Junior High School

Kai’s POV

I stepped into my school on my first day being a junior high student. Well, I’m a tranferred student.  I sighed nervously at how everyone got clicked. I then took my banana milk from the pocket of my bag, I put the straw on it and carefully drank it. I saw a few of girls whispering while their eyes locked on me. Am I really that weird? I sighed again. I didn’t know what to do. I decided to sit on a bench which was empty. I kept playing my fingers and bit my lips nervously.

Then someone suddenly sat next to me with his glasses. He played with his iPod and hummed into songs that I couldn’t understand.

“LA LA ireoke chA, chA chA ro AH! Shinnandagoya, LA chA, LA chA TA TA!” He suddenly sang out. I was surprised that his voice wasn’t as bad as my expectation. A bunch of girls were still looking at me and this guy.

“It’s Lachata from f(x), right?” I asked.

“W-what? Sorry, I didn’t hear what you just asked” He said as he unplugged his earphone.

“The song that you listen. It’s Lachata, right?” I asked again.

“Yeah, did the volume of my iPod bother you or..” That guy’s word got cut off.

“You sang that song.” I said and he just laughed.

“Well, that’s one of my habit. Singing while I listen to the song. I hope that didn’t bother you, my voice is so bad.” He said and smiled.

“N-no, it didn’t. Your hums is more bothering.” I said and he laughed.

“Oh, I assume you’re the new transferred student.” He said.

“Yes, how everyone knows about this?” I asked.

“The teacher told us and yeah, the girls are expecting a guy to be transferred here. And look at them, they already like you.” Sehun said.

“Really? I thought they think of me as a weirdo.” I replied.

“Nope. By the way, I’m Sehun.” He said.

“I-I’m Jongin.” I said.

“So, have you go to the principal’s office?” Sehun asked while he’s playing on his iPod.

“Yeah, I have. I’m on the 8A class.” I answered.

“Whoa! You’re my classmate then!” Sehun said and I only nodded. Sehun then looked at my banana milk and he his lips.

“Hmmm... Do you have more of banana milk?” Sehun asked.

“Of course, you want some?” I offered him another bottle of my banana milk.

“I can’t never rejecting banana milk.” Sehun said and grabbed the banana milk happily. Sehun then started to drink the banana milk.

“Hey, don’t be too excited.” I said and he laughed with the milk still on his upper lips. But, he then drink it again.

“Let’s go to the class, then!” Sehun said and pulled my hand. Sehun’s hand was warm and I was shocked. But, I let that be.

--

A few days of being in a new environtment, I could feel that I’ve gained a lot of friends. Sehun was pretty much a cute guy, he was the youngest among all of us. Among me, Baekhyun, Chanyeol, Kyungsoo and Joonmyun. I had fun with them. Joonmyun and Kyungsoo were one year older than me. We were at the cafetaria, at the usual spot and have our lunch.

“Kyungsoo-hyung! Will you buy me a bubble tea?” Sehun cutely asked.

“You already had bubble tea yesterday. Ask for your friends to buy it for you.” Kyungsoo said.

“I’m not going to buy it for you, Sehun-ah. My money is gone because of the bandit who ask me to buy food for him.” Chanyeol said as his eyes looked into Baekhyun.

“Ish lesh mush monesh ash mush humz.” Baekhyun said with his mouth stuffed with food, which caused me to laughed. Chanyeol laughed as he hit Baekhyun’s back, gently.

“Hey, swallow that before you talk.” Joonmyun said.

“I said I left my money at my home. And I've promised you that I’ll give your money tomorrow.” Baekhyun said to Chanyeol.

“Why don’t you ask to Joonmyun-hyung?” I said and Joonmyun hyung shot a glare to me. Sehun then laughed.

“Yes, Joonmyun-hyung. Will you buy me a bubble tea?” Sehun said with his rabbit pose.

“I bought it the day before Kyungsoo bought it for you.” Joonmyun calmly said.

“So, will you buy it for me again?” Sehun asked.

“No, no, no. You should ask Jongin to buy it for you.” Joonmyun said.

“Jonginnie, will you buy me a bubble tea?” Sehun asked me cutely and I only shook my head.

“Yah, Jonginnie. Why are you so mean?” Sehun said and pouted.

“That depends on how you stop calling me Jonginnie.” I said. Sehun didn’t stop his pout.

“But, you’re Jonginnie. Just this once buy it for me, pweazzzeee.” Sehun said and begged with his eyes looking at me. I found that cute and the others would find that as annoying. When Sehun begged he would have his cheeks puffed and he would smileso brightly.

“Okay, I’ll buy it for you.” I gave up. Well, who could resist it, anyway? With that answer, Sehun squealed and he suddenly hugged me tight.

“Yeay! My Jonginnie is so nice!!!!” Sehun said. Suddenly, Chanyeol coughed.

“I see the sparks between the two of you.” Chanyeol said.

“Well, some romantic sparks sure flowing out from you guys.” Baekhyun said and he high-fived Chanyeol.

“Yah. Stop it, guys. Come on, Sehun.” I said, Sehun followed then he just stuck his tongue out to Baekhyun and Chanyeol. The others laughed at it, except Kyungsoo.

--

In a few months, all of us became attached to one another. Especially, Baekhyun and Chanyeol. They were both the most crowdy ones among us. When it was break time, we all gathered in our usual spot. I was with Sehun first, he had bubble tea on his hand and he kept sipping on it. I only looked at him with this mesmerized feeling at how he loved bubble tea so much.

“Jonginnie, why don’t you buy some food?” Sehun asked.

“I’m not really hungry. I ate so much on my breakfast.” I said. Sehun then leaned his head on my shoulder and put his bubble tea on the table.

“Are you tired?” I asked him.

“A little bit.” He said. I somehow silenced and my heart was beating crazily, this wasn’t right but it happened. I ruffled his hair and he didn’t budge. Usually, when I ruffled his hair he would be mad. I smiled silently about it.

“Hey.” Chanyeol said, he was with Baekhyun and they already brought their trays of food.

“Is Sehun sick?” Baekhyun asked.

“No, just tired.” Sehun said. Then the hyungs came along with us. We had this awkward silence afterwards, except Chanyeol and Baekhyun who kept talking. Sehun still leaned his head on my shoulder.

“Hmmm.... Jongin, can we talk?” Kyungsoo-hyung asked me.

“O-okay, sure.” I said.

“But, I’m sleepy, Jonginnie.” Sehun said and pouted.

“Yah, Sehun-ah. This won’t be long. You can lean your head on me, if you want.” Joonmyun-hyung said. With a sad expression, Sehun then leaned his head in Joonmyun’s shoulder.

Kyungsoo held my hand gently as he dragged me to a park behind the school. Luckily, it wasn’t full of people. We decided to sit on the bench. I then took my cola from my bag and started to sip on it because Kyungsoo-hyung didn’t talk.

“You said you want to talk.” I said. Then, Kyungsoo looked at me as he but his lower lips. I really wondered what he was going to talk.

“W-well, J-Jongin.” Kyungsoo-hyung stuttered.

“Yes? Why are you stuttering, hyung?” I asked, he then shook his head.

“I-I don’t know how to talk about this.” Kyungsoo-hyung said as he looked down. I poked on his back gently.

“Hey, I’m sure I’m going to be okay. Just talk.” I calmly said.

“I-I think, I-I like you.” Kyungsoo-hyung said. I only looked at him, wasn’t sure how to feel.

“Kyungsoo-hyung, I-I didn’t see this coming.” I said as I nervously scratched my neck.

“Yeah, I know.” He said and smiled.

“Hmm... How can I explain this to you? I-I don’t think..”

“I know. I know. But, I just wanted to tell you that.” Kyungsoo-hyung who cut my words said.

“I’m sorry.” I said as I held his hand gently.

“That’s okay. I know you have feelings for another person.” He said.

“N-no, I don’t.” I said.

“Don’t lie to yourself, Jongin. Don’t avoid your feelings.” He said and ruffled my hair. I only laughed at what he said.

“Let’s just go back, okay? The others probably still waiting for us.” He said and we walked to the cafetaria. But, I was still wondering about what Kyungsoo-hyung just said. Avoiding my feelings? To who?

High School

Sehun’s POV

I was so sleepy when I heard some knocks in my door. I decided to pretend that I’m still asleep. I bawled like a baby as if I didn’t hear the knocks.

“SEHUN-AH! THERE’S JONGIN HERE!!!” I heard my mom yelled, I sighed. I then walked to my door and opened it. I already saw Kai looking so good standing in front of my door.

“Yah, Jonginnie. What are you doing here?”  I said as I rubbed my eyes.

“Our dance class will start on 1 p.m and it’s 12 p.m now. And I figured that you haven’t wake up. So, I decided to pick you up!” Jongin said.

“Really? I thought it’s 9 a.m in the morning.” I calmly said.

“It’s not. So, get ready now.” Jongin said. I let him to entered into my room and he simply laid on my bed.

“Yah. You. I want to sleep for 5 minutes more, please.” I said as I sat on the bed.

“No, you can’t.” He said.

“Yes, I can. This is my room. My authority.” I said.

“Nope. Not until you get ready for the dance class.” Jongin said. I decided to not listen to him and laid beside him, holding my pillow and shut my eyes.

“Yah! Sehun-ah, don’t sleep!” Jongin said. I only silent, pretended not to hear a thing.

“Sehun-ah! Wake up! Aish, why are you being such a stubborn kid?” Jongin said as he shook my body.

“Wake up!!!!” Jongin said as he flipped my body. So that my back was pressed against the bed and I opened my eyes. I could see that his eyes were in front of me with the space of our body was only 3 centimeters. My eyes were probably like Kyungsoo and I only looked at Jongin nervously.

 

“I see that you’re awake right now. So, go to bath!” Jongin said.

“Don’t want.” I said.

“You should!” He said again as he tried to push me from the bed. Well, that worked. Except that he was the one who fell first and I was on top of his body.

“Sehun, got to bath now!!! Or I’ll take spiders and give it to you.” Jongin said. I was terrified when I heard the word spiders, so I quickly stood up and left him who was still lying on the floor. Once, I got into the bathroom, I breathed out as I pressed my hand on my chest and I felt my heart beat was twice than the usual. ‘Okay, what is this feeling?’ I thought to myself.

--

The hip hop dance class only took 5 hours. I could feel the pain on my back was rising. I gently kept massage my neck. Jongin was still with his friends and he suddenly put his arms on my shoulder.

“Hey, are you sick?” Jongin asked, he put the back of his hand on my forehead.

“No, just tired.” I said. Jongin was still looking at me as if I got something wrong.

“I think you should go home. I’ll walk you home, okay?” Jongin said and I nodded. For some reason, I liked his attention when he worried about me. When he let me hugged him and how he said I’m stubborn and such things. But, he never told me that I was annoying. Unlike some of my friends. Jongin would always stick with me, be there for me when I had troubles. Jongin walked me home, only he didn’t leave after that.

“Your parents isn’t home. So, I bought some soup in the resto accross the street.” Jongin said.

“Yah, Jonginnie. I’m fine.” I said, he shook his head. Jongin pulled out the plastic spoon and he dipped it into the cream soup.

“Now, open your mouth.” Jongin said.

“I’m not a baby, I won’t let you feed me.” I said as I pushed the spoon from his hand.

“No, you’re not. But, I know you’re sick.” Jongin said.

“No, I’m not sick.” I said even though, my head was starting to hurt. As if he could read my mind, Jongin shift closer to me and feed me the cream soup. I gave up when he started to gave me this kind of affection. When Jongin held my chin as he wiped the residue of the soup on the edge of my mouth.

“Now, go to sleep.” Jongin said.

“B-but” My words cut off when he shushed me. Jongin moved closer and covered my body with the sheets. Jongin then hugged me so tight, I didn’t even know that he was this warm. I still looked at him and smiled at how he cared about me.

“Hey, don’t look at me. Sleep.” Jongin said as he ruffled my hair.

“But, I’m okay. You can go home, your mom must be worried.” I said and still locked my eyes on him.

“No, I’ve told her that you’re sick that I have to stay here.” Jongin said.

“Urgh, Jonginnie. I’m fine.” I said. Jongin only smiled, if I could rate it, it was the perfect smile that it scored 10 out of ten. Jongin kept hugging me and hummed the songs that I couldn’t understand. I could feel my body relaxed as I cuddled into him. Before, I asleep, I saw his eyes already shut and he slept in the most angelic way that human could do.

--

I was sick that I’ve decided to go to the doctor. So, I was with my mom when I checked about my health. I told the doctor that I sometimes have headache, when I felt tired I felt so weak and stuffs. But, I didn’t cough like a person who caught cold.

 He told my mom to checked my blood, because I was so pale. My mom followed what the doctor said, I quickly got my blood checked and waited the results for an hour. I wasn’t in the mood on everything, even the foods didn’t attract me.

The doctor then called my name. So, me and my mom entered his office. I didn’t know, but his face was different. The doctor sighed and then he smiled to me.

“So, the results have just came out.” He said.

“Did anything happen to my son?” My mother asked as she held my hand tightly.

“I-I’m sorry to tell you, but your son got leukemia.” The doctor said. When I heard that word, I felt the times stopped, I held my cry and smiled brightly, as if nothing happened to me.

“Can this be cure?” My mother asked.

“We can hold up the cancer, but the cure hasn’t found yet.” The doctor said.

“How long I’ve got this leukemia?” I asked to the doctor.

“From the symptoms that you said, I think you’ve just got it from 2 months ago.” The doctor said again.

“Well, can I do normal things like I usually do?” I asked.

“Yes, only you should drink your medicine on time. But, I suggest you to not being too tired.” The doctor said. I only nodded. My mother was still crying when she knew about this.

“Mom, please stop crying. I’ll be fine.” I said to her and smiled, she just hugged me.

“M-my son, my only son. Please, don’t leave me.” She said, the tears started to drop from my eyes.

“Yes, mom. I won’t leave.” I said, when I wasn’t sure about this.

(Kai’s POV)

I was at the cafetaria with the others. Yes, I had my 5 friends went to the same high school as mine. Sehun was finally on his healthy condition. But, Sehun was pretty weird. Sehun only stared at his bubble tea and he didn’t drink it like he used too.

“Sehun-ah, are you okay?” I asked him. Sehun smiled and nodded. Sehun seemed to spaced out. Baekhyun and Chanyeol were officially a couple. They’ve just dated a month ago and it seemed to bother the fangirls on both clans. Well, six of us were quite popular. Kyungsoo hyung and Baekhyun in their choir class, Joonmyun hyung and Chanyeol in their photography class, me and Sehun in our dance class.

“No, you don’t seem okay.” I said to him, looking concerned.

“I’m fine, Jonginnie.” Sehun said as he ruffled my hair and then, his hand traced on my face. I smiled at how he was. Sehun was so lovely. Probably the loveliest friend that I’ve got, the way he would cling on me as if I’m his own older brother. The way Sehun smiled, it lighten up my day.

“Then drink your bubble tea.” I said. Sehun smiled and slowly sipped on his bubble tea. Sehun was different, with bags under his eyes, he didn’t look good. But, I didn’t want to bother him with questions anymore.

“Are you hungry? Should I buy you bagels or ddeokboki?” I asked to Sehun and he only shook his head. Sehun’s mushroom hair flipped everytime he shook his head. I smiled as I put my hands around his shoulder, embracing him.

“If you have problems or everything, talk to me. Okay?” I said because I felt that he was hiding things from me and he only nodded.

--

I was walking around the street and I saw this beautiful bakery in front of me, it’s called ‘Wanderlust’. I could see the purple wall from the mirror and suddenly and idea came into my mind. I decided to enter the bakery.

“Annyeong haseyo, welcome to Wanderlust.” A girl with the uniform said. I only smiled at her and walked into the counter of the cakes. There were cakes, cookies and cupcakes. My attention was distracted by the red colored cupcakes.

“What is this?” I asked the girl.

“It’s the red velvet with the cheese cream icing.” She said.

“I think I want 3 of that and also, that one.” I said and pointed it so the girl wouldn’t get confused.

“You mean peanut butter? How many of it?” She asked.

“3 of it.” I said. Soon, the girl put the cupcakes on the box. I paid for the cupcakes and left the bakery.

‘I hope he’ll like it’ I thought as I crossed the street.

--

I rang the bell of his house, waiting for someone who would open the door and let me enter the house. Soon, Sehun’s mother opened the door and smiled.

“Hey, Jongin.” Sehun’s mother said.

“Hello, aunt. Is Sehun here?” I asked.

“Yes, he’s in his room. Just knock onto his door, okay?” Sehun’s mother said as she opened the door.  I nodded. I quickly walked into the house. Once, I reached for Sehun’s room I knocked on his door a few times.

“Sehun-ah, it’s me. Jongin!!!” I said. Soon, the door was opened and I saw Sehun in his red shirt and blue shorts.

“Hey, Jongin. What are you doing?”  Sehun asked as he let me enter his room. I then simply laid on his bed and he followed me.

“Well, I was bored and I decided to come. I brought you something.” I said as I gave him the box filled with cupcakes. Sehun excitedly took the box and opened it.

“Cupcakes?” Sehun asked.

“Yeah, I saw it from a bakery and I decided to bought it for you.” I said.

“Awww... Jonginnie. Thank you.” Sehun said as he hugged me.

“Yah! Don’t hug me too tight.” I said and smiled. Sehun shyly laughed at it.

“Let’s just eat this together.” Sehun said. Sehun gave me the peanut butter and he took the red velvet. I started to eat on my cupcake and I smiled because Sehun had some of the icing on his upper lips.

“Wae?” Sehun asked me.

“Nothing.” I said as silently laughed. Luckily, Sehun didn’t notice. Sehun was happily  munching on his cupcake.

“Want to taste?” Sehun asked. I nodded and I opened my mouth. Sehun feed me the cupcake and I smiled.

“HAHAHAHAHA.” Sehun laughed.

“Wae?” I asked.

“You got some cream on your lips.” Sehun said.

“Well, you got some cream on your lips too.” I said and laughed.

“So, that’s why you laughed at me?” Sehun said. Sehun somehow tickled me and I laughed so hard. I then pushed him. Sehun was still laughing at me and I smiled. I smiled at how beautiful he was. I didn’t realized at how things happened. When I suddenly leaned for a kiss. When my lips pressed against his mouth that I felt something flipped in my stomach. Sehun didn’t react, he only kissed back and pulled my neck, ordered me to kiss him deeper. Soon, the kiss released by me.

“Don’t do that again.” Sehun said.

“W-why?” I asked and Sehun only sat.

“Just, don’t. I don’t think I can forgive myself.” Sehun said.

“Sehun-ah, tell me what happen! I can understand if you explain it to me.” I said.

“I’ll explain it, when the time is right.” Sehun said. I looked down and nodded.

“I’m sorry, Jonginnie. I hope it’s for the best of us.” Sehun said and hugged me so tightly. I almost cried, but when he hugged me I couldn’t think of doing that.

“Jonginnie, I hope you’ll understand this. Someday, when the time is right. I’ll tell you everything.” Sehun said. Sehun then released the hug and kissed me again on the lips. Sehun released the kiss and smiled.

“Don’t ever talk about this, to anyone.” Sehun said.

“Yeah, I won’t.” I said. Then there he was, hugging me as if he said goodbye to me.

College

Kai’s POV

I jumped happily when I know that Sehun got into the college. I quickly looked into my phone, waiting for Sehun to call me. Soon, my phone was ringing.

“Hello, Sehun-ah? Where are you?” I asked to Sehun as I looked into the sky from the hall of the college.

“Turn around.” Sehun said. I turned around and looked at him. Sehun was still perfect as ever, I ran towards him and hugged into him tightly.

“I told you, you’ll definitely get this!” I said. I could feel him smiling to me, even though, we were hugging.

“Yeah, I know it too.” Sehun said and smiled, he released the hug and ruffled my hair.

“Seems like Jonginnie is famous.” Sehun said because there was a bunch of girls looking at us.

“People tend to call me Kai, here. But, you’re the only one who can call me Jonginnie.” I said to him. Sehun laughed as he hit my arms.

“Of course, you’re my bestfriend.” Sehun said. ‘Bestfriend’ that word rang on my head. I bitterly smiled, but Sehun didn’t notice it. Sehun put his arm around my shoulder.

“Show me the class.” Sehun said and I followed what he told me to. Deep down, I wished we weren’t bestfriends.

--

We got into the class, it was actually the class that explained about the history of the dance. Sehun pulled out his binder, it was blue and it was his favorite color. A pen was already inside of the binder, Sehun opened his binder and he put his name on it. Sehun then wrote something below his name.

“When you got a puzzle,
starts from the edges of it.
Put the pieces one by one and slowly.
Make sure that the puzzle is perfectly matched one another.
Then slowly moves to the center of the puzzle.
Once, you're on the center, there will be 2 important
pieces of the puzzle.
Take both of it, don't choose one of them.
And put it on the puzzle, right on the same time.
Because both of them balance each other.
Like yin and yang.”

“Sehun, what is that?” I asked to Sehun about his weird quotes.

“Just a quote, but it’s important.” Sehun said and smiled.

“Really? How can you remember that?” I asked.

“I-It’s my own quote.” Sehun said.

“Whoa, never thought you’re good at making quotes.” I said and teased.

“Yah! Shut up!” Sehun said and punched my arm. I only looked at him and Sehun smiled.

--

I was at the cafetaria with Yixing-hyung and Jongdae-hyung. Well, they were my new friends apart from Baekhyun, Chanyeol, Kyungsoo and Joonmyun. We were all in the same college but different departments. Jongdae was interested in music, but he decided to pick dance since it was a new hobby of his. Jongdae’s spare times were used by singing with his band. While, Yixing-hyung was a dance freak, like me. Only I’ve learned ballet since I was a kid. I was waiting for Sehun as I looked at my watch, feeling a little bit worried.

Suddenly, Sehun ran and then he sat next to me. I was sure that he was running out of breath, because Sehun didn’t really run. Sehun get tired easily and I didn’t even know why. Sehun then slowly drank on his mineral water, he swallowed it. After that, he looked at his phone, smiled crazily while looking at it.

“Yah, Sehun-ah. What’s gotten into you?” Jongdae-hyung said.

“You suddenly run into Kai and looking at your phone and smiling? Seriously?” Yixing-hyung said. All of us laughed at Sehun and he finally shushed us.

“I met this cute guy, a few months ago. And I didn’t know that he’s also a student here.” Sehun excitedly said.

“Whoa, congrats. He must be a really cute guy.” Jongdae-hyung said.

“Yes. And today, I’ve just got his number.” Sehun said.

“Who is he? You never told me about this.” I said to Sehun.

“His name is Luhan. Yes, Jonginnie and I’m sorry for that.” Sehun said as he ruffled my hair. I felt pains were rushed all over my body and my hearts shattered into pieces.

“His name doesn’t sound Korean. He’s Chinese?” Yixing-hyung asked.

“Yup. He’s Chinese.” Sehun replied. Sehun then started to talk about this Luhan guy, about how they met at first. When Sehun always bumped into that person accidentally and suddenly, he thought of it as a fate. Sehun said that he liked that guy and Jongdae-hyung also Yixing-hyung gave him tricks on how to get that Luhan guy. I couldn’t take it anymore and I decided to leave the place.

Sehun’s POV

I could  feel parts of my body fell when I saw Jongin left. I didn’t know what to do. I wasn’t doing this on purpose. I wasn’t holding my feelings for him and pouring my feelings to another person. It wasn’t. I truly and deeply love Jongin and he’s apart of my life that I won’t regret. I only looked at him when he left because I couldn’t be selfish. I shouldn’t. I must not forget that my life won’t be long. I then looked back at Yixing-hyung and Jongdae-hyung, pretended that I don’t care about Jongin.

Kai’s POV

Sehun would call me or text me sometimes. Sehun would smile to me and being as clingy as ever a child be. Sehun would do that as if nothing ever happened between us. I decided to left Sehun and the others alone. It was just bothering to me. It was like Sehun was holding the deepest and darkest secret.

I sat on the bench in the park of my college, I breathe and I held my cry. I didn’t even know why I should cry, but the pain just hurted me. I looked down and my tears just flew out from my eyes. Damn, why would I man up a little and stop crying at such a public place? But, I couldn’t. I let the tears rolled from my eyes to my cheeks.

“Jongin?” A person asked, I turned around and looked at him. Before that, I wiped my tears with my sleeve.

“Hey, Kyungsoo-hyung.” I said and smiled.

“What happened?” Kyungsoo asked as he sat beside me.

“N-nothing.” I lied.

“Tell me.” Kyungsoo said as he suddenly hugged me. I was definitely sure that to cry wasn’t right, but the tears flew out again from my eyes. I told Kyungsoo everything that I’ve been holding, how I actually have feelings for Sehun since junior high. I told Kyungsoo that when he confessed to me, it woke me that I’ve been holding my feelings for Sehun. I didn’t know where else to go and Kyungsoo-hyung only hugged me. Kyungsoo-hyung listened to everything that I said. After a few minutes of crying, I decided to stop. Kyungsoo-hyung pulled out a small pack of tissue and I wiped my tears.

“So, my guess was right.” Kyungsoo-hyung said.

“Ne.” I said and smiled.

“You know, Jongin. Why don’t you make a move right now?” Kyungsoo-hyung asked.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Talk to him, about how you feel. Prepare everything and say it to him.”

“I’ve been thinking about that, but I don’t know. He once told me that it wasn’t right and that it was the best for us.”

“Just, talk to him. You know, he’s not available forever.” That word hit me. That word literally hit me and it was like my heart was beating again. Kyungsoo-hyung then hugged me and left. And the only thing in my mind was to confess.

--

I was walking with a lollipop on my hand. I’ve decided to go to Sehun’s place. To surprise him. I was so excited about it. I knocked on the door and Sehun’s mother welcomed me. Sehun was at his room, being his usual lazy . I quickly entered Sehun’s room and he was there lying on his bed.

“Hey, Jonginnie. What brings you here?” Sehun said.

“Boredom.” I said. I sat next to him on the bed and gave him the lollipop.

“Wow. You know, this is very sweet of you.” Sehun said, he hugged me and smiled. Sehun unwrapped the lollipop and started to it.

“Sehun, I want to talk---“

“I’m dating Luhan.” Sehun suddenly said. That word stabbed me. My heart felt like it was stabbed and the knife was plunged deeply inside my chest.

“Really? Since when?” I asked, pretended to be excited.

“Yesterday.” Sehun said.

“Wow, congratulations.” I said and hugged him. And that moment, I was smiling. Because if I truly loved him, I should let him happy with the one he loved.

--

The bell rang, it was break time for us. Suddenly, Sehun put his arms on my shoulders. And we got out from the class. A boy with his doe-eyes stood in front of my class.

“SEHUN!!!” That doe-eyed boy said.

“Hey, Luhan!” Sehun said and he went to Luhan. That Luhan boy was really cute in my opinion, and he really matched Sehun. Sehun hugged Luhan tightly and I smiled at both of them.

“So, this is the lucky boyfriend, huh?” I said and approached them.

“Yup.” Luhan said.

“I’m Jongin, but people tend to call me Kai.” I said and offered my hand for the shake hands.

“I’m Luhan. Sehun’s boyfriend.” Luhan said as he shook my hand. The way he talked really shown how much he loved Sehun.

“Yes, he’s mine!” Sehun said as he cuddled into Luhan. I smiled at them, when inside, I could feel an arrow right on my chest.

“Sehun, don’t cuddle too much!” Luhan said to Sehun.

“He always do that, cuddling into a person. He sometimes hug me from behind too!” I said. Well, that was true. Sehun always cuddled me.

“Yah, Kai. Shut up or I won’t be giving you my delicious cupcakes!” Sehun said as he hit my arm.

“Hey, I was just kidding!” I said as I pinched Sehun’s arm.

“Ouch. It hurts. Luhannie, he pinched me!!!” Sehun said as he pretended to cry.

“Well, you’re the one who started that first!” Luhan said. Sehun pouted like a baby and Luhan pinched his cheeks.

“Awww... You’re so cute when you’re angry.” Luhan said, I laughed at them with the thought ‘If only, I was Luhan.’ On my mind. Luhan then stopped pinching Sehun’s cheeks and Sehun just smiled.

“You don’t even know when he’s angry. He’s like a devil.” I said.

“Will you stop talking?” Sehun said.

“No, I won’t!” I childishly said as he stuck his tongue out.

“YOU! AISHHH! KAII!!” Sehun said as he ran into me. Luckily, I was fast enough that Sehun wouldn’t be able to catch me. But, then I saw him breathed so hard.

“Hey, I was here all the time. Why don’t you catch me?” I said.

“Yah, Jonginnie. I’m tired.” Sehun said.

“Well, let’s go back then before your boyfriend gets mad.” I said as I held his hand.

--

Luhan, Sehun and Ii sat down at the cafetaria with their foods in front of them. I kept eating on his lunch while Sehun and Luhan were being lovey-dovey. I could feel that Luhan was trying to show his  affection towards Sehun in front of me.

“So, tell me. How did you guys met?” I asked.

“Well, he bumped into me and splattered my ddeokboki on the floor. And then he kept bumping into me. And, we just end up together.” Luhan said.

“He’s just cute, when we first met.” Sehun said as he sipped on his lemon tea.

“I guess, you guys are meant to be. Don’t you think?” I asked.

“I hope so.” Luhan said as he held on Sehun’s hand. Luhan smiled.

“Yeah, I think so.” Sehun said and smiled. But the smile, I wasn’t sure, it seemed weird to me.

“I hope you guys for the best!” I said.

“Thanks Kai.” Luhan said.

“Aww... Why were you suddenly becoming so sweet?” Sehun asked as he playfully ruffled my hair.

“I’m sweet and cute since I was born, Thehun.” I said, teasing about Sehun’s lisp.

“Yah! Don’t you ever do that again!” Sehun said angrily.

“Wae? Don’t I thound tho thexy?” I said.

“You!!!!!” Sehun said as he was about to hit me.

“Yah! I’m sorry!” I said. Well, I hoped Luhan learned the lesson. Because my affection to him was real and never fake.

--

I was at the cafetaria and suddenly, Sehun sat next to me. Sehun wasn’t in a good mood and I could tell that by the way his eyes looked. It looked swollen.

“Hey, did something happen?” I asked.

“Luhan. He was mad.” Sehun said.

“Why?”

“He thought we’re more than friends.” 

“What? Seriously?!” Sehun nodded, he sighed. I never saw Sehun got this sad before. But, he then smiled when I put my arms around his shoulder, comforthing him.

“Thanks, Jonginnie. That means a lot.” Sehun said. But, Sehun actually meant the world to me.

--

I was lying at the couch, looking at the empty ceiling and felt nothing. I sighed when I heard my phone was bipping. I grabbed it and I was surprise when I saw an unknown number. I clicked the answer button and put the phone in my right ear.

“Hello?” I asked to the caller.

“Hello. Is this Kai?” The caller asked back.

“Yeah, who is this?” I said.

“K-Kai, it’s me Luhan. Can you go to the hospital, right now?”

“Why?”

“I don’t know, S-Sehun. He—“

“I’ll be there in five minutes. Wait for me.” I said and hung up the phone.

~***~

I ran when I finally reached the hospital, Luhan already texted me which romm Sehun placed. I quickly ran into the elevator, waited for a moment and got into the thired floor. Then I ran again, as fast as I could. I saw Luhan was already there with blood on his shirt.

“Luhan.” I said.

“Kai.” Luhan said.

“Is Sehun alright?” I asked. I was really worried when I heard Sehun was being like this.

“I-I don’t know. I was taking a bath. And then I found him lied on my floor with his nose bleeding.” Luhan said. I could see that Luhan was as panic as me.

“Did he tell you that he felt tired or everything?” I  asked.

“No, he didn’t say anything. I don’t know, Kai. I-I don’t know.” Luhan said as he bit on his lips. I didn’t know what should I do to comfort him. So, I decided to hug him. Luhan cried.

“K-Kai, what happened to him? Is he going to be fine?” Luhan said in between his sobs.

“I-I hope so, Luhan.” I said. I held my tears, I never saw Luhan like this and I never worried about Sehun this much. When I said those words, it was merely lies. I didn’t even know what would happen to Sehun.

Luhan then stopped his crying and quickly wiped away his tears. Luhan was surprised when he found my shirt was wet because of his tears.

“Here.” I said as I gave Luhan my mineral water. We both sat on the bench and wondered about Sehun’s condition. Luhan swallowed the mineral water and breathed out.

“Are you sure he is going to be okay?” Luhan asked to me. I looked at him, deeply.

“I’m sure of it. Sehun is a tough guy, you know.” I said. Luhan then leaned his head on my shoulder, I felt awkward, but I let him be.

Then the door of Sehun’s room opened, a doctor came out from it. Luhan and I quickly stood up.

“Is there any relatives of Mr. Oh?” The doctor asked.

“Us.” Luhan said.

“He’s the cousin.” I said. Luhan looked at me and I signed him that it was only a lie, if he wasn’t Sehun’s relatives, the doctor wouldn’t tell.

“O-oh, yes. I’m his cousin.” Luhan said.

“Okay, I guess we need to talk about Mr. Oh’s condition in my office.” The doctor said. And Luhan was gone with the doctor.

~***~

I worriedly wait for Luhan and he finally came out from the doctor’s office. I sighed, probably, in relieve.

“H-how was it?” I asked, but Luhan only looked down.

“Sehun. He got leukemia.” Luhan said. And that moment, my world shattered into pieces.

~***~

I waited for Luhan to finish his talk with Sehun. I couldn’t even think about this. Sehun got leukemia? How did I never know? Why Sehun never told me? I sighed. Luhan then came out from Sehun’s room.

“He wanted to see you.” Luhan said. I nodded and entered the room. I saw Sehun lying there, being the palest creature. I sat on the chair next to his bed.

“Jonginnie~” Sehun said with tears already on his eyes.

“Sehun~” I replied, pretending that I was okay.

“I’m sorry, for not telling you. I think it’s the best for us.” Sehun said.

“It certainly not the best for me.” I said and painfully smiled.

“I know, I’m sorry.” Sehun said, he broke into tears and I couldn’t help but only to hug him tightly.

“Hey, that’s okay. I’m okay.” I said.

“I have something for you.” Sehun said, he pulled out a thick book from his blanket and gave it to me.

“What is this?”

“I’ve marked the important things just for the explanation of everything.” Sehun said and smiled.

“Sehun, don’t be like that. You won’t leave me.” I said.

“Just take it, okay? It will explain everything.” Sehun said, his hands were holding my face and I saw him straight into his eyes. I held his hands and smiled.

“Jonginnie, can I kiss you?” Sehun asked. That question shocked me.

“B-but, there’s Luhan. What if he finds out?” I said.

“Just please.” Sehun said. I nodded. I pressed my lips against his for a very long time, the lips that I longed since the last time I kissed. The taste was different, I could taste the bitter and pain from his mouth, when he trembled into my kiss because he held his cry. And I was kissing him, enjoying every second of it. I released the kiss.

“Jonginnie~ You’re strong, right?” Sehun said. I nodded and he kissed my forehead.

“I hope when you read this. You can understand me and forgive me for everything that I’ve done.” Sehun said.

“But, why?” I asked.

“B-because, I love you, Jongin. And you’ll be apart from my life that I won’t be able to forget.” Sehun said.

“Sehun, you know. I’ve always love you, since we were in junior high.” I said, Sehun only smiled.

“I love you, Jongin.” Sehun said. We hugged for a moment and I left his room. Because when I knew that he loved me back, he gave me strength.

--

I’m sitting in the bed while I cry because of the book that Sehun gave. It’s actually his journal.  It’s been 3 months of his dead and my life feels so empty. I feel stupid when Sehun actually has the same feeling when we were in junior high, but he didn’t tell me because Kyungsoo-hyung had a crush on me.

The day when he kissed me, it was the week when he figured out that he got cancer.

The day when he met Luhan, he didn’t fall in love with him. Because there’s me in his head.

The day when he got into the college and write the quote, it’s because he has two person in his heart. Me and Luhan.

Because, I am his missing puzzle piece that he never owns. When my heart is yearning his name and his heart did the same.

“Jonginnie~ I hope you forgive me.
And forgive me after you read this.
I love you and I’m sorry.
But, I hold my feelings because I didn't
want you to be hurt.
I really do love you and Luhan.
I hope you can understand me.
- Sehun."
 

[A/N: Well, I pretty much get frustated on things. So when I wrote this, I held my cry because I imagined myself as Kai here. I'm sorry if this won't be like you guys expected, but I hope this explains everything]