Dark Depression

Yoseob’s POV

I woke up surrounded by darkness. My heart unconditionally started beating fast but then I realised I was in a bedroom. What I was confused about was how I ended up in here.

The last thing I remembered was talking on the phone to Dujun’s mother, and then feeling my heart pull painfully.

Dujun.

Suddenly, my eyesight was clouded by the liquid that started to form in my eyes.  It hurt being lied to. It hurt like hell.

My thoughts were then distracted by a creaking door. I quickly looked up and slowly started to hide under the covers. I felt weight being pulled on the blanket that was covering me. Someone was sitting down.

“Good at least you’re not shaking anymore” a familiar voice said to me.

But then I realised it was him.

I was in his bedroom.

I was tucked into his bed.

Kikwang.

No one’s POV

“Kikwang” I whispered slowly coming out from under the covers and sitting up.

He turned around and sat cross legged opposite me.

He looked worried.

“Shaking?” I asked hesitantly.

“Don’t you remember? You were shaking before lying on the floor. I thought you were having a seizure but you looked shocked.” Kikwang explained.

Yoseob was surprised at Kikwang’s words. He was shaking?

“I’m guessing something happened with Dujun that you were so shocked” Kikwang said looking straight at the wall.

Why did he avoid looking at me?

Yoseob’s heart pained as he heard Dujun’s name. It was slowly hurting him to the point of getting into deep depression. He knew he was being lied to. And Dujun promised that he would have never lied to him.

“Yah Lee Kikwang do you have Bang Mir’s number?” Yoseob asked confidently.

“Bang Mir? MBLAQ Mir? Yeah why?” Kikwang asked totally confused by the situation.

“I have to ask him something” Yoseob explained.

Kikwang hestinatly nodded and handed Yoseob his phone to use. Yoseob immediately found Mir’s number and pressed ‘Call’.

Kikwang sat there staring intently at Yoseob as Yoseob held the speaker to his ear.

After a couple of rings a sudden voice answered.

“Yeobseoyo? Kikwang-ssi?” Mir said.

“No it’s Yang Yoseob” Yoseob replied getting angry by the second.

Kikwang began to get scared by Yoseob’s tone of voice. He was confused as to why Yoseob was acting like that.

“O-oh Yoseob-ah nice to speak to you again. Anything the matter?” Mir asked nervously.

“No why would something be wrong. Is it so bad to call a friend and check in on him?” Yoseob asked. He felt like screaming through the phone.

“Yahh who is it?” Yoseob heard someone say through the phone.

After that all that was heard was quiet muttering until Mir began to speak again.

“No of course not, I’m just surprised since you never call” Mir replied.

“Well then a more reason to call right?” Yoseob said confidently.

“One more thing, who is with you right now? I hear muttering.” Yoseob asked, feeling as if he just caught a child stealing cookies from the cookie jar.

“Yang Yoseob what gave you the right to ask such questions? I’m just at a party with a couple of friends. Are you suspecting me of something perhaps?” Mir said.

Yoseob was completely taken aback, immediately losing his confidence.

“Mianhe. Have fun then, I won’t disturb you anymore” Yoseob said trying to not break down. He felt as if he’s just been scolded.

“Then I’ll be going” and after that he hung up.

Yoseob gave the phone back to Kikwang and sighed. He was pretty sure he heard Dujun there. But it didn’t make sense. As much as Yoseob didn’t even want to think yet believe, he knew that there’s a huge possibility that Dujun was cheating on him.

He was so pre-occupied in his thoughts that he didn’t notice the waving hand in front of him.

“Yah, Yoseob are you alright?” Kikwang asked worriedly.

“*sigh* I’m fine” Yoseob answered and ran his hand through his hair.

At that point things became awkward and Kikwang wasn’t sure what to do exactly.

He left the room leaving Yoseob with his thoughts.

“Yang Yoseob I love you”

“Will you be my soul mate?”

“Yahh you’re so cute!”

“I want you”

Yoseob sighed.

“I would never ever lie to you”

“I only want you”

Yoseob’s vision became blurry again as his glassed eyes welled up. He heard Kikwang coming back into the bedroom and he didn’t even bother whipping the tears away. Yoseob felt like with Kikwang he could just let his emotions out.

Kikwang placed two cups of tea on a nearby table next to the big window that exposed the white blanket that covered Seoul.

“Come” Kikwang gestured Yoseob to sit next to him opposite the huge glassed window.

“Here” Kikwang gave Yoseob a warm cup of tea as Yoseob sat beside him.

The older male inhaled the aroma of the warm liquid and raised his eyebrow.

“Peppermint tea. It will calm you down” Kikwang replied knowing that Yoseob questioned the flavour of the tea.

Yoseob gradually drank the tea slowly staring at the white flakes of snow falling over the white city. It was a beautiful sight. He felt like just sitting out in the snow and feeling the cold flakes fall on his body.

Silence took over only letting the sounds of sipping warm tea be exposed. Yoseob’s mind began to raise some questions. Why  didn’t Kikwang ask anything about the conversation yet?

Usually, Kikwang is the most curious after Hyunseung of course. Being the gullible and a little blank in the group, he tends to ask the most questions. But why didn’t he in this situation.

“I like watching the snow” Kikwang suddenly said.

Yoseob instantly turned to look at Kikwang. The younger male was looking out into the white city. The sky was dark with bright petals falling from it accompanied by little droplets of rain; lights were essential in bringing out the warmth of the city.

“To me snow is like happy tears. Rain is sad tears. But snow is happy tears. Knowing that someone else besides myself is also suffering and crying for many reasons makes me feel better” Kikwang said still staring intently at the city.

He brought his knees to his body and rested the cup of tea atop of his knees.

“Suffering?” Yoseob asked.

“Every human being suffers. No matter what suffering it is everyone suffers” Kikwang explained.

Yoseob stared at the snow as he listened to Kikwang’s wise words.

“But even though suffering hurts the person, it makes them a better person for the better future. Suffering is a life experience. Life experiences build us to the human beings we are” Kikwang explained further his words slowly moulded into nothing but a whisper.

Yoseob turned to look at Kikwang and smiled slighty. Kikwang was right.

Suddenly, Kikwang turned to look at Yoseob and smiled.

“So no matter what happens, think of the pain as a good thing at least for the future” Kikwang said and turned back to look at the snow as he heavily drank the herbal tea.

Yoseob continued staring at Kikwang and thought about what he said. Was it really worth getting hurt by Dujun? Aside from the fact that they are band members, individually they had a relationship.

Sighing, Yoseob glanced one last time at Kikwang and soon continued to watch the white fluff veil the city.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning, Yoseob woke up to an empty bed. Looking out of the window, he sat up and stretched his arms upwards feeling the pull of his muscle ease the tension in his body.

Yoseob gathered any necessities for the bathroom, and went to get ready for the new morning.

Meanwhile, Kikwang was sitting at the dining table with the rest of the members. Dongwoon was busy playing on his phone and the Junseung couple did nothing more but act lovey dovey feeding each other the morning breakfast, and occasionally touch each other up under the wooden table.

Minutes later a tired Yoseob plopped himself down next to Kikwang’s seat. He gathered some food on his plate and started to devour his dish.

“Hyung are you okay, you were in big shock last night” Dongwoon suddenly asked.

“I’m fine” Yoseob replied straight away.

Everyone except for Kikwang was taken aback by Yoseob’s angry tone of voice; it wasn’t like him at all.

“So Yoseob, we’re visiting you’re mother today right?” Hyunseung asked trying to ease the tension a little bit.

Yoseob immediately dropped his utensils and looked up at the members. His Christmas gift came back to his memory. Slowly, he looked up at Kikwang and thanked him with his expression. Kikwang merely gave a slight nod.

Soon the Beast members put on their outdoor clothing and exited the dorm; heading towards the hospital.

As they exited the building, swarms of fans started screaming, chanting, and pushing trying to get a good look at the boys.

Yoseob being the good role model he is, waved back to the fans and gave them one of his brightest smiles; which of course made the roaring crowd even louder.

Successfully making it back to the car, the Beast members started chatting about random events and such. But Yoseob was quiet the whole way. On one side he was happy to see his mother get the surgery done, on the other hand he felt betrayed to the point of suicide.

Why am I being so negative?!

Sighing, Yoseob gathered up his confidence and optimism trying to produce a better demeanour for himself.

When they arrived at the hospital, Yoseob was hesitant to enter his mother’s room.  After a while of locating the room, Beast entered with a bow and a simple and loving greeting.

“Oh it’s so good to see all of you! You’re all like my sons by now!” Mrs Yang said cheerfully earning a laugh from the guys.

“Where’s Yoseob-ah?” She asked.

Kikwang clenched his fists, and moved Yoseob from behind his back. Yes indeed Yoseob was trying to hide behind Kikwang from his own mother.

Yoseob looked up at his mother and tears already started welling up.

“Eomma...” Yoseob whispered inching closer.

“Oh Yoseob!” Mrs Yang cried and hugged him ever so tightly.

The rest of the members started getting emotional too. Kikwang couldn’t help it and tears were already rolling down his handsome face.

The rest of the visiting hour the Beast members joked around with Yoseob’s mother and shared some stories.

“Wait but where’s Dujun-ssi?” Mrs Yang asked.

Yoseob’s smile immediately fell and he felt like jumping off a cliff.

“Uh- he had some important matters to deal with in Busan” Kikwang quickly said.

Yoseob’s eyes went wide and he looked at Kikwang.

H-he knows?!

Kikwang just nodded at Yoseob stating that it’s ok.

After a couple more minutes, the Beast members started saying their farewell since Yoseob’s mother needed some rest. As they were about to leave Mrs Yang asked Yoseob and Kikwang  to stay as she had something to tell them.

“Kikwang-ssi, I still don’t know how to thank you. I caused Yoseob so much trouble over the years so thank you” She whispered holding onto Kikwang’s hand.

“Eomma!” Yoseob raised his voice.

“Anyway, Yoseob I’m leaving you in Kikwang’s hands. After the surgery I’ll probably need to stay in the hospital for a couple of weeks so please do appreciate what Kikwang does for you” She whispered holding both of their hands.

 “Eommoni do not worry, I will make sure Yoseob does not get hurt by anything or anyone” Kikwang stated as if he it was his life mission.

Yoseob stared at Kikwang with wide eyes at his words.

“Thank you. You are truly a trustworthy person” Mrs Yang replied gratefully.

With that both boys bid their hugs and goodbye and left to go back to the dorm.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Once the members got back to their dorm, immediately everyone ran towards the kitchen. Except for Yoseob.

Usually when it comes to food, Yoseob is the first one there. Even the members are afraid he won’t digest properly because of his eating speed.

But Yoseob was extremely quiet those days. He didn’t know why but with everything going on in his life he felt like time was not on his side anymore. The days became longer making him impatient of further events.

Sighing, Yoseob plopped himself on the living room couch and the TV.

Lazily, he flipped through the channels until he found something interesting.

“And now, Idol Spy Cam!” The MC said.

Yoseob huffed in response and watched the show. Moments later the members joined Yoseob with various snacks.

“Hyung, what you watching?” Dongwoon asked, his mouth full of tortilla chips.

“Some Idol spy...” Yoseob’s words faded as his eyes went wide on the screen.

“Oh who do we have here?! MBLAQ’s Rapper Bang Mir and Beast’s Leader Yoon Dujun! Looks like they are having quite the dinner in Busan’s most famous restaurant!” The MC said.

Yoseob’s fist clenched tightly as he felt the anger and betrayal slowly over take his body.

“Junnie what is Dujun doing in Busan with Mir? I thought he went to visit his sick mother?” Hyunseung asked Junhyung as he sat in his lap.

Junhyung clenched his jaw and glanced at Yoseob.

Yoseob looked at the TV screen and felt his insides flip numerous times.

“Oh look at that, laughing and joking around?! Where are the members to stop this nonsense?” The MC continued speaking.

Suddenly, the channel changed as Kikwang took control of the remote and turned to a music channel. 4 Minute’s “Love Tension” was currently being played.

“YAH! Why did you turn that of?!” Yoseob yelled at Kikwang.

“So that you don’t end up self harming yourself as you sink deeper into the betraying depression, unless you’re willing to do which I doubt for now” Kikwang bluntly said staring at 4 Minute’s music video.

Yoseob opened his mouth and then closed it. Why was Kikwang being like that?

Silence overtook apart from the constant playing of “Love Tension” that came from the TV. Yoseob clenched his jaw and zoomed into the bathroom. Everyone except for Kikwang had worried looks on their faces.

“That was harsh” Hyunseung pointed out.

“But it’s the truth” Kikwang immediately answered.

Meanwhile, Yoseob fell to the bathroom floor with tears rolling down his delicate cheeks. His face became more and more porcelain as the tears never stopped. He tried his best not to let out any sobbing sounds but he failed at the stinging pain in his heart.

Suddenly, Yoseob quickly got up and messily looked through the bathroom cupboards searching for something.

While various makeup, perfume, and lotions fell from the cupboards he finally laid his eyes on what he was looking for.

 Scissors.

Grabbing them, he sat motionlessly on the bathroom cold tiles and brought the sharp object next to his arm.

His hand was shaking as he tried to keep it steady. The blade was merely touching Yoseob’s porcelain skin and his heart beat began to beat faster.

“WHAT IF HE STEALS MY BODY LOTION?!” Hyunseung yelled throwing his hands in the air.

“Hyung, I’m more worried about him, what if he’s crying?” Dongwoon pointed out.

“What if he wants to commit something stupid?” Junhyung said slightly angered.

Kikwang sighed and smiled.

“Even so, he’d never do it” Kikwang said calmly.

“How can you be so calm?! YOUR LOVER IS GOING COO COO!” Hyunseung yelled at Kikwang while his hands lay on his slim hips.

That bought Kikwang’s attention. He stared at the bathroom door for a couple of moments before getting up.

He told the Beast members to be quiet and quietly opened the bathroom door.

A smirk was plastered onto his face.

Yoseob knew he had to do it. He started the run the blade along his arm but then stopped.

Sighing he threw the scissors into the bathtub and hit his forehead.

“Who am I kidding I’d n-“

“Never do it” Kikwang finished his sentence for him.

He walked up to Yoseob and grabbed a towel. Slowly, he whipped the sweat of off Yoseob’s forehead and pulled him by the arm out of the bathroom.

The members saw a crying Yoseob being dragged out of the bathroom. As soon as they left, Hyunseung dashed into the bathroom looking for his necessities.

“PHEW! My lotion is still here. WAIT...Why is lotion lotion?!” Hyunseung yelled confusing himself.

THIS IS A DOUBLE UPDATE :D ARE Y'ALL HAPPY?! Good! I've been so hooked on fanfiction I've realised hardly anyone is updating on their amazing stories! So I decided to be kind enough and provide my readers with this long chapter + BONUS CHAPTER WITH A CLIFF HANGER!

SO PLEASE BE KIND ENOUGH TO COMMENT! I've worked very hard on this chapter even though there is not much fluff however I really wanted to just put some drama and suspense into this UNTIL the goodstuff starts coming in! MUST WAIT FOR THE GOOD FLUFF AND SUCH!!

I know there are many Dooseob/Dujun lovers out there so please do not misunderstand me because of the character that Dujun currently is. As much as I love Dujun(I don't like Dooseob sorry :/) this is just a story so please excuse the fact that Dujun sounds a little bit like a villain :P

I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS!! OMG DID YOU GUYS SEE THE KISEOB MOMENT DURING BEAST'S TRIPLE CROWN WIN ON M COUNTDOWN!?!?! I ALMOST DIED THE WAY KIKWANG WHISPERED TO YOSEOB'S EAR WHILE HOLDING ONTO HIS WAIST :o :o :O *FANGIRLING* 

... Now you may proceed to the BONUS chapter.