Journal entry #157 May 13, 2012

“Hurry up! You are so slow like a turtle!”

“Don’t call me turtle!”

“Awww, I’m sorry TURTLE!”

“Why do you hang out with me if you don’t even like me ByungHun?”

“HA! It’s because you’re easy to make fun of TURTLE!”

~ Now that I look back on those memories with Becca, I realized that I was a complete jerk. She was my only true friend that I could trust with anything. Becca was stronger than me emotionally and that was one of the things I liked about her. However, even though I liked her I couldn’t let her find out otherwise she might treat me like my school friends would treat loners. It still amazes me how much of a jack I was at only 5 years old.

“Oh stop your crying turtle. You know I didn’t really mean that.”

“You’re such a liar!”

~ It was her birthday, but still I treated her like dirt. Later that night there was yelling coming from her house again, but it was more violent than usual. I looked through my window to see her and her mother running from their house covered in bruises and cuts. She would always have a new cut or injury on her, but she would never say anything. That night though was the last time I would ever see her. Her mother never drove back in her car like usual. I waited for months to see her again. However, when she didn’t show up, I started to think that a part of the reason for her not coming back was due to me being a jack . Was I that much o…….

*Wakes up from day dreaming*

“Hey! Are you okay L.Joe? You’ve been starring at that journal page of yours for awhile now.” Niel said with a worried look on his face. I nodded my head in response to show that I was fine. Although, it didn’t really make any difference in Niel’s expression; today teen top was to be interviewed by Entertainment Weekly. We finally arrived at around 10 am. Everyone was excited to be interviewed about something personal, well, all except me. I couldn’t get Becca out of my mind again. All these questions from my childhood came at me all at once after that dream a few weeks ago. The only one I told about her was CAP and the only reason he knows was because we are roommates. Basically, I had to explain why I woke him up with my screams that night, but he seemed to understand why I was such in a panic from that dream or should I call it a nightmare from the past?

“L.Joe it is your turn to be interviewed.” An assistant said in a hurry. Man! I didn’t want to do this today but it was a part of my job.

“Okay and now we have L.Joe of teen top here with us! Welcome L.Joe how are you doing this morning?”

“I’m doing well thank you for asking Mr. Choi.” He didn’t say a word once I answered, all he did was stare at me with concern.

“Okay what is going on?”

My eyes widened, it was almost like he could see right through my act. “What do you mean?”

“Don’t play dumb with me; you look like you haven’t slept in months. Now what is going on?”

Damn! I can’t lie now; he has everyone looking at me with too much tension, they would easily know that I would be lying. “Fine, I haven’t been sleeping due to these dreams of an old friend I lost a long time ago. Now, she is not dead, at least I think she isn’t.”

“Was she close to you? When was the last time you saw her?” Mr. Choi leaned forward on his desk.

“Yes she was the closest thing to a friend I had when I was 5. The last time I saw her was on her third birthday.”

“Wow, you both were very young.” I smiled remembering how much smarter Becca was compared to me. She would always throw it in my face just to prove a point. Mr. Choi looked at me as if he knew what I was thinking.

“Have you tried finding her?”

“What?”

“Well if she was so special to you, as a friend, why don’t you try finding her now?” I was shocked at his question. I had never thought of trying to find a lost friend. I mean we haven’t seen each other for 14 years. Where would I even start to try and find her?

The interview ended with Mr. Choi saying that he would help me in any way to find her, when he said that my mind just cleared and took me to the fun memories of Becca and I had shared. Maybe once I see her again I can make up for the way I used to treat her and then she can tell me what happened that night.