“We are so proud of you Erika. You look so beautiful,” my mom said smiling. She cupped my face in admiration and I beamed from all the love and attention I was receiving today. I had finally graduated. In a toga and graduation gown the feeling of accomplishment had finally sunk in, it was a shame that the weather didn’t seem to agree with my sentiments. The entire party of graduating students along with their guests and other faculty members had been cooped up in the auditorium all afternoon due to the catastrophic downpour outside. Then again, it made hunting down friends to take pictures with a whole lot easier.

“For you nuna, congrats,” Peter said as he handed me a bouquet of forget-me-nots. An image of Ji Yong momentarily flashes in my head.

“Since when were you bothered to buy me flowers?” I teased. He just shrugged and I gave my adorable little brother a kiss on the cheek. Ah, how quickly they grow up. Jeff had the honor of giving a speech on behalf of the graduating psychology students, which he executed quite well despite the fact that he was so overwrought with anxiety just a few minutes ago. He was literally shaking when he came up to me, asking for some help. I’m glad that at least when I landed in England he would be there to accompany me.

“Who’s he? He’s so hot,” Jess asked me. We were hovering around the buffet table filled with rows upon rows of snacks for afternoon tea. I followed her line of vision but couldn’t discern which guy she was talking about.

“There aren’t any good looking guys in psychology. The best one would actually probably be Jeff,” I said.

“Him! The one that spoke on stage,” she shook my arm more violently until I realized who she was pointing at. Oh no. No, no, no.

“He’s gay,” I quickly said. “So, so not straight. Here, have some food.” I quickly stuffed a cookie in and pulled her towards the other side of the room, away from Jeff. He was going to be eaten alive.

“I don’t think so…”

“I know so.”

“My gay-dar is quite impressive Rika, and he is definitely not gay.”

“Jeff is a homoual damn it!” I exclaimed, maybe a little too loudly. The people standing around us gave off some awkward stares and I froze after realizing what I just said.

“So he’s Jeff. I like quiet people, they’re usually the wildest,” she said excitedly and dragged me back towards him. And the rest is history.

I was completely exhausted once I came out of a nice, hot shower sometime around midnight. The rain was still torrential, but despite that the entire family had a wonderful dinner at Izakaya’s, a Japanese restaurant near my parent’s house which had always been our venue for celebrations. With a novel resting on my lap, I sat cosily on the couch, my hair still wet, with a large glass panel displaying the flashing sky outside right behind me. When the sky lit up from lightning I could see the ongoing grey clouds stretching out far into the horizon way beyond the ocean. I shuddered; bad weather near the coast always appeared a whole lot more frightening than I was used to.

The winter had passed
And the spring has come
We have withered
And our hearts are bruised from longing

I’m singing my blues~
Used to the blue tears, blue sorrow

I’ve heard this before. I looked up from my book and listened to the feint song that was coming from upstairs.

I’m singing my blues~
The love that I have sent away with the floating clouds, oh oh…

Under the same sky, at different places
Because you and I are dangerous
I am leaving you…

Two months had already passed. It may have been because I hadn’t heard his voice or seen his face or felt his touch in such a long time that I managed to persevere. But at that exact moment when I heard his voice come through the speakers that numbing ice which was my heart melted away and suddenly all I could feel was its heavy pounding. I blindly ran towards it as if it was my salvation, the song was coming out of Peter’s bedroom, and silently stood against the wall as I listened until the end.

I’m singing my blues~
The love that I have sent away with the floating clouds, oh oh.

Finally, he’s found the perfect voices to complete it. I smiled to myself. Good, I was glad for him.

“Oh, nuna. I didn’t know you were there.” Peter stood in the doorway, anxiously looking back and forth between me and the computer. “I’m so sorry, I thought you were asleep. I’ll turn it off.”

“No, no. It’s alright. The song’s really nice, when did they release it?” I asked him.

“A few weeks ago maybe.”

“Oh?”

“It’s a huge hit nuna. People from all around the world are totally welcoming them back with open arms.”

“Are you serious? That’s amazing! Show me.” I sat in front of his desktop and Peter opens up site upon site of reviews, chart rankings, reaction videos along with official statements from Big Bang and YG. They were easily in the millions with all their music videos and the responses were insanely supportive. Big Bang had officially returned, not as idols, but as true artists and they were acting as trailblazers for the Korean music industry with a world tour supported by an international team. This was a whole other level of amazing. “I can’t believe it…”

“How’d you meet him anyway? Did you like stalk him or something?”

“What, you never knew about my obsessive compulsions?” I asked Peter, eyebrows raised. “I keep a box filled with pictures of him from my secret trips under my bed.” My little brother was actually silent, I think he was trying to figure out if I was being sarcastic or not.

“You’re seriously freaking me out. Stop.” I just laughed and went back to browsing the sites. Suddenly a photo of a recent press conference which loaded on a page caught my eye. His hair was now long with red tips, the sides closely shaved. Of course there was his colourful fashion as well; in fact the five of them were playing with bright and bold colors like they usually do. But it wasn’t that that rendered me speechless. In this picture, the next, and the one after that along with every press photo from different broadcasts and public events it was always there. It’s barely noticeable and it doesn’t catch your attention but there on his fingers, amongst all his clumpy chrome hearts accessories, were two rings which were now strangely familiar to me. They were our rings.

“No way…” I whispered in disbelief. Why in the world would he be wearing that?

“What, nuna?”

“Nothing,” I said, but the quiver in my voice betrayed my words. “It’s nothing. I’m going to go.” In my dream-like state I walked out of his room. How on earth did that reach him? No. That’s a stupid question; what’s important is if he knew that they were from me. Were they on his little and ring finger, on his left hand nonetheless, for a reason? Or is this all a coincidence? But I didn’t believe in coincidences. I stared wistfully at the forget-me-nots which were resting on my desk, still wrapped nicely into a bouquet and wrestled with my thoughts. Those flowers, Peter shouldn’t have known I like them, heck, he shouldn’t have known to buy flowers in the first place. No, I definitely didn’t believe in coincidences. I grabbed them and ran back into his room all wide-eyed and clearly startling him.

“What!?” he exclaimed.

“You didn’t get these. Was he here? Tell me, now.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Pete, please. Just tell me.” I could see him fighting with his conscience.

“Nuna, actually, he’s come by twice already.”

“What?”

“The one time he talked with mom and dad last month. The other to drop off that,” he said, pointing to the bouquet. You have got to be kidding me.

“Talked about what?”

“I think he apologised or something…”

“YA!!! Why didn’t you tell me earlier? Where is he?”

“No idea, he just came this morning when you were at the hairdresser’s and left.” Now I was pissed. That bastard, does he think he can just drop me these loaded hints everywhere and expect to just disappear? I wasn’t going to let him. My hair was still wet and I was barely wearing the appropriate attire to go out, but I grabbed my car keys and just left the house. It was one in the morning and the rain was still pelting down, so it wasn’t like it mattered anyway. I chucked the flowers in the passenger seat, started the car and made my way to downtown LA towards his apartment; it was my best guess right now.

As I raced on wet roads in this blinding weather, my thoughts were filled with words that I would say to him once we met face-to-face. I could be angry or sad, maybe I should be happy. Then again, he might not even want to see me. I didn’t even know what I was expecting from this little impromptu act of mine, am I being cruel by appearing in front of him once again? All I knew right now was that I missed him. I missed him so much that even just his voice was enough to send me running come rain, hail or shine. The sound of the vibration coming out of my phone as it moved against the dashboard caught my attention, and I slammed on the brakes quickly then pulled over. Ji Yong.

“Hey,” he said. I almost let out a scoff.

“Hi,” I replied back, just as bluntly. A sense of quietness overcame us which neither had the urge to speak and break. It’s been too long. My windscreen wipers noisily continued to move quickly across the glass so that I had a clear view of my blinking lights on the gravel in front. I turned them off.

“What are you doing right now?”

“Trying to find you.”

“Why?”

“Because I miss you.”

“…Me too.” Another long stretch of silence ensued.

“Thank you for the flowers, I’m looking at them right now.”

“How did your graduation go?”

“Great, until Jess started flirting with my old lab partner. He’s the guy I’m going to London with.”

“How did that work out?”

“I think he was about to cry.” I could hear Ji Yong’s laugh on the other side and I smiled. I wanted to see him so badly. “Where are you?”

“Are you going to come to me?”

“I’ll go wherever you want me to.”

“Don’t come unless you’re going to stay. Ri Ah, once you return to me I’m not going to be stupid and let you go again. I’m warning you.” If I saw him again, I didn’t think I’d have the strength to leave him either. I didn’t answer though and he just sighed. “You can’t do it can you?”

“I can.” In fact, right now that’s all I want to do. “But that’s what scares me the most. That I’m ready to throw everything away for you.”

“You know that I would do the same.”

“It’s dangerous Ji Yong. I’m staying away from you because that type of relationship filled with so many obsessions and impulsions is dangerous for the both of us. I need time to be myself first, I need to grow up.”

“Without me,” he said.

“Without you,” I agreed.

“I understand. Take care of yourself Lee Ri Ah.”

“You too.” And the beeps of an end tone took over the phone speaker. It was the first time that happened in a call I made to him; usually he would wait for me to hang up first. This time it was Ji Yong that did. I have no regrets. Jess may have said that I was running away from a perfect dream, but I just returned to my original one; to do the things I love. I was losing myself after being swept away in this world that was Ji Yong, and it wasn’t right. Only when you love and respect yourself can you have the right to love and respect others, and I wouldn’t feel that way had I run into his arms like a frightened child. I turned the car around and headed back towards the house with a new sense of purpose bubbling in me. I may have rejected the best thing that has ever happened to me, but damn if I wasn’t going to make this decision worth the while. Oxford here I come.

AN: Thank you so much guys for staying with me throughout this whole story, you're the ones that make writing so amazing. We've come to an end for this part, but trust me when I say that I'm already writing up a sequel which I'm going to release soon. I hope you guys will join me again then! 

Here's a little teaser.