Right Here

She’s never felt so alone.

Give her a choice and she’ll tell you; she wants to meet her, and she doesn’t want to meet her again, she never wants to remember her, and she doesn’t want to forget her. All this, just for her to realise that: no, she doesn’t understand.

Because she’s very confused right now.

She can’t tell what right or left is, up and down is.

All this, just for her to realise that, she’s gotten into a load of trouble.

That’s what Tiffany makes her feel, that’s what Tiffany makes her do.

Self-restraint is scary when it comes to Jessica. She takes the word and changes, corrupts it into something unrecognisable.

However, with a little drop of magic, and a flourish of Tiffany’s magic wand, she’s got Jessica on the floor, on her knees, and begging for more.

And the best part is that Jessica is conscious and thoroughly convinced that she’s still sane and rational to differentiate truths from lies.

But those lips, they’re just not normal.

She blames it all on Tiffany when the girl’s not looking, curses behind her back when she’s sure Tiffany is asleep. There’s nothing she hasn’t already called Tiffany. But Jessica’s still dissatisfied.

Tiffany’s curled up on her side, sleeping, breathing softly, when Jessica slips out of bed and puts on her hoodie and trainers. She needs fresh air.

The television in the living room is still switched on, with Tiffany claiming that she couldn’t go to sleep without it. It doesn’t make any sense to Jessica, since Tiffany sleeps in the bedroom and not the living room. But she leaves it on, just for Tiffany.

She throws telly a disgusted look, and pulls the hood over her head.

It begins with a slow jog, and Jessica pictures herself to be a dog chasing a car. Then, she picks up speed, and she’s no longer running.

She’s sprinting.

Her lungs are burning, legs are cramping, but she’s never felt any better.

That night, she doesn’t come home until her feet are numb and raw from blisters.

But Jessica finds all this therapy useless when she comes back and sees Tiffany’s wide eyes looking into hers.

“Where did you go?” Tiffany’s lips open to speak, and God, Jessica swears she wouldn’t run away anymore.

She’s still panting when she replies, “I went for a run.”

All this while, Jessica is just staring at those lips.

Tiffany pats the bed, “Come back here.”

Jessica nods, her legs all burnt out from exhaustion, the adrenaline leaving her veins slowly, until there’s nothing left and Jessica’s just swinging out of momentum. She sits at the edge of the bed, and Tiffany crawls over to help her out of the hoodie and her shirt, tossing it into the far corner of the room.

Jessica’s body is slippery, sleek with sweat.

“Let’s go back to sleep, Jessi,” Tiffany’s warm hand is on her stomach, pushing her gently back onto the bed.

 Tiffany eases her back into the pillows, and turns to her side. Jessica’s silently fuming. If she can’t find any other name to call Tiffany, she’ll just have to make up her own.

~+~

“She’s fallen.”

“Shut up.”

“Whipped, I’m telling you.”

“I don’t think she remembers our names anymore.”

~+~

“Jessi, why did you do that?” Tiffany is sitting on the bed, all ready for a night’s sleep when Jessica has just came out from the shower, a scowl on her face.

“Trust me,” Jessica says lowly, “I wouldn’t have given them any less than what they deserve.”

“SooYoung’s limping, and HyoYeon broke her nose. Is there something troubling you?”

You. You are troubling me. You and your lips. That just doesn’t make sense.

Jessica merely dries her hair with a towel, tight lips not willing to say anything else.

“No, nothing.”

“Are you sure?”

Jessica nods curtly.

What happens when Tiffany switches the lights off? What happens when her legs tangle in between Jessica’s? What happens when Tiffany murmurs her name in her sleep?

Truth is, Jessica is afraid. She’s very afraid.

She’s just not sure what she’s afraid of.

Tiffany dims the lamps, and slips underneath the blanket. Her eyes are expectant for Jessica to do the same, but when she doesn’t, Tiffany folds her hands on her laps uncomfortably.

“Jessi?”

“Tiff, I want to ask you a question. And I want you to be very honest with me.”

Tiffany prompts Jessica on with her eyes.

Jessica swallows, regretting how her voice comes out all wrong. Squeaky and soft, it’s not what she wants it to be.

“Why do you love me?”

Tiffany’s face is unreadable, and Jessica is suddenly not certain if she wants to hear Tiffany’s answer.

“Why do you want this?”

“What’s not to want? I have everything I think I’ll ever need. I don’t want anything else, SooYeon. And as for me loving you, just know that I don’t need anyone else.”

Jessica doesn’t hear anything else, launching for Tiffany, pressing the girl against the bedframe, kissing her and whispering how sorry she is until the sun rises.

But it’s not till then, when they’re staring at each other on the bed, lovingly tracing the scratches on each other’s arms, that Tiffany asks why Jessica’s apologising.

“I’m just scared, MiYoung. I don’t know where I am.”

Tiffany moves closer, until Jessica feels heat pressing against her shoulder.

“You’re right here, on this bed, next to me.”

Jessica smiles lazily, tiredly, but it feels like she’s running straight into a forest, or skinny-dipping into the river during winter. It feels like she’s about to die.

But she’s never going to regret it.

~+~

She hastily slams the basket of fruits on the table, and a green apple jumps out, rolling past her feet and into the corridor.

“Be a little gentle, would you? Just because Tiffany’s not here—”

SooYoung doesn’t get to speak with a slice of orange in . She chews slowly, and cringes at the sourness.

“Where did you get those?”

“I bought them.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I bought them some time ago and figured that I might as well give them to you.”

SooYoung’s eyes narrow considerably, but she accepts the oranges when fed.

“How’s your leg?”

“Better,” she answers cautiously, and eyes the cast on her leg.

“I’m not going to say sorry.”

SooYoung rears up a little, but Jessica continues calmly, still feeding SooYoung the peeled oranges.

“Because you deserved it. I only came back to hit you because I thought it wasn’t fair to HyoYeon because she broke her nose and your leg was perfectly fine.”

“Was. It was perfectly fine.”

“Another orange?” Jessica offers, but SooYoung shakes her head, wiping at with the back of her hand.

“Listen, Sica, whatever you have in mind, right now, just think about the children.”

“What children?”

“The ones you’re going to have with Fany.”

Seconds later, a nurse comes running in because someone has tampered with the monitors.

“Could you kindly press that button over there?”

SooYoung’s lips can only manage a strained smile, her broken leg alleviated a little too high and her bed reclined to a point where it’s almost folded into half.

“My friend left when I told her the oranges were too sour. Could you believe that?”

The nurse shakes her head slowly.

“Yeah, me neither.”

~+~

“SooYoung called me.”

“Did she?”

“She said you weren’t allowed to visit her anymore.”

“But I just delivered the fruits.”

“Jessi.”

She grumbles, pulling at the loose threads of the blanket.

“She pushed it.”

“What did she do now?”

“Something that wasn’t smart.”

Tiffany sighs, then tugs at Jessica’s arm. “If you’re going to keep on breaking her limbs, at least let her heal first.”

Tiffany turns off the lights, shifts around to find a comfortable position and then leans in closer to Jessica, who’s still grumbling. It stops when Tiffany presses a kiss to her nose and tells her to go to sleep.

“Okay. I love you. Go to sleep,” that’s all she says.

All this, just for Jessica to realise that that’s all she needs to hear.

—ジュリエット