TOP Act Like Nothing’s Wrong

                Seunghyun swirled the dark liquid in his glass around before bringing it back up to his lips for another sip of the alcoholic beverage. Sip… At this point it was more along the lines of a swig. He sighed and glanced at the second bottle of wine he had opened that night. He promised himself he wouldn’t drink anymore after the first, but that never lasted. He should’ve known better.

                After all, he had never been good with promises.

                He set the glass down and ran a hand down his face before it fell back down to his side. It was too quiet. He never thought he would hate the quiet this much. He felt around for the remote to the TV, but discovered his phone instead. He had been looking for it earlier. He unlocked the screen and groaned; he shouldn’t have done that.

                Her picture was still his wallpaper.

                “Why do you do this to me, huh?” he asked, slurring his words slightly. Of course she didn’t answer though. He could remedy that though.

                He held the phone up to his ear as it rang without answer. “Hi this is ________. I’m sorry but I can’t get to the phone right now. If you really need to get ahold of me, please leave a message. If not, try calling again later.”

                The recorded message made him smile slightly.

                He was there was she had recorded it. It had taken five times before she finally got it right; mostly because he had interrupted her the other four times. She literally had to cover his mouth with her hand as she recorded it the last time. He had kissed her palm.

                She had kissed his lips.

                “I miss you,” he whispered after the beep, “I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m leaving you drunken voicemails expecting you to call back. You won’t, I know you won’t but…” He picked up the glass of wine and downed the rest of it before clearing his throat. He didn’t want to cry too. “I don’t know what to do anymore. My laughter died; I can’t even smile anymore. Or at least that’s what everyone has been telling me…”

                It beeped again before he could finish. The machine was mad at him too.

                “Damn it all,” he sighed before putting the phone back where he had originally found it. He should probably get some sleep. He nodded to himself before going back into his room and flopping down on the bed. He didn’t want to get changed; he didn’t even want to get under the black cotton sheets she had bought him. So, he just laid there until sleep overtook him.

                “Hyung, I think it’s time you visited her,” Jiyong said after Seungri had asked him if he was okay for the thousandth time. He was the only one who asked anymore, the rest had given up.

                “No. It’s over, I’ve accepted it,” he said with a shrug.

                “Quit acting like you’re fine. It’s obvious you miss her,” Jiyong said while Seungri nodded. Of course the maknae sided with his roommate. That jerk.

                “I’m not acting; I’m fine.”

                “Then why did your mom call me the other night worried about you?” Jiyong asked cooly over a cup of coffee.

                “I don’t know. Why does my mom even have your number?” Seunghyun asked, picking at the remains of his bagel.

                “Don’t deflect.”

                “I’m not.”

                “Yes you are.”

                “No, I’m not.”

                “Okay I think it’s time we moved onto a new subject,” Seungri interjected. Jiyong rolled his eyes and Seunghyun sighed. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately.

                “You really should visit her though,” Jiyong mumbled.

                “That’s nice. I’m going to go first,” Seunghyun said before getting up.

                “See what you did,” Seungri hissed, “At least he was out of his apartment.”

                “It’s been half a year.”

                “It took you three months to get over your last girl.”

                “Shut up,” Jiyong grumbled. Seunghyun shook his head before exiting the store. The biting chill of Seoul’s winter caused a shiver to go down his spine. He pulled up the collar of his jacket and walked down the street to his apartment. His breath came out in a fog that made it look like he was smoking. He could use a cigarette right now.

                She had told him to quit though.

                Everything reminded him of her.

               He stopped in front of the door to his apartment, unable to enter for some strange reason. Maybe Jiyong was right. He should visit her. He could get some closure or whatever it the group seemed to be obsessed with him getting.

                He his heel and headed back down to the lobbey, probably confusing the women who had just seen him go up. He tried to smile at them, but from the way that they flinched his stare had probably scared them. She had never been afraid of his “intense” stares. She had made fun of him for it. His lips quirked into almost a smile as he thought of that.

                He hailed a cab and mumbled where he wanted to go before leaning his head against the freezing window. What the hell was he doing?

                Once he arrived, he trudged through the snow and past the iron gates to where she was. He stopped in front of her and sighed, “I probably should’ve brought flowers,” no response, “I’m sorry.” He kneeled down in front of the graved and wiped the snow away from her name.

                “It took me a really long time to get here, huh?” He stood back up and nodded before turning to go, but something held him there. “I love you,” he said in a hoarse voice, “And I’ll never stop loving you.”

                But it’s time for you to move on.

                Tears slowly slid down his face. He wiped them away and let out a small laugh, “You hated to see me cry. Why am I still like this?”

                It’s time to move on.

                “That’s easier said than done,” he mumbled. Seunghyun began walking away, wondering how he was supposed to get closure from this. When he got back home, he kicked off his shoes and resumed his position on the couch.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

gah! Sorry that this one is so depressing......i swear the next one will be happy!

Darn it college what are you doing to me?!