move my arm but I didn’t budge.

“I said I’m not ready.”

HimChan’s frown got deeper then he suddenly started to smile.

“I see what you’re doing…”

He continued to pull my dress down and I tried to stop him but he held my wrists and managed to pull my dress all the down to my hips.

“HimChan! Stop!”

His eyes glittered when he looked at me and he smiled again.

“HimChan, I’m not joking!”

He started to fiddle with the front clasp of my bra while I desperately tried to get my wrists out of his grip. He expertly unclipped my bra with one hand and I started to cry. I wasn’t ready for this. I wasn’t ready for HimChan to see my body much less touch it.

HimChan suddenly let go of me. “Why are you crying?”

I quickly sat up and got my clothes in order, tears still streaming down my face.

“Saya –”

I hurried down the steps of the gazebo with HimChan close behind me.

“Saya –”

I abruptly turned around and slapped him.

“I told you to stop and you didn’t!” I screamed at him. I span around and ran away as fast as I could from Kim HimChan.

I broke out of my reverie. How pathetic was I? How could I still want HimChan after what he had done? This was when I started to get really sad because I had no one to talk to about this. I couldn’t tell JongUp if I was starting to like HimChan again and I certainly couldn’t tell my parents. I didn’t want to deal with their reactions to that. Then JunHong popped into my head. I had felt like I could tell him anything…had. I actually wished we had just stayed as friends. Then when I walked in on him and HyoSung it wouldn’t have been that disastrous. I missed him a lot: his cheerfulness, his eye-smile, his voice, his everything. I thought about what YongGuk had said last night but to as far as I knew there was nothing JunHong could say to erase what he had done.

I jumped when I heard a stone hit my window. I sighed. Was he ever going to give up? Part of me wanted to go to the window, jump into JunHong’s arms and pretend nothing had ever happened. But the remaining part of me was pissed as hell at him. I heard him shouting my name. I suddenly got an idea. I went into my bathroom, emptied the plastic trashcan and filled it with cold water from the tap. When I returned to my window with the trashcan JunHong was still standing there trying to get my attention. His face lit up when he saw me.

“Saya! You’re finally here!” His smile was so overjoyed I couldn’t find the heart to do what I wanted: douse him with cold water. I sighed and moved to put the trashcan down but I tripped on a textbook I had left carelessly on the floor. My hands flew outward as I automatically tried to save myself from falling. The trashcan flew out of my hands and out the window. Shoot. I quickly got up and looked out the window. JunHong was dry but the empty trashcan laid pathetically empty in the yard.

“Really, Saya?” JunHong asked. “You hate me that much?” The hurt in his eyes was obvious, even from this distance. How…how could he be so hurt after he was the one that hurt me? My conflicted emotions started to bubble up again. I hated him but I wanted to be with him. The vision of him kissing Hyosung was in my head but I still saw the JunHong that cared for me. I slammed my window shut. This pressure was too much. I needed some kind of release. I picked up my phone and dialled HimChan’s number.

“Saya!”

“HimChan? Can I see you? I just need someone right now.”

He agreed quickly and we hung up. I didn’t know what we would do, I just wanted to forget about JunHong.