I remember when I first saw him.

I thought he wasn’t very attractive, actually.

I was taping up announcements around the school. The papers said, “Help needed for Talent Show preparations! Any help is welcome”, and I had just placed one on the wall across the bathrooms when it was snatched from my sight. When I turned, I laid eyes on a guy who towered over me in an extremely intimidating way.

We’d look good together, I thought to myself. He’s tall, I’m short. I don’t know why that thought entered my mind, but it did. When I saw his face, however, I changed my opinion quickly. I thought his face was too narrow, and his eyebrows too … severe.

“How many people do you need?” He asked me.

“Oh, any number, really,” I said as I tapped the paper he was holding. “Just what it says right there. Any help. Yup. We technically only need help the night of the show, to set things up, but – “

“Do you need anyone to help plan the program?” He asked me.

I didn’t know for certain, but I wasn’t about to turn away a willing helper. “Sure. I think we’re going to be setting that up probably a week before, maybe two, so – “

“At the auditorium?”

“Yes,” I nodded. “After school, I think. If you don’t have any extra curricular activities, it’d be great if you could join us!” It occurred to me that I said that with too much vivacity. I was getting into my business mood, and sometimes I have to remind myself that I am at school, and not at a business meeting. I took a quick breath to clear my head. “Of course … it’s your choice.”

“I’ll do it. And I’ll get my friend to help as well,” he told me as he carefully folded the paper three times. “Better than staying home, right?”

And then he grinned, and my opinion of him was promptly wrecked.

I don’t even like gummy smiles, but for some reason, I liked his. It lit up his face and his eyes, and he looked entirely different with a look like that. It was hard not to like him.

That’s when he became my crush.

-----

I’m cleaning the aisles and making sure that there isn’t any trash lying around. I have a large plastic bag tied around my wrist, and every time I see an empty cup or candy wrapper, I bend down and throw it into my portable trash bag. I’m supposed to sweep the floor after, and I’m really not looking forward to it. Other people will be helping me, of course, but right now the men are busy lifting heavy props off the stage. I see Kris on the corner of the stage with the remaining pamphlets in his hand. He stands over everyone with a commanding gaze and oversees the work, making sure that everyone is doing his job properly.

I never would have thought that the help I hired would become the lead organizer.

The doors to the auditorium opens, and Kai steps in. He turns his head left and right, and since I assume that he is searching for me, I raise a hand and shout his name. “Kai! Over here!”

When he finds me, he jogs up to the top row where I am and flashes a smile. “Hey. Do you need help?”

“Where’s your girl?” I ask him in a teasing tone as I grab a straw off the ground.

“Bathroom,” he tells me. “Do you need help or not?”

“I’m fine. You guys go ahead to the after show party.”

“Are you coming?” He asks me.

“Naw,” I shake my head. “I’m going to be tired after this. I think I’d rather go home.”

“Suit yourself,” he shrugs as he turns around. I watch him apathetically walking down the stairs. Typical of him to not bother trying to convince me to have fun.

“Hey Kai, you owe me!” I call after him. “I helped get you the girl, you know!”

“Did you?” He looks back. “I don’t remember.” With a smirk, he walks away, leaving me stewing in his wake. Once a jerk, always a jerk.

But that’s what I found engaging about him when I had a crush on him, so I guess I don’t have a right to say that.

“Hyunsoo!”

“Huh?” I yell. I look around for the person who called my name. It turns out that it’s Kris, who is still standing on the stage. “What’s up?” I ask.

“Do you need help?” He questions. I look around me. Everyone is busy doing something. Kris is the only one who isn’t working in an obvious manner, and I doubt he would help me if I said that I needed assistance. He is supposed to be the leader of this cleaning retinue.

Of course I want him to help me, but I’d get too distracted.

“I’m fine,” I shout back. He gives me a thumbs-up sign, and I return the gesture. I then return to cleaning the floors.

Eventually, a few people finish their jobs and volunteer to help me. After an hour, the auditorium is as clean as it once was before it had been used. Everyone meets at the stage – all twenty-four of us – and bids goodbye.

“See you tomorrow!”’s and “Goodnight!”’s fill the air. I wave goodbye to my friends and am about to head out with the others when I realize that I forgot my water bottle backstage. I run behind the curtains and start searching for it in the darkly lit area when I hear voices. I can’t make out what they’re saying, and since I am curious, I decide to find out who these people are.

“ … and you didn’t do it,” I hear someone say. Their voices are clearer now that I have neared a room on the right. With a bated breath and a rapidly drumming heart, I approach the room and tilt my head to get a view of the inside.

I see Kris’s back as he gathers his things. He has a messenger bag around his shoulder, and he is picking up items from the table in front of him. A person whom I cannot see from this angle speaks and says, “I thought you were going to do it. I thought that’s what you meant when you said that you were going to – “

“But it’s not,” Kris replies. His tone is dark. My conscience tells me to walk away from this, but my inquisitive personality keeps me anchored to the ground. “Are you done getting your stuff?”

“I assumed you – “

“Tao,” Kris says firmly. I realize Kris is talking to the friend he had brought with him to help us talent show organizers out. They don’t sound very friendly with each other right now. “You assumed wrong,” he says in a more quiet tone. “That’s all. Come on, we need to go home.” Kris turns, and I hurriedly step back. I don’t know whether I should scuttle out of this place or come clean. I don’t want to do either, but their footsteps are faster than my thoughts, forcing me to make a decision. Any moment now, they’ll see that I was eavesdropping. Spontaneously, I decide that I’d rather look stupid than prying.

I step out of the corner at the same exact time that Kris turns around it, and we abruptly collide with each other. I stagger back and manage to steady myself, and when I look up, I am staring into a set of rich, brown eyes.

I expect him to say, “Are you okay?”, but instead he asks, “You’re still here?”

“I left my drink,” I say and nervously smile. Tao steps out from behind him and glances from me to Kris. “One second,” I say, and since I’m in a hurry to leave this awkward situation, I dash forward and search the room they had just occupied. I find the water bottle on the table, and I snatch it and run out of the room. Kris is still standing outside, and he turns around when I arrive.

“Uh … I found what I was looking for,” I hold up the water bottle. “I’ll see you guys later!” I say. They mutter their agreements, and I briskly walk out of the auditorium and into the dark outside.

I swing the bottle from my fingertips as I overcome the trek toward the dorm rooms. Once there, I take the elevator to my room and unlock my door with a key I have in the pocket of my purse. I step inside, throw my things on the desk, and drop on the bed.

Lying there on my bed with the dead air in my room keeping me company, I become aware that the times I get to see Kris have significantly lessened. Had he not volunteered to help, I would have never met him. This school is large, and there are many people I have never met. I’m sure there are very few chances for me to see him. I never saw him before the show began, so why would that change now?

I sigh. Perhaps it’s not so much of a loss. Is it called artificial when I have only liked Kris for a few weeks? I feel so fickle sometimes. I’ve gone a few months without liking anybody. Is that too short?

The last person I liked was my crush for four years. I didn’t completely get over him until recently, when I watched his personal love story unfold before my eyes. Honestly, it hurt. But the girl was nice. I couldn’t dislike someone like her, and if I keep telling myself that I want Kai to be happy, then I need to live out that belief. I’d be a hypocrite if I put exceptions on that claim.

I love Kai, but not in that way. I can comfortably call him my brother, and I’m proud of that.

But Kai was my friend before he was my crush. And Kris is my crush before he was my friend. What does that mean? Do I need to turn it around? I don’t know how to do that when I am unsure of when or where I will see Kris next.

I guess I’ll give it my best shot.

-----

I need an excuse to talk to him. And it needs to be a really good excuse.

Kris isn’t in any of my classes, and I rarely see him during lunch. It’s been two weeks, and I’ve only seen him twice since the show. Once, when he was getting out of his car. He had parked next to my car, but he didn’t notice me at all. The second time was when I was passing in a late paper to one of my teachers, and I saw Kris in the hallway. I was going to say hello to him when he turned and went inside a different classroom, thus discouraging my attempt at conversation.

I’ve been asking my male friends about him, and it turns out that even they know little about who he is. We hang around completely different circles of friends. The things my friends tell me about him aren’t anything I haven’t heard.

Kris is a new student who started attending the school this year. He is originally from Canada, and he comes from a distinguished family (That part I’m fairly sure is a rumor. They like to think he’s from some fine lineage because of his enviable height and features). He plays basketball in his spare time, but refuses to join the school basketball team. He works part-time at a coffee store ten minutes away from the school and –

Wait. Coffee store. If I figure out which one, then I can pass by it. To buy coffee, of course, not to see him. Certainly not.

I just need to do some observing.

I guess it’s my lucky day, because I see Kris when I walk across the field toward the dorm rooms. He is sitting on the grass with three other friends, including Tao, and they all have thick textbooks on their laps. I pass by them as close as possible without looking suspicious, and my ears tune in to their words.

“Are you working today, Kris?” One of his friends asks.

“Yeah,” Kris replies. I slow my pace. I need to hear this.

“If I come by, would I get free coffee?” His friend jokes.

“That depends on when you come.”

“Aw. When should I come, then?”

Kris gives a thin smile. “When I’m not working.”

His friends guffaw at this. Another guy sitting beside Tao comments, “Starbucks doesn’t have good coffee anyway. They burn their coffee beans.”

I hurry past them. I’ve gotten enough information, and I’m going to act on it.

When my last class for the day ends, I head for my car and drop my backpack in the backseat. I know where this Starbucks is; it’s the one across the mall from the intersection five minutes from the nearby gas station. I turn on the car, pull out of the parking lot, and drive toward the Starbucks. I hope he is working already, or this little detour would have been pointless.

When I arrive at Starbucks, I park near the entrance door. After slamming the car door closed behind me, I walk to the Starbucks. Once inside, I see a lengthy line in front of the Starbucks counter. The staff look really busy. Did I come at the wrong time? I’m about to turn around when I spot Kris taking an order from a customer. I hesitate, and that small hesitation gives him a chance to raise his head and look my way. Recognition passes his eyes, and he gives a curt nod.

Well, he saw me. I can’t turn around now.

I step in line and wait for my turn. When I reach the front of the line, he greets me with a small wave.

“Hi, Hyunsoo,” he says.

“Hi!” I reply as I look at the menu nailed on the wall behind him.

“What can I get you?” He asks.

“Uh … what’s good?” I laugh nervously.

“I’m biased, so I’d say that everything is good,” he reasons. “Frappucinos are really popular.”

Getting an idea, I lean in and inquire, “Do you think I could get some sort of really cool, unique mix?”

“Like what?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” I shrug. “You’re the one who works here. Maybe you could make some really epic concoction that isn’t on the menu.”

He stares at me, and I grow uncomfortable underneath his gaze. Maybe I shouldn’t have said that. I don’t know him that well.

“Sure,” he nods, to my surprise. “Do you want espresso in it?”

“Uh … yeah.”

“And you want it cold?”

“Yeah.”

He grabs an empty cup from beside him and starts writing on the side of it with a Sharpie. “And do you like things like … caramel, or – “

“I like anything,” I interrupt. “Anything is fine.”

“All right,” he says as he scribbles on the cup. I start taking out my wallet to pay for the order, but he stops me by shaking his head. “It’s on me,” he says. “Plus, this would have been an expensive coffee. I added a lot of stuff in it.”

“Oh,” I say, not having expected this freebie. “Is it good?”

“Of course it’s good,” Kris grins. I love his grin. “I made it.”

He proceeds to mix my order. I walk to the other side of the counter and wait for him to finish the coffee. His coworkers work around him, ringing up orders or making coffee. When my drink is completed, he gives it to me, and despite the busyness in the store, he takes the time to say, “Try it and let me know.”

His handwriting , I comment to myself when I see the writing he put onto the side of the cup. I pick a straw from the container, take off the paper wrapped around it, and stick the straw inside the cup. I take a tentative sip of the drink and feel tiny little cubes of crushed ice on my tongue. I can taste a mixture of cookie, caramel, and little pieces of chocolate.

“It’s good,” I tell him, shaking the drink. “What’s this called? A Kris special?”

“Sure,” he agrees. He glances at the line. “I gotta get back to work. I’ll see you at school? Or … well, we barely have classes together. Maybe I’ll see you here sometime?”

“Yeah,” I smile as I start heading out. “I’ll come visit you again.”

“Great,” his eyes crinkle in pleasure. “See you then.”

I am so taking him up on his suggestion.

-----

I have visited Kris once a week for the past month.

I think I’ve been doing it too often, because he’s been giving me a weird look the last two times I’ve been in.

So I decide to skip a week in case he notices.

When I visit him the week after that, there is no lengthy line of customers. It’s just me, Kris, and one of his coworkers. This is the first time I have visited him when I wasn’t pressured by time and he wasn’t pressured by work. I ask for the same thing I always do, and he makes it for me. It’s like we have our own little secret, shared between a cup of coffee with which nobody but Kris and I are familiar.

“Here,” he gives it to me. I take a sip. It tastes different.

“What did you put inside it?” I ask as I peer into the cup.

“I added a bit of mint,” he confesses.

“Ah,” I sigh. I take another sip. “Well, it’s good.”

“I know,” he grins. He leans against the counter. “So is Starbucks your favorite coffee?”

“What makes you say that?”

“Because you come here all the time,” he says with a teasing lilt in his voice.

Oh my gosh. I don’t know what to say.

“Starbucks has really good coffee,” I hurriedly say. I take an animated sip of the drink. “Mm. See?”

“Uh-huh,” he comments with a disbelieving look in his eyes. “Hyunsoo. I have a question.”

With my heart pounding, I answer, “What?”

“Did it ever occur to you that maybe I like to be the one doing the chasing?”

Oh my gosh. What the heck do I say? Trying to salvage my reputation, I answer, “Well, I don’t see you very often, Kris, not since the show. And I guess what I’m trying to say is that I think you’re a pretty cool guy. Cool enough for me to come here and get coffee every week. You know, for a drink, not for … anything else.”

“I see,” Kris replies with a hitch in his throat. He’s obviously trying not to laugh. “Am I cool enough to hang out with?”

“Oh, well, I – “

“My shift is done,” he says, turning to his coworker. He walks into the back room to take off his apron before he returns to the front shop and clocks himself out. He walks over to me, and I do my best not to blush as he asks, “Are you busy?”

“Drinking,” I finish, holding up the Frappuccino. “But other than that, I’m not doing anything.”

“We can hang out if you want,” he says as he heads outside. He pauses and looks back at me. “Since, you know, you don’t see me very often.”

“Right,” I admit, thankfully taking the excuse he has offered me. Once outside, we walk together across the sidewalk.

Now that I’m with him, I have no idea how to act or talk. It’s different when we’re in the coffee store. It’s not simply us two. But walking alongside him in the city, just the two of us, gives me the feeling that we are on an unprecedented date.

As much as I like Kris, I am not prepared for that.

“So how long have you been working there?” I say in an attempt at conversation. I look at Kris. The sun streams on his head in such a way that the strands of his hair are lined with gold. His dark brown eyes glimmer, and the graceful way he walks makes it look like the wind willingly sways underneath his long legs.

“The last few months,” he answers. We pass the window of a shop store, and he furtively looks at his reflection and fixes his hair.

“Is it fun?”

“As fun as making coffee can be,” he shrugs. “I need income some way. I don’t really have an opinion about it.”

I stifle a chuckle. The tone with which he spoke it sounded a lot like Kai when he talked about succeeding his dad’s business. “You sound like someone I know.”

“Yeah? Who’s that?” He asks as he skips over a puddle of water.

“Kai,” I say. “I don’t know if you him. He’s sort of tall, he’s got dark hair, and he’s a certified jerk.”

“I know him.”

“Really?” I exclaim, shocked. “How’s that?”

Kris’s expression shadows, warning me that I’ve ventured into uncharted territory. “I’ve heard of him,” he corrects himself. “I’ve never actually talked to him.”

“Oh. Well, he’s one of my best friends,” I inform Kris. He doesn’t reply. Reluctant to let the subject end, I add, “He has a girlfriend now.”

“I know,” he replies succinctly. He says it with so much finality that I’m forced to find a different topic.

“So … uh … where are we going?” I carefully question.

“I don’t know,” he says, squinting at the city before him. I know exactly where we are in the city, but I’m not about to tell him that. I’m curious as to whether he’s going to take me somewhere. This is my first time being with him like this, and I want to take this adventure as the first step for us to becoming friends.

I want to know more about him. His quiet but strong personality fascinates me. I guess new people interest me. I really enjoy the process of getting to know someone. I must be a social butterfly.

“By the way … I don’t know if I properly thanked you, but, thanks for helping out at the show.”

“That was a long time ago,” he notes with amusement.

“Yeah, but … you ended up leading the whole thing, and I feel bad about it.”

“Nah. I kind of took it on myself. I like things like that, anyway. I guess I have a for organization.” He sighs and lifts his head to the sky. I stare at his jawline. “It’s easy when you know how everything is going to turn out.”

“Yeah,” I agree. I think back to the time when I confessed to Kai. I thought I’d lost our friendship, but it turns out I just needed to wait for the moment that would prove me wrong.

That reminds me. I need to check my stocks today.

“It’s too