Na Ra's PoV
A ring! He got me a ring! I can't believe this! I mean, I knew that we had a few moments before, but I didn't know he felt that way about me too. Yes, I'm confessing my feelings for him right now. Baekho has just always been there for me when I needed someone. He listens to me, my stories, and doesn't judge me for anything. And even though he does go a little overboard sometimes, I know it's just because he wants to protect me.
I stared at the ring that was on my finger and smiled to myself. I really was his now. With the ring and all to prove it.
"What are you thinking about Ahn Na Ra?" Baekho murmured to me. He was backhugging me, and I leaned into his embrace. I gave his question a thought and then replied. "Hmm. I'm thinking about someone very important to me."
He held me closer. "And who would that be?" he asked with a grin.
"Just someone," I teased.
"Describe this person to me."
"Well," I began. "This person is a boy. He's very handsome, funny, sweet and the most wonderful person in the world."
"Do I know this person?" he asked in fake curiosity.
"I hope you do. Otherwise, you might get upset."
He furrowed his brow. "Why would I get upset?" he asked, twirling a strand of my hair.
"Because," I said with a blush. "This person that I'm talking about?.. I need him and I ... I think I love him."
~~~~~~~~~~~
Ren's PoV
They were talking and they were really close to each other. Na Ra was leaning against him, and I wished it was me.
Nicely played Baekho.
He got her a ring. A RING. Not just any ring, but a fricking couple ring.
How do I even compete with that? I thought with a sigh.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I ruffled my hair roughly in exasperation. I thought I would have more time than this. How was I supposed to know that the idiot was going to do something so serious, so soon? If only I had done something earlier, this might have not happened. Looking at them once more, being so happy together, my heart felt a pang. I felt cheated and hurt.
I was the one that accepted Na Ra's gifts first. I was the one that started to get along with her before Baekho did. I was the one that let her do my hair and makeup, when no one else is allowed to get near. I was the one she opened up to and let her cry and held her.
..I was the one..
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Sang Mi's PoV
I opened the door to the bedroom and looked out to make sure no one was coming. Then I walked back into the room and locked it. I still held the diary in my hands and was debating on whether or not to open it. It wasn't mine. It was hidden. It might've been hidden for a reason, and I'm about to just look inside and read the secrets that have been kept in here for many years?
I paced. I was lightly tapping the back of the diary with my fingers and trying to figure out what to do. I decided to look at the facts. First of all, Na Ra's mom is dead. It would be disrespectful to read it. Second of all, Na Ra might not even know about this thing. If she doesn't, then shouldn't she have the right to read it first? Third, it's her birthday today. It's supposed to be a happy day, and this might bring back bad memories.
But what if what's in here is really bad and hurts Na Ra? What if it's good? What if it's not even her mother's? What if it's her aunt's?
Pabo, then why would it say Mommy's Little Butterfly?
I rubbed my face with my hands. I just didn't know. I'd have to have some sort of tie breaker to decide. Alright. I'll look out the window, and if the next car that passes by is black, I'll read it. If it's not, then I won't.
I moved the curtain out of the way, and positioned myself to be looking for cars. It was a few minutes before I saw the headlights, but they did come. It passed by and went on its way. I guess it's over. The color has been seen now. I went back and sat on the bed, with the book in my hands.
I took in a breath, and opened to the first page.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Baekho's PoV
"This person that I'm talking about?.. I need him and I ... I think I love him."
I stopped playing with her hair. I don't think I heard her right. There must have been some sort of mistake.
"B-bo?" I sputtered.
She braced herself and turned around. "I..I love you," she said in a small voice.
Did she just-
"What?" I asked.
"I l-love you."
I broke out into a huge smile and felt like it was taking up my entire face.
"I'm sorry, I can't hear you," I said jokingly. I cupped my hand around my ear. "Could you repeat that one more time?"
She closed her eyes and softly replied, "I said I love you."
"One more time please," I taunted.
"Baekho-ssi!" she scolded.
I used puppy dog eyes. "Jebal?"
She blew out a breath that she'd been holding. "Why again though?"
"Because," I pouted. "I like hearing you say it."
"You're mean Oppa," she said with a frown.
"How is that mean?" I asked in confusion.
"It's mean because you, you.." she swallowed, "you aren't responding back."
Oh. Why didn't I think of that sooner?
"Don't be sad," I said.
"Why should I not be sad?" she asked.
"Because I feel the same way Na Ra."
Her eyes widened. "Chincha?"
I nodded.
"Really really really?" she asked like a small child.
I made up my mind. I picked her up and spun her around again. This time, she went higher since we weren't in a pool anymore, and it was much easier."I love you, I love you, I love you," I confessed after every spin. She started to giggle. It was amazing to see her so happy.
I placed her back down on her feet and she rushed in to give me a hug. "I love you too Oppa. So much," she said as she nuzzled closer.
Sang Mi's PoV
The tear that fell luckily landed on my hand and not on the page in the book. I quickly wiped my face and sniffled. Standing up, I went to look at myself in the mirror and saw that my eyes were red from crying. I just really couldn't take any more of that diary. It was too much. I didn't even get to finish the second entry since I started sobbing right at the end of the first one. Na Ra must read this book. Though it might make her cry like me, she needs to see it.
I took the book and placed it in the present bag and then took the bag with me to the bathroom across the hall. When I got there, I splashed some cold water on my face and attempted to look more presentable. It would be difficult to explain what happened if anyone noticed and asked me what was going on. Better for them not to know anyway.
I took the book and put it in the front of my shirt, between the top of my pants and my skin. I would give it to Na Ra later. This was something that should be done in private. After I was sure that the evidence of what had happened was gone, or at least covered up to the best of my abilities, I took the bag and headed back downstairs, the hidden book poking into my stomach.
"What took you so long Sang Mi?" Aron called as he saw me coming down the steps.
"Ah, mianhae. I had to use the restroom and got lost for a minute."
"Arasso. You're silly, getting lost that easily," he laughed.
"Na Ra!" Minhyun called out. "The last present is here!"
We all turned our attention to Na Ra who was in a tight embrace with Baekho. Her aunt coughed awkwardly, and they separated a bit from embarrassment.
"Sorry about that Auntie," she said.
"I was young once too. I understand," she said with a wink. "After the party though, I'd like to get better acquainted with your..err..friend there."
"Boyfriend," he corrected.
"Ah, yes. Boyfriend," she said trying it out.
"Present's not getting any younger! Chop chop!" JR called out.
"Presents can't age in the first place, you moron," Ren muttered.
"Yah! Ren! Wanna fight?!" JR shouted.
"Ignore both the idiots and let's continue, shall we?" Aron suggested.
"Yah!" both JR and Ren yelled. Aron shot them a glare that told them to shut their mouths, and they did.
"Go on. Open it up honey," Na Ra's aunt called out.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Na Ra's PoV
"I'm coming Auntie," I called as I made my way over to where Sang Mi was standing, holding the present that my aunt had bought me. She gave me a sad smile, which I was confused by. I'd have to ask her about it later. But she handed me my present and I opened it to reveal some sort of box. I was wondering what it was and kept guessing as I was opening it. Inside was another box. But a jewelry box this time. I looked up at my aunt and she gave me a 'go on' motion with her hands. I turned my attention back to the box and got ready to lift the lid.
When I opened it, I felt strings pull at my heart. My aunt put her hands on my shoulder and squeezed them, like she knew what I was thinking.
"It was your mothers. You probably remember it," she said gently.
Inside, nestled in the middle, was a beautiful, gold and silver bird shaped hair pin. It shone in the light and I remembered how it also used to shine whenever mama wore it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sang Mi's PoV
"I'm sure you'll look lovely wearing it," her aunt told her.
She gave her aunt a hug. "Kamsahamnida. Really. Thank you so much Auntie."
When a few minutes had passed, I saw my chance. Na Ra was going by herself to the bathroom upstairs. The same one I had been in and knew had a lock. I looked around to make sure no one would notice my absence an followed behind her. When she had gotten to the door of the bathroom, I whispered to her.
"Psst. Na Ra!"
She jumped back a little in surprise. "Sang Mi-ah? Is that you?"
"Yes, it's me," I said, stepping out of the shadows.
"What's wrong?" she asked.
It was too risky to stay out in the middle of the hall. "Let's go in and I'll tell you. It's important."
"Alright.?" We both headed in and when I had shut the door, I turned to face her.
"Please don't think badly of me, but I found something in your aunts room that I think you ought to see."
"You were looking through my aunts room?" she asked.
"No, no, no! I just happened to come across this when I was up there looking for your present."
"Well what is it?"
"Has your aunt ever told you anything about your mom owning some kind of journal, or anything like that?"
"No, I don't think so," she replied earnestly. "Why?"
It's time to tell her, Sang Mi. Just do it.
"What if I told you that I have your moms diary with me right now?"
"Excuse me? What diary?" she asked in surprise.
"This diary," I said, awkwardly pulling it out of its hiding spot. I handed it to her and she slowly took it. She gulped. She flipped it over to the front and read the title. Her eyes immediately became wet. "Where did you find this?" she asked quietly.
"It was sticking out from under your aunt's bed."
"So she's been hiding this from me, all these years?" she muttered to herself.
"Why don't you read it," I suggested.
She looked up at me. Her face seemed drained of all of its energy already. "I would. But I'm scared Sang Mi-ah. I don't know what I want to know."
"I think you shouldn't be so scared alright? I'm here and I'll stay here until you finish reading it if that's what you want. But you must read it, ne?"
"I..I guess so."
"Haven't you been waiting for something like this your whole life? A trace of your mom?" I asked.
"Of course I have," she replied. "But it's hard and scary now that I actually have in in front of me. I have no idea what could be in here. I have no idea what she could've written about. Not knowing terrifies me Sang Mi. It absolutely terrifies."
It does?
"Wait, is that why you're good at learning things so quickly? Because you don't want to be scared of it?"
She nodded solemnly. " I just don't want to be surprised that much anymore. You never know what could happen."
This girl..
"But I will read it. Like you said, it's a must," she said.
"Only when you're ready Na Ra."
"I'm ready. I've been ready for years."
She looked at the diarys title once more with a soft expression, and then flipped it open. Her hands were noticeably shaking.She started reading the first lines. I knew she was going to lose it, since even I lost it completely when I read it. I can't even imagine what it must feel like for her right now.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Na Ra's PoV
The book's open. There are handwritten words on the pages that I must read. That might give me something new to learn about my mother that I hadn't known before. I mentally prepared myself, and began to read.
***
Annyeong Mr. Diary.
I just wanted to write about my daughter a bit more today. She's finally started to talk and walk and I'm just so happy she's in our lives. She did the cutest thing the other day. We were all going down the street, her in her stroller, and me pushing, when a flock of birds flew right overhead. She turned her head towards the beautiful clear sky and pointed up at them.
"Fly birdies. Fly home to mommy," she said.
It amazed me that she could already put sentences together like that. But of course she would be able to since she's my little Firetip. Lately, whenever I call her that she asks why. She'll look straight at me and say: "Mommy, why Firetip?"
I'll always laugh and say "I'll explain when you're older."
I mean, how would I be able to describe the glory it is to be a butterfly? How could I describe it to such a small child? When Na Ra grows up, I'm going to tell her everything about butterflies. I'm going to take her to a park where the butterflies roam everywhere and some even land on you to get your attention.
I'm going to tell her that the Firetip is my favorite butterfly since it is not liked by many because its bigger. But to me, its unique. I want my daughter to be able to see its beauty and be unique as well. To see the world from far up and when she lands, to always land on the soft flowers, just like the Firetips do. No matter what happens, the firetip flies high and is able to touch the clouds. Just like Ahn Na Ra deserves to every day.
The word "Butterfly" itself means freedom. It means to be able to soar above the trees and not let anything stop you. And that's all I want for my beautiful daughter. I don't think it's anything too much.. I just want her to be free.
***
I felt myself getting weaker. All these years. All these years I've had so many questions. All these years, I've been wondering about so many different things, and in less than five minutes, all of them have been answered. All these years, these answers have been hidden from me.
A great pain welled up in me and a flood of tears gushed down my face. I couldn't control my weeping. I just couldn't. It was too much for me to handle all at once. From my pocket, I pulled out the hair pin that my mother used to wear, and I hugged it to my body.
"Na Ra? Gwenchana?" Sang Mi said worriedly.
"Please. Just leave me by myself for a while," I whimpered. my body slid down the wall and I sat huddled up. I stared into nothing as the wetness continued to flow freely down my cheeks.
"Will you be alright?" she said, with her hand touching my arm. I cringed away from her.
"Jebal," I whispered. "Leave."
She looked hurt, but I really couldn't think straight to do anything about it.
Omma.
She nodded in understanding and got up to leave. "If you need me, just call my name and I'll come running." The door shut quietly behind her.
I just held myself and silently wept. Wept for everything that went wrong with my life. Everything that has ever happened: The death of my mother, father, and sister. The bullying. The attacks. The fake smiles. The drowning attempt. The hits. It all came back to me, and in the end, I guess I'm not as strong as everyone thinks I am.
I'm sorry that I'm not free like you want me to be Omma. I'm still trapped by your absence.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hi there beautifuls :)
Ok, so don't kill me but I'm about to publish Chapter 1 for No Mercy for Me. I wasn't intending on beginning until the end of this story, but a few people have been getting upset with me since I put up the foreword and never updated. A few have even tried to take the story idea, so I really need to start it before more problems arise. Please be understanding and don't harm your author, ne? ^^;
Sorry it took a while to update but I've been super busy. I just want to take school life and give it a good flip to Canada. -_-
Anyways, hope you enjoy, and if you're interested, please go check out No Mercy for Me. It's a BAP story.
WARNING: it's an angst story.
I wuvs you guys :)
Oh Soy un Doritooooooooo
Singing our theme song til dawn
Now it's time for shoutouts and food
Gotta eat em all, TACOMON!
Shoutout goes to.................
JoJoeFan!!!
It seems like you really like Boyfriend huh? hahahah who is this cutie?? ↑↑↑↑↑
I saw it and was like: awhhhhhhhhs I wants your hugggggggggggggggssssssssss
lol he's a plane xD
... O____________O how can they look so good while SLEEPING?!!! >< how is this FAIRRRRRRR??! I look like a dying dolphin or something while sleeping D:
..what in the world is he grabbing? O.o
he looks like a lost puppy!!!! I just want to take him home!!!!!!!!
BTW guys, I kind of got into a fight with this person on Twitter..cuz we had different opinions.
She said all asians look exactly alike and were all Chinese ..& I didn't agree... I might have upset her a little considering I did this:
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