I never had a childhood, Tao thought to himself. What is a childhood?, the next question coming into mind almost rapidly. Instinctively, Tao’s long, slender fingers started flipping through the pages of  a thick book.

 

“ Child-h-hood”, Tao read the word in an awkward fashion, he hated how the word was played on his tongue, creating awkward twists and knots. It was all too unfamiliar.

 

“ The state of being a child”, Tao continued, ever so confused than before. A child? Being those mini humans that played and whined all day? Tao recollected being a mini human before, but he never remembered being able to smile like them or run around freely like them. Well, not with a heart that bore a hole anyway. Tao shrugged. He never felt like a child once. When his parents took him and his brother out to the playground, he was always sitting on the benches with the other adults, never had he been part of the group of mini humans that played.

 

“ Over exert himself for a bit and he will be six feet under the ground”, he heard his doctor told his parents. His parents gasped, he sighed. Tao was young but definitely not dumb, all those time he spent indoors whilst the other mini humans were out playing made him a smarter being than those of the same age. 

 

Tao tossed his dictionary into his bag before slinging everything across his shoulder. Did he missed not having a childhood? Tao obviously didn’t know. After all, how could you miss something that you never had?  Though, he had wished he could run around the green field without feeling out of breath before collapsing or strike some cool wushu moves like the actors in movies without earning a trip to the hospital.

Tao had to admit he felt empty in his heart when his friends started reminiscing about their childhood while his were non existent. At least to him, that’s how they were.

 

Tao had tried to get rid of this feeling of emptiness by indulging himself in high end shopping. Indulging himself in Gucci, something only he is capable of and his friends couldn’t. Still, this only fueled onto his jealousy. Though his friends might not be able to afford Gucci now, they could in the future. What about his childhood? It will never return, will it? He was no longer a child. His body no longer mini. The state of being a child. He could never ever return to that phase. Never.

 

Unless…

 

Tao scoffed in pity. The answer was always there, its just that his doctors and parents were stopping him. 

 

Tao ran. Laughing in delight as he felt the wind brush pass his cheeks, sending tingles down his spine. The familiar smell of blood flooded his nose, his throat felt dry, his legs felt like they were encased in lead. Yet, Tao ran, ignoring the constant complains of his failing body. Running like a newborn that had just learnt how to fully mobilize his moving ability. He never felt so free.

 

He reached his home, slamming against the front door as he unlocked it. His hand trembled as he stuck the key into position before twisting the knob. Giving no regards into shutting the door, Tao stumbled into his parent’s bedroom as air felt thinner for him. He grasped for the box that was hidden under his parent’s bed. 

 

Admiring the gun under the rays that seeped through the window, Tao cocked it before pointing the gun at himself. Or rather the hole in his heart. 

 

Reincarnation. Be reborn as a healthy child and he can experience the childhood that was missing in his life.

 

A gunshot was heard throughout the neighborhood as Tao welcomed himself to his childhood.

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 A/N : Sorry if the ending is so awkward and weird and unfitting ;_;  I cant think properly omg ;_;  

Thank you for reading ^^ and feel free to leave a comment below <3

Silent readers are loved too! :3

edit : i am cracking up from the errors i made in this fic omg XD thanks to hara-sshi for pointing this out