Title: My Deer (oneshot)

 

Pairing: Sehun/Luhan

 

Rating: PG (warning: failed crack throughout)

 

Length: 1,000+ words

 

Summary: Sehun likes deer. He finds them cute, cuddly and adorable.

 

Luhan looks like a deer. He is the epitome of cute, cuddly and adorable.

 

Sehun may, or may not, want to smoulder Luhan with hugs, kisses and maybe more.

 

---

 

The green walls of his room are covered in Bambi posters. Deer figurines align on his shelves from cute to cutest (he ends up rearranging it every hour). His desktop and screensavers on his phone are pictures of his favourite loveable four-legged creature friend.  If anyone (his only friend Chen) says Sehun is crazy, he will refute. He isn’t crazy; he has a big heart for deer.

 

Sehun thinks it would be impossible to marry a deer.

That is until he met Luhan.

 

“Dude,” Sehun slides into the seat across from Chen, “I met the love of my life.”

 

“Cute?”

 

He nods erratically.

 

“Cuddly?”

 

He creepily grins.

 

“Adorable?”

 

The teen squeals.

 

“He isn’t furry, four-legged and imaginary, is he?”

 

Sehun pegs a book at him. “No, fyi, he is real, living and in our school. His name is Luhan.”

 

His cute, cuddly and adorable Luhan.

 

He giggles.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

… … …

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Wait – he giggles?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

OKAY, HE GIGGLES FOR LUHAN.

Because manly man don’t giggle. Period.

 

“Oh, the new princess?” Chen asks with surprise, but the devilish smirk appears and it nearly sent Sehun running. “You can’t be interested in him. He hates deer.”

 

In fact, Sehun does run. He runs straight home and cries. He’s still manly, okay?

 

Chen is made by Satan to ruin his love life.

 

 

---

 

 

On the next day, Sehun drags himself through the hall, hoping others will make way for him. One particular person doesn’t, and Sehun falls backward.

 

“Are you okay!?” a voice screeches with worry. It’s awfully soothing to his ears.

 

Sehun rolls around groaning, flailing like a five year old wanting his toys (which in this case is a new life).

 

He wants to melt with the ground and be non-existent, like his love life.  He stops rolling when hands pull him up. To his surprise, and horror, it’s the one that broke his heart even before hearing the sweet words of his confession.

Oh, how sorrowful. A tragic story of an eighteen year old who is heartbroken by cruel fate. His heart twists, pulls, tugs and clenches. It burns.

 

 

BURNS, he mentally screams. Not at all crazy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

… … … … …

 

 

 

 

 

 

Shut up, Sehun.

 

Ew. You shut up, brain.

 

Stop talking to yourself.

 

No, you.

 

Mature, Oh Sehun. Real mature.

 

I try.

 

 

“I’m so sorry! I wasn’t looking and then next minute I bumped into you.” He pulls Sehun’s dead body up and dusts off the invisible spec of dirt from his blazer. Luhan bows and murmurs another apology before he leaves with a broken piece of his heart under his expensive, clean, white sneakers.

 

Sehun is left staring at the disappearing figure.

 

Luhan is not just any deer, he learns. He is a deer granted with white, feathery wings.

 

The bell rings and Sehun groans. He’s late for class and the love of his life doesn’t even know that he is the love of his life because his love life is non-exist just like what Sehun is to Luhan. Sehun realises he never makes sense, just like his non-existent love life.

 

 

You said that many times already, idiot.

 

YOU’RE MY BRAIN! I think what you think.

 

Idiot, I tell you.

 

Well, your intelligent is like the existence of your non-existent love life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

… …

 

 

 

 

 

 

…

 

 

 

 

 

 

GOT YOU THERE, ER. HAHAHAHAHA.HA.A...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sehun is bound to be single forever.

 

 

 

 

The lunch bell rings. Students file in a bee line to the cafeteria. He sits down at his usual spot, depressed. He doesn’t notice the evil snicker or the fact that Chen poking his face with black permanent marker.

 

“Uhm.”

 

 

Cough. Cough. Cough.

 

 

“Uh.”

 

 

Poke. Poke. Poke.

 

 

“Excuse me.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

… …

 

 

 

 

 

 

“EXCUSE ME.”

 

 

That does the trick and Sehun snaps his backwards. His eyes widen.

 

“I – uh – I didn’t mean to shout.” Luhan cutely fumbles with his tie.

 

 

 

… …

 

 

 

“I saw you. Here. Now.”

 

Cue for a long creepy stare.

 

“I just – I hope you aren’t hurt?” Luhan looks down at him shyly.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Silence.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

… …

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Long awkward silence.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“ASDKJAS—”

 

Luhan blinks.

He cracks a grin, and starts laughing.

 

Sehun is dying from either embarrassment or how beautiful Luhan’s laugh sounds like in his ears. Maybe even both.

 

“I like you, Sehun.”

 

 

AKDFJASKFASJFALJFFDSAKFLASMASHINGSOMEKEYBOARDSALFJASLDFJALJDFA

 

 

HE KNOWS MY NAME. HE SAID HE LIKES ME. LIKES ME.

 

 

As a friend, you moron.

 

… .

 

Love you, babe.

 

 

“I like you, too?” Sehun frowns.

 

“You’re cute.”

 

Sehun falls off the chair.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

WHAT DID HE JUST SAY!?!?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“You’re cuddly.”

 

Stop.

Please.

Let.

Me.

Breathe.

 

“You’re extremely adorable—”

 

“I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU, TOO.”

 

“—just like my dog.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

… …

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He just called you a dog. LOOOOOOL

 

 

“What?”

 

“Did you just say you are in love with me?”

 

The teen squeaks. “No.”

 

“You did.”

 

“I said nothing. You have no proof. YOU CAN’T TAKE ME TO COURT!”

 

“Firstly, you practically screamed it out loud,” Chen inserts. “Secondly, you just made a fool of yourself, poodle.”

 

Sehun growls at him.

 

“Can we go for a walk?” Luhan asks.

 

His attention turns back to him and Luhan offers a smile.

God, he’s beautiful.

 

“Look, Sehun, master wants to take you out to play fetch.”

 

The boy hurls his Physic textbook, hoping the force of the object will blow Chen across the room.

That doesn’t happen, to his dismay.

 

“I’m busy.” Sehun lies.

 

From one look at Luhan’s frown, he can tell the other knows too. Sehun is a bad liar. His left eye has a mini seizure when he does.

 

 

“With what?”

 

…

 

“Homework?”

 

 

Twitch, twitch, twitch. Twitch, twitch, twitch. Twitch, twitch, twitch.

 

 

“Fine, I’ll just say it now.” Luhan gives in with a sigh. It’s cute. He’s cute. “I have a dog.”

“I love him to bits.” Luhan whips out his phone and shows a picture of a white, fluffy fur ball. Sehun wants to squish him! But it ain't cuter than a deer. Nope. “His name is Fluffly. Original, I know. He’s the best thing in this world.”

 

“I don’t have a dog?” Sehun offers.

 

“You remind me of my dog.”

 

Chen cackles.

 

He barks at him to shut up.

 

“So… I look like a dog?”

 

“Yeah. I mean, no. My dog, yes.”

 

Sehun wants to cry.

 

“What I’m trying to say is Ivebeeninlovewithyouforalongtimenowokaysoyeah.”

 

 

 

 

 

Blink, blink, blink.

 

 

 

 

 

“I love you, dummy.” Luhan beams a 1000-watt smile.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sehun passes out.

 

 

 

---

 

I warned you there would be failed crack in this... I'm not a funny person. SORRY.

Sehun is an awkward, retarded boy with a non-existent love life that I just want to squish. Glomp, nibble, glomp.

Thank you for reading! And EXO IS BACK. AWOOOOOO!

Credit goes to the owner of this picture.