The ride to the ward felt painfully long, his troath was still feeling sore ever since the doctors had to pump all those pills out of him a few days ago. He had a terrible headache on top of that, and his eyes had never left the window, trying to keep calm while losing himself in the music.

When they drove up the parking lot of the big white brick house, Junsu felt a knot tighten up in his stomach. Just the feeling of having to be around people made him feel sick, having to see nurses who wouldn't be able to help him anyway made the feeling even more intense.

His father opened his door, taking his headphones of and smiled at him, "We're here."

Junsu didn't meet his eyes, only took his bag and stepped out of the car silently.

His mother took his hand as they walked the way which led them to the entrance. His mother complimented the beautiful park that surrounded the building. Junsu looked around, seeing patients and nurses talking and playing around the flowers and trees. He snorted.

"It's such a nice atmosphere," his mother said delightfully, "The colorful flowers and trees really lightens up the mood."

Junsu stayed quiet, so what if there were flowers and trees? They wouldn't be able to bring his brother back no matter how big and colorful they were.

"We made a good choice, dear," his mother smiled to his father.

"Yes, it's the best in South Korea," his father agreed, "They will make everything alright, son. Just look how beautiful it is!"

He ruffled Junsu's hair, but Junsu didn't show any reaction of happiness at all.

He had noticed a little girl with long dark-brown hair sitting on a swing, staring at him. He looked at her and she smiled brightly. Junsu wondered why she was here; she looked like any other kid, clutching tightly onto a fluffy babypink teddybear. He stopped walking as he noticed the girl jumping of her swing and running to him.

"You're all grey! Just as mr.Teddy!" she smiled, holding up her teddybear in front of him.

Junsu let go of his mother’s hand and kneeled down so he was the same height as her, "Is this mr.Teddy?"

Her smile grew bigger, "Yes! We like you, since you're just like us!"

"Just like you?" Junsu asked and grabbed the teddybear's hand and shook it as hello.

The girl nodded, "Grey. Your light is grey. Mr.Teddy is grey too."

Junsu looked confused at the little girl.

"Mr.Teddy saved me from the darkness that ate up my parents. My mommy was always red you know, and daddy was always yellow but then the black came and ate them. So for me to not lose my pink, mr.Teddy ate up the black for me, which turned him grey instead of blue!"

Junsu tried very hard to understand what the little girl was saying to him, but nothing made sense. 

"That's a good teddybear then," he smiled to her, "But what makes me gray too?"

The girl pouted, "It means you both saw death."

He heard his mother let out a shocked sound, and his father grabbed him, dragging him to the entrance. Junsu looked back at her, and she waved happily. "Guess she was a patient afterall..." he though to himself and sighed.



"Oh, this must be Kim Junsu?" a nurse asked them when they reached the reception.

His parents nodded and they were led to an empty room, "Just wait here and I will get the consultant to you," she smiled warmly.

They were given iced tea just as two people opened the door, and both parts bowed to each other before sitting down.

"Nice to meet you, Kim Junsu. My name is Kwon Sangwoo and I'm the head doctor and consultant here," he greeted the parents with a white, bright smile, "And this is Cho Jaekyung, she's going to be the nurse you'll see the most."

The woman bowed as well, smiling brightly, "I hope we can get along well, Junsu."

Junsu bowed back, but didn't say anything. He couldn't care less whether they would get along or not.

"You will be staying in room 103, that's on the second floor," Dr Kwon said, "It's a nice room with both television and computer, also with windows out over the park."

His mother smiled, "Doesn't that sound nice, Junsu?"

He shrugged.

"The room also come with toilet and shower, but of course with no mirrors," Nurse Cho added.

Junsu frowned, "Why no mirrors?"

The nurse smiled, "It’s a risk in having them here, since patients can break them and use them to cause harm to themselves or others."

Junsu rolled his eyes.

His parents signed some papers and paid the first amount of money for his staying. Then they bowed their goodbyes to Dr Kwon and followed Nurse Cho up to Junsu's room.

The corridors gave Junsu chills. Everything was so irritably white and the common rooms was to irritably colorful. It was like the building itself was schizophrenic, like the doctors and nurses tried to convince their patients that everything would be alright once they saw the bright colors. His parents seemed to love it as well, he though didn't like it at all.

At last they reached room 103, and the nurse opened the door.

The room was big and bright, walls painted baby blue. He noticed the TV, computer and bathroom, also a white couch in the middle of the room in front of a TV-table with red flowers in a vase. Right beside the TV stood a small piano and he smiled a little to himself at the sight of it, thinking about all those times he and his brother had stood by it while his mother played, singing beautiful tunes.

The smile faded when he looked to his left and saw two beds, staring at a boy sitting on top of one of them, looking at him. He was dressed in dark grey sweatpants and a black cardigan. He looked skinny but had round cheeks, thick black hair long enough to cover his eyes if he hadn't styled it to the side.

"Oh, I forgot," the nurse said and went over to the unknown boy, "This is going to be your roommate! You're the same age and we hope you'll get along well with each other."

Junsu looked at him questioningly; he had hoped for a room of his own.

"Why don't you introduce yourself?" the nurse said.

There was a moment of silence before Junsu sighed and bowed his head slightly, "I'm Kim Junsu."

The other looked at him, "Park Yoochun," he answered, bowing his head too.

The nurse smiled, "Good," she turned to Junsu's parents, "This is all I had to show you for now, I'm looking forward to get to know your son."

Junsu wasn't looking forward to that at all.

---

"This is going to go well, Junsu-yah," his mother said with tears in her eyes, "You have to let them help you."

Junsu shrugged, hugging his mother goodbye. His father smiled at him, before he too hugged his son. "See you soon."

Junsu nodded and his mother started to cry. His father helped her into the car and then they were gone. Maybe he wouldn't see them ever again? He felt sorry for them, but he would be happier in heaven than stuck here without his other half...

"Wow, what a hottie!" he heard someone say, "New here?"

He turned around and saw an elder woman stand right behind him, he frowned, "Um..."

"Ooh~ You look even better from the front!" she walked to him and his cheek, "Yummy~"

Junsu backed away, slightly disgusted, "Go away idiot."

The woman started to laugh, "I'm an idiot? You're not going to survive here, sweetie pie."

Junsu snorted, "Good, because I don't want to."

He walked away, nearly storming into the building, running up to his room.

He slammed the door shut behind him and sat down on the ground, burying his head in his hands.

"Wanna go home?"

Junsu looked up, glaring at Park Yoochun sitting in the couch in front of the TV.

"I don't want to be anywhere."

Yoochun nodded, "I see."

Junsu sighed and stood up, "What are you watching?"

Yoochun shrugged, "Some re-runs of old dramas. Nothing else to do here really."

Junsu sat down at the other end of the couch, "How long have you been here?"

Yoochun looked at him, "A while," he sighed. "Why are you here?"

Junsu hesitated, "Um, something happened."

Yoochun rolled his eyes, "Well, yeah. I can understand that."

Junsu snorted, "I don't want to talk about it,"

Yoochun sighed, "If you say so."

"Why are you here then?" Junsu asked.

His roommate smiled, "Do you really want to know?"

Junsu nodded, suddenly very curious.

"Well..." Yoochun said and started rolling up his sleeves.

Junsu's eyes widened as long and deep scars came to view, both healed and unhealed, red and purple. Junsu felt the knot in his stomach again, there was so many of them...

"Self-harmer," Yoochun said calmly, no real expression showing in his face.