When someone's gone, you can't help but realize that everything around you reminds you of that person.

Like that dirt on your collar, dirtying your suit and turning the rich navy blue into an ugly brown.  You remember when that person was around, dirt never clung to you --at least not for long.  

You were always picture perfect, but nowadays, you realize that the person making you look pristine is now gone.  The thought always makes you sit down and stare at the dirt, you know, just to imagine him returning and brushing it away.

Or like when your eyes wander around, not knowing where to land on.  It would skip from one person to the next, or from one wooden furniture to still air.  You look around, looking like a lost puppy under all the gazes, and you think wow, my eyes always look at him --or at least they always used to.

And then you think maybe you need to focus on something else, you know, just to forget that before you would always gaze at him, and he would always be gazing back.

Or like when you smell noodles from the kitchen, scowling at Changmin for cooking food so late at night. It would always remind you of the noodles he would make.  But instead of the bad tasting blandness of chicken, or beef, he would add in something more to make it a feast--or at least it was a feast to your hungry stomach.

Then you think of all the times they would come home late, tired, and weary from a vigorous day.  You remember how he would always drag himself to the kitchen and make something for everyone even though he was half dead from exhaustion.  And you wish to yourself that one day when he's back, you would cook him anything, you know, just to show him your appreciation.

Then there are times when you look at your bed and realize that the second crater was no longer there --no longer inhabited by his body. You lay on the mattress and try to all the heat from the padding--or at least from the warmth he left--and you find that there is none.

Then you start thinking about all those nights he would lay with you and kiss you to sleep, or hum into your embrace.  And you lie awake despite having to wake up in two more hours, daydreaming about his touches and everything about him, you know, just to get through the lonely cold nights.

And then there are times when you see your Bambi smiling back at you, all cute and fluffy and holding promises of comfort.  You smile and hug your daughter close, breathing in the lingering scent of his. He used to always wrestle the stuffed toy for your embrace, and there would be no winners--at least Bambi would be snuggled between them while your arms are around him.

That leaves you hugging the Bambi tighter, squeezing any of his scent from the stuffed toy, you know, just to pretend that he was here.

You find nothing, and it's always at the end of the day that you finally know, and realize, that he wasn't going to be there.

But like always you close your eyes, you know, just to pretend that you're wrong.

End

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At first, this was meant for YunJae's Anniversary, but because it was somewhat of an angst/bittersweet fic, I didn't want to post it, because that would make me sad ._.

I finally decided to post this, but meh, it was better in my head than on paper/screen.

I hope you liked it ^^