(Thank you to haera-elfxotic for the poster!)

Oh dear gosh, what have I walked myself into?

“So what now?” He asks me.

“Huh?”

“Now that I’ve told you that your best friend was my rival … what now?” He points at himself. “Do I look any different to you?”

I blink. To satisfy him, I give his face a once-over. “You look the same to me. But I know what you’re talking about; you’re talking about my opinion of you.” He continues to stare at me expectantly. “Well … I don’t know. I admit I’m surprised, but, it doesn’t have anything to do with me.”

“Really?” He raises his brows in mild shock. “I thought you liked me.”

I scoff. “Where … did you get that idea?” It’s true, but I don’t appreciate having the fact slapped right onto my face. That’s so embarrassing.

“A few coffee shop visits were more than enough proof,” he smirks. “But I don’t mean that in a bad way. It’s an observation. Which wasn’t confirmed until you replied to me like that,” he says. I groan. I need to stop being so impulsive.

“Well, now you know,” I shrug, trying to act nonchalant about the situation even though my heart is beating so fast that I swear it will collapse.

“Then what?” He questions me. He looks at me patiently.

“What do you mean, then what?” I watch him until I realize what he is implying. “Okay. All right. This isn’t a confession, okay? And I admit, I have thought about … dating. You. But – “

“That can’t happen,” he rejects me even before I’ve gotten the chance to finish the explanation. His expression hardens, turning into a face of guarded sympathy. “You liked Kai, didn’t you?”

“ … yes … “

“And do you still like him now?” He turns to me, his eyes steady, his voice even. I swallow. I can barely stand underneath that penetrating gaze.

“I – “

“I don’t intend to date someone who once liked a jerk like he,” Kris tells me. “I’m not about to go down that road again.”

“I wasn’t even – “

“And what then?” He interrupts. “I don’t want to go through that again. So I’m just going to tell you now.” He looks straight into my eyes and declares, “I’m not going to date anyone who has a history with Kai. I’m not ready for that.” His jaw is set, and he raises his head. An angry glint reflects in his eyes. “Maybe next time, Hyunsoo. But not now.” Before I can reach out and stop him, he has picked up his pace and walked away, leaving me standing in the middle of the street as the current of people presses on me from all sides.

I don’t know what to say. I was rejected without a basis. I was turned away before I could fully express myself. It’s the most bizarre feeling in the world, because as my mind tells me that there is no reason for me to be upset about this, my heart insists that my heart has been hurt.

Tightening the grip I have on my purse, I turn around and walk in the opposite direction.

-----

My first urge is to call Kai, but with everything Kris has said to me, I feel like I’m betraying him.

But what does that have to do with me? That’s their issue, not mine.

Obviously, he wants nothing to do with me in a romantic sense. I’ve been completely turned down, even though I never directly confessed. It’s the most humiliating experience in the world. I want to cry to express myself, but the tears won’t come out.

I guess I really have no reason to be depressed about this, which is the most weird feeling ever. I don’t appreciate feeling bewildered about my emotions. It’s burdening.

I pretend to forget to visit Kris at Starbucks this week. A few days after the incident, I receive a message on my phone. The number is unknown, but I read the message anyway.

This is Tao. I need to talk to you.

Tao? How the heck did he get my number?

What’s up? I reply.

A few minutes later, I receive another text. Kris hasn’t been himself lately. Do you know what happened?

Oh for goodness sake. Long story short, he rejected me.

Tao replies, for a guy who did the rejecting, he seems pretty disquiet.

Well. That doesn’t have anything to do with me. He can regret what he said all he wants. I’m not going to be the one to initiate a make-up.

I don’t reply to Tao’s text. Instead, I turn off my phone and walk toward my dorm room. I have no desire to talk about Kris, nor talk to his friend.

I understand that what Kris’s ex did was wrong, and if I were in his place, I would have probably done a similar thing. But for him to assume that I’m going to treat him as badly as she treated him is entirely unfair. He doesn’t know me as well as he might think he does. I wouldn’t do that.

And what’s with his reasoning? He won’t like any girl that liked or will like Kai? What kind of stupid reason is that? So maybe that grudge stemmed from a bad memory, but so what? I mean, really? That’s such a dumb reason.

Okay, so maybe I don’t understand completely. Right now, I am pretty -hurt about it.

I just don’t know whether I should keep pursuing him, or whether I should give up, considering it’s a given that he can’t even look at me that way just because I had a crush on Kai.

I mean, hello?

I want to make him see that this is not the case anymore, but I don’t know how to do that when all he is aware of right now are the negatives.

Lately, Kai hasn’t been much of a jerk. And he didn’t purposefully steal your girlfriend, Kris. It’s your own fault for dating a girl who already liked someone else.

Gosh, what am I saying? I sound so selfish. None of my thoughts are helping the issue, and if I want to reconcile, then I need to try to at least be friends with him.

Or maybe I don’t want to reconcile. Maybe I just want a break.

Actually, I don’t know what I want. I guess I’ll try to stop thinking about it.

-----

I need to find that girl - the one that ruined the potential friendship between Kris and Kai. I need to talk to her. I know it’s not my place, and I know I shouldn’t in. I’m pretty good when it comes to minding my own business.

But I need to know if she still likes Kai. And I need to know if I still have a chance with Kris.

But who should I call? I’d ask Kai, since I’m most comfortable talking with him, but he probably wouldn’t tell me anything. He isn’t that open. As for Kris, I doubt he would talk to me either.

Should I talk to Tao? I feel like that is such a roundabout way of doing things, and maybe a little bit wrong. But he would talk to me; I really get the feeling that he would.

Once my classes are done for the day, I pull out my phone and call Tao.

“Yes?” He answers after one ring.

“Tao? It’s Hyunsoo.” As I walk across the field, I pick at the lining on my bag. “Listen. I was wondering if you knew who Kris’s ex was.”

“Huh?”

Oh. Crap. That probably sounded too forward.

“He told you about that?” Tao adds. “I didn’t think he would.”

Well then. “Not necessarily told. It was sort of an … unintentional passing of information.”

“So why do you need to know?”

I tighten my grip on the phone. “I … I care about him. Let’s just agree on that.”

“And he turned you down, right?”

“Before I even said anything!” I shout. Tao laughs.

“Yeah. That sounds like Kris. He knows he’s good-looking, and he’s cocky about it.  He doesn’t want to get hurt, so he doesn’t listen. Whether it’s an excuse or a reason, he won’t listen. That guy acts tough, but he’s a ball of mush.”

This makes me laugh, as well. “That’s assuring. So … could you tell me who she is? I need to talk to her.”

“Her name is Jiya. I don’t know where you’d be able to find her, though. I don’t know her that well.”

Jiya? “That’s okay. I only needed a name. Thanks.” I pull the phone away from my ear in order to hang up, but Tao stops me.

“Wait,” he calls. I return the phone to my ear. “Are you busy today?”

“That depends … “

“Could you meet me at the park at 7? It’s important. And – oh, I gotta go. But text me later. Bye!” With that, he ends the call, leaving me standing on the field in perplexity.

… Well then.

During lunch, I ask my friends at the table whether they have heard the name ‘Jiya’ before. I am able to gather a wide amount of information, since my friends are involved in a variety of social groups. I can pretty much get an idea of any person in the school just by knowing their name.

That’s sort of what I did with Kai’s current girlfriend.

“Jiya is a scholarship student with straight B’s. She is shy, reserved, and has a penchant for coffee,” one of my friends tells me.

“She also dated a guy named Kris, but broke up with him to confess to Kai,” another one adds.

“How long were they dating?” I ask.

“Seven months,” they supply.

Wow. That’s longer than I expected it to be. Kris must still have residual feelings for her.  No wonder he turned me down so coldly without even giving me a chance to speak. In his eyes, it most likely looks like Kai intended to steal Jiya from him.

If Kris knew Kai, he would know that that idea is absurd. Kai doesn’t steal. He pounces. He’s a jerk, but not to that extent.

And, yes, I see why Jiya would like him.

But seriously? Why date another guy if you liked someone else? And saying crap like ‘because he would understand’ doesn’t make any sense. That’s the most selfish, inconsiderate thing ever.

Still, I shouldn’t judge Jiya, even if I want to. I hardly know her. I don’t want to treat her like crap without any basis for those actions. If Kris liked her, then she definitely has something special. Something about her caught Kris’s eye.

I wonder if there is anything about me that will get Kris’s attention – besides my visiting him at Starbucks. I’ll end up looking like a lovesick puppy, not an independent woman. Which is what I want to be, except with him.

I want somebody to rely on. And I really feel like Kris could be that somebody for me. Sure, he is sometimes indifferent, and he’s attractive and knows it, but he’s sweet. I’ve only seen hints of that guy inside him whom he hardly shows to anyone, but when I do, I can’t help but be allured. But it’s not just that hidden side that I like. It’s everything about him. The way he looks when he’s angry, and his brows are furrowed. The way he smiles, and how his eyes crinkle and his perfect teeth show. The way he walks, the way he talks, the way he carries himself; everything about him is simply fascinating, and I hope that, one day, he will be as infatuated with me as I am with him.

-----

It isn’t until six in the evening do I remember Tao’s request to meet him at the park. What had that been all about? Now that my mind has cleared for a bit, my head has room for other thoughts, and I can ponder about his invitation. What’s his deal?

Well, it’s not like I have anything to do. I might as well go. Plus, I need an excuse to procrastinate on my homework.

I grab my phone before I head out of the dorms and walk toward the parking lot. After getting into the car, I start the engine and drive into the city. I head for the park, and when I am near, I park at the street. I slam the door and jog to the nearest lake. Tao didn’t specify where exactly in the park we would be meeting, and it’s getting dark. Taking out my phone, I dial his number. “Tao!” I shout. “Hey. I know I’m early, but where the heck are you?”

“Ah, you really came?” He responds. I can hear his lazy tone. What is he trying to say?

“Was I not supposed to come?” I ask, confused. “I mean, you’re the one who invited me.”

“You’re early … “

“Well, just get your over here, or I’m walking out. I’ve got stuff to do.” Not a lie, but certainly not a truth I am willing to pursue.

“I’m already here,” he laughs.

“Eh? Where?” I ask as I peek around a tree. “You need to show yourself. You’re a pretty conspicuous guy, and it’s getting dark. I don’t appreciate getting jumped.”

“Turn left. Look up.”

I turn to my left and squint at the distance. I see the bright lights of the city beyond the border of the park, as well as a bench that sits underneath a circle of light beaming from a lamppost. A figure that is sitting down on the bench waves at me, and I wave back.

“Awesome,” I answer as I approach Tao. “Hanging up.” I insert my phone into the back pocket of my jeans as I cross the park. Tao stands up when I am within his earshot. “Hey there,” I greet. “ … buddy.”

“What?” He laughs, giving me an embarrassed smile. He sits down, and I sit beside him.

“So what’s up? Is there a problem I should know about?”

“What makes you think that?” He wonders, giving me a strange look.

“You said this was important,” I remind him, “and I was seriously debating on backing out, but look, I’m here. So what’s up? What’s so important that we gotta meet at a park in the evening?”

The excited light in his eyes fades away, leaving behind a trail of worry. He leans forward and folds his hands as he rests his elbows against his knees. “Um … you should talk to Kris.”

I blink. “Was that it?”

“No, that’s important though,” he is quick to assure me. “I’m worried about him, I really am. And he isn’t the type to tell me this stuff. I’m telling you, he’s two-faced.” He shakes his head and raises a hand in warning. “I don’t mean that as a bad compliment. It’s like he’s bipolar.”

“I’ll talk to him,” I tell Tao. “You know, as soon as I, say, have a craving for coffee. Which I have already vowed to myself that I don’t. I also have a distaste for a particular restaurant in a particular street … could it be the large tip that was rejected?” I fake a scoff. “And my gosh. That’s quite something.”

“Sarcasm doesn’t work … “ Tao groans.

“Shush, I’m having fun,” I glare at him playfully. On a more serious note, I soften my voice and ask, “Why should I talk to him?”

Tao’s ears turn bright red. “I don’t know, it’s just a suggestion. I … “ He stands up and tries to hide his face by pulling his hood over his head. “Never mind. I’m going home.” He starts to walk away, his steps receding into the dark.

“You gonna be okay walking alone?” I call out to him. He lifts his hand and gives me a thumbs up sign.

“Of course. I’m the school’s bodyguard,” He jokes. “Do you think I’d be incapable of handling myself?” I roll my eyes as he waves, and I let him leave. It isn’t until I can prove to myself that he is completely out of sight do I heave a large sigh.

What was that all about? Why did he go to all that trouble to relay that message for me personally when he could have just told me over the phone? Did he think that eye-contact and personified sincerity would help aid him in his goal for me to talk to Kris?

If so, it worked.

-----

Through my commendable series of informational social networks, I am able to garner two things about Jiya. Now, I have her number, as well as her schedule for tomorrow.

Okay, I admit that is kind of creepy, but I blame my friends’ friends for being efficient at data gathering. It’s a tough job being in that field of work.

I plan on confronting her for no apparent reason tomorrow. At 1pm, her History class will end, and according to her friends, she will be going to the dorms to get a binder before she heads toward her next class. I will conveniently be standing in front of the building where her History class is located.

As anyone can see, it will all have been a wonderful coincidence.

Just as I intended, I wait for her in front of the building. When 1pm comes, I stand readily near the doors and watch as students quickly file out of the classroom. Some run across the field while others jog toward their next class.

It occurs to me that I have no idea what Jiya looks like. How did I expect to stop her when I can’t even put her face to her name?

“Is Jiya here?” I ask someone who is passing closely beside me. He stops to point behind him, and I release a sigh. At least she wasn’t one of the people who just ran out of here.

I turn to the direction where his finger is pointing and see a girl walk out of shadows and straight into the yellow sunlight. I squint as a flare of light temporarily blinds me. When my eyes refocus, I see a familiar girl with a specific head of short hair.

“Ji … ya?” I murmur. She looks up, and when she sees me, she widens her eyes.

“Ah … I met you before.” She approaches me as she fixes her backpack strap on her shoulder. She’s the girl who confronted me behind the building after I talked to Kai. “Kai’s friend, right? Hyunsoo?”

“Right,” I nod. I don’t have time for full introductions. I only have a few minutes before her next class starts. “You off to your next class?” I ask as I start walking beside her.

“Yes,” she replies as she hugs a binder closely to her chest. She looks straight ahead, avoiding eye-contact with me.

“Uh … Jiya. I know that this is really random and sudden, but I swear I’m not doing this for me.” I take a deep breath and pause. “Okay, so I’ve got my personal motives. But … I heard that you broke up with Kris to confess to Kai.” I peer at her. “Is that true?”

“Oh my gosh,” she gasps. She looks mortified. “But … that was so long ago and … I completely regre