Coming home from school, a smooth breeze blew through Taemins dark hair as he walked down the street to his house. Taemin kept his brown-eyed gaze on the sidewalk beneath his feet, his mind wandering to the score he got on his test today. It wasn’t what was expected of him, but at least he didn’t fail. Hopefully his dad won’t get too upset at him for bringing home yet another B.

As Taemin trudged up his front porch stairs, he took out his house key. Wedging the small piece of metal into the lock, he twisted the key this way and that until the door gave a satisfying click. Taemin took a couple deep breaths before opening the door to a bright, well furnished living room.

Chocolate colored sofas were set in front of a large entertainment center, plants set in the corners of the room and bookshelves cluttered with trophies and documentaries lined a wall. The window was slightly ajar with a gentle breeze pushing the white curtains to part and twirl as though they were dancing.

Leaving his shoes at the door, Taemin steps on the fluffy beige tinted carpet, calling out to see if anyone, other than himself, was home. Only his fathers voice echoed through the house in reply, notifying him that he was in the study. Things usually ran more smoothly when Taemin’s mother was around to calm down his father whenever he got worked up over something Taemin did ‘wrong’, but knowing that his mother wasn’t home, he decided to hold off on telling his father about the bad grade.

His knuckles whitened when he gripped the strap of his backpack as he made his way slowly down the long hallway. When Taemin reached the double doors just to the left at the foot of the stairs, he pulled his sweater vest sleeves down to his wrists and held his breath as he softly tapped on the door with his knuckle. “Come in.” His fathers voice boomed making him jump at how loud it was over the pounding of his own heart.

Taemin opened the door just enough to poke his head through. “Come in, Taemin-ah.” His father commanded, the ballpoint pen in his rough hand flying across papers, his gaze only breaking away to look at the bright screen of his laptop. The sleeves of his fathers’ white button up were rolled up to his elbows, showing a silver Rolex hugging his wrist comfortably.

Leaving his backpack outside of the room, Taemin slid his slender body through the small crack in the door and gently shut it behind him. The study wasn’t too big, and it wasn’t too small.

It had white with blue trimmed wall, two grey chairs sat evenly in front of a pale wooden desk towards the back of the room. There was a chess table near one of the tall windows that lined the right wall with two grayish-white chairs at each end, and a fish tank, stocked with blue and yellow angelfish, stood between a couple bookshelves on the left wall across the room.

Taemin balled his hands into fists as he made his way over to one of the grey plush chairs. “Don’t drag you’re feet.” His father advised. Taemin nodded, keeping his eyes on his destination “Ne, Onew appa.” Taking a seat, Taemin let out a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding. He’d never been this close to his dad without him yelling in his face. Must’ve been a good day at work.

“So,” Setting his pen down and halfway shutting his laptop, Onew turned slightly in his swivel chair and faced Taemin. “How was school?” He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. Not good. “Umm…” Onew folded his hands on his desk and leaned forward, making Taemin instinctively sit back farther than necessary in his chair, “it was okay. How was work?” Onew took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “It was fine, thank you.” Having kept his eyes in his lap, Taemin looked up at his father, thinking that he had gone back to work and that would be his sign of dismissal, but he ended up locking gazes with his father. “Why are you so fidgety when I ask you about your day, Taemin-ah?” Onew questioned lightly, watching Taemin fumble and pick at his sweater sleeves. “No reason, appa.” “Really? ‘Cause your school website says other wise.”

Taemin could feel the color drain from his face completely. Onew took this as an opportunity to continue. “Do you remember during your open house, the teachers made an announcement about the parents being able to keep up with their students grades just by logging into the school website?” Taemin didn’t know how, but he managed to nod his head in response. “Well, I took them up on the offer, and you wouldn’t believe what I saw earlier today…” Onew let out a dry chuckle as he rose gracefully from his chair. “Now,” He rounded the desk at an tantalizingly slow pace, “are you sure there isn’t anything you want to tell me?” By the end of his sentence, he was behind Taemins chair; leaning on it’s back, his stomach just barely touching the top of Taemins head.

It took all of Taemins strength not to crawl to the floor and start crying for forgiveness; he felt his lip quiver and the backs of his eyes sting, but he bit his bottom lip to keep from screaming his confession. “I got a B on my test today…” He blurted out.

Squeezing his eyes tightly he waited for the yelling or the possible smack on the cheek, but nothing came. Taemin opened one eye when he felt his father back away, then opened the other when he felt his presence disappear completely. Taemin began to turn around slowly, but he felt a hand grip roughly and painfully in his hair, yanking him to his feet.

“What did I tell you about bringing those types of grades in this house, huh?!” Onew spat in Taemins face and lifted him a couple inches off the floor. Taemin brought his hands up, trying to pry his fathers’ fingers from his hair, but was thrown to the ground. “Do you know how much you’re letting me and your mother down?!” Onew brought his leg back and connected his foot with Taemins stomach, knocking the wind clean out of him. “Do you know how much of a disgrace you are to this family?!” Another kick, but this one was in Taemins face. Onew crouched down, grabbing a handful of Taemins hair. “If you keep bringing those grades home, why do you even come back?” Onew threw Taemins head back down on the floor and walked back to his desk with a sigh as he fixed the collar of his shirt.

Taemin whimpered as he clutched his stomach, trying to catch his breath. Taemin instinctively spat the blood from his mouth to the white floor, grimacing from the metallic taste on his tongue. Then he froze, seeing the red stain soaking into the nearly shining white carpet. “Get out, Taemin-ah.” Taemin slowly brought himself to a sitting position, still blocking the bloodstain. Should I leave it or tell him?  Standing slowly, his foot still covering the stain, he spoke softly. “I got blood on the carpet again. I apologize, Onew-appa.” Onew lifted his head from the desk, “Why are you still here, boy?” Taemin lifted his foot and walked to the door. His hand was on the handle when he heard his father mumble, ‘Good for nothing little brat. Be better off dead.’

Taemin held his tears until the door clicked behind him. Just as he was grabbing his backpack off the floor, the front door opened. Taemin looked up and saw his mom coming in with her hands and arms full of groceries. Taemin dropped his bag back down and jogged over to her, thankful that she couldn’t see his face past all the bags. “Umma let me help.” His mother jumped a little and turned to face him, but Taemin did a slight body roll to the side, keeping his face blocked by the brown paper bags. “Taemin-ah? Hi Sweetheart, how was school?” Taemin smiled and bit his lip. “It was okay, how was your day?” Taemins mom let out a sigh as he took some of the bags from her as he headed to the kitchen. “Better now that I’m home. Speaking of, how long have you been here?” Taemin looked down at his watch, “About 47 minutes.” Taemins mother made it to the kitchen setting the bags on the island in the center of the cream tiled room.

The countertops were a grey marble and the cabinets a dark, yet warm shade of brown. When Taemin set the bags he was holding down on a counter and headed for the door until she called after him. “Taemin-ah, can I have a hug at least?” She chuckled lightly, Taemin turned around slowly and looked at his mom. She gasped and brought a hand to cover . “T-Taemin-ah…”

Taemin knew his face was messed up from being rubbed into the carpet, but he didn’t think he looked that bad. “Honey, your lip,” Taemins mom went to the sink for a rag and got it wet with warm water “Come here..” She said in a cooing tone, and Taemin walked over reluctantly, and stood beside her. “What was it this time?” She whispered. Taemin noticed that she was wearing more make-up on her left cheek than the rest of her face. “I got a B on my test today…mianhamnida, umma. I’m trying my best I just- “You don’t have to explain yourself to me. You’re passing, and that’s all that matters, despite what your father says- “Despite what who says?” The booming voice came from the entrance. Taemins mom dropped the wet cloth and both of them faced the door, terror masking their faces.

Onew looks over at his wife and smiles tenderly, “I didn’t know you were home, yeobo.” Taemins mom scurried over to Onews side and pecked his cheek. “Mianhae…” Onew wrapped his arm around her and turned a burning gaze to Taemin. “So. You thought you could just walk out when you left that stain on my carpet?” Onew questioned.

“Aniyo, appa. I was going to- “You weren’t going to do anything. You were going to leave it to my sweet Luna to clean.” His grip around her waist tightened. “Then when she tries to clean it, she won’t get it completely, and end up being punished.” Onews grip tightened to point of pain. “You want to see your mom get hurt, don’t you Taemin-ah?” Luna umma looked up at Taemin, she couldn’t hide the fear that she knew was written all over her face. Taemin looked from his mom to his dad. “T-Taemin-ah?” Taemins gaze went back to his mother, “I don’t mind cleaning the stain. Just go study so you can get better, okay?” Taemin opened his mouth to protest but his mom gave him a look. He couldn’t help but nod his head. He slowly walked to the door, bowing to both of his parents before walking down the hall, grabbing his backpack and racing up the stairs.

He closed his door shut and threw his bag across the room. The room had dull grey walls with a couple band posters up on each wall. A mahogany desk was lined up next to a tall lamp and a small bookshelf that was filled with old school books. His bed frame matched the desk and his bed sheets were grey to match the walls.

He was tired; tired of being thrown around and beaten like some rag doll. He knew he couldn’t fight back he, he knew he wasn’t strong enough. There was a loud bang downstairs, and a muffled cry; this was practically an every day thing. But it mostly happened when Taemin would do something so wrong that his appa would take it out on his mother. Taemin heard another cry and put his hands over his ears to try to tune it out, knowing that trying to stop his father again would result in something worse than it already worse.

He marched over to his bed and threw himself on it facedown, landing on his stomach.

He crawled over to where the bed met the wall and reached down. He found the cold, metallic object he was looking for. It wasn’t a way out, but it was something that would put him somewhat at ease. Taking the small razor in one hand, he lifted his vest sleeve to examine his scarred arms. There wasn’t much room left, so he took off the vest and his polo shirt beneath it that had the school mascot on the left .

Taemin lay back on his stomach and put the blade on the small of his back, he pressed down until he felt the point puncture on his pale skin, his fathers’ words ringing through his ears, causing him to drag the blade slowly.

You’re worthless.

You can’t do anything right.

You’re a disgrace.

You’re letting your mother down.

You might as well never come back.   

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