Donghae sat on his desk, staring out of the window. The sun hasn’t risen yet, but he was already in school. He preferred to go there early to avoid the crowds of people coming to school at time. As he continued to stare for few more minutes he saw a figure entering the school yard. He watched the figure come closer to the building and the moment it got close enough Donghae’s breath caught in his throat and his heart started beating faster. It was him. Lee Hyukjae. Donghae was in love with him since he could remember. There was something in the red-headed that made Donghae’s heart skip a beat the first time he met him. But Donghae never spoke this out loud. Not even to his best friends. It was his biggest secret and he swore he would never tell anyone. But sometimes it was getting too hard to keep it in. Donghae watched the figure enter the building and then pulled out a pen and paper from his backpack and started writing.

If you could only see the pain I'm going through every day just by looking at your face. I look at you, I smile, but there is an unbearable pain behind that smile. It's hurting me not to be able to say what I truly feel out loud, but I can never do that. I'm not supposed to feel the way I do. Every time you walk past me I want to grab your hand and tell you everything. To shout my love for you so that everyone could hear, but then I'll only get hurt. There's no way you like someone like me. You probably don't even know I exist, even though we shared the same class for years. You are slowly killing me, but I can't stop it. I can't overcome my feelings for you. And the truth is, I don't want to. Even if that means my end, I'll still love you from afar ‘till my last breath.

After finishing his letter he folded it and then ripped it in two and then in four and he continued like that until the paper was on hundred little pieces. After that he threw it away. He never kept what he wrote. He was afraid that someone could find out. Donghae was determinate to keep this secret deep inside his heart forever.

~~~~~ 

It was somewhere the middle of the lunch break and Hyukjae was sitting on his usual table with his friends who were chatting loudly and laughing from time to time. Hyukjae though, was merely starng somewhere in the cafetereia with dreamy stare. He was so perfect. His smile was lighting the whole room, and currently he was cheerfuly talking to his friends. Lee Donghae was the most perfect creature on Earth in  Hyukjae’s eyes. Every time he was sure the other wasn’t watching, he would just stare at him in awe and lost himself in fantasies. One of Donghae’s friends said something and in the next moment the room filled with the most beautiful laughter Hyukjae ever heard. He smiled softly and continued staring at the perfection before his eyes. Few minutes later Donghae turned his gaze towards Hyukjae’s table and their eyes met. For the few seconds they looked at each other Hyukjae saw how the look in the other’s eyes changed into something he couldn’t quite define. The moment Hyukjae realized he was staring at Donghae like some stalker he averted his eyes and choose to stare at his lap instead. Then a thought crossed his mind and he quickly took his phone out and started typing away furiously.

You're always so bright and cheerful. You always have that beautiful smile on your face, I always admired. Every time I look at you, you look like the most perfect sculpture, done by the hands of the greatest artist. And probably that's why my eyes are always on you when you're not watching. I fell for you the moment I saw you, but I'm too much of a coward to say it out loud. I'm afraid you'll get scared of me and run away to somewhere I won't be able to see your smile. Every time you look at me, though, you change. Your smile changes... Do you hate me? Am I disgusting in your eyes? I wish you knew how crazy I am about you. But you'd just walk past me, wouldn’t you? So I'll just keep watching your smile silently and I'll imagine what it would be if we were together. This is what dreams are made for, isn't it? To give us what reality can't? To give me what I can't have. You.

When he finished he put his finger on the sent button and stayed like this for some time. In the end pushed the delete button and shoved his phone back in his pocket. He was angry at himself for being so weak, but he was afraid. He was afraid that Donghae would reject him and it would mean the end of his world of fantasies. No, he couldn’t tell him. He would just sit there and imagine. Forever.

~~~10 years later~~~

Hyukjae entered the bar with exhausted expression on his face. It’s been three days since he got divorced and he was still shaken.

A month ago his wife came home and said she wanted divorce. They were married for three years by then. When he asked her why she was doing it, she said he knew the answer. And he did. He was well aware why she left him; he just didn’t think he was that bad. He didn’t think he was that obvious. And the worst thing was he couldn’t do anything about it.

He sat on one of the chairs and ordered himself a beer. He needed to get his mind off this for a while. Soon the barman returned with his beer. Hyukjae took a sip and let his gaze wander around the bar. There weren’t many people in. Just some old guy, two girls that seemed too young to be there, a guy that was talking with what appeared to be a hooker and a boy around his age who was talking on the phone. Hyukjae stopped his eyes on the boy and for some reason he couldn’t tear them away. There was something in this guy that looked familiar. The moment the boy smiled before hanging up the phone Hyukjae almost got a heart attack. This was the smile he would recognize everywhere. His heart was beating fast in his chest and suddenly all the air on the planet seemed to be too little for him. For a minute he just stayed like that, staring at the other. He was still as perfect, if not more. His smile was just as bright and his body was a bit more muscular than before, but that made it even more gorgeous. After few more moments Hyukjae got up from his place and slowly stepped closer to the other, his heart rising and his hands shaking.

- Donghae? – He asked, trying his best to keep his voice normal. – Lee Donghae?

The other lifted his eyes and looked at him confused for a second before his expression changed into something unreadable.

- We were in the same class, I’m Lee…

- Hyukjae. – The other finished and smiled a small smile. – Yeah I remember.

- Uh… What leads you here? – Hyukjae almost smacked himself for the stupid question.

- I needed some time alone. How about you? – Donghae asked and took a sip of his drink.

- I came to drown my sorrow, you could say. – He laughed bitterly. Somehow he felt himself getting more comfortable with every word.

- Want to talk about it? I can listen if you want. – Donghae smiled sympathetically.

- My wife left me. – He said with a sign and missed the hurt look on the other’s face. – But it was my fault… It’s for the best, I guess.

- Did you love her? – Donghae asked, his voice somewhat lower than before.

- I thought so… - His words were cut of by the ring tone of Donghae’s phone.

- Excuse me, - Donghae bowed his head and turned around. – Yes?....... No, I didn’t. ...…  I’m telling you, he’s the one who…….What? ……. God Minnie, you’re such a baby! Get over it, okay? ……… Yeah, yeah. Say whatever you want, I know you love me. ……… Bye. – Hearing Donghae’s last words Hyukjae’s heart dropped. – Sorry about that. It was Sungmin.

- The one from school? – Hyukjae asked remembering the boy that always was with Donghae in school.

- Yeah, the same. We’re living together. – Donghae let a laugh.

- Oh… So you two are…

- No! – The other almost shouted. – We’re just friends. I don’t have a mate for the moment.

Hyukjae almost let a sigh of relieve. – Ah, I remember Sungmin back in high school. You two were always together… And that shy boy... What was his name?

- Ryeowook. – Donghae helped. – He got married two years ago.

- Really? How did he propose? He looked so shy back in high school. – Hyukjae laughed, recalling the image of the cute boy that rarely talked.

- He didn’t, it was his boyfriend who did. – The other said.

- Ah…

- And you’ll never believe who his husband is! – Donghae exclaimed.

- Who?

- Remember that emoish guy from the upper grades, Kim Jongwoon? He’s better known as Yesung. – Donghae explained.

Hyukjae’s eyes widened in realization. – Really? That guy and the shy Ryeowook?

- Believe it or not, he changed a lot because of Wookie. – Donghae smiled softly and took another sip of his drink.

Slowly they got comfortable enough to even joke with each other. They talked a lot about their school years and what happened to them through the years. Hyukjae found that Donghae became photographer and he on the other hand told him about his dance studio he had. Then few hours and a lot of drinks later, they were both completely wasted.

- Wanna know why she left me? – Hyukjae turned to Donghae. – My wife.

- Why? – Donghae asked.

- Because I still haven’t gotten over my school love! – Hyukjae stated and took a long gulp of his tenth bottle of beer.

- I haven’t gotten over mine, either. – Donghae chuckled bitterly.

Hyukjae felt his heart grew heavy once again. – And who is your school love?
- I can’t tell. I swore to never tell anyone. – Donghae said. – Who was yours?

- I’ll tell you, only if you tell me, too. Deal? – Hyukjae offered.

- But I… Okay. You first. – The other said and looked at him curiously, waiting for an answer.

- Well I… My school love is… It’s you. – He whispered the last part.

- What? – Donghae snapped. – N-no, you can’t! You didn’t even notice me back then! You were popular, people liked you, there’s no way you liked someone like me! Y-you never even looked at me at that time! I… - His eyes filled with tears.

- I always had eyes only for you. I watched you whenever you weren’t watching. I always thought if you only and dreamt about a perfect life together. You were the one who never looked at me. And if you did, your expression changed. You hated me back then, didn’t you? – Hyukjae spoke fast, tiring to keep his feeling under control.

- Never. – Donghae said.

- What?

- I never hated you. Not even for a moment. I could never even think about hating you, Hyukjae. I was praying every day for you to notice me. I was praying for you to come to me and say “Hey let’s be friends!”. – Donghae let out a shaky sigh and a tear escaped his eye. – I told you I still haven’t gotten over my first love… I still haven’t gotten over you, Hyukjae!

- You… Liked me? – Hyukjae asked, string at the other with unbelievable eyes. Donghae only nodded. For a few minutes they just stared at each other until Hyukjae started laughing. – We’re idiots! We really are!

Donghae laughed along with him but the next second he turned serious. – Wait! – The other stopped laughing and looked at him. – You said that… You said you still liked me… - Hyukjae nodded before his eyes widened in realization.

- Donghae… Are you thinking the same? – The other gave him a small nod.

Hyukjae smiled widely and slowly moved his hand to the other’s face. Donghae just smiled and tears started rolling down his face. Hyukjae wiped them away with his thumb and slowly leaned closer. When they were inches apart they both closed their eyes and let themselves melt in the kiss. It was just an innocent kiss but they both felt their chests explode with all the feelings they had for each other for all these years. They stayed like this until they ran out of breath, then slowly parted their lips and looked each other in the eyes. They smiled lovingly and wrapped their arms around one another, both refusing to let go anytime soon.

- Hae? – Hyukjae whispered.

- Hm? – The other hummed.

- Are you willing to give us the chance we missed all those years ago? – Hyukjae asked softly.

- Yes.

                                                                                                                    ~~~~The End~~~~

I know it's nothing special, but I hope you liked it ^^