“Miss, are you okay?” the guy beside me asked.

I stared at him.

“You’re pale. Are you alright?”

I nodded and smiled.

“Okay then. Be prepared. We’re landing anytime now.”

True to what he said, the pilot announced that in five minutes we were going to land. I stared at the guy beside me and he winked as if telling me, ‘See? I told you.’

I only chuckled and buckled my seatbelt back on. I slumped on my seat and closed my eyes. My heart was beating crazily against my chest. I was more than nervous. Perhaps, that was why the guy beside me told me I was pale.

Who could blame me though? After seven long years, I would be coming back to Seoul – the place I avoided for all those years, the place where I left all the memories of Jiyong and me, the place where it took me all the efforts to leave.

That was why I went under the pseudonym Miss Dee. I never wanted to be known worldwide. He might hear about me. Although I wasn’t sure what he would feel if he would ever hear about me, it still wasn’t a welcoming idea to me. I mean, what would he think? I was sure that he would be mad at me.

Teddy must have told him I was dead or something. I wish he did. And it might surprise him seeing me on TV or magazines.

Low profile – the excuse that I had been telling everyone whenever they asked about my pseudonym. Thankfully, they bought it and even praised my humility.

After a while, the plane safely landed and I willed myself to open my eyes. I just watched as people stood up and went to get their luggage while I waited for them to finish unloading. After a while, I got mine and walked down the aisle.

Every step I took was heavy. Every step was grueling. I wanted to stop and turn back around and tell the pilot I am riding back to Japan. But I wasn’t that kind of woman. Once I set my mind to it, I would go for it.

I breathed in as I saw the outside of the airport where cabs were waiting for passengers.

No one would fetch me today. He was busy and he texted me that he would be gone for three days because of an addition to his schedule. He was signed a contract to a contact lens brand and they would be shooting a commercial.

Pfft. They must have been dazzled by his eyes.

Well…. I was too.

I stepped out as I felt the air blowing against my face. Immediately, I finally felt that I arrived in Seoul.

“It’s been a while,” I whispered to no one in particular.

Before I could even take another step further, my phone rang. I answered it on one ring.

“Hel—“

“Ya! Unnie! Where are you? They are bullying me! Who’s going to save me now?” that was Minzy.

“Ya! Sandara Park! You better explain yourself! Leaving without giving me my paycheck. I’m no accountant for no reason you know!” that was Bom.

“Ya! You’re leaving me with all these loads of work? How dare you?!” that was CL.

I chuckled as I listened to all of them rant on me all together. I couldn’t even get in to talk. I needed to wait for them to finish.

“And if you’re not coming back, you are going to regret it, I tell you,” that was Bom again. She was the last one to speak.

“Are you done now?” I asked. When they answered yes, I continued, “Minzy, just do what I always told you when they will bully you. Bom, I deposited your paycheck this morning on your bank account. CL, I left a folder of the designs I made this morning too.”

There was silence. “But… Where the hell are you?!” they all said in chorus.

“Aish, seriously. Will you just relax? I’m at Seoul.”

“WHAT?! Seoul?!”

And there they were again, bombarding me with more questions. Even until I rode a cab, they were still not yet done.

“I’m here for my cousin. She’s getting married,” I said after they shouted at me. There was silence. “Arasso. I’m hanging up now. I’m tired.”

“Ya! You can’t even invite us?!” that was CL.

I just chuckled before I totally hung up the phone. “A bunch of kids.”

Instead of actually heading to the condo unit I needed to go, like what he just said, I chose to stay at a hotel. After unpacking my things, I decided to take a walk. This was my home in the first place, right? And I admit I missed this country.

Although there was a part of me that was scared because of what might meet me ahead if I would ever walk around, a part of me wanted to see him too, wanted to hold him in my arms, wanted to kiss him, wanted to ask how he was doing, wanted to just be with him.

Even if it would hurt a lot, the latter part was winning, even if it would lead to something that would just disappoint me. I mean, he must be angry at me, right? For leaving him so suddenly. Even if Teddy actually told him that I was dead, he might not buy it.

I didn’t notice it though but I found myself visiting my first home – the house I rented after my parents died. I smiled as it looked exactly the same, old and abandoned. I wonder, did the landowner ask someone to live in it after me?

I turned my back as I walked to my next destination. After a while, I found myself in front of a luxurious apartment building. I looked at the parking lot on the side. A part of me was expecting a familiar-looking motorbike parked there but I was thankful that there wasn’t. I walked up to the building and towards the lift. When I arrived at my desired floor, I hesitated for a moment.

Why am I doing this again? Am I expecting him to still be here? Do I really want to see him? Do I want to get hurt?

Nevertheless, I found myself taking off the lift, walking down the familiar corridor towards where we lived before. When I reached it, I stood before the door.

I found my fist clenched and I raised it. My knuckles were about to make contact with the door when it stopped midway.

What if he really was here? What if he comes out? What if he sees me?

It took me this long enough for me to realize that I didn’t want that to happen. I was already here at Seoul. I already took the risk of exposing myself, appearing at my past home, even coming here.

As I realized that, I took a step backward. Before I could turn, though, the door opened before me.

“Oh?” a young guy appeared before me. “Do you need something?”

My eyes unconsciously wandered behind him where the door was still slightly opened. I was able to take a peek on what the place looked like. The interior was totally different. The sofa wasn’t the same one, the kitchen wasn’t either. Even the walls weren’t covered with the usual picture frames we had before.

Seriously, what was I expecting?

I returned my gaze to him and smiled. “No. I thought I knew someone who lived here. I’m sorry to bother you,” I said, bowing slightly. “I’m taking my leave now.”

While walking away from the apartment building, tears started falling from my eyes. I had my fist clutched around the locket I wore around my neck.

“Babo!” I told myself as I let go of the locket. I hit my head as I repeated over and over again. “Babo! Babo!”

“Sandara-ssi, is that you?” a familiar voice called.

Before I turned around, I hastily wiped the tears off my face.

“Are you crying?” he asked.

I turned and saw a familiar face. “Manager Jaesang!”

“Aigoo,” he said, walking towards me. “You’ve gotten prettier than the last time I’ve seen you. How are you doing?”

“I’m fine, Manager Jaesang. How about you? Do you still have that café?”

“Of course. What do you think of me? I even opened new branches around Seoul. But you know what it’s not doing well than before.”

“What? Why is that? Is it because I left? Wasn’t I your lucky one?” I said, teasingly.

He chuckled. “That! And…well, a year ago, a new café was built around Seoul too. What was it called? I think it was Miss Dee’s or something. I even heard that the owner is THE Miss Dee, the fashion designer from Japan.”

I stared at him, an amused smile spreading my lips. “Maybe what they’re selling are much better than yours.”

“What?! Of course not. I tried their coffee. And it tasted…well…they were good. I feel like I was Plankton and the owner was Mr. Krabs.”

I laughed at his remark. “Why?”

“Well, I had been trying recipes but I can’t seem to get the taste of their coffee. There was just something in there.”

“Maybe because the owner was really passionate about the business.”

“What?!” he gasped. ‘Are you telling me that I don’t have passion? Of course I do! And how did you know that anyway?”

“Well… for one, I’m the owner of Miss Dee’s Café,” I paused, waiting for a reaction. He was shocked, of course. “And yes, I’m Miss Dee, the fashion designer from Japan that you hear around.”

He blinked rapidly. “Hahaha! Sandara-sshi is such a joker.”

“I’m not kidding, Manager Jaesang,” I said and smiled.

He cleared his throat. “Th-then…” he paused and looked away. He then whispered something that I heard anyway, “Did I badmouth her store in any way? Aish!” he turned to me and said in a normal voice. “Come, Sanda—oh, I mean – Madam Dee, I’ll treat you for lunch.”

I laughed. “It’s alright, Manager Jaesang. You did not badmouth my café. Well, maybe not that I heard of right now,” I said and chuckled. “I have to go. Let’s see each other next time?”

He nodded and bowed. I did too before I left for the last destination I had in mind.

I stared at the massive school gate right in front of me. I never imagined that it would change over time like this. Looks like the president of this high school earned lots of money to have this kind of gates now.

I stepped inside hesitantly. But once I was inside, my strides were full of confidence and determination. I missed this school. There’s no way I won’t be visiting this the moment I’ll step back on Seoul. I used to say that when I missed high school.

And now I’m here. Too many memories were left here. And more importantly, too many memories started here. Every stride I took, though, turned heavier than the previous ones. And I bit back my lip to avoid the tears from falling yet again.

I’m here not to be hurt. I’m here not to remember the pain. I’m here just because I missed this school…and the room we used to share alone. Let us just not dig deeper into the meaning behind the words, alright?

The moment I arrived at the room, I opened the door slightly. I was afraid that it wouldn’t be empty and I was glad it was. I stepped inside as I took in the room.

Nothing much changed in here. New musical instruments were added and maybe got replaced. The room was still a little dusty. I used to complain before how quickly it collected dust. Well, I couldn’t blame it anyway. The room was located beside a field wherein students play some sports and dusts from outside get in. Nevertheless, I didn’t mind cleaning it.

My eyes wandered around as it stopped on the slightly opened storage closet. I walked towards it and opened it fully. It revealed some old instruments in there, some of them I recognized. But what I remembered the most was how he held me tightly in here while we were listening to some scenes that happened just outside of the closet. I remembered how he hugged me to his chest while glaring at the two persons making out outside. I remembered how he made me feel his warmth and care that time. I remembered how we just stayed right here even though the coast was perfectly clear.

Before I could even cry harder, I stepped away from the closet and I found myself in front of the curtains. They were pink. They did not change the curtains from when he surprised me with our 201^st day with each other.

I stepped away from it and my back came into contact with something. I turned around and saw the pink piano. It seemed like yesterday when Jiyong painted this pink to surprise me for our 201^st day too. And it seemed like yesterday when we used to stay here, just randomly pressing keys. And what was more painful was it seemed like yesterday when I waited for Daddy-Long-Legs here and even drifting to sleep because it took him that long.

And above everything else… it seemed like yesterday when he approached me one day with a handkerchief while I was crying on this exact place because my heart was broken by a bastard and he asked me if I was alright that made me pull him so I could cry on his shoulder while he was patting my back, comforting me.

It all started here.

I never imagined I would return to this place and reminisce everything that had happened.

And I never even imagined how painful it was to do it.