--

I watched him as he left his seat in a hurry. I had the urge to run after him, to pull him into my arms, to tell him that I am sorry and I still love him. But my legs were frozen to the ground. I had not expected to see him here. He apparently had not too. It kills me that our relationship has become so estranged – that even greeting each other became so difficult, and so awkward. It did not matter that it is my entire fault that things had turned out this way. It still kills me.

“I will go after him.” Sungmin said as he stood up from his seat and quickly followed after Kyuhyun.

“Why are you back?” I peeled my eyes away from the retreating back view and turned to see Heechul glaring at me.

“Chullie…” I wanted to explain myself, but I could find no words. I came back to celebrate my dad’s birthday, I wanted to say but could not. It had been three years, and I never bothered to come back no matter what the occasion was. Why now?

For him. That was the real answer. I took long enough to realize that he was all I needed and I was a complete for leaving him behind. And I am now a complete , for wanting him back after breaking his heart. For wanting him back when it was all too late.

“You didn’t come back for him, did you?” Heechul asked, almost threateningly. I could see Siwon putting his hand on Heechul’s arm, as if preparing to pull him back if he was to attack me.

“I…” I hesitated, but I knew of all people, I should not be lying to Heechul, “Yes. I did.”

“Damn it.” He snarled at me, “Who are you to come and go as you please?”

“I am sorry, Chullie. I know it was all my fault, but…” I trailed off.

“Don’t give me this kind of bull.” Heechul spat, “Do you know how broken he was when you left him? Have you any idea how lost and how betrayed he felt? No. You don’t know. You left him all alone just with a letter after promising a life with him. You are despicable, Leeteuk. Absolutely despicable.”

I flinched at his piercing words. But I knew every single word was true. I had promised Kyuhyun so many things. I had promised to love him, protect him, to take care of him to the best that I could and to never leave him. And I had done exactly the opposite.

“Hyung…” Siwon interrupted softly, “If you should explain to anyone, it is Kyuhyunnie.”

“I know… And I will… If he is ready to listen to me,” I said.

I could see Heechul taking a deep breath to calm himself down, “Kyuhyun is on a break this week. He will usually be at home in the morning. You know where I live.”

I was surprised at Heechul’s words. One moment he looked like he was going to eat me up, and the next moment he was offering me an opportunity to meet Kyuhyun.

“I am doing this because I know he needs a closure in this relationship.” He said, “So you go, and you explain yourself to him. But you were to break his heart again, I will hammer you personally.”

I could hear the intimidation in his voice. I could tell he really cares about Kyuhyun and I am glad. And a sudden thought crossed my mind, “You… Are you and Kyu…Together?” I asked hesitantly, half afraid to hear his answer.

Heechul jabbed his finger at my chest, “You are in no position to ask about that. And frankly, wasn’t that part of your plan?”

I nodded, knowing he was right. I had chosen Heechul, of all people, because I knew that he loves Kyuhyun the way I do. I could tell. Heechul was sarcastic, arrogant and frankly, a little mean at times. But when it came to Kyuhyun… There was always this soft side to him. I am not sure if others noticed it, but it was bright and clear to me. I knew that with him, Kyuhyun would be in good hands. And judging from his protectiveness, I knew I was right. But somehow, at this point of time, I wish I was not.

--

It took me all the courage I have to press the small button. I could feel the painful twist of my intestines as I waited for a response.

“Hyung, you forgot your keys again?”The familiar voice asked as the door swung open.

My eyes met his and the world stopped. It was like someone clicked paused and I could not move anymore. I could barely breathe. And I know it was the same for him, because his beautiful orbs widened and a gasped was heard.

And then nothing.

Neither of us said anything and neither made a move.

I tried to recall all the words I wanted to say to him, but I could not.

“Kyu…” I called out softly, unable to say more.

The shock on his face left at the sound of my voice, and his eyes grew cold. He looked away.

“What are you doing here?”

“I am sorry.” I said in a hoarse voice. I felt it like someone was strangling my throat, and it took great effort to mutter every word. But I willed against backing out. I am here, so I might as well say what I need to.

“I am sorry, Kyu.” I repeated, my eyes looking straight at him to show my sincerity, “I know I am a bastard, and it’s probably too late to apologise. But I am sorry. And I missed you. I ing missed you, Kyuhyun.”

Kyuhyun rolled his eyes, “Just leave.”

“Please, Kyu. I mean every word I am saying. Leaving… Leaving you was the worst decision I have ever made. I am so so so damn sorry. I know I am three years late, but please… I am back, and I want to make things right again.”

Kyuhyun snorted, “You want to make things right? Really Leeteuk? Because the last time I checked you left me all alone with just a ing letter. Too much of a coward to even tell me face to face?”

I could hear the pain in his voice, and I fought the urge to wipe away the tears falling down his cheeks.

“Who are you to come and go as you please?  Who are you to come back and disrupt my life once again? You want to make things right? I tell you, it is impossible. And you should have known three years ago when you left.” He wiped his tears away angrily, glaring at me.

“So go away. I am not buying this. Save your words for others. I will never ever believe you again.”

“Kyu…” I pleaded, feeling desperate, “I am sorry I left… I am sorry Kyu... I was afraid, I didn't mean to leave you on your own..." I fought the urge to cry, because really, who am I to show any sign of hurt in front of him.

He looked at me, the anger in his eyes gone, replaced by pure disappointment, "You don't get it do you hyung? The worst thing... The worst thing you did to me was not to abandon me. It was to give me hope. Because there can never be true despair without hope."He paused, his hand tightly clenched together, “So if you are really sorry you will leave me alone. Because just merely seeing you and sharing a space with you like this? It hurts. It hurts more than anything else. So please, go away and never come back.”

Silence took over once again. I stood, staring at him, not saying anything because I could sense the tone of finality in his voice. That this was it, and he expected no reply.

We stood like this for a few seconds, and he nodded his head lightly before going back in, closing the door in my face.

--

I know I have not updated for the longest time. So sorry everyone, was alittle stuck for e story. I hope the chapter didnt disappoint. Here's wishing all of u a happy new year! Greater things has yet to come!