"Daesung hyung, dinner is ready."

Seungri has been knocking several times. Still, there's no answer. Seungri tilts his head to the side and looks at the worried leader at the end of the hallway. Seungri shrugs.

Daesung locked himself in his room ever since the infamous accident happened. But he was quite happy that morning when he decided that he missed having breakfast with Seungri and Youngbae after blaming himself for weeks. Youngbae was super excited that Daesung finally wanted to leave his room without being dragged out by one of his bandmates. So, Youngbae made two phonecalls to Jiyong and TOP to have dinner together.

"He's not coming out again?" Youngbae shows up behind Jiyong and glances with frustration to Seungri who's still calling Daesung out.

Jiyong shakes his head. "Are you sure it was Daesung this morning who had breakfast with you two?"

And Youngbae becomes sensitive. "Are you saying that I lied?"

"I'm just saying that he's still not coming out of his room right now, Bae, and it has been weeks."

"Well, I know, Jiyong. Seungri and I were the one who stayed here every single day, making sure he wasn't killing himself in there while you busied yourself in the damn studio!"

Jiyong opens his mouth to defend himself when they hear TOP's loud footsteps coming behind them.

"You guys are absurd!" TOP says.

"Don't call us absurd, Mr. TOP, where were you this whole time?" Youngbae asks with the most cynical tone that is rarely heard by the other members. He's not even looking at TOP or Jiyong because he fixes his eyes straight to Seungri.

TOP puts his hand on Youngbae's shoulder and yanks him until he turns around facing him. "Don't talk badly to me or Jiyong. I know you're frustrated. So are we! We're all in this together, okay? If it's not because Daesung doesn't come out from his room right now, I would have been hitting your face."

"Hyungs!"

They all turn around and watch Seungri half running out of Daesung's room.

"He's gone!" Seungri runs past all of them but his arm is catched by TOP. TOP looks at him with an intense stare, asking him to explain his statement clearly. "Daesung hyung! He's not in his room!"

And just like that, they all come pouring out of the apartment looking for Daesung, blaming themselves for fighting when Daesung is nowhere to be found in the apartment. Youngbae stays at the apartment, in case Daesung comes back when they're out, while Jiyong, TOP, and Seungri go seperate ways so it'll be more effective to find him in the middle of the night. 

Seungri doesn't think. He doesn't care. He runs out of the apartment with Daesung's small blanket on his hands when Youngbae's barking order and Jiyong's yelling his name. He wants to find Daesung. His Daesung hyung. And he's mad at TOP, Jiyong, and Youngbae because of their selfishness, so he doesn't want to hear them. Let them call him the ignorant maknae, he just wants to make sure that Daesung is fine and not trying to hurt himself.

"Daesung hyung, I'm sorry. Forgive me, please!" He's begging to himself along the way of his run. He keeps repeating those words. Guilt is covering him and he's scared. He remembers how hard it was to have a conversation with Daesung without having an uncomfortable silence and it was always Daesung who took the blame about their awkward relationship. He could've been trying harder to understand Daesung's personality. Damn his spoiled nature. 

What if he's doing something stupid? What if I can't see him anymore tomorrow morning? What if...

He doesn't stop looking and he doesn't realize how long has he ran. He doesn't realize until the road in front of him is disappeared and replaced by a pool of dark water. 

He is stunned for a moment by the view in front of him. Everything's so beautiful there. The Hangang River is shimmering. The lights and the bustle of night Seoul is making everything so joyful, so pretty. Seungri never realized how beautiful Seoul at night is. There are so many things he should be grateful about.

Seungri looks to his left and right. Maybe he's here. He loves lights.

And there he is. Sitting on the bench at the side of Hangang River. Looking up to the sky, watching as the stars twinkling. He looks around, enjoying the atmosphere around him. He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. He looks so calm. It has been a really long time since the last time Seungri looked at the relax Daesung. 

Then, their eyes meet. He smiles at Seungri and looks away again straight to the water, admiring what's in front of him. Seungri gathers all of his courage and walks to him. He looks at Daesung for a moment. Daesung nods without looking. So, Seungri sits next to him and starts to breath calmly. Seungri realizes that he's panting, but he's not tired at all after a long run. He's glad that he has found Daesung, breathing and alive.

"We were worried," Seungri speaks weakly. He squeezes the blanket tightly.

"I know," Daesung replies lightly, "I'm sorry, Seunghyun-ah."

Seungri looks at him and he catches a glimpse of peaceful smile on Daesung's face. "Where were you, hyung?"

"Here," he sighs, "admiring what I never admired before." He becomes quiet for a while. Then, he looks at Seungri and their eyes meet for the second time. He's keeping that peaceful smile on his face. He takes a deep breath again before talking. "I got a verdict of not guilty." He smirks.

"I-I know, hyung."

"Of course you know. Soon, everyone in this country and maybe in this whole world will know about that. I feel like my life is a circus." And he laughs a little, cynical laugh.

"Hyung-"

"I tried to be happy, you know. I tried to live my life like I did before. And it couldn't last longer than four hours. It felt so wrong. Something's missing. And I know what it is... I took someone's life and they're all saying that I'm not guilty." And he chuckles while looking down to his trembling hands.

This time, Seungri doesn't even try to talk back at him. He looks down to Daesung's trembling hands. He doesn't know what to say, what to do, to calm his hyung down. This whole time, all he and his other hyungs did was to get Daesung's confidence up. Daesung doesn't need any bad comments or thoughts, specially from his own head, to bring his mental even more down than before. They are protecting him from his own mind.

"He could've been alive, Seunghyun-ah, he could've been alive if it's not because of me. I wa-"

"No, hyung, stop!" Seungri stands up. He has to do something. He can't just sit there and listen to his hyung's horrible thoughts. "Nobody knows what should and shouldn't we do that night, hyung."

"Ri..."

"No!" Seungri yells. He takes a step behind. "I don't want to hear it, hyung!" He's breathing heavily, this time because of the bad luck his hyung receives. "Okay, maybe he could've been alive right now! But, you didn't mean it, hyung! You were there at the wrong time and wrong situation!" Seungri wipes his sweat abruptly. He's mad at Daesung. He's mad at the world. And he finally feels tired, like he's been running around and never stops. 

"It could've been me, hyung," he speaks weakly, "it could've been the kind Youngbae hyung, or the perfect Jiyong hyung, or even the untouchable TOP hyung. It could've been anybody. It's just a matter of luck. Do we have the ability to interfere?"

And he sits back next to Daesung but his eyes never leave Daesung for a second.

"If it was me, hyung...what would you say to me if I act like you do now?" Seungri whispers.

Daesung doesn't know how to react for a moment. He is too surprised. He looks back to the river in front of him. "I don't know, Ri," he whispers back.

"I didn't too."

"So, what made you say those things?"

"Big Bang, your family, our families, our friends, VIP. There are people who want you to stay strong. I don't want to imagine what will happen to them if you give up."

Daesung looks around for a while, like he doesn't care about what Seungri said. But, then, he smiles brightly and looks back to Seungri. "You know you're good with words, Seunghyun-ah."

"Hm~" Seungri laughs a little.

And when he stops laughing, he looks to the water. "Are you okay now, hyung?" he asks with softly.

"I am..." Daesung takes a deep breath and holds it inside his lung for a moment, then he lets go, "It'll never be the same anymore. I'll never walk freely like how I did before. But I'll get used to it and I'll live. I have you guys." He tilts his head to the side and looks at Seungri. Seungri looks back at him too.

"Yes, you have us, hyung. We'll always stick together," Seungri smiles, "I promise." Daesung nods.

"Can we stay here for a little longer? Let the hyungs worry about us. I miss having an awkward silence with you." Daesung pats Seungri's back.

"Ah, hyung! This is forgotten!" Seungri says while looking down to his hands.

He's still holding Daesung's blanket. He didn't let it go when he ran all the way from their apartment to the Hangang River. He even squeezed it hard when he let his anger go that there's a trace of tangles. Daesung was too caught up with his own mind too that he didn't realize Seungri's holding his blanket. So they both laugh at each other.

Seungri wraps the blanket around Daesung and himself. "I want you to be warm," he says sincerely.

Daesung is stunned for a moment. He never realized how warm Seungri really is and he regrets that. "Hyung is sorry, Seungri."

Seungri gives Daesung the best smile he could ever give to him. "Me too, hyung."

Then, they stay quiet for a while, but not an awkward silence that accompany them. It's a comfortable one. Sometimes, small talks and laughs come around while they look back to the old times, old memories. Fifty minutes later, Jiyong comes to pick them up.

...

"Me and Seungri are like brothers and we learn a lot from each other too. I realized that I have to learn certain qualities that Seungri has. Slowly, I'm finding a compromising point between us and without him, I wouldn't have been able to come back to the music scene." -Daesung's interview with 10Asia (2012)

...

I am sorry for the late update...

Let's start this with the mellow one first, okay? I feel like I'm taking advantage of Daesung's accident. I'm sorry. Don't think bad about me, please. Hope you guys enjoy my story :)