Woohyun's not sure which hurts more: the tone of Sunggyu's voice, how choked and broken it sounds, or the gentle click of the front door as it shuts behind him, so quiet that it is as though he had slammed it. Woohyun feels like he is going to throw up, right there in the living room. It all seems to bubble up then, and it hurts, like his heart is trying to force it's way up his throat. He knows the other members are peeking out of their hiding spots now, peering around doorways like children who had witnessed a dispute between parents―because the fights have become a common occurrence now. They are so frequent and have reached such a point of intensity that even their manager had begun to notice. Once Dongwoo had burst into tears, and even Hoya had been unable to console him.
    Despite their iteration, Woohyun can still feel the insistent burn behind his eyes, the nausea in the pit of his stomach, and he doesn't even realize that he's crying until he feels an arm around his shoulders, and warm palms on his back. By that point he's having trouble breathing, and his face is hot and well past damp beneath his palms. He never expected it to be this painful. Sure, Woohyun knew that it would hurt― it always does, when you give part of your heart to someone, but he hadn't thought that he had given away such a large piece. Especially not to the trainee that used to detest him, or to the hyung that he shares a dorm with― or really to another man at all.
    "He's going to make himself sick," he hears someone whisper off to his right, but Woohyun never sees who it is because the next thing he knows he's out the door and down a flight of stairs, completely unaware that he's moving, most of his body having gone numb.
   Find Sunggyu, he thinks, and that single thought is entirely all-consuming, repeating over and over on an endless loop as he hurries down the snow lined streets of the city. All the sounds around him are muted, dulled by the rampant beating of his heart in his ears. Gotta find Sunggyu.
     Sunggyu's more than capable of taking care of himself, that much is for certain, but Woohyun knows he won't be able to sleep tonight if he can't find him himself. Heck, he won't be able to do much of anything. He still can't even breathe properly. All he can do is locate Sunggyu and convince him that he doesn't mean the words that he said, that they can make this, whatever this is, work.
    A thousand reasons, and excuses, and the lines of sappy poems and doting love songs bombard his thoughts, but none of them really mean anything and none of them help soothe the ache that Woohyun can feel settling into the marrow of his bones. And he doesn't use any of them because they all seem to vanish when he catches the oh so familiar sight of auburn hair and patterned clothing.
    There's an excruciating moment between the time it takes for Woohyun to stop in his tracks, and the time it takes for Sunggyu to finally look up. When Sunggyu's gaze falls on him, it's gone so fast that Woohyun wonders if it was ever there to begin with. Sunggyu isn't angry, he knows, because Sunggyu just isn't the type to stay mad. Regardless, it still stings that he can't even look at him. He's beginning to think that maybe it wasn't such a good idea to chase Sunggyu down, but on the other hand, they are going to have this conversation and if Sunggyu doesn't like it then he should have ran father than just a handful of blocks from their dorm.
    "Hyung," Woohyun says as he drops down in the snow beside Sunggyu. "Hyung, look at me."
    Sunggyu refuses to budge, so Woohyun takes his face in his hands, and Sunggyu doesn't resist when the younger guides his head to the right with familiar fingers beneath his chin. Woohyun stares at the back of Sunggyu's eyelids until they finally flutter open and Sunggyu meets his gaze with a surprisingly unwavering one of his own.
    Sunggyu's been crying, he can tell, and Woohyun's heart kicks him in the ribs. His eyes are red, the lids puffy, and faint water tracks are still visible on the skin of his flushed cheeks in the light of a nearby streetlight. Even though it's not the first time that Woohyun's seen Sunggyu cry, and it probably won't be the last so long as Infinite still stands, this time is different because Woohyun is the reason for his tears, not the winning of an award.
    He feels the brush of Sunggyu's hands against his waist, and Woohyun lets go of his cheeks to clutch at his shoulders and crush their torsos together. Words tumble unabashed from his mouth as he buries his face into the junction of Sunggyu's neck and shoulder, and Woohyun's not entirely cognizant of what he is saying. He feels like he's on the front end of a roller coaster of emotions. That's the only way he can explain how he's able to jump from being desperate and very near doleful to irritated as soon as Sunggyu begins to speak.
    "Woohyun, go home," he whispers, his eyes clenched shut tightly. "You shouldn't have gone looking for me."
    "That's bull, and you know it," Woohyun shoots back, somewhat scornfully, before he reigns himself in. "Y-you know I couldn't just let you go. You're my l―my hyung. You're my hyung." But it's not what he wants to say, and the words taste foul on his tongue.
    Sunggyu fists the back of Woohyun's sweater. "And that's the problem."
    "What is?" Woohyun demands, pulling back to look at Sunggyu's face because he needs to see it, because he can't believe what he hears, and Sunggyu's grip only tightens.
    They are submerged in semi-darkness, but Woohyun's sure that he sees Sunggyu's eyes flash. "That I'm your hyung," he says, looking Woohyun dead in the eye. "I-I'm you hyung, but I want to be so much more."
    "And you can be," blurts Woohyun, and his words sound too loud for the night. "God, you can―j-just stay with me."

This time he feels it when he begins to cry.
    Sunggyu's hands are gone then, no longer tangled in the fabric of Woohyun's clothing, and he is on his feet so fast that it makes Woohyun's head spin.
    "No," Sunggyu snaps, pushing the palms of his hands against his eyes as though it will help quell the tears that Woohyun can already see trailing over the curves of his face. "I can't, and I know you know that. You're not stupid, so don't act like it. We can't keep doing this―this tiptoeing around each other undefined.We've worked to hard for this."

Woohyun knows that the 'we' Sunggyu is talking about doesn't include just them, but the others, too. They've come too far, shed sweat and blood and tears to get where they are now, and that there's way too much at stake to compromise it now.

"We can keep it a secret," Woohyun says weakly, his heart struggling to say its last words before it crumbles against the truth that he knows in the back of his brain, the truth that is inevitable. A thousand moments―movies pressed too close together, clasped hands under blankets, hugs that warmed him from the inside out, and brief, hesitant brushes of hands and lips―flicker in his mind as he watches Sunggyu shake his head and tell him he's wrong with his hands on the sides of his head. 

"Okay," he croaks, and he pushes himself off the ground to cross the minscule distance between them that feels like a mile to take Sunggyu's hand in his.

"W-what?" Sunggyu rasps, attempting to wipe his tears away with his free hand to no avail.

"I said, okay," Woohyun repeats, and each word feels like a punch in the stomach. "We won't do this. I'll let you go." But only for pretend, he wants to add, and he leans in to press a kiss Sunggyu's forehead in reassurance because he doesn't mean anything that he said― it's all lies. Sunggyu intertwines their fingers together and squeezes, and Woohyun can't help but squeeze back since he knows that even if this parting turns out to be permanent, he will always have Sunggyu in his heart and by his side.

*runs to hide now*