I had so much luck this time.

Finding Jongheun's father this time. I was on the verge of giving up. I've been doing this for five months. And those have been awful months, really.

There were not that many Kim Jonghyuns if you want to know. Well, not many if you have a car to move from one house to an other. Not many if you knew in which part of Seoul to search. Not many if you had at least money to ask some detective do to it for you. And not many if you did not have a baby to take care of.

The worst was not even all that. The worst was to make researches to find first, the name of the man. Then another hard time to find just in which town the man lived. Then you had to muster up enough courage to knock at people's house door, like, out of nowhere. Then tell them,

"Hey, excuse me but this is your son. How do you feel ?"



My sister died just eight months ago giving birth to Jongheun. Eight months ... I miss her like no tomorrow. We were not that close to each other. Not anymore. I mean, not like everyone would 'excpect' from twins.

We were raised together by relatives until we were thirteen. Then they decided to send us to private school. Just because they have been told to and they were glad not having to raise us full-time anymore. They weren't even real relatives, they were friends of our parents. And apparently they owed them big time. So they accepted money they were given and raised us.

As soon as we striked sixteen years old they forced us to find part jobs during weekends and holidays when we didn't have to be at the school's dorm. That's the time my sister and I started to drive apart.

The school's dorms where seperated, girls' dorm and boys' one. And we weren't suppose to go in each other's space. That was a 'very good' school since they had an Elite policy. Like if you have the brains, you work hard, have your Highs and then live a rich person's life since you'll get a very very good job from that.

You know that kind of schools. They compete with engeneering schools. The thing is they would start training the kids from very young and you will attend it until you find a Job. Nah, not a job, a Job. You're bound to be recognized by the society when you come out of that school.

You have to work your off. And if you don't succeed, you're expelled. As simple as that. There is no retaking classes. So with working that hard for school, and working part time jobs on weekends and holidays we barely had time to really bond anymore.

It was no help that I was ... not smarter than her. I would say I understood school stuffs faster than her. She was able to cope when we only had school. But with working at the same time, she did not catch up and failed her class. She was expelled and our adoptive parents chased her out of the house since she was 'worth nothing' .

I hated it. I hated them.

I hated them for barely acknowledging us as we were growing up. I hated them for chasing her for something like that. I hated it because she managed to make me stay there with them, while she was gone.

"Kibum, you know how precious this is. It's even a relief they didn't chase us before. It's a relief they even sent us to school. You have to stay here, you hear me ? If you come with me the two of us will be doomed. You just have to stay until you pass your final exams and find a job. Then we will be reunit again, araseo ?"

"But, noona, I don't want to. You know I hate them. I don't want to stay here."

"You will barely be here anyway, you know we just used to sleep here in the weekends and holidays as soon as we come back from work, and during class we aren't even here. It'll be easy, I swear. You have to stay. Ohn !?"

"But ... No I don't want to." I said sniffling, trying to have somewhat of determination in my voice, and failing so much it hurt.

"But you have to, baby. You know we won't have another chance like this. I failed but you can still pass your exams. Only five more years to go and it's done ohn !? You just have to finish your exams and then we can live together again Hm ? I promise you we'll do it okay ? I know you're strong. Stronger than me."

"No noona I have to protect you, and you have to protect me. It has always been like that. I beg you don't live me here alone noona, I beg you with all I have. I beg ... don't abandon me ..."

"Kim Kibum. You stay here and complete your studies. I said so, and that's all."

And she left me like that, taking the train to Incheon, her twin brother crying at Daegu's train station like the abandoned child he was. I'm sure if even I had seen myself like that, I would have had pity.

She was born three minutes before me, so she was older than me. And she always have protected me when we were young, and I don't even know where she saw that I was 'stronger than her' . I could not go against whatever she wanted from me, I could never. She was always the one to take care of me. She had been my savior, my mother, my bestfriend, my only friend.




After she left I saw her only three times in four years. We would at least call each other once a month. But compared to seeing each other every single day, you can only imagine how heartbroken I was. How I missed her.

I still managed to live well. Being a working machine. My only motivation was to graduate as soon as possible, and be with her again. So I worked my off at school and managed to be sent one class ahead. Apparently I was the first one to do that in our school. And as soon as I gratuated, first thing I did was to leave for Incheon.

I appeared without warning, one day, in front of her door. Only to find her, well, pregnant.

I know she loved me. And I really loved her too, Gwiboon noona.

She had always been envying other children who had real families by their sides. We guys had no one to wait for when school would end, no one to tuck us to bed, no one to wipe our tears, no one to play Santa for us, no one hold us at night. Besides each other.

So I completely understand her. I understand that she wanted a child. I know her dream has always been to be able to raise a child and give him all the love she wished our parents had showered us with. And she didn't want to wait for a man, get married, live as a spouse then give birth. Plus we had no time to really meet anyone with the life we lived.

Those time when we spoke on the phone, she would tell me about it. About how she met no one but how much she wanted a child. We never really discussed it, what it would be like to raise a child alone. But I never either told her I was against or for it. I never thought she would really do it.

So you imagine how surprised I was to see her, with that big bump seperating us when she hugged me right after seeing me. Still, she is always the prettiest, I couldn't help but think.

"YAH! How could you not tell me you were coming onh !? I didn't expect you before at least a year. What are you doing here ? I told you to finish your studies before coming deh !? How will I let you go again now that I've seen my precious baby brother."

"..."

"First enter, there's no good staying at the front door like that."

"..."

"You okay ?"

"Gwi- ... noo- ... your- ..." I blabbled, not knowing what the hell I could say to that, and vaguely motionning to her stomach.

"Oh ? Oh. Omo, I almost forgot. First enter, I'll make the introductions while we're inside ohn !?" she said tugging me in her flat. Or call that a room, suits better.

I looked around, and it was no better than one of the dorm's rooms. Very simple, small. A couch that surely was convertible in a bed, a fridge, a cupboard, a micro-wave and  a very tiny kitchen part just in front of the only window. There was a door in one corner, I assumed was bathroom door.

She sat me on the couch and placed my luggage in one corner of the room.

"So, Jongheunnie baby, this is Kibum Samchun. And Kibum, this is Jongheunnie. My son."

"..."

I just stared at her, face blank. She was there in front of me, talking to her tummy and me like everything was normal. I just ... just ... Whut the ...? I coughed a bit and,

"Noona."

"Yes ?"

"What the hell ?"

"Yah! Don't curse in front of your nephew."

"Just ... Explain ?"

"Before that, have you eaten ? How is that you are here ? It's holidays and I know even on summer holidays they wouldn't let you skip work. Did something happened ? Did you ... Were you expelled ? Oh lord did they kick you out too ?"

I was just staring at her. I missed that. Missed her freaking out and picturing the worst things. Missed her protective and caring voice. I missed my sister so much. I was about to reach to hug her when I remembered the 'obstacle' that would seperate us and thought better of it.

So I just told her. Told her how I went one class ahead, graduated as the #2 of the school and how I told our adoptive parents all that was on my mind before taking the train directly to here, to see her. Those people, they didn't even react at all to all the things I said to them. Believe me, those weren't pretty. They were just happy to give me the remaining money my last year would have cost in school fees and bid me Adios.

As I was talking I remembered they have giving my sister five times the amount they gave me when they chased her, and that was not nothing. I asked why she was still living like this if she had all that money.

"I always knew, someday, I would have a child to raise, and I'm not buying myself any fancy stuffs when later I'd have to pay for my son's school fees as well."

"So you had planned all this. And you planned on telling me ? Was I included in that life of yours ? Or were you like letting a baby boy openning the door for me the first time I'd come to see you ?"

"You always knew I'd have a kid, don't take that betrayed tone with me."

"Yes, but it was always hypotetical noona. I wasn't expecting you to ... to ... who is the father anyway ?"

"Nobody."

"Yeah. And Taemin doesn't know how to dance."

"Aww, mah Taemin baby how is he doing these days ?"

"Don't change subject. Who is he ?"

"Really, nobody." she said after pouting and crossing her arms on top of her belly.

"..."

"Fiiiiine. I got an anonymous IVF. Happy ?"

"You did WHAT ? You're kidding me right !?" I said standing up and going right in front of her, her belly the only thing seperating us. "You must be ing. kidding. me!"

"Why are you so surprised ? And no cursing I said." She said glaring and shifting to sit on the couch.

"Because I thought you weren't really serious about this. You told me we will discuss about it. You told me you were waiting for me. And now you did this behind my back ?"

"You talk like a cheated husband." she said chuckling.

"Yes, laugh. Like this is some funny business. You know your condition right !?"

At that her face fell. Ah! Getting some senses back are we ?

We've always been weak.

Weak because we were handed to our adoptive parents like one day or two - as they told us - after we were born. Babies need antibodies and protein that milk provides, and since we had no milk ... They could have at least vaccinated us at it should be done to every infant, but that would be too much to ask right !?

So we ended up having a very weak immune system. We also had to take extra care of our health. A cold could turn out to something very dangerous in a matter of days if not taken care of. She was the one who got sick first and almost died from a fever when we were two. Just because those people didn't want to pay hospital fees 'just to heal a cold' . And yes, they had no remorse telling us that when at nine they told us we were very weak and had to take care of our health ourselves.

"We are no doctors to watch after you every five minutes. So take care of yourselves or you could die from a simple wound turning into Tetanus overnight."

Nine years old. Yes.

I have always supported my sister in what she wanted, but I was over-protective when it touched our health. The thought of her dying someday from a bare mosquito bite had always been hunting me - why the mosquito ? I don't know. Maybe because of the ridiculouness of a mosquito killing a human being, maybe. - .

So giving birth, okay. But not without me and no constant surveillance of some medical staff or something. And those were things my dear sister just didn't usually care of.

"You know this can be dangerous ohn !? You know it! Your entire body is changing, ajusting for the pregnancy, and you should be under constant medical surveillance. Or at least have a nurse nearby. And you are not even telling your only brother that you are in this kind of situation !? Are you a complete moron or is this some kind of bad prank you're pulling ?"

She was hunging her head low, caressing her stomach and I just caught sight of a tear rolling down her milky jaw. Sigh. I went to sit near her and hug her from the right.

"Sorry. But you know, you knew. Just why did you not even wait for me to decide that ohn ?"

"I know you would be like that. I knew. And I just couldn't stay alone anymore okay ? Life has been too hard on me. On us. We deserve happiness. I deserve happiness, for once. And I know giving love to this baby boy is gonna make me the happiest woman alive." she said through sobs.

"I know. I know." I said soothing her, rubbing circles on her back when she inched closer to me, facing me and crying on my shoulder. "But you know you could di-"

"Nothing will happen. It will not happen. Plus you are here now. You will take care of me yes ?"

"Sigh. Yes. Of course I will."

She was just so stubborn sometimes.

She was already seven months pregnant of Jongheun back then. Seven months. When I think of all the time I had been talking to her over the phone, and I never knew. I had not tell her back then that I was a year less-long to come and see her. I wanted to surprise her. Look who got surprised now hun. Aish.

I stayed with her, taking care of her and my soon-to-be-born nephew. To tell you the truth I was very happy to have a nephew. I intend, we intended, on showering that baby boy with so much love he will be dripping of it everytime he would exhale or inhale a breath.

As soon as I could I brought her to the hospital and sure enough the results were not good. She had only gone to confirm she was pregnant and another time to do an ultrasound, check the baby and know the gender. That careless brat. Augh.

Since her - our - immune system was weak, the baby lacked of some andtibodies he needed to be well-developed. And both of them could get sick quickly if it was not taken care of. So I got her to stay at the hospital, under good care. While I had to take care of finding us three a flat and shop for the baby stuffs.

Money was really not a problem for us. We were not rich beyond words, but enough to live really well. All those years we worked, we saved all - almost all - we earned. Plus six times our school fees. And the future was not really clouded seeing all the architectural companies calling to have me to work for them. And I wouldn't be starting from the bottom of the ladder. The goods of being good at school. The only thing that came from our sour-like childhood.

Things were going pretty well. I was waiting only for her to go in labor to rent the place - rent or buy I had not decided yet - I found. It was well situated, near a primary school, there was a nursery not that far, departement store at ten minutes from there. I really had luck to find a place like that.

'Nine months' had pass and she had not yet given birth. It was starting to worry me. But the doctors said they didn't want to 'push the baby' out. That it was good, since her immune system was weak, the more the baby stayed in, the more he would receive placenta nutriments, so that couldn't be bad. It could be bad for her though, because bearing a baby for that long had her very weak.

That was true. She could barely walk, and kept sleeping all day. She had to be fed nutriments by infusion all day long and the doctors said it was better if she did not move at all. That she was really weak since the baby '' all her energy.

That day, I knew. I knew I shouldn't have agreed to let her take a walk.

A walk. My god, a Walk.

A walk had killed my sister. She insisted to take a walk in the hospital's park. That she wanted to see the Cherry blossom. She wanted to feel the sun on her skin and feel fresh air in her lungs while she was still 'one' with Jongheunnie. With that face she made, and her weak smiles, I just couldn't say no.

Even with all the layers of clothes I had on her that day, she caught a cold. Again. And by night she had to be taken to the bloc and she gave birth to Jongheunnie by Caesearean section, after ten months and a half. Too weak to push. With the wound and all, it was sure her system could not protect her enough. A mere cut on the finger could have already killed her if it had gotten infected. Just imagine what a 25cm section on her belly would do.

I didn't even want to listen when the doctor started to enumarate all the diseases she caught at once. We were in an hospital after all. And even putting her in quarantine didn't help much. Just enough for her to see Jongheun and hold him. She died three days after. And even if the doctors told me that the walk did not provoked anything, that shz muqt have knew ...

I was a mess. A real mess. If not for Taemin being there, and always reminding me I now had a nephew,

"No scratch that, Key you have a son to take care of now. It's been a week now, and you can't leave him in the hospital's nursery alone like that. He lost his mother the same as you lost your sister. He needs you. You need him. I know you don't, I know you can't blame him for her ... going away. You hear me ? You have to be strong for the both of you. You have to give him twice much love now. You can't be under depression and crying yourself to death right now. He only has you, the same as you only had her. Go and love him."

Yes. My dongsaeng, the only person I could trust beside ... her. My bestfriend Taeminnie.

As I was passing each class at school, I had more and more experience so I had become one of the instructiors for newbies at the department store I worked for during holidays. And Taemin was one of those newbies. We grow closer and eventually, he eased a bit the longuing I had for my sister.

He had his grandmother leaving in Daegu, and since he always came to see her during holidays that's how he got to work in Daegu. But he leaved in Incheon with his parents. He had met my sister sometimes too. So we were all three of us very close to the others, even if we never met, the three of us together. The only time had been when Jongheunnie was already here.

Jongheun.

I don't know how I would have done it if Taemin hadn't brought me back to my senses. I was ready to starve myself to death. And in fact, not eating for two or three days would have really killed me ... This thing is a curse I'd tell you.





So I took care of Jongheunnie.

He was my son now. And there was not even discussing it. He had the same long fingers as us, the high cheekbones and that milky pale skin. Although he had puppy-like deep eyes and plumpler lips. Courtesy of his father ? Now I know for sure it is.

Before finding Jonghyun we had so much hard times. I was not even trying to find him during the first month. Too busy pampering my son. Taemin couldn't be there with me all the time, he had school still. Since I finaly rented that place in Incheon, we could at least see him more often.

But with how my sister went away, I was no different as her. So I could leave pretty fast too. And there was no way I was leaving our precious son being raised by strangers or going to an orphanage or whaterver. Just no. way.

I had to have a good exit.

Jongheunnie was a very healthy baby. Even if I became a sort of paranoid 'Umma' and got him checked as often as I could. I even took First Aid Courses when I could leave him to Taemin. I could forget his baby bottles but never his home-made First Aid bag. But thanks to god all of that was not really needed. He was a normal and well growing baby angel.

Speaking of which, that angel there could turn pretty evil when hungry. I think he must have taken that side from Jonghyun. 'cause I'm nowhere crying my soul out when I'm hungry or don't have that exact thing I want - and can not voice it yet - . And Jonghyun seemed to be one to panic and not know what to do. I just hope Geunnie did not woke up.



'Uh-oh' .

As soon as I neared Jonghyun's front door, I heard Geunnie's loud cries. That baby boy had some great lungs. I hope Jonghyun did not just killed himself there.

I came running inside, the door was open. I rushed to the room to find my baby still on the bed, on his back. Fighting with his clothes a competition to who will reach Red the first. And a pretty much lost Jonghyun on the floor near the bed. He was facing Geunnie, hugging his legs and swinging back and forth. I could not hear a thing from him, but he was at it.

Crying.

God he was crying too, can you believe that ? Did he think that him crying would make the baby stop ? Tch.I really had no time to chucle at him, just rushed and took my son in a much need embrace and coaxed him, whispering sweet nothings at his ear while getting one of his baby bottle from his bag I brought back with me; with the other hand.

A mother has to be multifonctional to not lose her - his - mind.

He was not crying loudly anymore but was still whimpering, my collar with his small hands, face red, and shaking from catching his breath.

"Aigooo~ , who told you to cry like that hun ? Thought calling milk that loud it would come ?"

He started crying again and I just apologized quietly to him. Which baby could be so cute and then cry at you to stop nagging like that ? Only my son - our son - could.

He was know eating quietly in my arms, being rocked slightly like that and fed must be what he was wanting since the beginning. Maybe it was my fault for getting him that disciplined. He had regular eating and sleeping hours. I just wish it could last all life long but I knew better.

As soon as he finished I got up of the couch and paced a bit in the living room, having him against my shoulder for him to burp. He did and soon he was dozing off again. I just had laid him back in the middle of the bed and pillows when I heard an hiccup from the other side of the bed.

Right. Jonghyun.

I went to see him and bent to be at the same eyes-level with him,

"You okay ?"

"..."

He looked at me, seeming to come back to life and when he 'recognized' me, he gasped and jumped on me, arms openned. Leading us both on the floor, him on top of me. It was not long before my shirt was wetted and his sobs muffled in the crook of my neck.

Seems like I had another baby-puppy to take care of now.





||| Like the other Mes Premières chapter, this was so hard to write. I swear. I forced myself like crazy. It's now near 6 am and I haven't sleep. I seem like always complaining of lack of sleep in my final A/N yeah ? xD. So, no links in all this. This is just because I wasn't intending this to be that Key-centric, and I really have no illustring this lol. But next chapters, you guys will just be fed up. Prepare for cute things ^_^;;)v . How was it ?