Yunho’s POV

I groaned silently as my hand reached for the alarm clock on my bedside table. “Just when I’m starting to fell asleep.” I muttered under my breath. I stayed lying down on my bed just staring at the ceiling for a few minutes more before I decided to start moving. If not for an important exam I would consider going to school.

Lazily, I dragged myself to the bathroom and started fixing myself. I almost couldn’t recognize myself as I stood by the sink, looking at myself in the mirror. There are dark circles around my eyes, my cheeks seemed to have gotten hollow and my hair was a mess, I even think I’ve somehow grown some facial hair...

It’s been two days now since the day of my betrayal. Since then I haven’t since Jae nor have I talked to him. He just disappeared and no one knows where he’d gone to. It hurts to think that Jae and I are over. No one needs to confirm it to me…the moment I committed that mistake and made Jae run away from me I just knew it was over.

The cut on my bottom lips, a minor injury inflicted by Changmin once he knew of my betrayal, is just another reminded of how horrible I was. I smiled bitterly as I thought how much I deserve this small cut on my lips and much more because of what I did...

“Jung Yunho, you ing bastard!” I told myself own reflection as I started to feel that familiar stinging sensation in my eyes. A pair of teardrop rolled down my cheeks which I quickly wiped off once I heard soft knocks. I quickly splashed some water onto my face before I slowly walked towards the door.

Just as I was about to unlock the door, the doorknob turned and I stood rooted on the ground as the man I wronged so badly came into view. “Jaejoong…”

A small smile appeared on his face before his face became void of any emotions once again.

“Wh—what are you doing here?” I asked

“What? I can’t come here now?”

I shook my head until it felt like it’ll be detached from my body. “No! no! That’s not what I mean---“

My sentence was cut off as I was pulled into Jae’s tight embrace, catching me by surprise. I didn’t have a chance to recover from the shock as Jae let himself in, picking up some of the mess I have made from the previous mess. Mess meaning cans and cans of beers.

“Have you had breakfast yet, Yunnie?” Jae asked me with such gentleness. Without waiting for an answer, he sauntered over to the miraculously clean kitchen and started preparing something.

“What are you still standing there for, Yunho-ah?” He glanced at me moments later as I still stood at the same exact spot where he left me.

“Ah…” I must have looked very, very stupid at this very moment

“Yunnie, if you don’t start moving now, we might not be able to take that exam. You know how Mr. Kang is.”

“Oh.” Was all I managed to say before I found myself getting dragged out of my house. The continuous exams that day didn’t give me enough time to think of the situation I found myself in. During that time, I let myself be drawn into an illusion…an illusion that Jae and I are still together.

Right now, everything is just an illusion.

*********************

For the past few hours, I was very…uncomfortable. Jaejoong acting like nothing has happened is bothering me more that I would rather he confronts me or ignore me like I don’t exist at all than him acting nonchalant about what I did. Things stayed that way for a few more days until I couldn’t take it anymore. I can’t continue living into that illusion anymore. The guilt I’m feeling inside me is slowly but surely killing me inside.

“AAh!.” I couldn’t help but scream my frustration during one of our vacant period. I banged my head on the desk yet I didn’t even the pain.

“Yunho-ah, you alright?” Once again, Jaejoong’s voice reached my ears. When I looked up I was met with Jae’s pair of eyes.

Why? Why is everyone acting so nice to me when they should hate me? Why aren’t they asking me how I could do such a thing? Why aren’t they confronting me? Telling me how horrible I am? How much I don’t deserve Jae?

I flinched away when Jae’s hand made a contact with my shoulders. Those hands shouldn’t even be touching me. Those eyes shouldn’t be looking at me so lovingly. I don’t deserve any of it at all.

“Stop it, Jaejoong!” I snapped. We had a little staring contest before I declared myself the loser and stormed out of the room.

***********************

Jaejoong’s POV

I bit on my lips as I watched Yunho stalked out of the room, trying hard not to cry. I am such a loser!

I’ve been trying hard to just forget about that incident and start a new with Yunho but things aren’t going well as how I wanted them to be. Yunho seem to be pushing me away since I came. I know what’s happening but I didn’t want to acknowledge it because it just hurt so ing much. What a selfish bastard I am, right?

Funny how after I just returned from Japan with the intentions of being with Yunho again yet here I am, feeling like the man I love the most is slipping further and further away from me.

Feeling defeated, I dragged myself away from Yunho’s place. Walking aimlessly around the street, I son found myself sitting at a tented store, drowning myself with bottles after bottles of soju. A lot of people say alcohol can make you forget but why…why can’t I forget? Why is the pain still there?

“Ahjussi… What would you do if you found that your love cheated on you? And he cheated because you feels like you didn’t trust him” I, being my drunken self asked the young man guarding the small store. I let out a chuckle as the old man kept quiet while I answered my own question. “You know what I did, ahjussi… I ran.. I ran away... I didn’t let him explain…I just run as always do…I’ve always been a coward.” I let out a laugh, louder this time. “Knowing my Yunnie, I know he’s feeling probably horrible.’

I chugged down more of the soju and wiped the side of my mouth with my hands. “Ah! I’m so scared to lose him, ahjussi, what should I do?”

“Love can be both a happy and painful experience. You can be in pain at some point but be happy in the end or be happy yet the ending is so painful you wouldn’t want to ever love again. It’s up to you to make your ending. If you love him enough, give yourselves another chance. You should never ever let a love so strong slip away from you or you’ll regret it forever.”

Yunho’s POV

After I walked out on Jae, my feet brought me to the park. I started jogging around to get my mind of some things. I jogged and jogged until I started running faster.

“Aaaahhhhhhh!!!” I screamed out my frustrations to myself after a stopped running. I couldn’t care less if there were people around who would think I have lost my mind. A tear escaped my eyes but I quickly wiped it away. I can’t remember how long I stayed at that park before I decided I’ve had enough and I needed to go home.

The first thing I looked for once I stepped into my room was Jaejoong. Funny how I can’t stand to be next to him yet he’ll always be the first person I’d look for no matter what. “Jae?”

Jaejoong’s POV

“Looking for me now?” The question came out as a whisper when I heard Yunho call out my name.

Yunho’s face scrunched up as he moved a little closer to me, answering my inquiry with another question. “Are you drunk?”

“Yunnie, you do know I don’t get drunk easily, right? Especially not with bottles of soju so why ask that?” I walked over to him, our bodies closer that it has ever been for the past weeks. “Did I get you worried? Mianhae, Yunho-ah.”

Yunho’s response was nothing but silences…unwelcome silence…

“Yunho-ah…” He finally looked up to me yet his eyes I still not meeting mine. It pains me to think of when was the last time I’ve looked Yunho in his eyes. How I missed just simply looking into his beautiful dark brown eyes as he gazed at me lovingly. “You still care about me after all?’

“Of course I care about you… I…”

“Then… do you… still… love me?” I asked bravely, my eyes stings from the unsuppressed tear that’s threatening to fall as he kept his silence. Everything was just frustrating I did something I never thought I would ever do.

With one swift move, I grabbed Yunho, pushed him against the wall and kissed him fully on the lips with such force I wouldn’t be surprised if found his lips with cut. With both of us caught off guard with my own against, Yunho had lost his balance and we fell onto the bed with me on top of him. I tried to part his lips to give me access to his mouth but I didn’t succeed. That didn’t stop me though as I continued kissing him until my lips reached his neck.

“Jaejoong, stop it.” I heard him say but I didn’t damn as I continued kissing him. He tried to pull me away from him but I didn’t budge. I somehow managed to undo the first two buttons of his shirt. “I said stop it, Jaejoong!”

“ you!” I shouted once he managed to pull me away from him.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered.

“Why are you doing this?! Why are you pushing me away?! Why can’t you forgive me?” I finally broke down and the tears just started flooding my eyes.

Is this really the end for Yunho and me?

Yunho’s POV

It surely caught me surprised when he kissed me so suddenly and forcefully. I must admit though that I missed him terribly... everything about Jaejoong is something I always craved for every single day. I missed hearing his voice, seeing him cover his mouth as he laugh, seeing him pout other unconsciously or when his thought, having him close to me, kissing him but after what I did… do I still deserver all of those? As I found the answer to my question I pushed him away… no …I don’t deserve to have such an amazing man like Jaejoong to be with me.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered softly. From my bed, I slid down from the side of my bed down to the floor. Crouched down in front of Jaejoong, I repeated the same word, this time meeting his eyes. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry for betraying you, betraying your trust, I’m sorry.”

A sob, coming from the both of us, broke the silence that once again reigned over us.

“I’m sorry… I… I don’t deserve you…”

“And who are you to tell me who I deserve or not!” Jaejoong snapped. “I will decide who I want to be with and that someone is you, Yunho. I deserve you…only you.” He insisted making me even more frustrated.

“How can you say that?! After what I did?!”

“I love you and that’s all that matters.”

“No. you shouldn’t love me… you shouldn’t love someone like me… you should be with someone better.”

“You’re the best I can have.” He replied completely shutting me off.

Jaejoong moved closer, his hands taking mine in his smaller ones. “Yunnie…” My gazed shifted once more, my eyes once again meeting his big round black orbs. “Whatever happened, I forgive you.”

My lips trembled as Jaejoong cupped my faces in the curve of his palms. He leaned forward and planted soft pecks on my lips. After sometime, he shifted his body completely and hugged me. “How… how can you forgive me so easily... what I did… was horrible… I don’t even know how I could have done that to you.”

“I love you, isn’t that enough?”

“But…” my sentence was cut once again when he gave me another kiss.

“It wasn’t entirely your fault, Yunnie… I’m at fault, too…” I sighed so did he.

“I got to admit though… I wouldn’t be easy to forget… the image of you and… him together but I don’t want that to separate us. I can’t take that, Yunho-ah.”

“Boo, I’m sorry… I never meant to hurt you…” I just couldn’t let the chance pass without letting Jae know how resentful I am for what I did. I know I’ll forever carry this guilt in my heart but I promise to do everything that I can to make up for my mistake.

“I know… and I’m sorry for everything, too…we just got to learn from our mistakes…” he moved his head on my chest to look up to me. “Right?” I nodded.

“Yunho-ah, I want to let you know that I trust you, I truly do..”

I bent down and gave him a full kiss on the lips, kiss full of tenderness and love.

“You look tired. We should sleep, hmm?” he said moments later in which I agreed.

We got up from the floor, both of us complaining from the cramp we can feel on our legs. I took his hands in mind then with our intertwined fingers, I cupped his face and kissed him once again. We then walked to my bed and lay on the soft mattress facing each other… We stayed lying down with our eyes and fingers connected.

“Good night, Yunnie.”

“Good night, Joongie.”

“I love you.” Jae whispered before he closed his eyes.

“I love you, too, Kim Jaejoong.” I answered as I felt my eyes get heavier. “I love you."