As you walk in the outlining dark crevices to the sides and turns of every step and not to mention the clawing shadows of the darkened city, with no light whatsoever anymore since the sun took it's leave for another world, your mind turns to the dark side. Remembering the day news of your father came home my messenger on that blistering hot, sunny day while your beautiful mother was making iced tea, your thoughts snap attention soley to your memories and disintegrate your focus on the real world. Instead you only move by support of your brain and your eyes still in focus to your destination, does your mind blank out from the world you live in to your thoughts of that day.. You were only so young, and yet the news hit you as if you were at the age where you could mentally handle it; a larger capacity to hold back your emotions..when really--you were not. 

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"Mother, mother! What's that!?" z
Your eyes widen as you called pointing to the substance your mother so gently let fall into the container that held the sweet drink, ice tea. 

She smiled back at you, giving a response to your question by saying "It's called sweetner for adults but since they're specially shaped like squares, you my little princess can call them sugar cubes." She went back to tend to the ice tea, stirring in all of the ingredients with a wooden spoon. You were left wanting more of her sweet voice because the way she let the words 'sugar cubes' fall off her tongue like a songstress would her lyrics and a pianist would his fingers to produce the melodic sounds: a tune, touched your ears and made your tummy feel fuzzy with that familiar sense of happiness. 

Abruptly there was a knock on your homes door. Than before the war reached Seoul, it was a beautifully hand-carved wooden door, with a special gloss to it that made it gleam and sparkle when light touched it. Artificial lighting made it look terrible, but the suns rays made it look better. Gorgeous! Beautiful! Like you could dance in the area around the door, and anyone who passed by would understand why you were so joyous: the sight was dazzling. Now, after the stupid bloodshed that malicious tyrant brought, it was an ugly shade of used metals. The door held in place now for your home was created by you, from the scraps you had managed to confiscate from the remains of the dumpster, early in the morning before the birds chirpped and the bandits flee to the protection of their homes.

She stooped low to meet your short height, due to your young age, her right hand lightly grasping her right knee. Her left hand lay afloat in the air, a finger kindly pointed your way as she told you to keep stirring the ice tea while she answered the door. You nodded your head, your semi curly hair flopping up and down in the air. You turned to see her walk to the door a smile plastered wide over her face and her dress' frills and curls flying every which way. Before she took the short walk to the door, she had probably been thinking to be polite so she had dried her hands on the sinks' checkered towel. 

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As if on cue to keep memories that would only keep you from fufilling your tasks, with a vengeance, your mind cut you off from remembering the next few vivid parts of that memory; in that day when the messenger had broke the news to your mother. You looked up, your head slightly having rolled to look at the floor. Ahead, another so good mile you could make out the faint lights of the citys center. The lights wouldn't be mistaken even by a fool or jester even if it was stupid enough to waste its life on entertaining the Kingdoms stupid ways. You were approaching your destination. 

Even though you were cut off from seeing the vivid reenactment of that sad day, when your mother was told the news of your fathers death, you felt the pain of that day from remembering. You didn't need to take what happened that day step by step, and replay it in your mind that way to feel the pain once more from that day so long ago. It was almost like what happened to another girl; not you. It was that long ago.

Your breath starts to quicken from the pain seething thorugh your veins and attaching to your nerves. Feeling anger towards others was the only way to survive. It was a pity some of the other townspeople never realized this at all or until it was too late. 

Your heart beat quickens and your head strats throbbing with the overflow of hurt. Ever since that day, even being around smiling friends and having KiBum as cute comfort, hurt was all you saw in your life. Sure you kept being that stubborn, happy kid from the "before" days but you were lacking love. As if everyone had disappeared, vamooshed; vamonos, from your life. 

That day the way your mother had so desperately tried not to show the broken image of a wife who just lost someone she loved only so much more than her own life, was wrong. 

You saw right through her facade. You saw the pain suffice in every crack of her broken heart. You saw the tears she tried wiping away every few seconds, giving the excuse that she was working a little too hard lately. Lies. 

She was your mother; you were here daughter; it was only time that you felt the depression she had felt that day and every day onwards. 

Her act was fake. It was all just a mask to keep KiBum and you from worrying. As you looked through her eyes though, it hit a final nerve inside you. You felt the same wound that could no longer be filled even with her two precious prince and princess in her life; it would never heal. Tattered and shattered you only dop dead.

That night, as much as you she forced her body to be still or shut down completely and to keep quiet, it wouldn't. That night you had went over to cuddle with KiBum in his bed. He was so much younger than you. At the age of 4, such a child, is not expeceted to understand the problem, much less want to. He was too young. So were you though, too. But YOU only made yourself try to understand; to make sense of it the overwhelming depression that had wrapped its cold hand around your once sunny home, so as to provide an outlet of happiness for KiBummie, your innocent brother. You did not want him to worry. 

Your mother was sobbing and hurling things around the room, across it, wherever the hell she could find a spot to make it land with a loud BOOM!, THUD! or CRASH!. You felt the walls rattle each time an object hit her room since your back was to the wall of the direction of your parents' room all the way over, across the house. Glass shattering, the sound of hard things smacking against the cream-colored walls.. wait. Stop. The noise stops. You ears perk up to get a better hear behind closed doors and protective walls. Soon after as if to show that there is no such thing as complete silence your mother lets out the sound of a horrid, toe-curtling, shriek. Those noises wouldn't have ever seemed possible to be produced by a human. Even though you never had the courage to confront your mother, you regret it to this day. Since to this day that noise haunts your dreams; it follows you in the darkness. 

There's no where safe. Your not safe. Nor will you ever be. Understand? You shiver, yelling at your mind for thinking such stupidity. Mother was only trying..her best, you think. 

That sound MADE your body quiver. It MADE your blood freeze and than curtle. PAST is PAST. Forget it all.
"There's no use for the past." You speak aloud, in a soft whisper. 

"Is mommy really gonna be kai?" The voice of your innocent baby brother spoke through the silence and madness that night. He broke the silliness to your fear that night, but his own voice held a tremble. He, too, was afraid. 

Even you couldn't anwser that firmly. His question seemed like lost hope; hope that even today was held somewhere in the darkest part of your heart. 

What you were going to say was a lie. But it was okay because what you understood back than did not make sense to you. You were only confirming what the both of you were compelled to hear. 

Before you spoke you planted a kiss on his cheek. 
"Yeah. She is. Now let's just get some sleepie, kai kai?" 

KiBum nodded his head yes, snuggling closer to you as he closed his eyelids, wrapped his hands around you and fell asleep. 

By the end of remembering that cruel day when the messenger told us and that night your mother drove herself mad inside you had made it to the end of a small trench before the citys center. You had to make it over that trench.

Uncrumpling your balled fists and releasing the stress that had passed through your body, you calmed down. A clean mind during these times was also key to surviving. Having a clouded mind or thoughts would only mean you would be killed. 

On the other hand, killing in the citys' center would result in punihsment by the Kingdom itself. You ran and they would run after. You hid and they too would find you. It was a crime to kill in their "cage", you would like to put it. If you killed outside the limits of the city, you were okay so long as no one from the Kingdom saw you do so. If you were killed the kingdom did a scout every one to two weeks searching for those dead bodies to feed to the collection of different fish and sharks in the large lake near the sea. That place reeked of foulness; the remains of peoples bodys. There were times when pieces of the persons skin could be seen floating on the waters top. Or so rumor by the merchants had it. 

"Belive what you see though," you said in reply to that information. "It's only fair to witness what others are seeing of feeling before you believe foolish nonsense."

You silently crept over to a small crack in between a patch of dried dirt and a tiny, tattered brick wall. Leaning to one side, on the inside of the wall, behind the mound of darkness, lay a wooden plank. You, too had also found that plank when you were rummaging through the remains of Seoul. You were going to use it as a arm rest for KiBum but decided against it because it would take too much to disinfect the germs out of it. So instead it was used as your way to cross over the deep and dark trench. The bottom wasn't even visible. 

You carely took it out of its mound at the bottom and lifted it over the semi-thick wall. Good, it's still here. 

You turned back over to lay the plank across the trench. If the trench was deep, it sure wasn't too wide. You grabbed ahold of the swords guard, right above the cross-guard before running over the plank, throwing yourself over on the other side. You hid close to the trench, where light could not hit your image. You rapidly turned your left foot to the outer rim of the trench, you right foot squatted behind you as you threw the plank right over the trench, sailing back behind the wall. You would fix it when you came out of the 'arena'. Right now your top priority was set on getting those loaves of bread wherever they may be. Your competition were escorting themselves in as well. Some were flying in through open windows, others were dangling themselves through rope held by men on each side. Very few women ever came to search for the food. But since you were the only one applicable to do so; you had to be hear. You were going to protect Bummie no matter what. 

Nothing is ever going to happen to you. I swear on that. 

The battle was ON. 

A small breeze rushed right past you. As you were entering though, you caught sight of something gleaming, in the direction of the Kingdom's trails. You thought it was your imagination but it looked to be a horse with a suit of armor, heading this way. 

Whatever. So long as those bastards don't interfere with what I want I could care less about the hell they go,