Hyoyeon swung along inside the SM building. Her smile was obvious after her rehearsal moment with his dance partner for the show: ‘Dancing with the Stars’, Kim Hyungseok. They had learned another dance for next judgment, and she was satisfied with what they were doing so far. Hyungseok was a great partner, and also a great teacher. Hyoyeon enjoyed his company, and so it showed in her face when she faced her colleagues inside the SM building that day.

“How is it today?” Jessica asked her, smiling to see her friend’s happy face.

“You’ll see on the show.” Hyoyeon said with a bragging tone. Her friends laughed, and suddenly the door was being opened and another companies stepped inside, joining the SNSD girls.

“What is it that so funny?” Hyukjae asked with his gummy smile. Donghae was behind him and he walked straight to Yoona, leaving his friend whose eyes were fixated on Hyoyeon, asking for answers. Sunny did that for her instead.

“Hyoyeon was blooming after meeting her cute dance partner.” she said teasingly. The other girls made a teasing noise and soon it was noisy again in that room.

“Is that so?” Hyukjae confirmed to Hyoyeon, feigning a smile. Hyoyeon just smiled and answered as if it wasn’t a big deal.

“He is nice.”

_____

I’m so frustrated over Hyoyeon. How could she act that careless in front of me, as if we had nothing; as if there was nothing had happened between us. It is very frustrating seeing her being close with another man. I felt like crazy seeing another man touch her bare skin. I know; I know it is just for show. It is strictly professional. Nothing else going on.

But I still feel uneasy.

And I have no say in it.

I lost her and it was completely my fault. My own decision.

But is it wrong if I started to regret about it now and wanting to be together with her again? To be the only man she sees. To have a say in everything she does.

I really miss her.

_____

What’s so great about him?” Hyukjae asked in an obvious jealous tone. Some of the girls quieted down hearing the tone, but some was still oblivious about it and kept making noise, so that Hyoyeon calm answer was kind of sank between another noise surrounded them.

“He is cute, a great dancer, and a good guy.” Hyoyeon answered flatly with a final tone. Her voice was low and kind of inaudible in that noisy room, but Hyukjae heard every word clearly as if it was some kind of cold daggers stabbing him.

“How do you know he is a good guy?” Hyukjae tried to argue, but Hyoyeon gave him a look.

“Because I spent time with him. Long enough.” she replied firmly. Hyoyeon shifted her gaze to Sooyoung who stayed quiet besides her, knowing exactly the tense atmosphere, but Hyukjae was not ready to back out and let Hyoyeon change the topic just yet.

“I’m a great dancer.” he said childishly. Hyoyeon raised an eyebrow hearing his remark.

“True. But it doesn’t mean that any other guy couldn’t be just as good as you.” Hyoyeon replied coldly, as polite as she could considering the guy standing in front of her was a sunbae and she needed to maintain her manner.

It did the work to keep Hyukjae quiet for a while and Hyoyeon quickly took her chance to move away from him and chatted with Seohyun instead.

But she couldn’t help her mind from flying somewhere else.

_____

I can’t understand Hyukjae Oppa. He has no right to be sulky over my dance partner. We didn’t do anything else except dancing, practicing, and be a good friends for the sake of the show. And even if we do something else, what does it matter to him? He is nothing to me except a friend and a good sunbae.

We had something. True. But it was over, and he was the one ending it. What was he thinking being mad of me because I said I had a crush on the show? Being mad again every time I acted close with some other men. And now this.

He has no right to forbid me doing anything. I have the right to move on after how much he hurt me.

Seeing him acting like this makes me feel uneasy, growing a hope that it actually wasn’t over.

But it needs to be. I don’t want to have hope for him anymore.

I don’t want to get hurt again.

_____

“I don’t think we could maintain our relationship anymore. I have to stop seeing you, Hyo. I need to focus on my debut.” Hyukjae said in a desolate room inside the SM building that day, the place they often used to have their secret rendezvous, to release their yearning to each other.

Hyoyeon kept quiet, her eyes were fixed on his boyfriend in a rigid manner. She had predicted that day would come sooner or later, the day Hyukjae would want to end everything with her. He became busier, and their encounters with each other had become scarce. Hyoyeon texts to him started to be left unreplied, and her calls were never being answered.

She knew he wanted to end their relationship.

But hearing it directly from his mouth was far more painful than she had thought.

“I understand.” she had said. No protest was voiced. No attempt to make it right again. Hyukjae wanted it to be over, and so Hyoyeon would grant it for him.

Hyukjae stared at her worrily. He knew Hyoyeon too well to not know that the girl was really hurt by that break up. He wanted to tell her that he still loved her, that it was just the time and situation that didn’t allow them to be together, that she would always be a special girl for him.

But he knew better that telling all of it wouldn’t make it any different for Hyoyeon. In the end, what mattered was Hyukjae didn’t want to be with her anymore.

“I’m so sorry, Hyo.” he said at last, his head hung low. Hyoyeon made a faint smile and managed to face him bravely.

“Please.” she said. “Don’t be.”

Hyukjae could only stare as Hyoyeon left him alone in that room. The fact that it was officially over between them hit him hard that suddenly it felt hard for him to breathe.

But he needed to endure it.

He was sure that it was the best decision for him. For them.

_____

 I know it was my fault. I know. But does it forbid me to make everything right again?

Am I forbidden to love her again?

Relationship as a trainee was never easy. It was sweet, and I loved her so much; but it didn’t change the fact that we had so little time for us, yet so much pressure. I had to choose, and I couldn’t bargain my career for her. It was my life, my everything. I couldn’t lose it.

When I debuted, I knew that I had to end it with her.

I knew it was a right decision.

But why is it hurt this much now?

_____

Hyoyeon walked absentmindedly outside the building. Her thought was never once leaving Hyukjae. Not a second.

How could it be so hard for her but it was fine for him to break up? How could he end it so easily? Why didn’t they just try?

As the questions struck her, Hyoyeon felt like being hit by cold water as she answered to her own questions.

They did, but it didn’t work out for them.

“Hyo, what happened? Why do you look so pale?” Hyoyeon gazed up to see Sooyoung worried face staring at her. Her mind was so occupied that he didn’t realize Sooyoung’s presence near her.

Her shield collapsed at once as she stared back to her close friend. Her eyes suddenly became hot, and tears one by one started to fall down from them.

“Sooyoung, he broke up with me.” she whispered, trying hard to wipe away the tears which seemed to not going to stop.

_____

I don’t blame him for ending everything with me. I knew it was the best choice for both of us. He needed to focus on his debut and I needed to work hard to follow his path. Relationship was never a choice in the beginning of our singing career. And it was paid off. We are big in our industry now. I knew it was the right decision.

But is it wrong if I want to move on?

He was my everything, and it would never change. He chose career over me, and now I choose career over him. In the end, we would never choose each other as our first priority, so why trying?

It would not ended nicely anyway.

_____

Hyukjae exited the room alone, looking defeated. Hyoyeon distant manner was really obvious, and it made him feeling numb. Her firm look, her rigid voice when she praised that guy.

It was unbearable.

He went straight back to his dorm, leaving Donghae behind. Stomping to his room, he made sure that no one was around and then he took out a box from a safe place inside his drawer.

Slowly, he opened the aged box and as the inside of it was revealed, the memories struck him. He had filled the box with all of their memories. Their pictures. Letters. First date movie tickets. Birthday cards.

His hand stopped at a picture. He stared at it longingly. It was their first summer. The picture was taken right after he confessed her love and they officially became a couple.

Hyukjae caressed the picture. He missed that summer so much.

_____

I can’t keep going on like this. I loved her back then, and I still love her now. I never stop loving her. So why stop trying?

She might not love me as much as she did before.

She might not want to give me a chance again.

But our past was too sweet to be wasted away.

I need to try. I can’t be without her anymore.

_____

“Hyoyeon! Hyukjae Oppa wanted me to give this to you!” Sooyoung called Hyoyeon, stopping her from exiting the practice room. Hyoyeon took the white envelope Sooyoung gave her curiously.

“What is it?” she asked.

“I don’t know. Did you expect me to open it before delivering it to you? I wouldn’t mind.” Sooyoung grinned. Hyoyeon smacked her playfully then stared at the white envelope with a flat expression. Sooyoung examined her friend’s face. There was something longing written on it. She made a tiny smile. She knew about the past her friend had with that silly guy.

“Do you have any plan for our two days break?” Sooyoung asked her, knowing fully that Hyoyeon was hesitated to open the envelope in front of her. Hyoyeon gazed at her as if Sooyoung just brought her back from her trance.

“I don’t know. I would just stay in the dorm, I guess.” she answered at last. Sooyoung nodded. She, herself, had planned to go home to spend their rare earned holiday. She bid Hyoyeon goodbye and left that girl alone in the practice room with the white envelope in her hand.

Hyoyeon caressed the surface of the envelope with a smile plastered on. How long ago the last time he received a letter from him? Was it seven years ago? Eight?

She couldn’t recall.

With a sudden rush, she opened the envelope and took out a picture of her and him, sitting together on a wooden bench. In the background there were a bright blue sky and glittering white sand.

They looked really happy, as if they owned the beach. They owned the summer.

Hyoyeon always thought that remembering their sweet memories would bring her pain, but turned out it wasn’t the case. Her lips were curved into a smile as she reminisced how much he loved Hyukjae back then. How sweet he was to her.

Hyoyeon flipped the photo, and her eyes rounded to find a letter written behind it.

I almost forgot our summer.

When we used to run around on the sand and played with the water.

Young, happy, and carefree.

I always loved our summer.

When I finally able to confess and told you what I’ve been feeling.

And blessed to hear that word yes from you.

There’s nothing more beautiful than our summer.

When you were there, smiling at me.

With a beautiful smile, brighter than the summer sun.

Do you still remember our summer?

When it was me you were always staring at like a sunflower.

There’s no one else; only us.

I want to get back to that summer.

And have you back in my arm.

Loving you again like there’s no tomorrow.

Would you have that happy summer?

If you do, please come to me.

And let us reminiscing back our forgotten summer.

In the end of the letter, Hyukjae had written: ‘I am waiting.’

_____

Hyukjae sat on the same bench they sat on years ago, waiting. He knew it was silly of him hoping for her to come there, to have him as hers again.

He hurt her too much for that.

But it didn’t stop him from hoping. He had waited for hours; he would spend the entire two days break if needed. She was just too precious for him to not trying.

He took out the ring he had prepared. With a sigh, he glanced to his watch. It was nearly seven hours since he entrusted the letter to Sooyoung. If Hyoyeon really read it, if she really wants to come, she should have been here hours ago.

The cloud had become darker, and gradually, Hyukjae’s face had fallen by sadness.

His hope had faded.

He tightened his jaw, determined. He said he would wait, and so he waited. Hyoyeon deserved at least that much from him.

Hyukjae threw his gaze to the dark blue sea. He still remembered how beautiful Hyoyeon was, playing with the sand, chasing each other with him as if they were in some sort of romance movies. He could still remember clearly as if he could see Hyoyeon really stood there, in front of the beautiful summer background.

She was standing there.

Hyukjae narrowed his eyes in disbelief. He quickly stood up, his eyes not once left what he saw. It was Hyoyeon, standing near the sea, just a few meters away from him. His letter was in her hand, and she was smiling.

The smile of happiness found its way to Hyukjae’s face. Slowly, very slowly, he walked to approach Hyoyeon, as if not believing that she was really there, standing in front of him.

When he was close enough, Hyukhae reached out his hand to caress Hyoyeon’s cheek, to confirm that the girl standing in front of him was really real and not a mere result of his crazy hopeful imagination.

His hand touched her smooth cheek, and Hyoyeon put her hand on top of his hand, smiling. Her eyes were a bit teary.

There was no need for words. Hyukjae pulled her into his tight hug, trying hard to chase the happiness tears from escaping his eyes. Hyoyeon put her hand around his waist, comforting him, knowing exactly what the older guy was feeling.

Because she felt exactly the same.

She knew that both of them couldn’t wait to embrace again their forgotten summer.

_____THE END_____

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Special thanks for SHAPPiREDREAMs for creating the writing contest and MusicChibi for making the poster.

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