They were lying in the bed of a small motel, hiding from reality again. Their bodies were sticky, covered in sweat and other body fluids. The whole room was currently a mess. Clothes were thrown all over the floor, the lamp by the bedside was tumbled down and there was a visible crack in the paint of the wall where Hyukjae had pinned Donghae with all his strength blinded with lust.

The two were still breathing heavily, the bed sheets barely covering their lower parts. Hyukjae was lying on his back with one arm under his head and the other one wrapped securely around Donghae’s shoulders who had laid his head on Hyukjae’s chest.

They didn’t talk and they couldn’t fall asleep either, despite the exhaustion they were both feeling.

The minds of the two were filled with unbidden thoughts and questions with no answers that kept torturing them day and night for months now. Though, neither of them dared to voice what was bothering him.

What were they doing?

What was going to happen next?

When will everything fall apart, crashing their dreams, hopes and future into pieces?

How the hell did they end up like this?

Donghae couldn’t even remember how it all started. How in one moment he saw Hyukjae as his band mate and best friend and in the next they ended up with their bodies in a tangled mess on Donghae’s bed in their dorm.

He couldn’t remember the exact moment when he felt their friendship turning into something more but he clearly remembered their first time as if it was only yesterday. He couldn’t forget it even if he wanted to. It was engraved into his memory forever as the happiest and at the same time most crucial moment in his entire life. That was the day his life took a dangerous turn as he finally gave in to the temptation he was feeling for a while.

Donghae could still recall into his mind every small detail about that fateful night after which nothing was the same anymore. The way Hyukjae had looked at him when he entered his room. He was never going to forget that look full of fear, nervousness and at the same time love … and lust.

He could remember the sound of Hyukjae locking the door behind him. That small, barely audible sound had made Donghae’s heart race like mad as he had caught on what Hyukjae’s intentions were and he had suddenly felt his own feelings take over him, making his mind go blank as he gave up denying what he truly wanted. The thought of stopping the other never crossed his mind because he wanted, no - needed the same just as much.

They didn’t even have to say anything to understand what the other one wanted. For them, everything was already written on the other’s face. That’s how strong their bond was.

He remembered how while experiencing the biggest pleasure in his whole life there were still these unbidden, scary thoughts lingering on his mind. He had wondered what would the other members say if they saw them in that moment. The answer had come almost instantly. They would probably say what everybody else would - that this was wrong, that they were filthy and sick. That thought had made him flinch. He could just see their looks of disappointment and disgust. Hyukjae had probably been thinking about the same thing because when Donghae couldn’t suppress his moans any longer he had put one hand over his mouth to muffle them.

After that they didn’t mention anything about what had happened. Hyukjae had gotten dressed quickly before leaving Donghae’s room without saying a word. They were afraid to talk about that night. The other members were so surprised to see the two avoiding each other for nearly two weeks, barely speaking to one another only when it was necessary… That was until it happened again. And again, and again until they were no longer feeling awkward with each other afterwards.

But right now, lying in the bed in that cheap motel, he couldn’t tell what Hyukjae was thinking about. Even though he was snuggled in his tight embrace, the other one felt distant, deep in his own thoughts.

For a moment Donghae wondered if the older was ever thinking about the same things that he was now.

He moved a little, trying to glance at Hyukjae’s face. He was staring blankly at the ceiling and his expressionless face told Donghae nothing about what was on his mind right now.

He felt a sudden pain in his heart, as if someone gave it a hard squeeze, threatening to break it into pieces. He didn’t want to feel this way. He couldn’t bear losing that connection he had with Hyukjae. He could endure anything else but not that. At that point he simply couldn’t imagine his life without the other. He was the person Donghae treasured the most in this world along with his family. They had been there for each other at every important moment of their lives. And he couldn’t risk losing him. Not as a friend, nor as a lover.

Donghae pressed himself against Hyukjae’s body even more if that was even possible, burying his face in the crook between the older’s shoulder and neck.

He felt insecure all of a sudden. He felt like he could lose his Hyukjae at any moment.

He turned his head a little and planted a small kiss on Hyukjae’s collarbone while wrapping his left arm tightly around his waist.

The older moved a little and soon Donghae felt him pressing his lips against his hair while his fingers began drawing invisible patterns on his back. The gentle making Donghae shiver and giving him the reassurance that he needed so much right now.

They stayed like that for hours, without saying a word to each other. But they didn’t need to. Their soft touches were saying everything. And they were filled with nothing but unconditional love and tenderness.

And right then and there Donghae suddenly knew. He knew that things were going to be alright, because he had his Hyukjae. And as long as they had each other nothing else mattered. He was no longer afraid of being found out or of what people would say about them because he loved him. And he knew Hyukjae loved him too. What they had could never be wrong, love was never something wrong.  Donghae smiled as he finally found some peace in his mind.

With his new obtained confidence about what the future held for them, Donghae got out of Hyukjae’s warm embrace only to climb on top of him and straddle him with his legs.

This time when Donghae looked into the other’s eyes he saw that he has been worried too. The fact that he was asking himself the same questions that invaded his mind unwanted was written on his face. It was obvious that not being able to answer these questions was scaring Hyukjae even more. And as he looked up at his lover, Hyukjae silently begged for him to have the answers he needed. Donghae stared back at his beautiful eyes with a look of reassurance, of a promise that things will be fine. He saw how other’s look softened and a small smile crept on his face as he propped himself on his elbows.

With that Donghae leaned down without moving his loving gaze from Hyukjae’s face closing the small distance between them and pressed his lips against his lover’s, beginning their game of love once again.